Letters to Me

by Eliza Rose

  Quinn made my relationship with Cole stronger than before by doing that. Cole was the one who made me feel better after everyone called me ugly names and banished me from being near them. I have never felt comfortable around her and I never will. She’s a snake in the grass for sure. I put up with her because Rachel somehow has never been burned by her and thinks of her as a friend. This news puts me in a funk for the rest of the day and by the time history comes I am just ready for the day to be over.

  “Hello, beautiful,” Cole says from behind me in the hallway. I smile to myself before turning to him and wrapping my hands around his neck. “So, I have a football meeting today no practice. Do you want to stick around and talk afterward?” I think for a minute and then tell him yes. I love the smile I get in return. I would love to know what he is thinking. Sometimes I can tell, but that is a mysterious smile.

  “We have to get to class.” He grabs my hand and we walk hand in hand to our history class. All thoughts of Miss Black in the shadows of my brain. Mrs. Jones has everyone work on worksheets with a partner. Of course, I pick Cole to be mine. I’m so lucky that I can now be pressed next to him and not get weird looks. We do our worksheet and then start to talk about other things. We sound like old friends and not boyfriend and girlfriend. I love that about our relationship. It is effortless with Cole. We still have about twenty minutes left in class when he brings up the party on Saturday.

  “Who is coming to this Halloween party?”

  “I’m not sure. I know of just Rachel, Mathew, You, Quinn, and me,” I say this with sadness in my voice. I haven’t got a chance to talk to Rachael about this.

  “What?! Why is she coming?” He raises his voice.

  “She is friends with Rachael.” I say looking down.

  “I don’t like this at all. She has treated everyone in this school as a piece of shit.” He says stiffening and balling up his fists.

  “Cole, I don’t like it either, but it’s not my party. I can’t believe you just said shit in class.” He rolls his eyes. I know he doesn’t like her because of the way she treats people, but it was a weird reaction from him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” He is upset, but if he doesn’t want to talk about it, I won’t force it.

  “If you don’t want to go, I can let Rach know and we can do something else.” I try to brighten my voice. He laughs.

  “I can’t do that to her or you. Plus, Kimber, I can always tell when you are being fake.” He leans in close. “You should remember that.” At first, I don’t know what he means and then it hits me and I blush.

  “You know that I haven’t done anything so I wouldn’t know how to fake it anyway.” He looks down at me and smiles. The look on his face makes me soften immediately, and I lean my head on his shoulder. At that moment, Mrs. Jones scares me by coming up behind us and asking to see our work. She usually does this with people who don’t look like they are working. I guess since we finished so much earlier than everyone else it would look like that.

  “Mrs. Jones, we have already finished.” Cole says.

  “Well maybe you two should not be so distracting to the other students then.” Mrs. Jones says and pointedly looks around at the other students. I didn’t realize but most of the girls in the class were giving us the stink eye. What the heck! All I did was do my work, have a conversation, and lean on his shoulder. The fact that these girls get jealous just because we are together drives me crazy.

  “Yes ma’am. I’m sorry, and we were trying to keep our voices low and not disturb anyone.” Cole says this as he looks down and at his work. I think he is acting though.

  “Why don’t you both go to the library for the rest of the class so that everyone else can finish the work.” She says the last part in a raised voice so everyone can hear. Then she leans closer to us. “If you don’t happen to make it to the library, I won’t know any different. Just don’t leave the school.” Wow, how can she do that? I don’t care. I get up and gather my things. Cole is ready and waiting before I turn and he smiles at Mrs. Jones. We both walk into the hallway.

  “So, do you want to go to the library or…?” Cole leaves the question in the air.

  “Wherever you go I am right there with you.” I tell him.

  “Just what I love to hear.” He smiles and grabs my hand. We walk to the library and right by it. We keep going towards the football field. The elementary halls are to our right and mysteriously he leads me that way. I am not sure where we are going but for some reason, my heart is pounding. I’m not scared either. We turn down another hall leading to the art and music hall for the elementary kids. He opens up the door and looks in. The lights are off, and no one is there. Is he looking for Mrs. Schroder?

  “Mrs. Schroder has Tuesday’s off,” I tell Cole feeling puzzled.

  “I know babe.” He leads me in the classroom and closes the blinds to see inside the classroom. When he turns back to face me his eyes are dancing. He grabs me around the waist and pulls my body towards his. He pushes his hips into mine. He brushes my brown hair out of my face and places his hand on my cheek. I lean into it and sigh. I wish we could have more time just like this just me and him. We stand like this for what could have been hours or years, but in reality, it was probably half a minute. He leans down and rests his head on mine. He sighs deeply. I feel like something is bothering him.

  “Cole, what’s wrong?” He stills and runs his hand up my back.

  “Nothing you make everything better Kimber. I love you so much.”

  “Are you sure? You can talk to me if you want.” He doesn’t say anything else. He kisses me slowly and gently. At least that’s how it starts. The next thing I know all you hear is our breathing in the empty classroom and we are clinging to each other as our lives depend on it. I am so not ready for this, and I am not losing my virginity in an elementary classroom that’s for sure. “Cole” I whisper. He is kissing my neck and has one hand behind my head and one pressing into my lower back like he is anchoring my body to his. Suddenly, the end of the day elementary bell rings. He backs his head away just enough to look into my eyes.

  “Are you staying after school to talk?” he asks me.

  “Yes, if you need me to.” I say trying to control my breathing. He smiles his devilish grin and goes to the door. I think he is going to walk out without me. He turns and winks at me. God, he is so cocky sometimes.

  “We have to wait for most people to leave this area then we walk to the high school hall. That was fun by the way.” I blush head to toe. Wow.

  “It was?” I whisper.

  “Yes, wasn’t it for you?” he asks concerned.

  “Yes” blushing again. The hall finally clears of children and we walk out and towards the high school halls. The bell rings for dismissal of the high school and we blend in like we were there the whole time. We walk toward the field house and Cole lets go of my hand. I can’t help the frown on my face. He rubs the back of his hand down my face from my temple to the corner of my mouth, and then he rubs my bottom lip with this thumb. I didn’t realize that it was a little swollen from our time in the music room. He doesn’t say a word and just walks toward his destination ahead. I walk to the concession stand and sit on the benches just outside it. I grab a bottle of water from my bag and take a sip. It may be October, but it is still humid and sticky. The football stadium looks so different when it’s empty. It hasn’t been painted and looks a lot like the pastures around it. I wait around for about twenty minutes and I get a text. It’s from Rachel.

  Where u at?

  Waitin on cole what’s up

  Just need to talk text me when ur home -R

  The guys are on their way out of their meeting now. They all look like they have just been given really good news so I am curious. I ask Cole as soon as I see him what’s with all the smiles.

  “No practice this week! The only catch is two-a-days next week during fall break.” He says looking just as excited as the others.

  “So, no
special time together next week then?” I ask a little disappointed.

  “We will figure something out.” He says hopefully.

  “You wanted to talk?” I ask.

  “Yeah, uh, how about we go out this way.” Cole leads me to the field where he asked me to be his girlfriend. I start to smile a little. He notices me and starts to smile a little too. I start to wonder what’s going on and start to fidget. “Don’t be nervous, darlin.”

  “Darlin?” I tease.

  “You heard me.” He laughs and then goes quiet.

  “Ok, we are here what’s up?” What is he doing?

  “Close your eyes.” I smile and look at him in the eyes one more time and close my eyes. “Don’t open them until I say, ok?” He rubs my shoulders and then let's go. Only to bring his hands back a moment later.

  “Ok” I stand dutifully with my eyes closed and heart pounding. What is he doing? I feel his hands on my shoulders as he lowers his mouth to my ear and he whispers to me.

  “Kimber, you know I love you right?”

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “I want you to know this now before I say anything else.” Wait, what? What is going on? He backs away from me and I can’t hear him anymore. I start to open my eyes.

  “Kimber don’t open your eyes you have to trust me.” Cole says from a few feet away.

  “Sorry. You have me worried.”

  “You will be able to open them in one second.”

  “I am getting impatient.” I am nervous and I can’t stand that my eyes are closed. What is he doing? Why do we have to stand here to do it? Why can’t I hear him breathing? Where did he go? I start to fidget and move my head back and forth to try and hear something. Anything. I hear nothing but the cows in the pasture behind us. Suddenly, I hear him walk toward me. He approaches me slowly. As soon as he sounds close enough to me, I put out my hands reaching for him. He stops puts his hands around my face and kisses my forehead. He starts to whisper in my ear.

  “Kimber Huntley, I love you with all of my heart. I have probably loved you for longer than I have even known. I brought you here today to ask you a question. Will you go to the winter formal with me? You can open your eyes.” In front of where we are both standing there is a circle of candles. All of them are lit and are burning bright. It is almost sunset. I look at the scenery and then look back at him. He hands me a piece of paper. I look down at it and it says “Formal?” in Cole’s handwriting with little boxes that say “yes” and “no”. I look up at him with a smile on my face. I want to say yes, but I want to build up the suspense more. I look down again and look back at him.

  “Yes, of course, I will.” He pics me up and kisses me hard this time. So much so that when he puts me down my knees are wobbly and I am dizzy. I could do this more often. He is smiling a genuine smile. One that I have not often seen on his face. I love it and I love him. “I love you, Cole Snyder,” I whisper and then lean in and kiss him one more time. Before I know it, we are on the grass and he is kissing me in a way that I never imagined. I don’t know what to do or what to say so I just let it happen. It is dark now and the candles have started burning out. I look at him and see the tenderness in his eyes that I have never seen before.

  “Kimber, I love you. I know that we are young and in love, but you are my world and I don’t see my life going in any other direction without you in it. I am so glad you are with me.”

  “I love you too, Cole.” I smile and lay my head on his shoulder. I start to shiver a little and so we get up and head towards our cars. He opens my door and lets me get in. Then he hands me my things. “Thank you, honey.”

  “Text me when you get home so I know you are safe ok?” Cole asks and looks at me sternly.

  “Yes, dear.” I say with a smile, but he is serious. He arches his brow at me. “I will I promise.”

  “Good, I will do the same.”

  “Thank you very much.” He leans down and kisses me softly and slowly. He backs up just enough to close my door and then goes to his car. I start to drive home and get lost in thought. I don’t even remember driving home. I park in the driveway and sit for a minute. I feel so alive when I am in Cole’s arms. I don’t want to go into my empty house where I will stay all night. I would much rather stay with Cole. The gears in my mind start to work and I start to think that I could get away with sneaking off to stay with Cole for the night or maybe inviting him to come here. I grab my phone and look and see if Momma has texted me. She has just to tell me dinner is in the microwave and that she will see me in the morning. I text Cole “I miss you so much” and sit and wait. I’m still sitting in my car in the driveway like an idiot. He texts back almost right away, “I miss you too”. I can’t believe I’m going to text him this.

  You wanna come over and stay with me? Did I just say that? Yep, it sent. Oh my God. I can’t believe this. I hear my text notification.

  Yes OMW Should I get out of my stupid car? Should I just sit here? I don’t know. Ok Kimber, don’t be weird. I take a long deep breath. I start to get out of my car and get all my things out. I move towards the house and then I hear a car behind me. It’s Cole. Geez, he didn’t waste any time. I put the keys in the door and turn to him.

  “Are you sure you want to stay? You would have to get up early to be gone before Momma comes home.”

  “Yeah Kimber I know. I’m good with that.” I hope he isn’t thinking we are going to screw around. I mean I know I haven’t done anything, and as far as I know, he has. I haven’t asked him. God, I guess that’s a conversation we need to have too. Geez, we have been friends forever this shouldn’t be any different than any other conversation that we have had before.

  “Um, Kimber, are you going to open the door?”

  “Oh, yeah, I can.” I’ve been internalizing all of this and haven’t said or did anything since he got here. I’m such an idiot. He puts his hand on my back and looks at me with that tender look from earlier. I am a puddle of goop on the floor. I have all these butterflies that don’t know how to handle all of this. We both walk in and head to the kitchen.

  “Are you hungry Cole?”

  “I’ll eat if you are.” Mysterious answer sir. I split the dinner left for me. I pop it back in the microwave and warm it up. Walking over to the cabinets to get glasses and utensils I feel his eyes on me.

  “So,” I say.

  “Yes Darlin?” He uses that velvety soft voice again.

  “How was your day?” I giggle.

  “Good,” he laughs, “Especially the parts I spent with my girlfriend.”

  “Hmmm, she must be nice.” I laugh. Then Cole is behind me with his hands at my waist.

  “Anytime spent with you is memorable. Anytime spent with you is the light in my darkness.”

  “Cole,” I whisper. I reach up and back and put my hands on his neck as he kisses his way down mine.

  “Yes Kimber?”

  “We should eat.” I know I don’t want to go too far at least not tonight, but if we do some things, I want to be able to savor the moment and not be starving. On cue, my stomach growls.

  “Well, it looks like you must be right,” he says. We sit at the table and have a meal like a real adult couple. We talk about our days and how we are stressing about tests and football playoffs. Anyone looking in on our little private meal would think that we were a married couple discussing work. Maybe I’m fantasizing, either way, I like it. I think I can see us going the distance. I feel myself falling just a little deeper and deeper every day I am with him.

  “Do you want to go watch a movie in my room?” I say after we finish eating and cleaning up. I feel a little braver with him here than I did before he got here.

  “Sure, what do you want to watch? Western?” He laughs.

  “I don’t think that works for me.” I laugh and pull out a movie from the cabinet that we have both watched together and enjoyed.

  “Queen of the Damned?” he asks me.

  “Yes, is that ok?”

  “Perfect,
” he says with an ear-splitting grin.

  “Awesome, let’s go.” We go to my room and he plops down on the bed. I put it on the DVD. “I am going to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” He nods at me and lays back and closes his eyes. I grab my PJs and run in quickly before he sees that I’m changing too. If I’m going to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend, I’m going to be comfortable dang it! I work up the courage and don’t wear a bra. Why would I? I don’t wear one to bed so why would I wear one just because he is here. I get dressed and go back out and he still has his eyes closed.

  “Are you tired? We can just go to sleep.”

  “No, no, it’s fine! What…what are you wearing?”

  “My pjs..is that ok?” Honestly, it is just a KISS t-shirt and some black cotton shorts.

  “Baby, we may be in trouble, but I don’t mind at all trust me.”

  “Trouble? Because of what I’m wearing?”

  “Yes, but let’s just watch the movie. Our favorite right?”

  “Yes, I absolutely love this movie.” I giggle.

  “Maybe we should reenact some parts.” He raises up on his elbow and kisses and nibbles on my neck. I close my eyes and sigh.

  “Maybe.” I whisper.

  “Definitely” He says in a low growl. We lay down on the bed and start the movie. His arms are around me in such a natural way. I don’t think anything of it and get comfortable.

  “I love this part.” I smile up at him.

  “So do I,” he says and pulls me closer to his body. “I would love to do some of those things to you.”

  “That’s so dirty,” I giggle and then mewl softy when he bites my neck.

  “I like dirty.” He says quickly and goes back to my neck. This brings back earlier thoughts and of course, my mouth has no filter at this moment.