Letters to Me

by Eliza Rose

  “What’s wrong Kimber?” Cole asks me sleepily.

  “Nothing, honey just sleep.” I try to calm him down.

  “Not tired.” He whispers as he yawns.

  “Cole, really, I’m not going anywhere. Just sleep honey you need your rest. No one else is awake it’s just me.” I say with a small smile and run my fingers through his hair.

  “Ok, wake me if you need me, promise?” He pulls me closer.

  “Yeah I will, sleep.” I start to rub up and down his back, and his eyes start to drift closed. I close mine too, and just settle into a rhythm of rubbing his back and breathing deeply. I fall asleep soon after, and dream of vivid colors and slamming doors. I wake up a few hours later to Cole’s gentle laughter. He is talking to someone behind me, and I decide to keep my breathing even and to keep my eyes closed. I want to see if he will talk about anything that he wouldn’t normally talk to me about. I know it’s dishonest of me, but I need to know if he is ok or not.

  “Yeah, dude, I’m thinking about lowering my car. I don’t know though. I kind of want to get a truck, and don’t want to screw up my chances by messing up the car for trade in.”

  “You should get a truck man!” I realize that it’s Mathew he is talking to. “Not to mention there is a bed for all the screwin’ in the back. No need to get in a back seat or whatever it is you and Kimmy here do.”

  “Mat, I told you she doesn’t like to be called that. She’s my girl and you could at least do that for me.”

  “Ok no more Kimmy.”

  “Thanks, is Rachel up yet? I’m sure Kimber will want to see her before we leave.”

  “No, she is still asleep. She stayed up pretty late. I think it was early this morning when she finally went to sleep.”

  “Like, what time?”

  “Shit man I don’t know. It was starting to get light out.” Cole’s body stiffens noticeably, and I start to move around a little and ‘wake up’. I look up at him and smile gently. As worried as I am about him, he is still nice to see this early in the morning. I smile wider.

  “I love you.” I whisper to him.

  “Ugh, get a room!” Mathew says. He gets up from behind me and I hear him stalk away.

  “How did you sleep?” Cole asks in a curious tone.

  “I slept ok. That last movie kind of gave me weird dreams. Doors slamming and really bright colors over and over and something else.” I start to talk to myself. “I wonder what that was all about. I usually don’t dream much at all and when I do well it’s nothing like that.”

  “Why did you dream about that stuff?” He asks. If I knew the answer, I would feel a little more comfortable about it, but I have no idea.

  “Probably just the scary movies.” I say trying to sound convincing. I really don’t want to tell him how I saw him come back in and then heard the door open and shut again but didn’t see who it was. I don’t want to be the girlfriend who accuses her boyfriend of things that he hasn’t done. I don’t think he has done anything at all, but I am going to be careful for a while.

  Rachel gets up not to long after I do, and asks if anyone is hungry and would like breakfast. Cole tells me that he wants to go to Waffle House, his treat. I smile up at him and let Rachel know that we will not be having breakfast there.

  “That’s fine. I guess you’re leaving now then?” Well, that was blunt.

  “I guess we can. Thanks for having us.” I say as brightly as I can manage. I look over and Cole is gathering all our things. I walk over to him and smile.

  “Thank you for getting my stuff for me.”

  “No problem. The faster we get out of here and get something to eat the happier I will be.” We laugh.

  “Ok well I think that’s it. Let’s go get something good to eat.” We walk out of Rachel’s house and to my car. I get in and he throws our stuff in the back seat. He gets in the driver’s seat and looks over at me. I hope he isn’t going to get all mushy, but I guess it’s too late for that.

  “I just want you to know that I love you Kimber and I don’t ever want to lose you.”

  “I love you to, Cole. Are you ok?”

  “Yeah just hungry. You ready?”

  “Heck yeah!”

  “Let’s go then.” We get to Waffle House and walk hand in hand inside. We find a good table, sit across from each other and look over our menus and place our order when the waitress comes over. For a restaurant that serves unhealthy food, it always tastes delicious.

  “I am starving,” I say nervously. I do not understand why I am acting like this is the first time we have gone out to eat together. I am fidgeting and stuttering over my words like I did when I just had a crush on him and he only knew I existed as his friend. He looks at me curiously and leans forward.

  “What’s going on with Rachel? She doesn’t seem like herself lately. And why are you acting so nervous?” He smirks at me.

  “I don’t know,” I say quietly so no one will over hear me. “About either. I am always nervous around you though, never this bad.”

  “Is it everything that has been happening here lately?” He looks around the restaurant.

  “I guess.” I say. He looks like he is about to say something and the waitress interrupts us with our delicious smelling food.

  “Y’all dig in and let me know if you need anything, alright?” The waitress, Miranda, drawls out as she sets down our plates. She sprints away to go chase after the other tables’ food.

  “I don’t know if it has to do with what has happened in the past week or if I just feel like Rachel is moving on from me. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is how I have been feeling. I feel like everyone I know leaves and moves on.” I realize by saying this that I have tears welling up in my eyes. I quickly wipe them away.

  “I’m here, and I always will be. Now eat before your eggs get cold.” We eat in silence as I realize exactly how pitiful I must sound. I will have to apologize to him before it’s too late and he thinks I’m delusional. We finish our food, pay, and tip our waitress. We head out to the parking lot and Cole opens my door for me. As I am getting in, he grabs my hand and pulls me back to him. He wraps his arms around my waist, and kisses me on the temple. I smile slowly.

  “Get in please my love.” Cole whispers in my ear. I kiss his cheek and get in. He walks around the car and gets in. I have to tell him that I’m sorry about the stupid outburst earlier.

  “Cole, I’m sorry about how I acted before we ate. I don’t know what got into me. I’m just emotional here lately. I’m sorry babe.”

  “I understand. I feel the same sometimes.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t lose it in front of your girlfriend.”

  “I work it out in other ways than you do. Do you want to hang out today or do you want to go home?”

  “Hmmm hang with my boyfriend or sit at home alone? Good question, and I think I would much rather spend time with you than go home and stare at the walls. I do have to fix my bedroom windows though.”

  “Sounds good. I kind of wanted to go back down to the river, and then we can fix your windows together. Sound ok?” I get all kinds of butterflies.

  “What are we going to do?” I ask.

  “I don’t know just hang out, I guess. We can do something else if you want to.”

  “No, that’s fine we can do that.”

  “Ok, if you’re ok with it. I just don’t want to go back to Rachel’s house.” He says with disdain in his voice. Dang, I didn’t know he had such a bad time.

  “Yeah. Me either. Did you not have fun?”

  “It was ok. I had a better time spending time with you than the actual party part, if you want to call it a party. What’s up with her Kimber? Why is she being so…” He stops himself like he didn’t want to say what he was thinking.

  “Bitchy?” I ask.

  “Yeah. It’s not like her to be that way especially to you.” He starts to say something else but stops himself.

  “I don’t know it’s probably her being busy.” I say but I
don’t believe it. We fall into comfortable silence and drive to the river. When we get there, no one is there. I didn’t expect anyone, but you never know especially on weekends who will be out there. I don’t know what Cole has planned but as soon as we pull up, we get out and start to walk around skipping rocks and talking about life and where we want to be when we are older. We walk around the river and get to a spot I haven’t been to since I was ten years old. It’s a little alcove where the river turns to a stream and you can walk across easily. There is a little cave on the other side that we would pretend we were in our own world and no one else existed. I miss those simple days. I remember Jozlyn would go with us sometimes too. Rachel too.

  “Oh honey, I remember this.” I tell Cole as we walk over the wet slimy stones to get to the special cave.

  “I thought you would remember once we were closer.” We walk into the mouth of the cave and look around. We had drawn on the floors and walls and you can barely see the outlines of what was drawn. Memories flood back to me. Playing house, school, and caveman. Cole always wanted to play house or caveman. He couldn’t stand playing school. He was always the dad when we played house and would “come home” and kiss me on the cheek when I was the mom. He never did that to Jozlyn though.

  “Why did you want to come here?” I ask.

  “Memories, and it’s safe and away from everything and everyone. It’s doubtful that anyone followed us, and no one can sneak up behind us there’s only one way in.” He seems proud of himself for thinking of all of this. Then he leans close to me and says, “Also, I wanted to kiss you on the cheek like I used to.” I blush violently.

  “You are sneaky.” He kisses me on the cheek as I say this and pulls me close and places his chin on the top of my head. He makes that deep rumbling sound and starts rubbing my back. We stand still for a while and then we hear something towards the mouth of the cave. We both turn to look, but don’t see anything. We hear the sounds again, and Cole guides me over to the wall of the cave almost silently. We stand in the darkness and wait. As I am about to say something, we hear the sound closer this time. Around the wall I peak at what can only be called the biggest deer I have ever saw. I almost laugh out loud. Cole moves away from me and towards the deer. The deer suddenly looks up and runs out and away from the cave. “Well that’s not what I was expecting,” I say sarcastically.

  “Kimber, I’m glad it was just a deer. I don’t know who has it out for you or why, but I’m genuinely worried about you.” He has a worrisome look on his face that I don’t think I have ever saw on his face. It makes me think that I should be more worried than I am. I honestly don’t know who would want to hurt me. Especially, just because I am with Cole. He probably blames himself. I wonder if that’s why he was crying.

  “Cole, why were you crying last night?” I ask him probably seeming random.

  “Kimber, I’m fine we need to worry about you.” He says and comes close to me. He rubs his hands on my cheeks and pulls me closer to him. He kisses me slowly. We break apart. He looks down at me smiles and rubs his thumb across my bottom lip. “I promise I will do all that I can do to keep you safe for as long as you let me.”

  “Always,” I whisper to him. I hug him close to me and start to tear up again. I honestly am scared about what could happen next. I don’t know who this person is or why they want to hurt me or at least destroy the things around me, but if I have to leave Cole to keep him safe, I may have to make that sacrifice. I look up into his eyes and see the same look I imagine is in mine. We stay in the cave for a few hours and make our way to my house. He helps me clean the glass from my room. Whoever it was broke every window in my room. I wonder if they thought I was in there and were hoping I would get hurt. We get the windows out and boarded up. Cole is such a great help. I don’t know when they will be windows again. I guess I am making a face and cole comes over and lays his arm across my shoulders.

  “Kimber, this is just temporary. Everything will be ok.” He rubs my shoulder reassuringly.

  “I just don’t know who would do this to me. I don’t know what I’ve done for someone to hate me this much.” I start to tear up again. He wraps me up in his embrace again. I lose it in the safety of his arms. He leads me to the couch in the living room and I lay in his lap. After a while, I jerk awake not knowing that I had fallen asleep. He is still holding me, but I think I woke him up as well because he jumped too.

  “What time is it Cole?”

  “A little after ten. I called your mom and mine they are both ok with me staying with you so you aren’t alone. Are you hungry?”

  “Not really, but I guess I need to eat. Are you hungry?”

  “Famished.” He laughs. I make a quick dinner. We sit and eat and lay back down on the couch and watch tv and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

  Chapter 9

  We spend time together as much time together the next week as possible. Cole made an agreement with Momma that he would sleep on the couch at our house so that I won’t be alone at night. He practiced all week building up for the championship game at the end of the week. They have to go south to Auburn for the game. I don’t know if Momma is going to let me go with all of this stuff going on. I know Rachel will be going so that she can tour the school. Quinn will more than likely go with her. I would be fine to have a few days to be to myself. Friday comes before we know it and just like I thought Momma doesn’t want me to go so far by myself. Cole understands, but is sad he won’t see me for three days. He won’t be back until Sunday.

  “Do you want to sneak away?” he asks me in a last-ditch effort to get me to come.

  “Cole, I’ll be fine. You’ll be great, and when you get back on Sunday, we can have dinner together. How about that?” I say with the biggest smile I can muster.

  “I guess that sounds good.” He sighs. Picking up his bag and throwing up on his shoulder he bends down and kisses me softly on my lips. I smile.

  “Good luck, Wildcat!” I say with enthusiasm. He laughs at me.

  “Kimber, I love you. Thank you for trying to make it easier to leave,” He says sadly.

  “Cole, you are going to be late and you know how coach feels about that. You have to go. I love you, good luck,” I say and hug and kiss him as I push him towards the door. He looks back smiles and waves. He then sprints towards his car and goes to meet everyone at the school. Rachel is going and like I thought Quinn is going too. I am happy that she will have someone with her, but I wish it wasn’t Quinn. I just get a bad feeling about her.

  I catch up on house stuff and get a book and go read on the back porch. It’s secluded and can’t be seen from the road. I sit in the chair that I can look through the window and see the front door in case I hear something. I sit and read for a while. I don’t realize how much time has passed until I get a text saying that Cole has got to the game and that he will text me to tell me how it goes. I wait for updates and make some dinner.

  Not long after, I start getting texts from others asking where I am. Asking me if I’m at the game and if I am where am I sitting. I feel horrible not being there, but I’m not going to disobey my mother. I feel more comfortable alone at home. I then get a text from Rachel that stops me in my tracks.

  He’s down on the field. I’ll let you know when I know something.

  I start to pace and cry. I should have just said screw it and went. I should be there for him now. Around thirty minutes later I send Rachel a text.

  How is he? Have you heard anything?

  Oh yeah, he’s fine. Just got the wind knocked out of him. He was benched for a few plays to gather himself, but he is back out there now. Wow, and she didn’t tell me.

  Okay thanks, what’s the score?

  We are up by 7. It’s a close one. I keep myself busy a little longer, but really need someone to talk to. I decide to try to call someone I haven’t talked to in a while. I dial the number expecting the voicemail.

  “Hello,” I hear my sister’s voice.

  “Jozlyn! It’s been
so long since I heard your voice! How are you?”

  “I’m ok. How are you?”

  “I’m about the same. Just sittin’ around the house. I miss you so much. When are you coming home?”

  “I’m probably not going to be coming home anytime soon Kimber.”

  “Why?”

  “Well to be honest, I’m trying to do my best in school and coming home there are too many distractions.”

  “Okay, well I get that. I wish I could see you.”

  “Me too sister. I have been very bored without you. I wish I could have packed you and brought you with me.”

  “There is so much to do in Florence, why aren’t you going out at least for a little while?”

  “Momma wouldn’t like that, and I know she knows a lot of people here that are ‘keeping their eyes on me’. You know how it is by now.”

  “She is actually pretty lenient with me for some reason.”

  “Well then you should consider yourself lucky.”

  “I do most days. When did you last talk to her?”

  “It’s been a minute.” She says this when she doesn’t want to give me an exact time.

  “Did she tell you what happen to the windows?”

  “No, what happened?”

  “Someone busted all of the windows in our room and sent a dead rabbit with a note in a box to me.”

  “What the hell?!”

  “Yeah, I don’t know.”

  “What did Momma say?”

  “She said that she would make sure I’m safe, but to be honest Jozlyn, Cole has been taking care of me mostly.”

  “How?”

  “He’s been staying here at night and making sure it hasn’t happened again or if it did he would be here.”

  “SHE’S LETTING HIM STAY WITH YOU WHILE SHE WORKS??!!” She yells. I hold the phone away from my ear.