by Claire Adams
"Of course. We'll get everything set up and let you know when the funeral will be. We'll put the ads in the paper and invite your family and friends for you."
I extended my hand, my mind locked on the bottle of liquor waiting for me back at the house. "Thank you, Sir. I appreciate you."
"Of course. And if you need—"
"I won't." I turned and walked back to the house, stumbling into the kitchen and leaving the front door open as I sat down and poured my first shot. I lifted it and closed my eyes as pain ripped through the center of my chest.
My mom had been the center of my world since my father died. There was rarely a day that had gone by that I hadn't spent beside her. What the fuck was I going to do with myself now?
"To you. The only one who believed in me." I shot the drink back and nearly choked at the sound of Ron's voice.
"She wasn't the only one." He smiled, closed the door and walked in. "You got another glass for an old friend? I lost someone I loved today."
Tears filled my eyes, and I stood up and grabbed another glass. "Then we'll share our pain and drink until we can't stand."
I poured him a glass as a tear streaked down his cheek. "I'm here for you, brother. I'm not going anywhere."
"How did you know?" I hit my glass against his and sank down into my chair.
"Your wife called me. She was worried and wanted someone with you. She thought I might be the guy for the job."
"I love that girl," I whispered and closed my eyes. "Momma loved her, too."
"Good. She might just love you just as well." He hit his glass against mine one more time and threw the liquor back, growling. "Another."
Maddie knew exactly what I needed. The fact that she wasn't selfish enough to force herself on me and stay spoke volumes. She wasn't the woman that asked for half a million dollars to pretend to love someone.
She used to be, but she wasn't anymore.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Maddie
It had been two days since I left Gavin, and all I could think about was him. Was he okay? When was the funeral? Why hadn't he called?
Because our contract was over.
I hated myself so much for the decisions I'd made in the past, namely regarding him, and yet... if I hadn't have stepped up to make the arrangement, the last few weeks wouldn't have happened.
Whether it hurt or not, my life was better because of him having been in it. His strong arms and rough hands, deep voice and a big heart. Everything about him left me aching for more.
If I closed my eyes, I was taken back to our wedding, but this time it was real. He loved me and wanted forever to be ours. We'd fix up that old house behind us for my parents when they got old, spend lazy Sunday's on the boat together and make a couple of babies.
Nothing sounded better. Not even a career of being rich and famous. I couldn't remember when my obsession with acting and modeling wasn’t at the forefront in my life. I had a sick realization that every decision I'd made over the last few years was directly related to how it would serve my acting career, how many followers it would get me.
Bile rose in my chest at the thought. What the fuck was the matter with me?
I picked up the phone and tried to call Gavin again, the rings going on forever before it picked up to voice mail. I closed my eyes and sunk down into a chair at my kitchen table, letting the sound of his voice wash over me.
"I miss you," I whispered and hung up before the phone beeped for me to leave a message. He wasn't answering, and honestly, I couldn't blame him. If anyone reminded him of his mother, it was me.
Us getting married for her. Us going to dinner with her. Us giving her hope that Gavin would be loved and taken care of long after she was gone. And now the fact that it was a lie was festering deep inside of me.
"I gotta get the fuck out of here." I stood up and walked down the hall, tearing off my tank top and slipping out of my sleeping pants. I changed into jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. After pulling my hair into a ponytail, I walked out to my piece of shit car and got in.
It wouldn't start the first few times I tried, and I knew I was going to have to use some of the money that Gavin gave me to get something new. Otherwise, I would end up stranded on the side of the road somewhere.
"He didn't give you anything. He paid you. Or really, you stole it by feeding off a weakness he had for his mother." I pulled the rearview mirror down and scowled at myself. "Sick. You're so sick. You know that?"
I turned the mirror back into its place and slammed my hands against the wheel as I screamed over and over again. Tears ran down my face, and my heart felt like it might burst open. I had to give the money back. No matter how fair the deal ended up being or how well I'd played my part.
I'd figure out another way to get out to California and to help my parents. Where acting and modeling weren't so important anymore, they were literally the only thing I had in my future. Without the hope of being with Gavin, everything suddenly looked bleak.
I drove out to Ron's place and parked the car, sitting there for a few minutes. The hope that Gavin was there lit my chest on fire, and I got out, and half jogged to the front door.
Ron opened it after I knocked a few times, a sleepy look on his face. "Hey, Maddie. How are you?"
"Ron? Who's that?" a feminine voice called out from behind him.
"My cousin. Go back to sleep, baby. I'll be in there in a few minutes." He gave me a sheepish look and walked out onto the patio after closing the door. A scratching sound at the door behind us had him standing to let Milo out.
I sat down on the edge of one of the chairs on his porch and pressed my face into my hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you."
"You're never a bother." He rubbed my back as Milo came over and snuggled up against my legs. "Look at that. The old boy can tell you're upset. Gotta love dogs." He chuckled and snorted.
I reached down to pet the dog and glanced over at my cousin. "How is Gavin? He's not answering his phone, and I'm going crazy thinking about him."
"He's doing okay." He shrugged. "You know he spent every day with his mom. He has since his father died."
"I know." I leaned back and scratched the dog's ears as he laid his head in my lap. "They had a great relationship. I know he's crushed."
"You know, it's just weird. It's like, you think you're ready because you know it's coming, but when it shows up... it just fucks you up to high heaven." Ron ran his hand over his five o'clock shadow and sighed. "I wish there were something we could do for him, but there's not. He's gotta work through this."
"I need to tell you something." Guilt welled up inside of me. That and a mixture of worry. I didn't want Ron to think that Gavin and I were really married and here I was, sitting with Ron and not helping my husband. "About Gavin and me."
He lifted his hand. "Don't worry about it. I already know."
"You do?" I sat up a little. "Did Gavin tell you?"
"No. I've been friends with the guy my whole life. I knew he and you worked up your scheme to help his momma think he was going to be taken care of. There's something about it that's sweet. I'm just surprised that you were willing to do that. I know how much your career means." He smirked. "You can't tell me that being married helps you much. Hell, I would think it more like jacks you up."
"I did it for money." I let out a long sigh. Relief raced through me, though the disappointment on his face stung a little.
"Wait. What? I didn't know that part." He tilted his head to the side, studying me as if I were the sweet little girl he knew all of our lives.
"I know." I shook my head and glanced out across the yard. "I knew he needed help, so I offered to play his fake fiancée."
"How much?" He cleared his throat.
"Half a million dollars." I glanced over at him as he paled.
"Holy shit. Why in the world would you do that? You weren't raised to be that kind of woman." He stood up and put both hands on his hips. "I sure as hell hope he was smart enough to no
t pay that."
"He paid it." I turned back and looked up at my cousin. "I know you're upset with me, but I didn't know what else to do. Mom and Dad are so deep in debt that the government is going to show up any minute and take them and their unpaid for shit. And my career is falling apart all around me. I was desperate."
"Why didn't you come to me, Maddie? We've always been close."
"I should have." I stood up. "I hated keeping all of it from you." I reached out and patted his chest. "I love you. Forgive me."
"It's not me you need forgiveness from, sweetheart." He reached out and pulled me into a hug, a much warmer one than I deserved.
"The worst part is that I fell in love with him. I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much my whole-body hurts."
He nodded and moved back. "Well, his mother's funeral is tomorrow. Go and show your support. Give the money back and tell him, Maddie. That will mean more than anything else will right now."
"Giving back the money?" I wrapped my arms around myself.
"No. Being honest about your feelings. Love heals everything."
"How would you know?" I nodded toward the house and smiled.
"Saw it in a movie once." He laughed, and I joined me.
Everything would be okay. I could make it that way, and if not, I'd know that I at least tried.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Gavin
"I can't do this," I whispered as I laid on my back in the bed. The room smelled like Maddie. The sheets, the blankets, fucking everything. Losing her on top of having to bury Mom did exactly what I thought it would do. It broke me.
And yet, I needed it to all end. Somehow I was going to have to pull myself together and start a new chapter of my life.
Maddie reminded me too much of mom's happiness. And besides, she'd gotten what she wanted. I dug down deep to find the anger I had over her scheming me a few weeks back. If I could hold onto that, I would be okay.
Anger was far better than devastation.
I got up and walked into the closet, rummaging through my clothes in search of a pair of black slacks and a black shirt. I found what I was looking for and tossed it on the bed before moving over to the sliding glass door in my bedroom.
Light flooded into the room as I pulled the blinds back. It felt good to let the warmth of it race over me.
I could get through the day. I had to. My mother deserved a proper burial next to my dad at the old church cemetery. And she would get that.
Memories of my father's funeral raced through my mind as I turned and got dressed. Longing filled the center of my chest, but I swallowed it back down. How easy would it be to pretend that Maddie cared about it and let her back in?
I'd been ignoring her since Sunday, which I hated to do, but what was the point? Really?
A knock at the door had me frustrated all of a sudden. Who the hell was bothering me on the morning I had to bury my mother? Ron. It had to be my best friend. Chances were that he was coming by to pick me up.
He was good like that.
I buttoned my shirt as I walked to the door, my slacks already on, but my feet bare.
Maddie stood on the other side of the door, her black dress fitted, but conservative. "Hey," she said softly. Her long hair was around her shoulders and blew about at the wind picked up.
I loved everything about her but wasn't sure what to trust anymore. She was a skilled actress and could become whatever was expected of her to become. And she could do it at the drop of a hat.
"Hey. Come on in. I gotta finish getting ready. Mom's funeral is this morning." I walked back to the bedroom.
"I know. Ron told me." She followed me, and I couldn't ignore the hurt in her voice.
Had she expected me to call her? To fill her in? To maybe cry a little on her shoulder? I pursed my lips to keep from being a total dick. It wasn't her fault that I'd agreed to her deal. It was mine.
And it was my own goddamn fault that I fell in love with her.
"I actually thought you were him." I walked up the sink and reached for a brush, running it through my hair. "Did you need something?" I looked at her in the mirror as she stood behind me, just off to the side.
"No. I mean, I wanted to check on you, and you've been ignoring my calls." Her hands went to her hips, and she cocked her head to the side. She was pissed.
"Did I have a reason to call?" I gave her an odd expression. "Mom's dead. The deal is over. You offered your services until she passed in exchange for the money to live your life in California. It's over. Congrats. You made it. You did a great job."
"Gavin." She took a step back as if I'd punched her in the face.
Some part of me wanted to turn and sink down to my knees, to pull her close and press my cheek to her stomach as she held me. It would have been so right to do it, but I knew I could end things at this point and not leave my heart lying about for her to slip a knife into it.
I couldn't take much more.
"If you need a letter of recommendation on your acting skills, I'm happy to provide it." I doused my hands in cologne and patted the sides of my neck, and I turned to face her. "You're going to be great. Really."
Her eyes were filled with tears, and the pain on her pretty face hurt me. Ron thought she was in love with me, but the poor bastard had no clue that the woman had asked for a huge bankroll to play my girl for a while. He would be sick if he did.
"I'm not leaving here until we talk about us." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I have so many things to tell you."
"Save it," I barked and moved around her. "I have to bury my mom this morning. Unfortunately, this day isn't about you." I lifted my hands in the air. "I know, shocking, right? Someone else gets the limelight for a few minutes."
"Gavin." She followed after me. "Why are you doing this?"
I jerked around and got in her face, focusing only on my anger. "Doing what exactly? I warned you multiple times not to make more of my hospitality, of my attention, of our sex than you should. If you did, then that's on you, sweetheart."
She stepped back and pressed her hands to her mouth as a soft sob left her. "You don't mean that."
"Yeah. I do." I pointed to the door. "Now, get out. I have to get to the church. You have your money. Go live your dreams and don't look back. I don't want to see you again. Not ever."
She spun on her heels, her crying filling up the room around me as she jogged toward the front door.
I wanted until she slammed it to drop down on the bed and exhale. My body was tight, my hands shaking. Too many emotions raced through me, all of them fucking me up and leaving me broken. The last thing I wanted to do was attack Maddie.
I had fallen in love with her somewhere along the way, but to let her have access to my heart without the covering of money in front of it? No fucking way.
No one was going to hurt me again. Not ever.
"You want me to stick around, buddy?" Ron rubbed the top of my back as we stood at the graveside service. I'd been shaking hands and giving hugs for the last half hour and had very little left inside of me.
"No. I need a few minutes with my mom."
"I'll wait in the car then." He squeezed my shoulder and turned, leaving me standing alone at the foot of my mom and dad's grave.
I walked over and knelt down, picking up the roses that were scattered all around and sticking some into the vase at the base of her tombstone before putting some in dad’s.
I'd broken down multiple times during the funeral, but I guessed it was expected. Where most people had family or other loved ones around them, I had Ron. I should have let Maddie come for that if nothing else.
To feel her arms around me, holding me up would have been enough to get me through it, but no. I was an asshole and chose to cast away whatever the fuck was happening between us. I'd be lucky if she ever spoke to me again.
I dropped to my knees and glanced up at the sky as the breeze blew around me. "Oh, Mom. I miss you so damn much already." I let out a long sigh and let my head d
rop back down. "I fucked up things with Maddie. We were lying to the whole damn time, or we started out that way. I have no clue if she ever really had feelings for me, but by the end, I had them for her."
Breathing in deeply, I continued, "I told her to get lost this morning, though it was the last thing I wanted to do. You should have seen her. I'm ashamed of the man I am capable of being. All in the name of protecting myself." I pressed my hands to my knees and glanced up at the tombstone. "You sure did like her, didn't you? I know she liked you, too. She wasn't faking there. Not one bit."
"I wasn't faking any of it." Her voice startled me, and I stood, turning around as anger bled across my face. I was ready to blast her again, but she stepped up and grabbed me roughly. "You asshole." She pulled me down, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me hard.
I wanted to fight her, but I needed her too damn bad. Instead of pushing her away, I melted against her, welcoming her warmth, her touch, her bossy ass back into my world.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Maddie
He leaned against me, and I cradled him, kissing his lips several times before pressing my cheek against his.
"Were you here for all of it?" He sounded so far beyond tired.
"Yes." I brushed my hand down the side of his face and closed my eyes, letting memory after memory from our childhood wash over me. I knew him. Intimately.
Why in the world would I ever let scarcity and fear get in the way of starting a real relationship with a good man like him?
"I want to go home." He moved back and glanced back down toward the gravestones. "Mom would be happy to know you came."
"Of course I did. I just stayed in the back because I didn't want to disrespect your wishes." I reached out and slid my hand into his. "And look at me."
He glanced my way, his eyes filled with a torrent of emotion. "What?"
"I'm not going anywhere. I realized I was stupid. I'm sorry." I reached up and brushed a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. "I thought I needed the money to make me happy, but more so, to make sure my mom and dad were okay." My eyes filled with tears. "I wanted to do big things because I'm the only one they have to lean on." I swallowed the hot ball of regret lodged in my throat. "I was wrong. I can find another way to take care of them."