Pick Your Poison

by Lauren Child

  ‘How should I know? I tend not to ask questions, questions aggravate him.’

  ‘Yes, he can get rather tetchy, that’s something I don’t miss,’ she said.

  ‘So you’re telling me you’re not working for him?’

  ‘No, I’m no longer on the payroll. I’m going it alone. I’m more of a freelancer, I hate taking orders, don’t you?’ She laughed. ‘Well of course orders are all you’ve ever known.’

  ‘So you’re not here to …’ He drew a finger across his throat.

  ‘Kill you?’ She laughed. ‘No, not at all.’

  ‘So what do you want?’

  ‘Nothing Boyd … I have a business proposition for you. Call it an opportunity – you look out for me, I look out for you.’

  ‘And who are you looking to avoid?’ asked Baby Face.

  ‘The same Australian as you,’ said Lorelei. ‘She’s looking to kill you, yes?’

  He said nothing.

  ‘Well, I’m looking to kill her, so you might want to stick close and do exactly as I say.’

  ‘OK,’ he said. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘I need a snake or two, or seven, all kinds – poisonous ones. And the antivenoms too, just in case.’

  ‘You want them to bite her?’

  ‘Not just her,’ she said.

  ‘Who else?’ he asked.

  ‘I thought you didn’t ask questions,’ she said.

  ‘You’re planning an accident?’

  ‘Sort of.’

  ‘Who’s the victim?’

  ‘A child, it should be easy enough.’

  ‘The thing is, these snakes, the ones I have, they’re already promised to someone and if I give them to you … Well, let’s just say, she isn’t a very understanding client?’

  ‘Neither am I.’

  ‘So if I refuse?’

  ‘Goodbye Boyd.’

  WHEN CLANCY RETURNED TO TWINFORD JUNIOR HIGH THE FOLLOWING MONDAY he was immediately called into Principal Levine’s office.

  Clancy of course had no idea why. The principal motioned for him to sit down, and Clancy sat.

  ‘Do you know why I have called you in?’

  Clancy shook his head. There were about thirty possibilities that came to mind, but he wasn’t going to start throwing them about. He had learnt this from watching Crazy Cops: never incriminate yourself by offering up indiscretions.

  ‘It has come to my attention …’ started Principal Levine, (never a good opener, thought Clancy) ‘that you have been getting assistance with your French homework.’

  Clancy said nothing.

  ‘Is this true?’ asked the principal.

  ‘I am not sure what you’re getting at sir,’ said Clancy.

  ‘I’m trying to discover the truth of the matter. Someone has accused you of deception and I want to hear what you have to say about it.’

  ‘Who?’ said Clancy. ‘Who has?’

  Principal Levine steepled his fingers. ‘Ruby Redfort,’ he said. He was staring hard at Clancy watching for the reaction.

  ‘Really?’ said Clancy.

  ‘Yes, really,’ said Levine. ‘What do you say?’

  ‘If Ruby told you that then she must have had her reasons.’

  ‘She didn’t say it to me, but a note was found. The handwriting is unmistakably hers and the tone of the note undeniably Redfortesque.’ He took a small folded piece of paper from his desk drawer and handed it to Clancy.

  Clancy examined the paper – it looked to be from one of Ruby’s schoolbooks, her French textbook to be precise, torn from a page listing the vocabulary that might be required when one embarked on a boating trip. In the top right-hand corner was a drawing, which Clancy recognised as the sketch he himself had done of Madame Loup. Underneath it was a message:

  Look mon ami, I can’t keep doing your homework for you, it’s not fair and in any case you’re not exactly gonna faire des progrès if you keep cheating. I accept that it’s sort of my fault for offering, but really Clance, ressaisis-toi!

  ‘Where did you find this?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘It was tucked in your homework; you must have missed it when you handed it in on Friday.’

  ‘I didn’t hand it in on Friday,’ said Clancy.

  ‘Well, someone did. I imagine Ms Redfort was expecting you to take a look at her efforts before Madame Loup graded your test.’

  Silence.

  ‘Do you have anything to say?’

  ‘No sir.’

  ‘Well, if you really have nothing to add, you may go. I will of course be writing to your parents.’

  Clancy exited the office, walked past Mrs Bexenheath and on down the corridor and out of the front gates. When he got to the payphone on the corner, he dialled Ruby’s number. The phone rang and rang until the answerphone clicked in.

  ‘Rube, it’s me, it’s happened again … Someone or a whole bunch of someone’s are trying to bring you down. Watch your back.’

  Then he walked back into school. All the time he was thinking:

  Who’s messing with Ruby Redfort?

  When the school bell rang, Clancy went to his locker, retrieved the tiny video camera and went right on home. His parents were out and Principal Levine’s letter would not reach them until the following day – he had perhaps twenty-four hours before that little bomb went off. He studied the film very carefully. He watched Ruby walk down that corridor over and over until he knew her every step by heart. He scrutinised her clothing, her sneakers and her satchel. It was all as it should be. Her hair, her fly barrette, her T-shirt, nothing out of the ordinary. Except … He leant in closer. Something was missing. And slowly a smile spread across his face.

  The light was blinking on the family answer machine when Ruby walked into the house. She hadn’t felt like school that morning – I mean, what had it done for her lately? Instead, she had been at the dojo all day and was now feeling like she could do with a little R&R. She pressed play and began to peel off her wet coat – this rain was something else.

  Beep. ‘This is Mrs Bexenheath, secretary at Twinford Junior High. I wonder if you could call me to arrange a meeting with the principal. I am afraid there is evidence to suggest that your daughter has been involved in some highly reprehensible behaviour. Since this follows hot on the heels of some previous reprehensible behaviour, you understand we are very concerned.’

  Ruby pressed the delete button, walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. She drank the whole thing down and was about to pour herself another when the doorbell rang.

  When she opened the front door she was met by the sight of Elaine Lemon, who was standing on the Green-Wood house doorstep with Archie.

  This day is on the slide, thought Ruby.

  ‘Look Ruby, I hate to do this to you,’ began Elaine, ‘it’s just my mother’s been taken into hospital and I need to be there and I can’t take Archie. Niles is away on business and I have no one else to ask.’ She didn’t actually stop there, she went into some detail about her mother’s condition and how it might be treated and the likely convalescence period. ‘Six weeks! I mean how will I ever manage?’

  Ruby sighed, she had no real reason not to mind Archie, and Elaine Lemon looked like she might actually dissolve into tears and Ruby didn’t think she could handle that, so she said yes – well, her actual words were, ‘OK, hand him over Elaine.’

  Maybe she could palm him off on Mrs Digby. She took Archie into the living room, popped him on the floor and was about to run down to find the housekeeper when she saw a large note stuck to the TV set:

  Gone to bingo.

  Beneath that was a clipping from the Twinford Echo.

  YOUR TWINFORD ECHO HOROSCOPE: STAY INDOORS AND AVOID TROUBLE.

  Below that was another note from Mrs Digby:

  My advice would be stay in doors and avoid trouble.

  Ruby glanced back at Archie. ‘Just as well,’ she said, ‘because looks like I don’t have a whole lotta choice.’ She took him up to her room, switched o
n the TV, and up popped A is for Ant.

  She turned to the baby and said, ‘And B is for Bored, bozo.’

  CLANCY WAS ON HIS WAY TO THE TABLE TENNIS CAFE. He knew Del was going to be there, she was probably hanging out with her new friend Sal, the girl she kept talking about. No doubt playing table tennis with that guy Danny Jupiter. Boy, did he think he was the bee’s knees.

  He saw Del as soon as he walked in. There she was, bat in hand, just playing a warm-up game with Danny and two other kids who Clancy didn’t recognise.

  ‘Can I have a word with you?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘Oh, hi Clance.’ She signalled to her teammate and stepped out of the game. ‘Sure thing, what’s it about?’

  Clancy didn’t waste time getting around to the point. ‘I like you Del, you’re cool, a good friend, but I gotta say, you’re being a total duh brain about this.’

  Del’s eyes narrowed. ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘You honestly think Ruby would sell you out?’ said Clancy. ‘I mean, honestly?’

  ‘I don’t think so, I know so,’ said Del, jutting out her jaw.

  ‘You’re not using your noodle,’ said Clancy. ‘What possible reason would Ruby have for ratting on you?’

  Del crossed her arms. ‘Revenge.’

  ‘Oh yeah, that sounds a lot like Ruby, she really lives for revenge,’ said Clancy.

  Del said nothing but her face was set like stone.

  ‘Remember that time when Mouse accidentally let slip to Mrs Drisco that Ruby was not at the dentist but had actually gone ice-skating? Or when you gave away her ticket to the Gloom gig because you were mad at her for skipping a basketball match, do you remember that? Do you remember her taking revenge on you?’

  Actually what had happened was Ruby had apologised to Del for letting her down with the match, and given her an earful about the ticket. But the important thing was, she had born no grudge.

  ‘If Ruby was mad at you, she would tell you to your face. If she didn’t feel like being your friend any more, she just wouldn’t talk to you. What she wouldn’t do is go and let your tyres down or waste her time ratting you out to Principal Levine.’ Clancy was talking kind of loud now; he was pretty angry. Sal and the kids at the counter were looking at them, no doubt wondering what was occurring here.

  ‘So how come I can see her on your film footage breaking into my locker?’ asked Del.

  ‘You remember what happened the day we met at the Donut to talk about Halloween?’

  ‘I remember all right,’ said Del irritably. ‘Redfort fell asleep at the table.’

  ‘So you remember how you picked up that permanent marker of mine and you wrote REDFORT WAKE UP AND SMELL THE BANANA MILK all up her left arm?’

  Del nodded. ‘Yeah, you were right about that marker pen, boy does it never come off.’

  ‘Exactly,’ said Clancy, ‘it’s still there. You can take a look next time you see her. It’s the most permanent permanent marker there is.’

  ‘OK, so I shouldn’t have done that,’ said Del. ‘But what’s any of that got to do with the price of potatoes?’

  Clancy reached into his bag and pulled out the tiny video camera and set it down on the table. ‘This is the film I took that shows “Ruby” putting Vapona’s project in your locker. Maybe you should watch it, really watch it.’ He walked towards the exit, and when he reached the counter, he called back, ‘Pay special attention to that left arm.’

  Clancy went up to Sal at the front counter. He’d never met her before, only heard Del going on about how cool she was. She was getting ready to leave, her shift over for the day.

  She called out, ‘Jeez, will I be glad to get home and out of these sneakers.’

  The guy who worked the food counter laughed loudly. ‘I hear you Sal.’

  ‘Could I get some change for the payphone?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘Sure,’ said Sal, she took the bill and handed him the quarters.

  ‘I don’t suppose you’ve seen Rube, have you?’ said Clancy.

  ‘Who?’ said Sal.

  ‘Ruby,’ said Clancy. ‘I’ve been trying to get hold of her.’

  ‘No, but hey, look any friend of Ruby’s is a friend of mine, so you’re welcome to use the counter phone, save your quarters, just don’t tell the manager, OK?’ said Sal.

  Clancy smiled at her. ‘Thanks, I appreciate it.’

  ‘Any time,’ said Sal. She was looking for her apartment keys. ‘Where did I put ’em?’

  ‘There,’ said Clancy, pointing to the keys.

  ‘Thanks,’ said Sal.

  He dialled Ruby’s number and she picked up.

  ‘Hey Rube, you are there, did you get my message?’

  ‘No,’ said Ruby.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I do do stuff you know. I’ve been busy trying to solve a crime – or at least something I think might be connected to a crime, anyway, I haven’t had the energy to check my answerphone, especially not after listening to the family one, which I can tell you did not make for happy listening.’

  ‘Meet me in the tree,’ said Clancy.

  ‘I can’t, I got the Lemon with me,’ said Ruby.

  ‘What, again?

  ‘It’s a long story, at least the way Elaine Lemon tells it,’ said Ruby.

  ‘So meet me at the Donut, you can bring the Lemon.’ Clancy turned to see Bailey Roach and his friends walk through the door; they were making a lot of noise.

  ‘OK, I’ll be with you in an hour,’ said Ruby.

  ‘An hour?’ said Clancy.

  ‘Do you have any idea how long it takes to get a baby into its zippy coat bag thingy?’ said Ruby.

  ‘No, actually I don’t. Just be there sooner.’

  ‘I’ll try,’ said Ruby.

  ‘Right,’ said Clancy. He didn’t sound convinced.

  ‘A half hour OK? … Boy it’s loud where you are,’ said Ruby.

  ‘I know, that guy Beetle and the bozos just arrived and they’re making trouble …’

  ‘He’s such a haircut,’ said Ruby. ‘So anyway, why did you call?’

  ‘The first time, to tell you that you’re in trouble again.’

  ‘Yeah, Mrs Bexenheath left my folks a message. What did I do this time?’

  ‘Aided and abetted,’ said Clancy, ‘basically did some kid’s homework for him.’

  Ruby whistled. ‘That’s got be worth a week of detentions.’ She paused. ‘Wait a minute, I totally forgot to give you your homework. I left it at Back-Spin. Sorry about that, by the way.’

  ‘That’s OK. The point is, how did it wind up in Madame Loup’s stack of marking?’

  ‘I asked Sal to give it to Danny Jupiter – got him to hand it in for you.’

  ‘So did he write the note or did someone else?’

  ‘What note?’

  ‘The note from you?’

  ‘What?’ said Ruby.

  ‘Never mind, I’ll explain when I see you. The good news is, I got proof that you weren’t the one who stole Vapona’s project.’ Clancy was now having to practically shout. ‘I’ve given it to Del …’

  ‘Let go of the phone …’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Lemon, I’m telling you, let go of the phone …’

  Click.

  The line went dead.

  ‘Geez!’ exclaimed Clancy. There was a sudden rise in the noise level and then ping-pong balls started flying around the place, and the poor new girl was having a hard time taking control. She came out from behind the counter. ‘Look, please guys,’ she pleaded, ‘could you maybe not do that?’

  But they weren’t listening. Worse than that, they started giving her a hard time and Clancy wasn’t going to stand by and watch. He might be fond of his teeth, but he had to help her. And that’s when something happened that Clancy couldn’t quite explain. It wasn’t that Sal got mad. Not really mad. She didn’t shout or scream or anything – even though she had every right to be angry. It was hard to put your finger on exactly what she did – it was just when she d
id it, the boys froze. Suddenly they were afraid, and they weren’t the only ones. Clancy felt it too. Just for a split second, a fraction of a split second, Sal seemed to change into someone else.

  And as she swished calmly past him, peace now restored, Clancy could have sworn he could smell something. Something that made his blood stop pumping.

  The unmistakeable smell of … Turkish delight.

  Lorelei von Leyden. It had to be.

  Very calmly and without any sign of alarm, he replaced the receiver and walked towards the exit like nothing had happened – he was just a kid heading home.

  ‘You leaving so soon?’ said Sal.

  ‘Er, yeah, I … um, I forgot something at home. I’ll be back in a half hour.’

  She made a sad face. ‘I’m clocking off in ten,’ she said. ‘Heading home myself.’ Another smile. But now Clancy saw how it didn’t reach her eyes. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow though, maybe I’ll see you! It would be cool to get to know you … any friend of Ruby’s is a friend of mine!’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Clancy, as brightly as he could manage.

  When he reached the payphone just outside, he paused as if he had thought of something, remembered someone he was supposed to call. He redialled Ruby’s number.

  The phone rang six times, seven, eight and then …

  ‘I’m sorry to inform you that Ruby Redfort is not here. Leave your words after the beep, and better make them interesting buster, or I won’t call you back.’

  ‘Look Rube, maybe you’re on your way, but if you aren’t just get to the Donut fast … I think I just worked out who your double is.’

  Even as he spoke, something else clicked. The French homework – Sal – she wrote the note, before handing it to Danny Jupiter. No doubt she snitched on Del too.

  He replaced the receiver just as Sal walked out. She saw him standing at the payphone.

  ‘See you around,’ she called.

  And Clancy shivered.

  RUBY HADN’T BEEN ABLE TO ANSWER THAT SECOND CALL FROM CLANCY because she had been on another call which had come through to the family phone.

  ‘Hello Ruby, how are you? It’s Quent!’

  ‘Oh, hey Quent, I’m fine, what gives?’

  ‘I’m just around the corner.’