by Marilyn Grey
When it ended she turned the television off and looked at me. The candle I had lit earlier flickered on the table, reminding me of the time I watched Alistair via that Skype video. Alistair!
"Hold on a sec," I said, then ran upstairs to get my phone. But ... couldn't find it. "Autumn, is my phone down there?"
"Uh ... don't see it."
I searched everything. Even things my phone couldn't possibly fit in.
Nothing.
I jogged back to Autumn and sat beside her. "Can I see your phone?"
"Yeah, why?" She handed it to me.
"Need to text Don and get Alistair's number. I lost my phone and have no idea what his number is. He's gonna think I'm ignoring him."
"Calm down," she said as I texted Don from her phone.
A few minutes later he responded. I didn't save the number. I just messaged him from your phone. Are you back?
I gave her the phone without answering him, then watched the candle flame tilt and sway through the glass.
Autumn's hand waved in front of my face. "Jane!"
"Huh?" I kept staring.
"What's going on?"
"Be right back."
I went back to my room, pulled my iPad out, downloaded Skype, and signed in.
Wrong password.
I tried as many combinations as I could think of, then hit the password reset button. After refreshing my email seven million times, I realized it was sending to my old address. The one I didn't have anymore.
I went to his old band's website. "This domain is for sale."
I looked up his Facebook. Twitter. Any remnant of him on the Internet.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Zoe sat beside me. "Hey, just got in and heard you flipping out in here as I was walking to my room. What's up?"
Autumn sat on the other side of me.
"Nothing," I said. "I'm fine."
"It's just a phone," Autumn said. "You can get a new one."
"I can, yeah."
"I'd probably flip if I lost my phone too," Zoe said as she checked her purse.
I stood and paced the room. There had to be a way to reach him.
Oh! His address. I could mail a letter.
Oh....
My shoulders slumped. I saved his address in my ... drum roll please ... phone!
"Jane, you're seriously freaking out about your phone?" Autumn pushed me back to the bed and made me sit. "What is wrong with you?"
"I'm a failure, that's what. I should've never been born. I wasn't even supposed to be alive, you know. I came into the world through rape and here I am, messing up everywhere I turn. I spent my life ignoring love when my best friend devoted his life to me. I never really let myself enjoy my family because I couldn't stop obsessing over who my real mom was and thinking this endless thought that I didn't belong. I've used up a ton of the money my parents gave me and I have nothing to show for it except a pointless trip and a shop that failed. Finally, I pour my heart out and tell the only person who ever loved me that, guess what, I loved him too. Really loved him. And he tells me that I'm delusional and don't really love him and that he got over me a long time ago. As if that's not bad enough, out of the bushes comes a sweet guy holding a bouquet of flowers—Batman flowers—and he walks away. Then I lose my freaking phone and can't tell him that I'm not ignoring him and that even if I can't let him kiss me right now, I still care." I buried my face in my hands. "I shouldn't even be here."
Hands warmed my back and shoulders. Someone ran their fingers through my hair. I lifted my face from my hands and shook my head.
"Just so you know," Autumn whispered. "I'm glad you're here."
She sniffed and wiped her face as Zoe rubbed circles on my back.
"I didn't know..." Autumn wiped more tears. "I'm sorry. I feel like a horrible friend."
"No, no," I said, taking her hand. "I never let you in. Just like everyone always says. I kept it all inside, tried to deal with it myself. Well, I'm not fine." I straightened my posture and exhaled. Felt good to say it. "I'm. Not. Fine."
"Got that right," Zoe said. "More like a hot mess."
Autumn shook her head and I stared at Zoe with a really-did-you-actually-just-say-that face.
"Just saying." She shrugged. "So, my Donny rejected you?"
"Oh my freaking hell," Autumn said. "Get the crap out of here, Zoe." She pointed to the door. "Now."
"No." I waved my hand. "It's okay."
"It's just that I think we're meant to be," Zoe said.
"Get the hell out of here now!" Autumn screamed at the top of her lungs, making both of us jump.
"Geez. Chill out. I'll leave." Zoe stood. "I'm tired anyway."
Zoe made her grand exit and Autumn and I looked at each other as a slight smile started on my face, then hers. I laughed a little. And within seconds we were laughing so hard tears squeezed their way to both of our faces, cleansing our eyes and my heart in the process.
Laughter is truly the best medicine.
"I love you, Autumn," I whispered in between breaths. "Thank you."
"I don't care how you got here," she said. "My life wouldn't be the same without you."
"What am I gonna do?" I curled up with my head on my pillow. "Everything is falling apart. I'm afraid to wake up tomorrow and get more bad news."
"There won't be anymore bad news," she said as she got under the blankets. "And I'm staying the night, so if there's anymore bad news or if Zoe comes in being stupid, I'll be here to help."
"That was hilarious." I laughed into my pillow. "You really screamed at her. Your hair and everything was shaking."
She laughed. "I was pissed. I mean, who the hell says that to someone who just emptied their heart all over the place?"
"She doesn't know how horrible the stuff she says is. She's got a lot of issues too. A lot of pain in her life."
"I know." She closed her eyes. "I'll apologize in the morning. For now, I'm ready for bed."
"Night, Autumn."
"Good. Night."
She was out cold within two minutes flat. And I think it's safe to say ... I didn't sleep at all.
Alistair was my friend. I liked him. I liked our talks. I didn't want him to think I never wanted to talk to him again.
"Autumn," I whispered.
"Hmm."
"Can I use for phone real quick?"
"Mmhmm." She rolled away from me.
I grabbed her phone from my nightstand and dialed my own number. It rang until the voicemail picked up. I hit a few buttons and accessed my messages. Two voicemails from Mom. One from Autumn. And none from Alistair. I figured that would be the case anyway. He would've called my Skype account, which I couldn't access without my phone.
I tried the iPad again. Put in every password I'd ever used in the last five years. Nothing worked. I always told myself to 1.) save my passwords somewhere off of my phone or 2.) always use the same password, but I did neither.
My passwords were always a Batman character mixed with some kind of number combination, like my birthday or the month and year a certain film was released. I swear I tried every possible one, but I had to be missing something right in front of my face.
I tried passwords until after midnight, then finally fell asleep and dreamed of giving birth to a bird. It honestly horrified me and I couldn't sleep well after that.
When the light of the morning finally entered the room, I immediately got up and walked to the cafe across from Dee's tattoo place. Quietly, I ordered three latte's and bagels and walked back outside. The golden sun was still low in the east, not high enough to rid the sidewalk of shadows, but not low enough to be forgotten. Cars swished by with windows half down as drivers held phones or coffee in one hand. I stopped and leaned against the wall of my closed boutique, then sipped my creamy latte.
A woman stopped in front of me. "Is it true what the paper said about you?"
"The paper?" I said. "What paper?"
"You own Rosalind's, right?"
I looked o
ver my shoulder. "Um, I did. Why?"
"I read that you're getting sued for $142,000. Is it true? Is that why you're closing down?"
I laughed. "No. I'm not closing down, just revamping and going with a new style. Something for me, instead of the world."
She glanced at her watch. "Oh, good for you. Good luck with that."
I nodded, watched a few more people pass, then went inside. Zoe was still sleeping and Autumn just walked out of the bathroom.
"Please tell me you didn't go looking for your phone at the airport," she said.
I set the coffee and bagels on the kitchen table. "I needed caffeine. Couldn't sleep."
"So you never told me why you ended up on a plane alone. Where did Donovan go?"
"He just left me because he thought I should go talk to Alistair."
"But you didn't?"
"It was awkward. I felt stupid. Now I feel even more stupid as each day passes."
We sat down and ate our bagels as I went through my mail. About halfway through the stash I noticed a large envelope near the bottom. I tore the seal and read the document. My jaw tensed. I reread it just to be sure, flipping through pages as fast as possible, then backward again.
"What's going on?" Autumn said.
The lady was right.
I scanned each line two more times, reading the claim against me.
"This clothing boutique was a bad idea," I said. "Everything's been a bad idea. Why did I even try to be an adult? I just want to go back home and forget any of this ever happened."
"What now?"
"I'm being sued." I slapped the document back to the table. "Apparently someone had an allergy to the clothing they bought. She's claiming it wasn't properly labeled and that some chemical in the synthetic fabric caused a severe allergic reaction."
Autumn looked at me, unable to process what I said.
"I'm being sued. For a lot of money. More than I have." I closed my eyes. "Hopefully they can't go after me personally. The business has no worth anyway."
"But what about the new one? That Batman thing? Will they just take all the money you make?"
My stomach churned as I ran my fingers along my necklace. "I don't know. Is this as bad as I think it is?"
"You need to call your lawyer guy or your parents."
"Why did I do this? I should've used the money for school or a simple apartment. Now I need a job."
"Take a deep breath," she said, but I could tell even she was nervous for me. "You'll figure something out."
She wasn't so sure. Neither was I.
I imagined myself moving back in with my parents and feeling ridiculous. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't.
All I wanted was to follow my dreams. To be responsible and start a career in something I was passionate about.
Maybe I dreamed too big.
Maybe ... maybe I shouldn't have dreamed at all.
Chapter 31
Mom served burgers on homemade buns, salt and vinegar fries, and hand-squeezed strawberry lemonade. They knew something was wrong. Just not what was wrong. I came home early from my two-week trip. That's all they knew.
As we ate dinner I considered how to tell them everything. The lawsuit. The money. The store. But by the end of the meal I decided not to. Not yet at least. Maybe I could turn things around. Maybe I could open up a new place and people would come and actually like it.
Most likely not. But I could try.
I helped Mom with the dishes while Eddie and Dad did something in the living room. We worked in silence until the very end, when she turned to me and said, "We know about the lawsuit."
"I was going to tell you." I focused on the dishes. "Waiting for the right time."
"Funny how the right time never comes when it's something you don't want to do."
"I just want to fix this without worrying you guys."
"How will you make sure it doesn't happen again?"
"I can't. The lawyer told me that some people are sue happy and will look for reasons to sue me. Could be anything from someone slipping on the floor to tripping over a clothing rack. He thinks I can win this one because the shirt she bought was one-hundred percent organic cotton and had no ink on it, so I don't know. We'll see how it goes."
"How's the new shop idea coming?"
"I've got most of my designs ready. Just need to get Han and Brooke back in to help sew them."
"You're not telling anyone what it is?"
"I want it to be a surprise."
She forced a smile. "I'm worried about you."
"If you weren't, I'd be concerned."
"Just promise me that if you need help, you'll ask."
"I will."
I finished the last dish, she dried it, and we met Dad and Ed in the living room for family game night. I could remember family game night all the way back to when I was four and we played Go Fish, then a little later when we got obsessed with Uno. There was a Risk stage, a Twister stage, a Poker stage, a chess stage, and now we were in Monopoly mode, which Ed seemed to dominate. What did I dominate? Guess. No, not Go Fish.
Chess.
I know, right? Chess of all things. I was horrible at Poker because I couldn't keep a straight face when I had a good hand. Twister, not my thing. Chess though? I rocked the chess board.
Just kidding. I actually sucked at all of them, but it was fun anyway. Mom and I played to laugh at ourselves. Dad and Ed, on the other hand, flexed their competition skills no matter what the game was. And when they'd get intense and insist someone cheated Mom and I would always laugh.
The Monopoly board was ready and Dad and Ed had their game faces on. It would be a long night, but a needed one. I loved my family.
I spent so much of my childhood looking at them and wondering if I belonged, but I knew now ... I didn't just belong. I was part of them. We were all part of each other. Whether we liked it or not.
But I liked it. I really, really liked it.
When I got home I grabbed my sketch pad, made a late night cuppa, and drew my little heart out until I had way too many designs for my new clothing line. I wanted it to work. So bad. And I was determined to turn that desire into reality.
I finished around one in the morning and got in bed just as Zoe walked in. I listened to her footsteps click throughout the apartment until finally she went to her room. The light snapped on. Then off. Her bed springs creaked. And she sniffed. And whimpered.
I rolled out of bed and peeked into her room. "Zoe?"
"Go away," she said.
So I did what most people would do. I walked in and sat on her bed. She shoved her head under the pillow, but it was too late. I already saw the bruise and cut on her face.
"What happened?" I didn't touch her, knowing she probably didn't want another hand on her.
Something banged the window. I jumped off the bed and held my chest.
"What the hell was that?" I said.
She kept her head under the pillow and said something I couldn't hear.
I looked outside. A man stood in the parking lot by Zoe's car, screaming something and throwing his hands in the air.
"Who's that?" I said.
She grunted.
"Did he hit you?" My adrenaline kicked in.
She didn't answer. The guy raised something into the air and held it above her car's window, then swung and shattered it.
"Zoe ... you need to tell me who this is. I'm calling the cops."
The guy waved for me to come down. He probably thought I was her.
I ripped the pillow off of her and checked her face. Blood oozed from her right temple and her nose looked broken.
"Give me your phone," I said. "I'm calling the cops and taking you to the hospital."
She pulled the blanket over her and sniffed again.
"Where's your phone, Zoe?"
The apartment's alarm went off.
"He's trying to break in here." My heart rate accelerated. "Where's your damn phone? Now!"
She didn't move. I loo
ked through her stuff, but didn't see it. Ripped the blanket off of her. Nothing.
"Zoe, I'm not kidding. Do you want him to come in here?"
She buried herself in the blanket again. I ran down the steps and checked to make sure the front door was locked. There was no way he'd be able to get in, but I still needed to call the cops and I didn't have a phone.
Too much drama for one week. Seriously.
I paced the living room and finally decided to go out of the apartment and call the cops before he'd have a chance to try to pick the lock.
I made it halfway down the stairs when something smacked my head.
"Where do you think you're going, little thing?" He slurred his words together and the alcohol emanated from his breath so strong I could smell it without facing him.
I continued down the stairs, but he picked up his pace behind me and met me at the bottom, near the back door. Didn't any neighbors hear the alarm? Didn't someone call the cops with this whacko out there busting her car up?
Or was I alone?
He swaggered up to me with a slanted smile on his face. I stepped back to the wall and kept my eyes on him as he looked up and down my body and licked his lips. I pictured Julia's face when her father raped her and my hands naturally curled into fists.
"Get away from me," I said. "I'm not interested in entertaining perverts."
"I didn't ask what you wanted." He put his hand on the wall, just over my head, and leaned into my face. "And with a sexy outfit like that you can't expect not to be touched."
"My outfit is no excuse for your perversions, but thanks for trying to blame me. Perfect opportunity," I whispered in a sultry voice, "to start owning your issues. Don't you think?"
I kneed him as hard as possible. He grabbed himself and stepped back. I kicked again and he lost his balance, then fell into the stairs.
Moaning, he stood back up and charged me, but he was drunk and I wasn't. When his fist rocketed toward my face I pulled his arm toward me and his own body weight shot him toward the corner of the wall.
"I am vengeance." I kicked again. "I am the night." I opened the door. "I am Batman."