River Falls: The Wolves

by Lizzie Wildblood

  He interrupts me again.

  “I know and I’m sorry. I just lost it. And you’re right, my family are crazy. But just forget about them and everyone else. Please forgive me.” He has taken hold of my hands and is gripping them in between us. Holding me place.

  “I accept your apology Logan. But it’s really not me you should be apologising to. I don’t have a black eye and split lip. You can’t just go around punching people.”

  “I know. I have issues and I’m trying to work them out, really I am. But just spend some more time with me. Just us. Like at the weekend. Get to know that I’m not like that.” He takes a step closer to me again so my face is almost touching his chest. I have to look up at him meet him eye to eye. I shake my head. I get a dull ache in my chest.

  “I don’t think I can do that Logan. I thought there would be a justifiable reason why you did what you did. I defended you. But it doesn’t make sense.” I can practically feel my heart disagreeing with my head. My body just wants be back in his arms, being held, but my head tells me that he is a predator. Dangerous. But I’m sure that’s part of the appeal to my body. Every girl wants a bad boy really, don’t they?

  “You can, please don’t say that. I would never ever hurt you. I couldn’t. Please Alexia, I just need time to show you. I know that you feel something between us. It’s there, it’s real. You can’t tell me you don’t.” He’s pleading with me, and his hands have moved to either side of my face so I have to look at him. And I can feel my heart tugging a little more.

  “I feel something that I can’t explain yes, but I don’t know you. Not really. What I do know is that this morning you got angry for no reason and hit someone. I don’t think I can take the risk that the next time it could be me.” He’s shaking his head at me and drops his hands.

  “It was for a reason, and how many times do I have to tell you, I would never hit you. It goes against everything that I am.” His words are getting louder now and he starts pacing back and forth. He runs his hands through his hair. I feel like we are breaking up, which is odd because we were never together.

  “Well what was the reason. Tell me Logan, because I don’t understand. You’ve known me a month. You don’t attack some other guy over a girl you’ve known a month! This is crazy!” My voice is raised now.

  “It’s not crazy, I promise I can explain but I can’t do it right now.” He says in a gentler tone. He’s stopped pacing and is just stood still looking straight at me. He’s moved onto the porch steps so we are at the same eye level.

  “Then you need to leave Logan. We should just go back to the way we were before this weekend.”

  Even saying the words has caused a real ache in my heart. There’s nothing dull about it this time. I can almost feel myself starting to cry. This is crazy. I shouldn’t be this affected by this conversation with him.

  I don’t understand.

  “I can’t do that Alexia.” he says walking back up the steps.

  I start walking backwards to move away but he just keeps coming, stalking towards me. Logan is the predator and I am his prey. I can feel my heart rate increasing, and what takes seconds feels like it’s taking hours. He hasn’t taken his eyes off me. He hasn’t even blinked. I can see his eyes have turned a darker shade of green than usual. I know I should be starting to panic now, but I can’t. My stomach is too busy doing somersaults and I fear my heart is about to beat out of my rib cage.

  My back touches the house. There’s no where else for me to go. Logan has continued to walk as close as he can to me and places his palms flat on the wall either side of my head. Blocking my escape.

  “Why not?” I manage to whisper, not sounding anywhere near as strong as I would have liked.

  He bends his head down and rubs his nose along my ear. He moves further down and places little kisses on my neck and back up to my ear. My body feels like it’s on fire. He moves his one hand to clasp it around the back of my neck. And touches his forehead to mine. I don’t think I can look him in the eye without exploding so I close my eyes. I’m sure he can feel me shaking. My whole body is. And it’s not with fear. I’m not sure how I’m actually still standing upright. He inhales deeply and gives a sigh of contentment.

  He moves his head to the other side of my face and places small kisses from my ear to the crook of my neck and back to my ear. He whispers.

  “Because your mine.”

  ◆◆◆

  “Alex?.........Alex?......... Alex, you ok? What are you doing sat out here?” I hear aunt Sara’s voice call from somewhere in front of me.

  What am I doing? Honestly I don’t know. I’ve moved about four feet in the last few hours since Logan left. From the wall to the swing, if I didn’t, I would have been in a heap on floor.

  ′Because your mine.....′ That’s what he said. Then he turned and walked away. And just left me standing, well leaning there. So am I ok?...... Short answer is I don’t know.

  “Um yeah thanks, I’m just getting some fresh air.” Aunt Sarah looks at me like she’s not too sure I actually am ok.

  “Well do you have something on your mind? Anything you need to talk about?” I must really not look alright if she’s asking to talk.

  “No I’m good. Thanks though.” I stand up and smile at her, trying to reassure her that I am actually am.

  “Right well do you fancy Chinese for dinner? You good to call while I take a quick shower? I smell so bad of paint.” She says with a gentle laugh while pulling her shirt up to her nose to take a smell.

  We sit at the small table while we eat our food and talk about our days. She tells me all about the big commission she’s working on. I love that she’s so passionate about it. I hope I love my career as much as that. What ever it may be. I haven’t figured it out yet. My mind however keeps drifting back to Logan. I keep thinking about what it would be like to actually kiss him. But then I remind myself that’s it’s no use fantasizing about that. He might think I’m his, but he’s not mine. And he never will be, not if his family have anything to with it, if what he’s told me is true.

  It’s times like these that I miss my mum. We never really talked about boys, but that’s only because there was never the need. I think I could have talked to her about Logan though. And Chris. She would have known what to do.

  “I’m gonna make a hot chocolate and sit outside for a while. You want one?” I ask while getting up to reach the milk from the fridge.

  “No, I’m good thanks. I’m actually going to have an early night. You don’t mind do you. I’ll be out early in the morning again. I’m sorry that we don’t really see that much of each other. But you do know if you ever needed me to talk or just take a night off earlier you only need to ask. I want to make sure that you are ok and looked after.” She comes up to stand with me at the hob and puts her hand on my shoulder.

  “I know you would do. But honestly I’m fine. You’ve done enough for me already anyway. But I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks.” I genuinely mean it. She has done enough for me. I’m not too sure what would have happened if she hadn’t taken me in. Its not like I had anywhere else I could have gone. She nods her head at me and smiles.

  “Okay well good night and I’ll hopefully see you tomorrow, night.” She grabs a glass of water and heads upstairs. I finish making my own drink, fetch the blanket off the sofa and head to the back porch. I get comfy on the sofa and start looking around me. After a few minutes of searching the tree line it occurs to me what I’m looking for.

  My wolf.

  It’s been a while since I last saw him. I know it’s pretty stupid of me to be looking for him, especially after that hiker was killed, but part of me still thinks I have just made him up.

  When my drink has finally cooled down enough to drink I take a sip and just as it touches my lips I hear a rustle of leaves, making me jump and spill some of my drink. When I’ve finished dabbing my shirt with my hands, I look up, and sat in the centre of my lawn, it’s him.

  He’s there, just watching me
with those green eyes. They actually remind me of Logan’s, maybe that’s why I like the wolf so much. I shake my head laughing at myself. The wolf stands up at the noise and starts walking closer. I hold my hand up in front of me as a signal for him to stop, now he’s actually here I realize I was pretty stupid to be sitting outside. He is a wild animal after all.

  He stops. I think my breathing stops too.

  The wolf tilts his head to the one side as if deciding whether he wants to come nearer or not. He must make up his mind and continues towards me.

  I stand up off the sofa and move down the porch step and wait at the bottom, my heart beating erratically. Again my heart and my head are at war with each other. He comes to a stop in front of me. He is more beautiful than I remember. I tentatively put out my hand out, palm facing down and the wolf moves his head so it fits underneath my hand. I quickly take my hand back and move back up the steps a little. trying to put a little distance between myself and the magnificent creature infront of me. He follows my movements and lays down at the bottom of the steps.

  “So are you a good listener?” He doesn’t move or make any indication that he understands me. not that I expected him to of course. I carry on.

  “I think I’m slightly crazy. This must be the stupidest thing I’ve done in my life. I mean I’m sat here talking to you, a wolf, who may well have killed a person a few nights ago. Although I really hope that you didn’t do that. But I’m sat here thinking that you remind me of someone. Or maybe I just can’t get them out of my head and that’s why I think you look like him. Well not that he looks like a wolf. But just his eyes and your eye colour is similar. Told you. Crazy right? ”

  He shuffles a bit closer so now his whole head is resting on the bottom step and lets out a huff.

  “So you see, there’s this guy I think I like. No I know I like him. I have this crazy attraction to him that I can’t explain, but he does look like a God, so that could explain it. But he was sort of a jerk, then he was nice and we spent a few really nice hours together, but then this morning he was back in jerk mode. He practically beat up Chris. And when I asked him why he didn’t have an answer. Well not an acceptable one anyway. ′He was touching you′ that’s what he said. I mean who hits someone for that reason. It’s not like he was hurting me. It was only Chris. He’s my friend.” I move back to the sofa, my blanket and drink. I take a couple of sips, then carry on my rant. The wolf just stays where he is, not moving, but following me with his eyes.

  “But then after school, he came to see me. He was back to nice Logan again, and he is so sexy, he knows he affects me you know, I’m sure he does. That’s why he did all that neck kissing, I mean how’s a girl meant to even concentrate on anything that’s going on when he does that. And ′because your mine’ what the hell does that mean??? Don’t get me wrong it did feel really, really good when he said it, but does he actually think that? He’s practically engaged to someone else. I’m not his. I’m not a thing that can be owned. By him or anyone. What does he think this is the eighteen hundreds? And I would’ve said so there and then if I had any feeling in my body what so ever that is.”

  I’ve gotten up from my place on the sofa and started pacing back and forth, I need to slow down and take a breath. And maybe have an actual person to talk this through with. Someone who can actually give me advice. I take my seat again and a couple of deep breaths. The wolf never once taking his eyes off me.

  “Why does he have to have someone else? I don’t understand, but it’s not like I can just come out and ask him can I? No because that makes me look like..... I don’t even know what it makes me look like. But then there’s Chris. I know he likes me. He’s made that obvious. And I do like him. But I think my attraction to Logan is stronger. He’s coming to pick me up in the morning and I really don’t know what Logan is going to do if he sees us arrive together. But it really shouldn’t matter what he thinks. We are not together. He has someone waiting for him. I can’t have him, so he just needs to get this ‘I’m his’ notion out of his head. And I need to get these attraction thoughts out of mine.”

  Feeling a new sense of pride that I have come up with my own solution I stand to my feet and start pacing again.

  “Yeah that’s it. He’s just gonna have to suck it up and be a man. He can get on with his life and I can do what I came here to do. Finish school. No guys to distract me.” A low slow growl comes from the wolf while he raises his head, making me jump, and bringing me back to the reality that there is an extra large wolf in my back yard.

  “Right I think it’s time for my rant to be over before you decide you do want to eat me. You’ve been a great help in letting me vent my feelings, so you can go now.” He sits up and looks at me while I slowly back away to the door.

  “You need to go, you can’t stay here. Go find a rabbit and not a human” To which he snorts and stares at me again. I reach the door and slowly let myself inside. He just stays in the same spot, not moving.

  I lock the door and head to bed, after going through my nightly routine and getting in bed, the last thing I hear is a howl again. It’s like a lullaby to my ears. I know it’s my wolf. Even though I left him right after he growled I still feel deep within that he wouldn’t hurt me. I don’t know what it is. It sounds strange but there’s a feeling, it’s the same one I had when I was with Logan. It made me feel safe and full. It was there again tonight with the wolf. I never had any intention of spilling my thoughts the way I did. Not that it really matters though, I mean honestly, who’s he going to tell?

  ◆◆◆

  Chris arrives right on time in the morning. I was actually a little nervous this morning when I got up thinking about what could happen when we arrive at school. But one look at his face when I get in his car and my nerves go away and my anger comes.

  His lip is still slightly swollen and very bruised and his eye, well I don’t really know how to describe it. It looks like he just did ten rounds with Rocky Balboa. And lost. It makes me think of seeing Logan yesterday though and his face was perfect. There wasn’t a blemish anywhere. But I saw Chris get a punch in.

  “Oh my God, Chris look at your face. I’m sorry. Does it hurt?” I reach out to touch his face but don’t actually make contact. I’m too scared of hurting him more. He just smiles and grabs my hand.

  “It’s fine, really. Don’t worry about it. And quit saying sorry. It wasn’t your fault. It was the douchebags fault.”

  “Ok well can you do me a favor and just stay out of his way today. Don’t do anything to rile him up.” I squeeze his hand. He looks down at our hands and smiles again.

  “But that’s my favorite thing to do” he says with a smirk.

  “I can’t believe you look like this and he doesn’t even have a mark on his ....” I get interrupted and I realize I may have just made a mistake saying what I have.

  “How do you know that he doesn’t have a mark?” He’s no longer smirking but had a very serious face and tone.

  “Alex come on, tell me you wasn’t stupid enough to meet up with him.” I can hear the anger in his voice but I know it’s not directed towards me.

  “Um, he came to see me yesterday. To apologize.” I say while looking down. I can’t seem to look him in the eye. I somehow feel guilty. Like I betrayed him. Maybe it’s just because I know he looks like that because of me.

  “I can’t believe you did that. He’s dangerous, he’s not safe.” He’s driving to school now but it’s slightly worrying me because I know his attention is not where it should be. He’s shaking his head and keeps looking at me.

  “I know, I know that now. I can see it. I told him to stay away. But just promise me you will stay away from him too. I can’t be worrying about what your doing while I’m in class.” He starts smiling again.

  “So you’ll be worried about me huh?” he asks.

  “Just promise me, ok?” I plead with him grabbing onto his arm. I have a feeling Logan isn’t going to back down easily from whatever claim he thinks he ha
s on me.

  “I’ll make you a deal, I promise to stay away from him and to not purposely rile him up, if you promise to stay away too.”

  He looks too pleased with his idea.

  “So do we have a deal or not?” He takes one hand off the steering wheel to hold it out to me to shake.

  I hold mine out to and grasp his hand. I slowly nod my head against the will and erratic beating of my heart.

  “Deal”

  Chapter Ten

  Taking What's Mine

  Ever feel like you just made a promise but you know you can’t keep it? Like back in preschool and you say ‘cross my heart and hope to die’ but your other hand is behind your back with your fingers crossed.