“Huh?” Is all I can manage to say.
“I’m not stupid and I’m not blind. Please don’t treat me like I am. So, I'll ask again, are you ok? Do you want to skip the movie?” I can see the concern on his face, and I whole-heartedly wish that it were him that made me feel the way that Logan did. Everything would be so easy. I place my hand on his cheek and tilt his face so he knows he has my attention now.
“I’m sorry. I know you’re not stupid. I’m fine now and I want to go to the movies. I’m even going to let you buy me some pop corn and candy.” I say with a smile.
“Oh you are, are you?” He says with a smirk. I nod my head, and just like that we are back to normal again. If only everything in my life went back to normal as easily as it did with Chris.
◆◆◆
Getting into Chris’s car after the movie ends, Amber comes over and gives me a hug. As she does, she whispers in my ear.
“We need to talk. I want an explanation of what the hell happened back there at Joe’s.” I nod my head. She deserves that. Maybe I can talk to her after all.
Chris is quiet on the ride home, and when he does talk its only about the film. I know he knows something happened between Logan and me, and I know he wants to ask; but he wont. He will wait for me to tell him when I’m ready.
We get to my house and we both get out in silence. I look around for my aunt’s car, but don’t see it. Which means as soon as Chris leaves I’m on my own. There’s no way I can invite him in now or ask him to stay with out him getting completely the wrong idea.
“Come here.” Is all he says and pulls me in for a big hug. Like he knows exactly what I need. I place my arms around his large frame and hold him to me.
“You would tell me if something was wrong right? If someone was bothering you?” He asks worriedly.
I don’t want to lie to him so I don’t say anything. He just holds me tighter and sighs.
“Do you need a lift in the morning?” He talks into my hair.
“Yes please” I reply nodding into his chest.
“Okay. Go on inside. Goodnight.” He follows it up with a kiss to my head.
“Goodnight Chris.”
I go inside while he is still outside and lock the door. After checking the back door is locked I go straight to my room. I go directly to the balcony and look outside.
No more flowers.
I wash and get changed into my clothes ready for bed.
Getting under my covers I hear my phone bleep with a text message.
Logan: You are mine Alexia. Please don’t ever forget that. X
Chapter Fifteen
Rejection
Crack... That’s another chip to my heart.
‘You are mine Alexia. Please don’t ever forget that. X’
I actually can’t quite believe that it’s him who has been sending me the notes and the flowers. Scaring me into believing that some crazy person was out there, just waiting for me. I didn’t want to believe that he was the type of person to do that. I guess I really don’t know him at all. At least I know that I don’t have to be scared anymore. I don’t think he would hurt me, but then again I didn’t think he would send notes and leave flowers outside my bedroom window either, so I guess I cant be too sure.
I don’t reply to his text messages. I wouldn’t know what to say anyway. What I really need to do is just put Logan completely out of my head and my life. Whatever I thought was going on with us, I got it totally wrong.
Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start.
Another one.
Chris picked me up for school the next morning and the weeks that followed fell into a sort of routine. He would give me lifts to school. I would go to my classes, eat lunch with Amber and the rest of the guys. Meet Chris after school for my lift home. Sometimes we would go out for dinner or a movie. Sometimes just the two of us and other times a group of us would go. Game nights I would go and cheer him on, but I would find myself watching someone else on the team instead. I had a few more lessons in the truck with Chris and was ready to go out by myself. Now I just needed to work up the courage to do it.
I know people assumed we were together, and it probably looked like we were. We were constantly together outside of our classes, and we arrived and left school together. Aunt Sara didn’t say anything, she would just raise her eyebrows and smile at us when we were at home together. He would try to hold my hand sometimes and I would let him, but he never tried anything else, although I knew he wanted too.
I would avoid Logan at school, he was in some of my lessons and they were the worst because it became impossible to concentrate with him sat behind me. I asked someone to switch with me so it put more distance between us, but it didn’t help. He would text me every other day just to say hello, ask how I was doing, if I would meet with him. I never replied to him.
I still got the notes and flowers, at least once a week and I just threw them away. I’ve even stopped reading them. They were all the same.
I was his.
No one else could have me.
Chris is getting too close; I should stay away from him.
He would have me soon.
Instead of scaring me now though, they got me more and more angry, and even more determined to stay away from him and to not reply to his texts.
A guy from my class asked me out once, but I turned him down politely and he was fine with it. The next day he had a black eye and a split lip, I could take a guess at where he got it. I went to ask him but he literally took one look at me and turned the other way. After that no guys apart from Chris and the guys in our small group even attempted to talk to me. To be honest I was completely fine with that, I had never liked the attention I received anyway.
However what I wasn’t fine with was the times I would see him outside school or at the coffee shop with her. It hurt me inside more than I wanted it too. Even as the weeks passed, the hurt didn’t get any less. It just got more intense.
My nights don’t get any better either. They are filled more than ever with dreams. Dreams of memories of my parents before they died. My usual nightmares about the crash; and now I have new dreams. Ones where instead of my mum and dad in the inferno its aunt Sara, Amber, Chris, sometimes Logan.
Dreams that are of wolves. Grey ones and Black ones. Friendly ones and terrifying beastly ones.
What are worse than all of those though are the other ones of Logan. Ones where he is surrounded by white flowers and grey wolves that remind me of the time I woke up to the flowers on my balcony. Another one with him in is where we are just sat by the lake or driving in his car and we are just... happy together. I feel it through all of my body. Happiness and completeness.
But then I wake up and all I feel is emptiness.
The only time that the emptiness goes away are the nights when I’m sat out on the porch and my black wolf comes. He just sits in the yard. He doesn’t come as close as he did before, not close enough for me to touch, but I know he is there and that seems to bring a calm my body. I look forward to those times and find myself sitting out there more and more just to see if he will come.
◆◆◆
Logan’s POV
Rejection isn’t something that I’ve generally had to deal with in my life; because of my wolf side I’ve always been great at sport, so I was always picked first for school sport teams. Getting girls has never been an issue for me either, although since I met Alexia there’s no one that I have even wanted to go near. I haven’t been out on a date with anyone in weeks and Tara is starting to really annoy me with her constant flirting and wont take hints. Having Caitlyn here helps to tame Tara a little though. I used to be able to handle it. I didn’t mind getting the attention from her; she is hot after all, but now I just see her as another obstacle that’s stopping me from being with Alexia.
Alexia... she is all I can think about. I can’t get her out of my head; she consumes my thoughts. But every time I see her, she is with him. Which just makes me angry. I don’t know if
they are together or not and I can’t take not knowing. I can’t believe that I smashed the doors at Joe’s. I went back to apologise the next day to him. Thankfully he is part of the pack so I didn’t have to explain how I was strong enough to do it, just an excuse as to what made me so mad. The annoying thing is, is that if I just said that it was because of my mate then my dad, Joe and everyone would understand and it wouldn’t be a problem, but because I don’t want to let them know about Alexia, they just think I lost my cool over some of the guys on the team. The only person who knows the truth is Caitlyn.
She’s my cousin.
My aunt found her mate while she was at college and she moved away to live with his pack and raise her family there so I don’t see her very often just a few times each year, but because our ages are the same I guess we have always got on and find it easy to talk through any issues we have in our lives. Usually by phone or email. I called her a few weeks ago and told her I had found my mate, and explained I was having a few problems. She knows that I wanted to go to college to play football and didn’t want to find my mate yet. She understands me beacuse she feels the same.
Two days later she showed up, I can’t thank her enough. She’s the only one that I think would be able to calm me down every time I see Alexia with Chris and I want to bite his head clean off his shoulders. Too bad however she couldn’t calm me down enough at Joe’s. But I had to talk to Alexia. It had been too long since I had spent any time with her. And I know part of that is my fault but that morning in my truck; I was so close to marking her. I almost lost control. She doesn’t even know werewolves exist, and then I go and almost claim her and take away her choice of ever choosing to love me or of ever loving anyone else. I have to know that she truly loves me and wants to spend her life with me before I mark her. But she’s sixteen, how can I even ask her to spend her life with me and only me. She hasn’t even lived.
I haven’t even lived.
It scares me. She scares me.
Scares me because I know with pure certainty that I will want her for all of my life. I want her more than any of my original plans for my life. I want to be with her more than life itself and I’m scared because I can see her slipping away from me. I can see myself pushing her further and further away and I don’t seem to be doing anything about it; because I know there are consequences that go along with choosing her and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
When she looks at me sometimes her eyes are filled with such sadness and loneliness and I almost go to her but then at other times they are filled with so much anger. Anger at me.
Rejection for me.
I know I deserve it, and that’s what keeps me away from her.
The problem is that my self-control is wearing very thin. I’m finding it more and more difficult to stay away from her. I’m texting her almost every day, just hoping that she will reply. At night I go to her in my wolf form but I hold back from getting to close. I know that as soon as she touches my thick coat I’ll shift back instantly just to be near her. I wont be able to stop myself.
Part of me thinks though that, that may not be such a bad idea. At least then she will know and won’t think I’m making it all up like a crazy psycho. She may also however be completely scared away forever.
Which is what Caitlyn thinks will happen. So far she’s made sense so I’m still trying to listen to her. I’m not too sure how long she can stay for though and I know the minute she does go, without no one to hold me back I’m going to break some of Chris’ bones and then go straight to Alexia, and I have no clue what I will actually do when I get there.
All I do know is that I cant take this rejection for much longer. It physically hurts my body. My strength is weakening. I can feel it. I need her. Body and soul, I need her by my side. Another month of this and I will gladly become Alpha and scrap any plans I have for college, if it just means I get to be with Alexia.
I have a game in two nights. I know she will be there. She always is. I can hear her shouting for him. Cheering when he makes a decent move. But I can feel her watching me, she may be shouting for Chris but I know where her eyes are. It energizes me and it gives me hope that maybe they are just friends after all. I hear everyone at school talking about them. Saying what a cute couple they make, but I also hear Alexia’s remarks saying that they are just friends and that gives me hope too. I think if she did have any real feelings for him then I would know, surely I would know. I would be able to tell.
Instead what I can tell is the way her heartbeat increases and flutters in class when I walk past her. I can tell the way she leaned into me at Joe’s. The way our bodies are pulled together when we are near. I still affect her. The mate bond is still working and she still affects me.
I need to make a decision.
Do I tell Alexia the truth and live my life as Alpha, forgetting about everything I wanted for my life, but with Alexia by my side. Which of course is if she still wants to be with me once she knows the truth.
Or do I accept the rejection from Alexia and pass up the one chance I have to be with my mate to go to college and be a normal guy who plays football and hope to one day find someone I can spend my life with. Someone who isn’t my mate.
Someone who isn’t Alexia.
◆◆◆
Alexia's POV
Saturday..... It’s been one of my favorite days recently. No school, so that means there’s less of a chance of me seeing Logan. I still don’t understand how he managed to affect me so much in such a little amount of time.
Stop thinking of him Alex.
It’s my new daily mantra. I have to tell myself constantly to stop thinking of him. It doesn’t do much good though. Unless I’m with Chris, I think of him. I can’t seem to help myself. I’m also not even sure how Chris manages to block him from my mind.
But today my plan is to just do something for me. I’m going to go into town and get a new book and then go the coffee shop so I can sit with some coffee and cake and start reading my new book. Boring I know, but that’s the plan. Well the plan for the morning anyway.
For the afternoon I’m working up the courage to confront Logan. To ask why he keeps sending the notes and the flowers. It needs to stop.
There were more flowers and a note waiting for me yesterday when I got home.
“I’ll be seeing you soon princess"
That’s all it said but it made up my mind to confront him. I think I need some sort of closure to get him out of my head. Maybe he needs some closure on me too.
I grab my jacket and comfy shoes and start my walk into town. I’m confident now that I would be able to drive, but I still haven’t left the confines of my yard while driving. I haven’t really had the need to. Chris picks me up and drops me off after school each day and on the days he has practice I get a lift with Amber.
I would walk more but there’s been another attack on a girl again, and Chris doesn’t like it when I’m out by self. His theory about it not being an animal is making more and more sense each day. Surely an animal wouldn’t pick the same type of victim each time. The police are sticking with their story though so that’s good enough for me, they are just warning to not stay out after dark. So a walk today when the sun is shining is fine and anyway it looks too beautiful not to walk. As long as I wrap up against the cold I’ll be good.
I love the smell of a bookstore. I can never quite put my finger on what the actual smell is, maybe just a mixture of the paper, the glue on the bindings, the wood from the shelves, old and new books. Whatever it is I always find it relaxing, and that was precisely what I needed this morning to prepare myself for this afternoon. I spend a few minutes just wondering aimlessly through the rows of tall shelves before I find the section that I want. A good chic lit book is what I need. One that will make me laugh, then when I turn the page it will make my cry.
I never can just buy one book at a time though and I have a stack of them in my arms while reading the blurb on the back of another. Not looking where I am going I
round the corner at the end of the aisle and walk straight into a solid chest, making me drop my books.
“I’m so sorry, I’m such a klutz,” I say as I bend down to collect my books without looking at the person I bumped into.
“No problem, I think it was probably my fault though, sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going” He has a deep attractive voice which makes me want to see the face that goes with it. His face and voice match perfectly. I didn’t know what they fed the guys in this part of the country but I honestly had never been to somewhere so small with such an abundance of hot guys.
Not as hot as Logan.... As ever my mind wanders to him and I physically shake my head gently to try and remove him from my thoughts.
River Falls: The Wolves Page 18