Worth the Wait

by Jamie Beck

  Everything in David’s body tingled with awareness. Hearing his father speak his mother’s name, today, and in reference to Vivi, stunned him.

  “What are you talking about?” He narrowed his gaze.

  “Whenever I’d comment about Vivi always being underfoot, your mother would tell me to get used to it, because one day you’d realize you loved her.” He smiled at a private memory. “Of course, I didn’t believe her. You kids were so young, and so different. I suppose she always did understand you better than I did.”

  His mother’s premonition burrowed into David’s heart, injecting it with warmth so unexpected at this occasion. She’d loved Vivi, not just for herself, but for him, too. She might have been the only person in his family who’d be truly supportive of them exploring a romantic relationship.

  He could almost hear his mother’s accented voice making the bold prediction. Tears mounted in David’s eyes, so he shook his head to clear them.

  “I guess she did know me best.”

  Suddenly a missing piece fell into place, thawing more of the ice surrounding his heart. David’s mother was dead. No one would or could replace her in his memories or heart. Now, if he could get out of his own way and risk everything, he could have someone wonderful in his life. Someone with whom he could build his own happiness—love that his mother had foreseen and sanctioned.

  His father’s choices were his own, and he’d live with the consequences—good, bad, or indifferent. David hadn’t wanted to be defined by his poor behavior during the past year, so perhaps he should stop defining his father solely by his faults. It had taken him too long, and too many mistakes, to figure out the person granting forgiveness gets the greater reward: freedom from prolonged grief.

  It was time to focus on his future.

  “I am glad you showed up today, son.”

  Vivi had been right about taking this one step, even if David still couldn’t envision a civil conversation with Janet.

  “Well, I may never like Janet.” David looked his father in the eye. “But I’ll be respectfully polite, for everyone’s sake.”

  His father’s response was halted due to Vivi and Janet’s arrival.

  “David, let’s grab our seats. I’m starving!”

  Sixty minutes later, David convinced Vivi to leave the party early. He sat beside her in the car, anxious for reasons having nothing to do with his father or Janet.

  “I’m proud of you, David. How do you feel?”

  “Glad it’s over.”

  “I’m sure.” She chuckled.

  “I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I hope things get easier for you with time.” Her eyes looked misty just before she turned and looked out the window.

  “Vivi.” He hesitated, desperately hoping she’d agree to one more favor. “Do you mind taking a detour with me?”

  “Where to?” She cocked her head.

  “I want to go home.”

  Her brows furrowed before she realized what he meant. “To your dad’s?”

  “Yes, while I know neither he nor Janet are there.”

  Vivi pressed her lips together as if she were struggling to make the right decision. “Okay. I haven’t been there since . . .” Her voice trailed off. He squeezed her hand, knowing she meant she’d not returned since his mother died. Neither had he.

  The car turned into the driveway, causing David’s heart to skip a beat. The formerly butter-yellow colonial had been repainted white. His mother’s vibrant flowerbeds had been replaced by an assortment of smart-looking shrubs and small boulders. Had these changes been made at Janet’s request, or was this his father’s handiwork?

  David drew a deep breath before exiting the car.

  “Are you sure about this, David?” Vivi asked, her eyes appearing to catalog all the changes. “I’m having second thoughts. I don’t think you’re going to feel better after this visit.”

  “I need to accept what’s happened, including all the changes. Otherwise, I can’t move forward.” He withdrew the keychain from his jacket pocket and tried the front lock. It still worked, he thought as the tumblers clicked. After stealing a quick glance at Vivi, whose wary expression matched his own, he swung the door open and stepped inside.

  The house smelled completely different than he remembered. Throughout his youth, it had always smelled like a mix of fresh herbs and his mother’s spicy perfume. Now it smelled citrusy, like a spa.

  More shocking than the new scent was the change in decor. Gone were the golds, greens, and reds of his childhood. Floral patterns and heavy drapes had been replaced with neutral shades of pale blue, gray, and cream.

  He was trying to process all the changes when he heard Vivi cluck her tongue. Her eyes were wide with disbelief. “I hate it,” she said without thinking, then slapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry!”

  Her gesture made him chuckle. “I hate it, too.” He truly did, yet he was mesmerized at the same time. “Dare we check out the kitchen?”

  Vivi nodded and followed him to the back of the house.

  “Oh my God!” Vivi’s eyes popped open wider when they entered the remodeled space.

  Gone were the cherry cabinets and copper pots. The “new and improved” kitchen contained white cabinets and whiter quartzite countertops, neither of which looked like they got much use.

  A sniffle dragged his attention away from the new flooring. Vivi was wiping a tear from her cheek. “There’s no trace of her.”

  David nodded in silence. Apparently Janet had made sure there was nothing of his mother, or of their family life together, in this house.

  He would’ve expected these sweeping changes to make him scream or cry or break something. Perhaps shock and disbelief had chased away those emotions, leaving behind a numbed sense of calm. Perhaps seeing his dad look happy at the wedding had tempered his hatred. Or perhaps he’d just grown tired of carrying around ten tons of anger.

  He looked at the new kitchen table—cold glass, of course. The cushioned chairs looked more comfortable than the wooden ones from his youth, but again, he doubted his father and Janet ate many meals at this table.

  He sat in one and tried to envision his family in this space. Impossible. Those images existed only in his memories—very happy memories. He couldn’t re-create them, but he could take steps to build new ones of his own. And those would all start and end with Vivi.

  “Sit.” He pointed at the chair across from him. Without a word, Vivi took a seat, her gaze scrutinizing every inch of the kitchen.

  So adorable.

  “I couldn’t have made it through the day, or that dinner, without you. My family owes you so much. I owe you.” He leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Do you remember this is where we met? Right here, at a table very unlike this one.” At least he hadn’t lost all sense of humor.

  “I remember.” She smiled, and he could tell she was reliving that evening, when she’d drawn his portrait and eaten a ton of Oreos.

  “I’d never met anyone like you before that day. You were this tiny, direct, eager little wisp of a girl with bright pink stripes in your hair. I could see you absorbing every detail about my family. You piqued my curiosity in a big way.” He grinned at his own memory of seeing her for the first time. And then his thoughts swiftly ran through everything from that day until this one. “My father told me something surprising tonight.”

  “What was that?” She sat upright, her round eyes fixed on his.

  “He said my mother always suspected I loved you.” He reached across the table and laced his fingers with hers. “Apparently she knew how I felt before I did.”

  Her breath caught. “What does that mean?”

  “I always knew how much I liked you, but it’s more, Vivi. So much more. I love you. I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner. Maybe I’ve buried and den
ied my feelings for all the reasons I explained in your apartment weeks ago. Maybe I’d needed to go away for a while in order to see you as a woman instead of a girl. I don’t know exactly how or what changed. All I know now is how much I love you.”

  “You do?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

  “I’m in love with you.” He stood and walked around the table to sit beside her. “I’ve thought about our night together so many times this month. I want the right to touch you, kiss you, and make love with you again.” He raised her hand to press a kiss into her palm. “I want it all back. Maybe I don’t deserve it, but please give me another chance. If you do, I’ll give you everything you said you wanted.”

  He kept hold of her hand, his heart in his throat as he waited for her response.

  “Why now?” she asked. “None of the circumstances you feared have changed.”

  “I’ve changed, Vivi. I know I haven’t given you much reason to believe me lately. I swear I’m still the person you were always able to trust in the past. Trust me again and I’ll make it worthwhile.”

  His heart thumped inside his chest. When she threaded her fingers through his hair, he groaned, shuddering with relief and pleasure. He touched her face before his lips claimed hers. He kissed her gingerly, as if she might disappear, but then she pulled back.

  “Are you really sure about this? You won’t change your mind tomorrow, or at the first sign of trouble? You’ll take the heat from Cat and Jackson?”

  “I’m sure.” He kissed the tip of her nose and let his fingertips trace her upper lip before kissing her again. “This is the happiest I’ve felt in years. And if I can say that here, standing in the childhood home I no longer recognize, after fleeing the wedding from hell, that ought to tell you something.”

  She dabbed at her misty eyes and revealed the gap-toothed smile he loved. “It doesn’t feel quite real.”

  “It is real.” He kissed her again, and this time she didn’t retreat. Electricity zipped through his veins as he pulled her onto his lap. When her body nuzzled against his, he felt himself grow hard. “Vivi.”

  “David,” she murmured in his ear as his hands cupped her breasts. His elbow hit against the glass table, reminding him of where they were.

  “Wait, not in here.” He looked around, wishing he had thought this through better. He couldn’t be with her here in his dad’s and Janet’s house, but he couldn’t wait another hour or longer to get back to the city, either. Hell. “The pool house.”

  Her eyes crinkled as she blushed.

  “No good?” he asked.

  “Oh, it’s good. Growing up, I had a lot of fantasies about you whisking me off to the pool house.” She looked up at him from beneath her lashes. “Dirty fantasies.”

  “You naughty girl. Come show me.” He pulled her out of the chair and practically ran out of the kitchen door.

  As soon as they closed the door to the pool house, David yanked her onto the sofa. “I wish we were anywhere else. Are you sure this is okay?”

  “It’s perfect. Now stop talking and make one of my old daydreams come true.” She unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants as he fumbled with her zipper. Within minutes, they were skin to skin.

  Despite his desire, he moved slowly, wanting to remember every second of this sweet surrender. Memories of making love on Block Island rushed back, adding to his anticipation. But unlike then, now he felt no doubt, no worry.

  He peppered her body with kisses, running his hands and mouth from her neck to her knees. Drawing himself up against her body, he let his finger trace the line of her jaw and then dip down to the vulnerable notch below her throat before kissing her there.

  “It’s hard to believe I’d lost all hope of ever feeling like myself again. Now I’ve never been happier.” His eyes locked on hers.

  “Me too.”

  He peered down at her with a lopsided, doubtful grin. “I hope so, because you may be stuck with me, and me alone. I’m afraid the more time we spend together, the quicker I’ll be falling off the pedestal you’ve always put me on.”

  “No more pedestals. No more girlish dreams.” She entwined her fingers with his and raised them to her lips. “We’ll take it one day at a time.”

  Everything about the moment felt sacred to him, so he held her gaze when he finally entered her. She moaned his name, and he tightened his grip on her.

  “I love you,” he said.

  “I love you more,” she replied, and kissed his neck just behind the ear.

  “No, Vivi. I love you most.”

  EPILOGUE

  Three Months Later

  Vivi rode up the elevator to David’s home, fidgeting as she wondered why he’d insisted she run over here tonight despite the fact she’d been busy writing out report cards. He’d sounded weird on the phone. If they hadn’t enjoyed the most amazing fall together, she might be worried. But the only snag they’d encountered had been Cat’s initial discomfort with their relationship.

  The lock tumbled when she turned the key, so she pushed the door open to step inside. The lights were off. Candles were lit throughout the apartment. Red paper arrows lay on the floor, which was also sprinkled with rose petals. Her hands went to her cheeks.

  She followed the arrows back toward the bedroom and noticed every fourth one had a word written across it.

  You. Own. My. Heart.

  Her body began trembling and she plastered one shaky hand to her heart before opening the bedroom door.

  David was sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed holding something in front of him.

  “What’s all this?” she asked.

  He reached out his hand to beckon her to the bed. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but she couldn’t help it. This setting was exactly the kind of schmaltzy romantic scene she’d wistfully described to David recently, after her friend had received a less-than-romantic proposal from her boyfriend.

  She crawled onto the bed and looked at the little package in front of him, but it wasn’t a ring box. Tamping down her disappointment, she picked up the scroll of paper tied with a red ribbon and held it up. The well-worn paper felt as soft as fabric and was marred by deep creases.

  “What’s this?”

  David stretched his legs out to encircle her. “Open it and see.”

  Vivi untied the ribbon and gently unrolled the delicate paper to see her own childlike handwriting staring back at her. Her cheeks heated as she recalled writing this love letter. Her heart had beat as hard when she’d hidden it in his computer case as it was beating now.

  Had he kept this letter all these years? She could barely read the note through the tears collecting in her eyes. When she came to the final lines of the letter, she read them aloud.

  “I know I’m too young now, but when I’m grown up, I’ll find a way to own your heart just the way you’ll always own mine.”

  She looked up at David, who was holding an emerald-cut diamond ring in his hand. A tiny sob escaped her throat. He reached for her left hand and slid the sparkler on her ring finger.

  “You made me a promise all those years ago, and I intend to hold you to it.” His shy smile always melted her heart. “You do own my heart, Vivi. Be my wife, so I’ll always have you with me.”

  She lunged at him, knocking him down on the bed before smothering him with kisses. “You’ll always have me, no matter what, David. I love you. I love you with all my heart.”

  “Is that a yes?”

  “Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  He rolled her onto her back and traced his fingers along her brows and nose and lips. “I love you so much it scares me.” Then he kissed her. Her last lucid thought during the ensuing hours was envisioning her soon-to-be new name in purple ink, just the way she’d scribbled it thousands of times on dozens of sheets of notebook paper since she’d first met David.

 
Vivienne St. James.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I would like to thank my husband, children, parents, brother, and friends for their continued love, encouragement, and support.

  I am grateful to my agent, Jill Marsal, as well as Helen Cattaneo and the entire Montlake family, for believing in me, and for working so hard on this story.

  I owe so much to my earliest readers—Christie Tinio, Siri Kloud, Katherine Ong, Suzanne Harrison, Tami Carstensen, and Shelley Eccleston—for their input on various drafts of this manuscript.

  I am also indebted to the wonderful members of my CTRWA chapter for their support, feedback, and guidance through the years.

  Finally, I want to thank my readers for making my work worthwhile. With so many available options, I’m honored by your choice to spend your time with me.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Photo © 2013 Lorah Haskins

  Jamie Beck is a former attorney with a passion for inventing stories about love and redemption. In addition to writing novels, she also pens articles on behalf of a local nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering youth and strengthening families. Fortunately, when she isn’t tapping away at the keyboard, she is a grateful wife and mother to a very patient, supportive family.