Reckless Rock Star (Cocky Hero Club)

by Victoria Ashley

  Once we’re alone, Madden hands me his jacket and kisses the top of my head, his lips lingering. I wait for him to say something, anything at all, but he doesn’t. It gives me anxiety as we head outside with the others.

  Seth and Walker look hungover as shit. It’s a good thing they apparently rode with Riley, who is looking perky and ready to hit the road.

  “I’m going to miss you all so much.” Jess walks around giving everyone hugs, and so do the others; all except for Alana, whose attention has been on Madden the entire time.

  Her sunglasses are on, but it’s still easy to tell she’s been crying. Now she has to live with the fact that Madden knows she cheated on him with his brother. That’s the worst betrayal of all. I’m sure she’s worried he’ll never talk to her again, and a part of me hopes he doesn’t. She doesn’t deserve his time and energy.

  After Jake whispers something in Madden’s ear, everyone goes their separate ways, him opening the door for me once we reach his truck. His eyes meet mine for a split second after I climb inside, before he shuts the door and walks away without a word.

  The silence still lingering after we drive off has me feeling even sicker, and the fact that my phone goes off multiple times with texts from Logan once we’re in an area with better service doesn’t help.

  After the sixth ding, Madden glances my way, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. “Is that my brother?”

  I nod and flip my phone over, not wanting to read his messages right now. The way I’m feeling toward him, I just can’t deal with him.

  “You’re not going to read his texts?”

  “No. I’m not interested in what he has to say right now.”

  The ride is silent for a good hour before he asks, “What if he wants to get back together? Then what?”

  I shake my head even though he’s watching the road. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to get back together. I meant what I said at the cabin.”

  “Which part?” he asks firmly.

  “Everything I said at the cabin, Madden. I meant all of it. But what about you? Maybe you said and did stuff you didn’t mean. Did you?”

  “I never say shit I don’t mean, Nat. That’s not who I am.”

  “Then why are you being so indifferent toward me?” I ask angrily. “Why sleep with me if you don’t have feelings for me? Was it only because you wanted to get back at your bro—”

  “Fuck no.” He exhales and grips the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. “Don’t say that shit, Nat. Of course, I have feelings for you. Why do you think I’m so fucked up right now and unable to act right?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you decided sleeping with me was a mistake? Or getting back at your brother for something in the past was stupid and now you regret it. I don’t fucking know, Madden. You tell me.”

  “Because I’m falling for you and I’m fucking terrified, okay.” He turns to face me, my heart sinking to my stomach from the anxiety in his eyes. “I’m terrified that after a period of time you’ll realize you’re still in love with my brother; that you only slept with me because you were angry with him. I’m fucking terrified that you’ll go back to thinking of me as the reckless rock star and realize you can’t be with me because of shit I’ve done. That’s why I’m unable to act right, Nat. Is that a good enough explanation for you?”

  I remain silent, trying to process everything he just said as I sit here. He just confessed that he’s falling for me, and I’m just as terrified as he is.

  “You don’t think I’m scared too?” I ask once we’re close to Logan’s. “That I don’t have my own fears of you realizing that you can’t be with your brother’s ex and rip my heart out? Huh?” I become angry just thinking about it. “Or that you’ll realize you’re still in love with Alana just like you always have been? I’m scared too.”

  “That won’t happen.” He pulls up in front of my car and shifts his truck into park. “I’m over Alana. That’s the one thing I’m sure of, but Alana and I haven’t been together in a long time. You and Logan are fresh, and until I know that you’re sure about us, I think I should stay away. As much as I fucking hate it, and trust me, I do, I think you need time to figure things out without me in the picture as a distraction. I can’t take getting my heart broken again, especially when it comes to you. After this trip, I know I wouldn’t survive.”

  “I already told you what I want, Madden. What more do you want from me? What do I have to do to prove to you that I want you? I wouldn’t have slept with you otherwise. Tell me,” I say, my voice fading to a whisper, my exhaustion getting the best of me.

  “I need to know that in a week or two you won’t regret what happened between us during this trip. That you won’t go running back to my brother. And in order to ensure that, we need time.” His words come out pained and it breaks my heart. “I’m sorry, Nat.”

  “Fine. If time is what you want, then that’s what you’ll get. Enjoy your life as a single rock star. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of women to pass the time. Maybe it’s best we part ways now so neither of us get hurt. Have a great fucking life, Madden.”

  I hop out of his truck and slam the door behind me, hurrying to grab my suitcase. I shouldn’t have said it, knowing I didn’t mean any of it, but he’s not playing fair. I’m in the middle of trying to pull it over the bed of the truck when Madden reaches over me to help.

  “No! Don’t. Just leave me the fuck alone.”

  “Nat, please don’t get angry,” he pleads when I put my hand out, putting space between us. “It’s not what you think. I don’t want to leave shit this way.”

  “That’s too bad, because I’m done talking.” I yank my car door open and toss the suitcase into the back, before jumping inside and quickly starting the engine. When I reach for my seatbelt, I notice Madden reaching for the door handle, so I lock it. I’m hurt and thinking irrationally right now. I know I need to calm down, but I’m too far into my emotions to stop my actions at this point.

  I shove my foot against the gas as I peel out of my parking spot, glancing into the rearview mirror when I drop it into drive. Leaving Madden standing with his hands in his hair, I drive away, my heart shattering as I watch him through the rearview mirror until he disappears.

  He wants time apart. Time apart is what he’ll get. No matter just how much it hurts me. And it does. It hurts so much more than walking away from Logan—a man I’ve been with for two years. It’s not Logan who’s left me broken, it’s his brother—Madden—the heartbreaking rock star.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  NATALIE

  I’ve been lying here staring at the ceiling for I don’t know how long when the door opens and Kayla steps inside. I don’t need to look at her to see the pity on her face. She’s had that same look since I returned to work six days ago.

  “What are you doing in here, honey?” She gently closes the door behind her, as if too much noise is going to set me off or something. “You’ve been in this room for over an hour. Are you sure you can handle being at work right now? I’m sure we could get someone to cover your shift for a few days.”

  “What?” I question, barely listening to her.

  Truth is, I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything since leaving the cabin. All I can think about is how Madden has probably gone back to his usual business, partying and having fun without even a thought of me. I doubt I’ve even crossed his mind. When this all started, I wasn’t necessarily happy but was fine. He was miserable. He got what he wanted. He’s finally over his ex, and in the end, I’m the one that ended up hurt.

  “You need to take some time off work to clear your head. It’s okay to need a mental break after all that went down.” She walks over to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’ll talk to—”

  “I’m fine.” I sit up and force a straight face, even though it feels like my insides are being crushed. “I’m fine, Kayla. I’ll be down in a few. I’ve gotta fix
the TV first.”

  “Is that what you came in here to do?” she asks cautiously. “Because I can take care of it if you’re not in the right mind frame.”

  “I said I’m fine,” I say a little too snippy. I’m not fine. I’m anything but fine, but if I admit that out loud, I’m afraid I won’t be able to ever get over this crushing feeling, and I don’t want to feel another second of this pain. “I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t do my job, Kayla. I’ll handle it.”

  “All right. I’ll be around if you need me.” She stands and walks out the door without another word, and I can’t help but feel guilty for being such a bitch to her. I’ve been trying so hard not to take it out on her or anyone else around me, but the more time that passes without a word from Madden, the closer I feel to exploding. I’ve never felt this crushing weight on my chest before and it’s breaking me.

  Running my hands over my face, I lay back down and close my eyes. Why the fuck did I agree to that trip to begin with? I must’ve asked myself that a hundred times now, and every single time I come up with the same answer: Madden Parker.

  I went knowing I’d have to get close to him. I knew we’d have to kiss, and I also knew there was a slight possibility I’d fall for him in the end, yet I still went, because I didn’t want to see him hurt anymore. I wanted to be the end of his pain, and by the time it was all over, he ended up being the beginning of mine.

  Not only has Madden been ignoring my calls since Tuesday, but also, Logan has been texting nonstop apologizing to me about sleeping with Alana, as if it’s me he should be making it up to. Him being sorry for hurting Madden isn’t going to get me back. It’s not going to change the way I look at him now that I’ve learned the truth. He hid a huge part of himself from me.

  Six days was all it took for my entire world to fall apart around me, and I blame Logan for that. If it weren’t for him, his brother would’ve never spiraled down a dark road and needed me to save him. And if Madden didn’t need my help, I never would’ve fallen for him and gotten tossed aside. I hate him right now. I know that feeling will change, but not yet; not today, and probably not next week or the week after.

  I finally sit back up and take care of the problem I came in here over an hour ago to fix. Then I plaster on the best content expression I can muster up to get me through the rest of this day.

  “Sorry it took so long to get here.” Carla says, shutting my apartment door behind her. She looks me over, before handing me a bottle of Disaronno and a slice of cheesecake. “Figured you could use this right now.”

  “Thanks.” I plop down on my couch and grab one of the empty glasses from the end table to my left, handing her one. “You really didn’t have to come here on your only day off and join me in my pity party. Like I said over the phone, I’m fine.”

  “It’s okay not to be okay, Natalie.” She holds her glass out for me to pour her some amaretto. “Shit, you just broke up with your boyfriend of two years, fell for his brother, and then lost him too. This is Madden Parker we’re talking about here, babe. I know for a fact you’re not fine.”

  “Maybe not,” I admit. “But I will be. It’s only been days. I’ve heard it takes what…” I tilt back my drink. “Years? I can survive that long. Or at least do my best. Which is what I’ve been doing since I got home.”

  “Babe, you haven’t left your house other than to work. And don’t think I haven’t heard from Kayla about you disappearing at the hotel for hours at a time.” She stops to take a sip of her drink, before continuing. “Do you know where he is?”

  I shake my head, my heart sinking to my stomach. “Not at Logan’s. That’s about all I know.”

  “Do you want to know?” She stares at me, waiting for an answer I’m not sure I want to give.

  “I don’t want to know,” I rush out before I can think on it too hard. “I can’t think about what he’s doing. All those girls… I can’t handle that. The thought of him going back to his old lifestyle kills me. It literally makes it hard to breathe.”

  “Do you honestly think that Madden is with other girls right now, partying away as if you don’t exist after what you two went through?” She shakes her head and sets her glass down. “Girl, you haven’t seen the way that boy loves. When he loves, he gives his all. He’s one hundred percent committed.”

  “What makes you think he loves me?”

  She’s quiet for a moment. “Because he had sex with you sober, babe. The moment you told me that the other night, I knew he was in love with you. You’re the first and only girl since his ex. Trust me, he’s not hooking up in a hotel room with some random girl right now.”

  The words ‘hooking up’ and ‘hotel room’ make me feel sick to my stomach as I think back to all the photos of him leaving with random girls in the past. “I wish I could believe that. I really do. But even if so, he shut things down. He told me we needed time and now he’s ignoring me. He didn’t even give me a choice, Carla.”

  “That was him trying to protect you, Nat.” Her using Madden’s nickname for me has me setting my glass aside, my stomach hurting too much to drink any more. “You were his brother’s girlfriend for two years. He probably knew you’d feel guilty for hurting Logan and wanted to give you the proper chance to figure out if you made a mistake breaking it off with him. It’s a sticky situation. What would’ve happened had you two left together and then a week down the road you decided it was a mistake to leave Logan for his brother? That you couldn’t handle his lifestyle. Or that you just simply didn’t love him and walked away?”

  “It would’ve been bad,” I whisper.

  “Worse. It would’ve been devastating for both of you. This is the time for you to think extra hard and figure shit out. Go talk to Logan. See if living without him is something you can really do.”

  “I can,” I whisper, staring at the photo of us on the wall, before I stand and take it down, tossing it into the box with the rest of Logan’s things. “But can Madden live without him is the true question. Because he might very well have to if I end up switching teams.”

  “That’s something the boys need to work out, babe. Logan hurt Madden first. I think he owes Madden a real chance at true love again. If Logan doesn’t see that and support his brother, then he’s an asshole. And an asshole isn’t what I see when I look at him. He’s just someone who made a mistake and needs to make it up to his brother. I think he will. Logan is a good guy.”

  “Do you truly believe that, Carla?” I swallow, my chest aching, because I want to believe it too. I want to believe that Logan would give Madden that chance if he chose it. “That Logan is a good guy after what he did to his brother in the first place? He didn’t give a shit about hurting him in the past, so what makes you think he’d step back now and allow him to be happy with me if that’s what he chose?”

  She grabs my face, a slight smile playing on hers. “Because that’s what he told me last night at the bar. You didn’t think that you and Madden were the only two stopping in from time to time for advice, did you?” She shakes her head. “Are you absolutely positive that Madden is what you want?”

  “Without a doubt,” I whisper. “He’s all I can think about. It hurts so bad being without him. I’ve never felt that crushing pain before in my entire life; not even when Abel cheated on me, and you know how badly that hurt me.”

  She nods. “Your high school sweetheart. He hurt you really bad. I remember how hard that made trusting Logan in the first place. Just remember how long it took for you to fall for Logan. It took what… six months before you said you loved him?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper. “And even then, I was terrified I was making a mistake.”

  “You spent what, a week with Madden, and you’re so fucking sure you love him that you can barely function without him.” She stands and pulls me to my feet. “Go after him, Nat.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Of what, babe?”

  “That he doesn’t feel the same way. I’m fucking terrified, Carla. I don’t th
ink I can handle knowing the truth if that’s the case. I can’t.”

  “You’ll never know how he feels unless you find him and tell him the truth. Do you really think you can live with that?”

  I think on it for a second, already knowing the answer. “I need info on the band.” I swallow, my heart racing at the idea of seeing him. “Think you can do that for me?”

  She joins me in the kitchen, where I’m tossing dirty dishes into the sink. “Of course, babe. I’ll text the band and let you know what I find out.”

  Carla has been gone for a while now, and I can’t sleep, because all I can do is stare at my phone. Every five minutes I pick it up and look, as if a message from Carla with an address will pop up any minute. After hours of struggling to sleep, I grab my phone and walk outside on the patio.

  There’s something I need to do before going after Madden. I’m not sure Logan deserves a conversation after what he did, but I need to know for Madden’s sake that he won’t lose his brother.

  I don’t know if Madden will say yes or what I’m even going to ask him, but I’m willing to take a risk when it comes to him. Carla is right. If I don’t at least let him know how I feel, I won’t be able to live with that.

  I’m going after the man I love. Screw my job, my ex, and everything standing in my way. It’s time for me to be the reckless one.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  MADDEN

  My chest hurts, the tightness in it making me feel as if I’m suffocating. It’s been this way for over a week now, the constricting feeling growing more with each day I’m away from Natalie.

  We might’ve gone to the cabin pretending she was mine, but by the end, that’s what she was to me: mine. At least, that’s what I let myself believe toward the end. And those last nights together, with her in my arms, were the best I’ve had in a long time. For the first time in years I was truly happy and felt whole inside.