Live Again

by Brittney Mulliner

  The silence was broken once I put the car in park. “Who kicked your puppy?”

  Snapping my head toward her, I saw her concern.

  “Seriously? What’s wrong? Yesterday you were floating around on cloud nine but now you’re . . . well, this.” She waved her hand up and down in front of me with an air of disgust. “You could have at least tried some concealer on those bags. How long were you up crying?”

  I pulled down the visor to check how bad it was. I hadn’t bothered this morning with makeup, or brushing my hair for that matter, but I didn’t think anyone would notice. She handed me a compact, which I accepted gratefully. As I dabbed powder under my eyes, I could feel her eyes drilling into me.

  “Your first official day as Bay View’s new power couple, and you show up looking like you just got dumped . . . Did you?”

  “No.” My voice came out as barely a whisper.

  “Then why do you look like you’ve suddenly given up? Is this what Mike gets after weeks of chasing you?”

  It felt strange that this was something that truly mattered to her. Some crazy person was still out there watching me, dance competitions started this weekend, and my heart was one twisted mess, yet I was supposed to pull myself together for appearance’s sake? Mike could only be seen with the pretty, put-together version of me? Marilyn Monroe said it best: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

  After focusing for a few seconds on calming my emotions I turned to her. “No, Mckayla. This is who I am when I have a bad night. I can’t be perfect all the time.”

  Her face softened until she sighed. “That’s not what I meant to say. I’m just worried about you. Actually, I’m worried about you all the time, but seeing you like this is a red flag. What’s going on?”

  “I just had a bad night.”

  “You said that already, but it doesn’t answer my questions. You could have post-sobfest eyes for a number of reasons. Favorite show got canceled, you stubbed your toe, you talked to your mother . . . anything, really.”

  I tried to laugh at her attempt at humor, but it turned into a huff. I contemplated telling her about Carter, but I didn’t want her to judge me for having feelings for my older brother’s best friend who was not my current boyfriend. It sounded even worse when I thought of it that way. What was wrong with me?

  “It was just something I had to get out of my system. I’m over it now.” I checked the mirror one more time and confirmed that I looked only slightly better before handing her compact back to her. “Let’s go meet everyone before class starts.”

  Reaching behind her to get my bag, I snuck a look at her and caught the disappointed look on her face. I wished she would understand that I shared all of the important stuff with her, but this was too personal. Judging myself was enough; I didn’t need others weighing in.

  She silently followed me to the quad where our friends were already sitting. Mike saw me and jumped up from the table. Wrapping me in his arms, he squeezed me in a hug that turned out to be exactly what I needed.

  I snuggled into him and enjoyed the feeling that was exclusively Mike. He was my Polynesian god, my protector, and now my boyfriend. When I was with him, things felt perfect. Maybe if I could manage to spend all my time with him, the feelings of heartbreak and emptiness would disappear for good. With him, I didn’t notice the absence of Carter. He was enough to fill the cracks and make me feel wanted.

  I smiled up at him and caught him staring at me.

  “Good morning, gorgeous. Miss me?”

  “Yeah, Mike. I really did.” The words felt true, but I knew there were conflicting thoughts floating around the edges of my conscious that would move in when he was gone.

  “Here, I brought my letterman’s for you to wear.”

  He lifted his backpack from table and revealed the jacket decked out in the school colors, navy and yellow. His name was embroidered on the back for the whole school to see who had claim over me. I knew it was tradition for girls to wear their boyfriend’s jackets, in the fifties. I hurriedly put on a smile and pretended like I didn’t feel like he just branded me like a cow.

  I pulled out my hair, which had gotten trapped when Mike put the jacket on me, and grabbed my bag as the bell rang and people began dispersing.

  “Come on, babe.” He held out his hand and I accepted, knowing this was the final signal that cemented our relationship status. I was now one half of a whole.

  Once we were seated, he leaned forward and whispered into my ear. “So can you make it to practice today?” It took a few seconds for his words to make sense.

  I turned in my chair to face him. “I have team practice tonight. We’ve got our first competition this weekend, so I’ll be at the studio every day this week.”

  “Really? That sucks. I need my cheerleader there.” He winked and opened the door to our class before gesturing for me to enter.

  “Maybe after competitions are over I’ll have a free afternoon, but I probably won’t be able to come anytime soon.”

  “Well, can you at least come to the spring games?”

  “It just depends on when they are. I’ll try, though. Are you going to make it to my competition this weekend? It’s the first time I’m performing my solo.”

  “I’m going paintballing with the guys, so I’ll probably miss this one.”

  The bell to start class saved me from saying something I’d regret later. He expected me to skip dance practice right before a competition to watch him as his, yet he wasn’t even planning on coming to my first big show. Because of paintball. Did he not see how unfair that was?

  I slid down in my seat and tried with little success to take notes. Mr. Cox, a creature of habit, took up less than half of the class time with his lecture before releasing us to start on the assignment. I jumped up and grabbed the bathroom pass before Mike had a chance to scoot his desk forward. I needed to get away from him.

  As I opened the door at the end of the hall and stepped into the quad, I almost ran directly into Gage. With one look at me, he gathered me in his arms and gave me what I needed: a moment of comfort without judgment or questions. He wasn’t the one I necessarily wanted it from, but it was much better than dealing with Mike.

  Gage gave me a final squeeze before stepping back and holding on to my shoulders. “You look pretty down for someone who’s half of the school’s new favorite couple.”

  I dropped my gaze and gave a cowardly shrug.

  “Well, I have office aid this period, so I am free to walk around for a few minutes if you want to join me. No talking necessary.”

  I reluctantly followed him away from my class and the restrooms I had been planning on hiding in. He was true to his word and simply led me around for a few minutes, but I could feel his gaze falling on me.

  Eventually, I spoke up. “I like your shoes.”

  His head shot down, then immediately locked eyes with me. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure they went with this outfit, but then I remembered I didn’t care.” He posed with his hands on his hips and one foot pointed, showing off the suede shoes.

  I laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. “They’re adorable.”

  He studied my face, causing me to flush. “I haven’t heard you laugh in a while.”

  “Really?” Things had been crazy lately, but I hadn’t realized it showed.

  “Yeah. I mean, I’m sure you have. I just haven’t heard it. Seems like forever since you invited yourself to have a smoothie with me and force me to like you. I miss that girl.”

  The ache in my chest deepened. Maybe I had lost a part of myself over the past few weeks, but I had so much on my mind. Between a new stalker and dance and a broken heart, I had more on my mind than making friends and hanging out.

  ☼ ☼ ☼

  I felt like cheering when the final bell rang, releasing me from the burden of pretending to be interested in anything that was discussed today. If there had been a pop quiz and the only question wa
s to write one note from any of my classes, I would have failed. In the classes that I could pull it off, I had listened to my solo music, practicing over and over again in my head. Since I couldn’t be in the studio in person until after school, I’d mentally checked out and disappeared into my paradise.

  Mike caught up to me just as the parking lot came into view. Pulling myself together, I smiled at him as I continued walking.

  “Hey, you got out fast. I was looking for you by your class, but someone told me you had booked it out of there.” He laughed and gave me an opportunity to deny it, but I just nodded along. “You’ve been quiet all day. Is there something going on?”

  He was just now catching on. At lunch he had sat next to me with an arm resting across my shoulders, but his friends had kept his attention.

  “I’ve just been focusing on my routine. Trying to pump myself up for this weekend.” Keeping his focus on sports should stop him from digging deeper.

  “Don’t sweat it. You’ll be great. I mean, it’s just dance, if you mess up just make something up. It’s not like you have to complete a pass or remember a playbook.”

  My breathing stopped. Counting to ten was not enough. I gave up and closed my eyes, trying to push everything out of my head. “You’re right. It’s nothing like football. If I mess up, I’m alone on a stage representing my entire team and the studio. No pressure! I can just come up with something on the fly.”

  “That’s right, babe.” Evidently he missed the sarcasm dripping from my words.

  Clenching my fists proved to only leave nail marks on my palms and no sense of release. I was ready to turn and correct him, when I realized he had stopped walking. He was staring straight ahead with a look that could kill. I turned to follow his line of sight and finally saw my car.

  Pictures were covering every exterior surface. Pictures of Mike and I kissing yesterday, both before and after Chemistry; pictures of me in my room crying on the floor; pictures of me walking with Gage just this morning. Written in red paint on the hood of my trunk were the words, “I already told you once. You are mine.”

  Suddenly Mckayla grabbed my arm and turned me. “Aubrey! Are you okay? I called Brandon and he’s on his way.”

  I didn’t know why she was yelling until I looked around and realized a crowd had formed around my car. My head was in a daze, so I focused on her. She had things under control. Brandon was coming.

  Repeating the facts to myself, I tried to find a clue or a reason behind this. Someone had taken pictures of me at school. That could have been anyone, student or teacher. Someone had access to my room and my computer; I knew that from the angle of the picture of me on the floor. Someone had vandalized my car. Who had reason enough to torture me this way? Who had I wronged so horribly that I deserved this? I didn’t even really know anyone here well enough to have true enemies. None of this made sense.

  Most of the crowd dispersed when nothing else interesting happened. My head was swimming by the time Brandon pulled up and parked next to my car. I heard him swear as he walked around my car, seeing the evidence for himself.

  “Aubrey, you need to call your coaches and let them know you’re missing today. I called the detectives over the cases on my way over, so they should be here soon.”

  I nodded but made no move to follow his order. Mckayla had her phone in her hands and gave me a sad smile before typing. “I’ll ask Cassie to let them know. You can call them yourself later.”

  Her tone snapped something inside me. She was talking to me as if I might crumble at any moment. Granted, all day I’d been walking around like a basket case, but I wasn’t a weak person. I’d let things go too far for too long with Morgan, and I wasn’t going to do that again. I’d learned my lesson about letting things happen to me without fighting back.

  “Brandon, can we have the detectives look at the footage from the campus cameras from yesterday and today? I know where I was in these pictures. Maybe we can see who took them.”

  He seemed shocked to hear me speak. I guess after my performance last night he expected me to be in a ball on the ground again. Well, there was a huge difference between the pain of a broken heart and being terrorized by a coward. I could put a stop to the second one.

  “We also need to have someone look at my laptop. I think someone hacked in and has access to the camera.”

  He looked over the pictures on my car. “You think this was taken from your computer?”

  “Judging by the angle, yeah, I do. There’s nothing else on my desk, so it’s not like something could have been planted without me seeing it.”

  He seemed to be considering this. “That’s a good point. Nice catch. I’ll take your laptop into my office and have someone look into it.”

  “Can we get someone here to take care of this paint before it ruins the car? It’s still wet, so maybe it can be whipped off. I know the detectives will want pictures, but after that I want to get it taken care of fast.”

  “Yeah, I’ll call the guy that comes by the office and details the cars in the parking lot.”

  He turned away from me and began working on his phone. It was only a few baby steps, but taking action against this monster made me feel powerful. I wasn’t going to fall apart this time.

  I turned around, looking for Mckayla, and spotted her standing with Mike. I had completely forgotten about him the second I’d seen my car. From the look on his face, he was as furious as I was about this.

  Brandon was absorbed with his phone, so I walked over to them.

  “I swear I’m going to find out who’s doing this to you, Aubrey.”

  I fought the urge to shake my head. Of course he would want to come in and play hero and fix everything in one swift movement. As if my brother and I were doing nothing to figure this out. “Thanks, Mike. The detectives should be here in a few, but there’s nothing we can do right now. You should go to practice.”

  “I can’t think about practice when my girlfriend was just threatened!”

  “I appreciate that, but Brandon is here and Mckayla won’t leave my side. I don’t want you getting in trouble because of me.”

  He begrudgingly agreed and left after a quick kiss.

  Chapter 16

  Despite how quickly we cleaned up my car before Brandon drove it home, the damage had already been done. My secret was out, and I could feel it the minute we reached the parking lot the next day. I sensed Mckayla tense and knew she could feel the change, too. On every other day, the crowds in front of the school and on the lawn would be dispersed and lost in their own worlds, but today it seemed they were all focused on this area. Mike’s truck was parked next to our empty spot, but he and his usual posse were missing.

  Mckayla pulled into our normal spot and slumped in her seat. “We can leave now if you want.”

  Her focus was on the population of our school. Half were blatantly staring at her car, while the other half pretended they weren’t doing the same thing. It was eerie, like we had entered a bad zombie movie and we were the only remaining humans with brains.

  “We can’t ditch every day. Brandon and your mom would catch on eventually.”

  “Duh. I just don’t think they would mind you skipping today . . . all things considered.”

  My eyes followed a group of freshman girls as they walked in front of our car, whispering behind their hands. Very clever. Cover your mouths but stare right at me.

  “We would have the beach to ourselves.”

  “Would that make me a coward?”

  “Only a little, but you’d be a coward with a tan.”

  My lips twitched as I willed myself not to smile. Dang her. “I have to face this. Otherwise, the psycho wins.”

  She nodded in response and opened her door. “Let’s gather the troops, then. You’re not allowed to be alone for even a second today.”

  I followed her lead, slowly getting out of the car, and met her in front before we made our way across the lawn to our table. “Brandon’s orders?”

  “His
, and Mike called me. Also, my mom and dad told me. Oh, Carter threatened me via text, too.”

  I cringed at Carter’s name. What right did he have to get involved? “Fine. I’m sure they have a drone following me, too.”

  The mystery of Mike’s absence was answered as soon as we got to the quad. He was standing in front of what looked like the entire football team and a handful of other large guys.

  “ . . . Does everyone understand?” The group was listening to him intently and nodded like trained dogs. “Good. If anything happens on your watch, I’m taking it out on you at practice.”

  There was a collective groan as Mike turned around and saw us walking up.

  “Hey, beautiful.” I almost laughed at how his voice had changed. One second ago he sounded like a seasoned drill sergeant; now his voice is soft and light.

  I walked into his open arms and relaxed into his hug. Resting my head against his built chest made me feel safe for the first time since seeing my car the day before. He seemed to sense something was wrong, since he allowed me to snuggle against him while running his hand over my hair rather than pushing me to talk.

  I felt his breath on my neck when he moved his head down. “It’s going to be okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

  I nodded once against his chest.

  “I’ve talked to the guys, and we set up a plan so a few of them are always around if you ever need help.”

  I stepped back and looked up at his eyes. The concern was obvious, and worry streaked his face. Guilt flitted through me. It wasn’t his responsibility to protect me—not to this point, at least. “Thank you. Do you have a magic solution to make people stop staring?”

  He rolled his eyes. “They always stare at you. You’re beautiful and popular. It’s just a part of the job description.”

  “This is different. Everyone is looking at me like I’m a freak. The whole school knows I have a stalker now.”