Dangerous to Know & Love

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  He rubbed his face.

  “Shit, you’re making this hard.”

  “Am I making you hard?”

  Her voice came out in a sultry, slutty purr that bore no resemblance to her usual voice whatsoever. It was like having an out-of-body experience, watching some vixen trying to seduce him. She had no idea where those words had come from.

  Daniel raised his eyebrows, and a slow grin stretched across his face.

  “I can’t believe you said that, Lis. Should I be scared?”

  “Yes,” she said, in a low voice.

  The grin dropped from his face, and he looked so surprised that Lisanne almost laughed.

  For a moment she thought she was going to get her way after all, but after taking a deep breath, he swung his legs off of the bed and stood up.

  “What?” Lisanne was startled. “Where are you going?”

  “Come on,” he said, holding out his hand. “Let’s get out of here, because if we stay, I’m gonna end up fucking you every which way.”

  Why did his dirty words sound so erotic?

  “Would that be a bad thing?” she said, in a small voice.

  “No,” he said, sighing and rubbing his face again. “But right now I want to take my girl out. Besides, I could do with a shower and a shave, and a night sleeping in a comfortable bed.”

  Something fluttered in Lisanne’s chest, and she only heard the first of the two sentences.

  “Your girl?”

  He frowned.

  “What? Yeah, if you want.”

  Lisanne remembered Kirsty’s words, as she stared at him doubtfully.

  “So, is this like a date?”

  “Um, yeah?”

  He didn’t sound sure, and Lisanne’s fluttering heart stuttered softly to a halt.

  “Are you sleeping with anyone else?” she said, needing to know despite herself.

  When she saw the look on his face, she could have willingly yanked out her own tongue and used it for fish food.

  “What the fuck, Lis? You really think I’m that big of a jerk!”

  His eyes were dark with anger and hurt.

  She’d done it again.

  “Daniel, I’m sorry! I just… shit, can we just erase the last two minutes? Please?”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets and glowered at her.

  “No,” he snarled. “I’m not sleeping with anyone. I’m not fucking anyone. At all.”

  She cringed at his tone and his words. From somewhere inside, she called on the strength to be honest – to say it straight.

  “I just… I just don’t think I could share you,” she sniffed, her eyes filling with tears.

  His face softened at once, and he pulled her toward him.

  “Sorry, baby,” he breathed into her hair. “I’m shit at this whole boyfriend thing. Fuck, can we get out of here? I need a smoke.”

  Lisanne gave a wobbly smile, and forced back the tears that were still threatening.

  “Where do you want to go?”

  He shrugged.

  “Anywhere you like? You wanna get something to eat? I’m starving. The food in jail sucked ass.”

  “Um, well,” said Lisanne, hesitantly, “Kirsty was meeting Vin and some of his friends: we could meet up with them if you like?”

  Daniel looked down and frowned.

  “I don’t think so, Lis. Groups are really hard for me. I… I can’t join in conversations that easily.”

  “Just try it,” she said, encouragingly.

  “No, really. It’s too hard. I mean, it’s bad enough with just one person. I have to guess half the time. I mean, understanding what someone is saying is only 40% about the lip reading – the rest is body language and context. Sometimes it can be a goddamn nightmare.”

  “But I thought… I mean, you do it so well.”

  “Because I don’t want… I don’t want anyone to know. But seriously, Lis, have you any idea how easy it is to mix up ‘where there’s life, there’s hope’, with ‘where’s the lavender soap’?”

  Lisanne wasn’t sure whether or not it would be appropriate to giggle. She stood there with her face frozen.

  “And ‘elephant shoes’ looks like ‘I love you’, which could be really fucking embarrassing. And people get freaked out when I stare at their faces all the time. I mean, I can read you because I’ve gotten to know you pretty well, but new people… and anyone with a strong accent – I’m totally screwed.”

  Lisanne realized that Daniel was starting to sound slightly panicky. It was upsetting to see him anxious when he was usually so in control.

  She laid her hand on his cheek to calm him

  “They’ve gone to that new Mexican restaurant. There won’t be that many of them. If you don’t like it, we’ll just stay for one drink and go.”

  Daniel took a deep breath, purposefully trying to slow his racing heart.

  “No way anyone will believe you’re 21 even with fake ID,” he said, shifting uncomfortably, playing for time.

  “Probably not,” she said with a smirk, “but they serve virgin cocktails.”

  He grinned at her, and she saw his body relax a little.

  “Yeah?”

  “Besides,” she said, continuing to stroke his face, “we can always ignore everyone and just make out.”

  Suddenly, he grabbed Lisanne by her hips and pushed her up against the door so her head thudded softly against the wood.

  And then he kissed her until she thought she was going to pass out.

  “W-what was that for?” she gasped.

  “Just ‘cause,” Daniel replied, equally breathlessly.

  Chapter 8

  Daniel pulled up outside the Mexican restaurant, staring through the window at the bright room and people beyond the plate glass. But he didn’t cut the engine. From the soles of his boots to the roots of his hair, his whole body was urging him to get the hell out of there. His heart was thundering so hard, it was nearly pounding out of his chest.

  He’d spent the last three years avoiding exactly this sort of situation. It was different with Roy and the guys. They’d all been around as he’d started to lose his hearing. They knew his limitations and how to adjust their behavior around him. But here, none of them knew. Which was just how he’d set it up – except he’d never intended to spend much time mixing with other students from school. It was tiring enough just going to lectures and lip reading that shit for nearly an hour at a time. He hadn’t even told Lisanne that he was so fucked by the end of a school day that he mostly just went home and slept.

  Now she was asking him to break all his carefully constructed rules. He was out of his depth – and he was fucking terrified.

  He felt her small hand rub his arm, soothing him, as if she understood how he felt. Slowly, he pulled off his helmet so he could speak to her.

  “I don’t think this is such a good idea, Lis.”

  She scrambled off the bike and pulled his face around, so he had to look at her.

  “Five minutes,” she said. “And if you want to go, just say, ‘elephant shoes’.”

  He snorted in amusement. “‘Elephant shoes’, huh?”

  She nodded and gave him a small smile.

  He pulled out a smoke and lit it hurriedly, inhaling deeply, trying to calm himself the fuck down. Then he tossed it to the sidewalk and took a deep breath.

  “Fuck it,” he said. “Let’s do it.”

  The restaurant wasn’t crowded, and perhaps only half the tables were being used.

  The hostess walked over briskly, a hungry expression on her face that Lisanne had come to recognize all too well when women looked at Daniel. At her boyfriend.

  “Table for two?” asked the woman, checking him out as she spoke.

  “No, that’s okay, thanks,” answered Lisanne. “We’ll be joining our friends.”

  Her head turned as she heard Kirsty’s laugh right across the room. She was with a group of five people sitting around a circular table.

  Lisanne took Daniel’s hand
, looking up at him and smiling. His face looked rather tense, his jaw clenched tightly, but he tried to smile at her.

  “Okay?” she said, softly. “Five minutes – that’s all.”

  He nodded stiffly, then followed her across the restaurant.

  “Hi!” said Lisanne brightly, inwardly cringing at the way her nerves made her sound like a game show contestant.

  Kirsty’s jaw dropped in surprise, but she recovered quickly.

  “Yay! You came! Everyone – this is my roommate Lisanne. And this is her… this is Daniel.”

  Lisanne was relieved to see that Shawna wasn’t there. As Kirsty had said, it was all Vin’s friends.

  “Hey, good to see you again, Lisanne,” smiled Vin. “Daniel,” he said, standing up and holding out his hand.

  Lisanne discreetly nudged Daniel in the ribs, and the two men shook hands, quickly doing the guy head nod thing and sizing each other up.

  Vin introduced the others, who were all from his fraternity.

  It was slightly awkward for a moment, then the conversation resumed more naturally.

  Kirsty scooted over so Lisanne and Daniel could sit down in the booth.

  Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on her fluctuating point of view at any given moment, Lisanne was sitting next to Daniel. It meant she could hold his hand and feel the warmth of his body next to hers, but it made it difficult for him to lip read her.

  His body was stiff and he looked like he might bolt at any second. Lisanne laid her hand on his forearm, then slid her fingers down to hold his hand. He smiled down at their intertwined fingers.

  When the waitress arrived to take their order, Daniel asked for a beer, as did several of the other guys. Lisanne ordered a Shirley Temple, with a smirk at Daniel.

  He leaned down and whispered, “We both know you’re not really such a good girl.”

  Lisanne took a sharp intake of breath, then turned her head so he could see her face. “Maybe it’s because you’re such a bad influence.”

  He laughed huskily and leaned down to kiss her hair. Lisanne felt her body overheat, then became aware that Kirsty’s eyes were trained on her.

  She moved away slightly but grabbed his hand under the table again. He held her fingers tightly.

  “So, man,” said Vin, “I’ve seen you in Introduction to Business: what’s your major?”

  Luckily, Daniel looked over in time to see the second part of Vin’s question.

  With an uncomfortable jolt, Lisanne realized how truly hard this was going to be for him. She felt guilty for putting him under pressure.

  “Economics. You?”

  “Really? You look more like…” Vin choked back whatever he was going to say. “I’m doing a degree in Business Administration with Buddy and Rich. Eric is the black sheep of the fraternity – he’s a Psych major.”

  “Yeah,” said Eric. “It comes in handy with you guys.”

  Lisanne knew that Daniel had missed Eric’s retort when she saw the fleeting expression of confusion, as everyone laughed at the joke.

  She squeezed his hand and, without making a sound, mouthed the words ‘elephant shoes’ to him. She cocked her head on one side, waiting for him to answer her silent question. He smiled back gratefully but gave a small shake of his head.

  When the waitress came back with the drinks, Daniel drank his beer quickly. But he wasn’t alone in that – all the guys were in a drinking mood.

  The waitress paused with her notebook, ready to take their food order.

  Lisanne nudged Daniel’s knee and he turned to look at her.

  “Do you want to eat here?”

  He paused for a moment, then gave another small nod.

  Lisanne was pleased, and then immediately questioned his response. Did that mean he was enjoying himself, or was he just doing it for her? She wasn’t sure, so she watched him closely. He’d gotten into a discussion with Eric about attribution theory from Psych 101 – something that he seemed to know a lot about. Lisanne was surprised – she realized she had a lot to learn about Daniel Colton. And beyond her own feelings, it was clear that Eric was impressed and respected Daniel’s point of view.

  “Yeah, but we explain behaviors by assigning attributes to them,” Daniel argued. “You can’t underestimate the external factors.”

  “Only if we pay more attention to the situation rather than to the individual,” said Eric.

  “Well, fuck yes!” said Daniel. “If someone cuts me off on the road, I’m not going to say, ‘Gee, they must be having a rough day.’ I’ll say, ‘What a fucking jerk!’.”

  Eric laughed. “I’m with you on that, man.”

  Rich interrupted their discussion, and Lisanne had to nudge Daniel under the table again to redirect his attention. It made her a little tense, trying to keep track of what Daniel was saying and who he was talking to, as well as concentrating on Kirsty’s description of one of her toughest professors. She began to appreciate how stressful and tiring social settings must be for him.

  “I’ve gotta ask, man,” said Rich, impatiently. “Is it true what they say about you?”

  Daniel tensed immediately. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  All conversation ceased and everyone stared at Daniel’s angry face.

  Rich raised his hands immediately. “Whoa! Take it easy, dude. I just meant about your, um, your piercings. Did ya really get other stuff pierced?”

  Daniel’s angry expression disappeared and he raised an eyebrow. “Other stuff?”

  “Is it, you know, good when you’re… you know? Ah hell, don’t make me say it, man!” whined Rich, making everyone laugh.

  Daniel smiled down at Lisanne. “Should I tell him, baby?”

  Lisanne instantly blushed beet red and the guys sniggered. Daniel leaned back, making it clear that he had no further answer to give.

  Eric grinned. “We don’t cover body art in psych till next year, Rich. Looks like you’re going to have to live in ignorance.”

  Daniel winked at Lisanne. She was still embarrassed and was definitely going to have words with Daniel about that. But she loved how relaxed and playful he was, even though 30 seconds earlier he’d looked as if he was going to pummel Rich.

  They finished their meals, chatting easily. Lisanne was starting to recognize when Daniel had missed the gist of the conversation, and she automatically began to compensate.

  When it came to split the check, Lisanne realized the evening was nearly over. She was desperate to ask Daniel if he was coming back to her room – assuming Kirsty was going back to the frat house with Vin.

  But then all her hopes, expectations, dreams and daydreams were dashed. Kirsty yawned.

  “Oh my God, I’m never going to make it to my 8:30 in the morning. Lis, you’ll have to promise to wake me up in the morning. Just keep prodding me until I move, okay?”

  “Oh, I thought…?”

  Kirsty shook her head quickly and whispered, “I got my period.”

  Lisanne gave a weak smile, sighing with disappointment. Daniel caught her eye and pulled her into a hug, placing a gentle kiss on her hair.

  It was cooler outside, and there was a breath of Fall in the air.

  Lisanne shivered, and Daniel put his arm around her protectively.

  “You’ll need a thicker jacket than that to ride on Sirona, baby,” he whispered. “It can get cold at night, especially in the winter.”

  She smiled up at him, delighted that he seemed to be suggesting that riding on his motorcycle was going to become a regular occurrence.

  Buddy was staring with envious eyes at Daniel’s bike.

  “That yours, man?” he said, the envy obvious by his tone – and by the way he was almost drooling.

  “Yeah.”

  “Nice ride! What year?”

  “Sixty nine.”

  “No shit! Where’d you get her from?”

  Were all motorcycles female as far as men were concerned? Lisanne was amused.

  “It was pretty much scrap when I
found the frame,” Daniel explained. “I did the rest of the work over two summers. I had a job in an auto repair shop.”

  Lisanne could see that Daniel had climbed several notches in the guys’ estimation, and there was a newfound respect in their eyes.

  She felt relieved. The evening had gone so much better than even her wildest expectations.

  Kirsty grabbed her hand and dragged her away from Daniel, while they guys talked bikes.

  “I’m so glad you came, Lis! That was fun. Daniel’s really nice and he’s totally into you.”

  Lisanne smiled.

  “Vin and the guys were great.”

  “Except,” said Kirsty with a serious look on her face, “when Rich looked like he was going to get punched by Daniel.”

  “It was a misunderstanding.”

  “Just… just be careful.” She held up her hands as Lisanne started to argue. “I like Daniel, I really do. Just… look I’ll see you back home, okay?”

  Lisanne turned without hearing another word from her friend, irritated that Kirsty had spoiled the end of a great evening.

  Daniel frowned when he saw her. “Okay?”

  Lisanne nodded. “Can we go now?”

  “Sure, baby.”

  He said goodbye to the guys, kick-started the mean machine, and helped Lisanne climb on behind him.

  * * *

  Daniel was getting used to the feeling of Lisanne’s warm body behind him, as they sped along the road on his bike. Every movement of the motorcycle brought her closer to him, or made her grip his waist more firmly.

  He’d never taken a girl on the back of his bike before, only his brother or a couple of guys from the band. But the first time Lisanne had come with him, he’d been desperate to get off campus before he talked to her. Now… now it just felt good.

  He’d been nervous as all fuck when she’d suggested going out for a group meal, but having her by his side, understanding, helping, interpreting, watching his back – she’d made it easier.

  He hadn’t thought he’d be able to do something like that, let alone enjoy it. Yeah, the guy Rich had been a bit of a dick, but nothing Daniel couldn’t handle. He felt a looseness in his chest, a lessening of the tightness that he’d felt the first day he started college.

  It had been amazing having her sitting next to him, feeling her next to him, holding her hand. Walking out of her room when she’d practically begged him to fuck her had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He wasn’t even sure he could explain it to himself, but somehow he wanted it to be right with her. She wasn’t someone he’d use just to get his dick wet and walk away – he didn’t want to fuck up with her. But his experience of dating was pretty limited: once, briefly, in his first year of high school, and then again for a few months when he was at school in Cave Spring.