Dangerous to Know & Love

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  Kirsty smiled smugly. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then.” Her smile faded. “There’s really only one answer, Lis – you have to ask him where you stand. Guys can be pretty dumb. You have to say, ‘Hey? Is this a date?’ Or, ‘Hooked up with any other girls lately?’ You know, make it clear.”

  “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well,” said Lisanne, twisting a stray thread from her t-shirt around her finger, “What if he says ‘no’? What if he isn’t interested in me?”

  “Then he says ‘no’, but at least you won’t be pining for something that isn’t going to happen. It’s like ripping off the band-aid – you gotta do it fast because it’ll hurt less in the long run.”

  It sounded like good advice: Lisanne just didn’t know if she’d be brave enough to do it.

  “Have you slept with him yet?”

  Lisanne shook her head.

  “Do you want to?”

  Lisanne looked up into Kirsty’s kind eyes.

  “Yes, but not if it’s because he feels sorry for me.”

  “Oh, sweetie,” said Kirsty, patting her hand. “All guys want sex – that’s a given. But you have to decide if that’s all you want. And I know you, Lis. You’re the kind of girl who wants the whole package. And Daniel… look, he seems nice – he’s different with you – but he doesn’t have a great track record. He’s definitely the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.”

  “But if I sleep with him, maybe he’ll…”

  “Don’t even think that! I mean it, Lis. Some girls are fine having one-night stands. Whatever. Good for them. But you’re not like that. And you’ll feel shit about yourself if you do it. It’s just not worth it. Look, I can see that Daniel cares about you – I mean, you guys are friends. And that’s good. Sex can really fuck things up.” She giggled when she’d realized how that sounded, and Lisanne couldn’t help smiling. “Yeah, well, you know what I mean.”

  “So what do I do?” asked Lisanne, her smile worn away.

  “Wish I could tell you, hon. Talk to him. You’ll figure it out. Look – Vin and I are going to that new Mexican place with a bunch of his frat house friends. You’d be doing me a favor if you come with us.”

  “Thanks, Kirsty, but I think I’ll just have a quiet night in.”

  “Okay, if you change your mind, text me. But don’t wait up.”

  “Pajama party with Vin?”

  Kirsty winked. “Something like that.”

  * * *

  It had taken him a while to shake off Shawna. Girl was persistent, but he’d seen the way she treated Lisanne and he wasn’t the least bit interested in someone who was such a bitch – and hot she was not.

  Daniel stubbed out his smoke when he saw Roy’s battered Dodge Ram pull up.

  “What’s up? Where’re your wheels, man?”

  Daniel sighed. “I got pulled over for speeding. I thought I was gonna get arrested for reckless driving, but the fuckers were more interested in Zef.”

  Roy shot him a look.

  “I didn’t give them anything.”

  “But they didn’t hold you,” said Roy, suspiciously.

  “Fuck, man! You think I’d say something – about my own brother?”

  “About your brother, no.”

  Daniel looked at Roy incredulously. “You think I’d sell you out?” He knew that Roy sold a little weed on the side.

  Roy chewed on his words for a while before he answered. “No, I guess not.”

  Daniel was slightly mollified but still annoyed that Roy could even think he’d do a deal with the cops. He didn’t want to ask him if Dickinson was right about the meth-dealing. The larger part of him didn’t want to know. Ignorance wasn’t bliss, but it could be a damn sight more comfortable than an ugly truth.

  “Anyway, they did hold me. Had my ass in a police station all last night.”

  “Cops rough you up?” said Roy, his eyes flicking over Daniel’s face.

  Daniel angled the truck’s rearview mirror toward him and saw the dark bruise on his cheek.

  “Fuck. No, that was Zef.”

  Roy sighed. “He worries about you – you’re his little brother.”

  Daniel stared out of the window and didn’t reply. Roy tapped his arm.

  “Where we going, man?”

  “Sirona. Cops made me leave her at the side of the road. Fuck knows what’s happened to her.”

  “Aw, hell! Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have got her for you.”

  “Cops took my phone.”

  Roy sighed. “How much was the fine?”

  “A thousand dollars.”

  “Oh, yeah? And where are you gonna find that kind of spare money?”

  “College fund.”

  “Oh, man! No wonder Zef was whaling on you. He takes that shit pretty damn serious.”

  “It’s no big deal. I’ve got three years of school yet. I can work summers in the garage. I’ll earn that back easy.”

  “Just make sure you do.”

  “Fuck, Roy! When did you turn into Martha Stewart?” Roy laughed out loud and Daniel couldn’t help grinning. “Okay, bad example – how about Dave Ramsey?”

  Roy pointed up ahead and Daniel’s smile widened. Sirona was parked where he’d left her and still had two wheels. Things were looking up.

  “Thanks, man,” he said to Roy.

  “No worries. Stay out of trouble.”

  Daniel climbed out of the truck and thumped on the side. Roy peeled away, giving Daniel the bird as he drove off.

  “Fucker,” Daniel grumbled to himself.

  But running his hands over Sirona’s chrome, he began to feel better.

  “Hey, baby. Miss me?”

  She was hard work, this motorcycle. Not like a modern Japanese import. Nope, no easy push button start for his baby.

  He bent down to turn on the gas, pulled out the choke, opened the throttle fully, primed it with a couple of kicks, then he felt the vibrations as the kick-start made her spring alive, pulsing through his body. He could feel her.

  He rode home, keeping within the speed limit the whole way. He couldn’t risk losing her again.

  But his good mood didn’t last long. As soon as Zef heard him pull up, he was outside and in Daniel’s face. Roy stood there, grimacing.

  “Tell me you’re fucking joking?” shouted Zef. “You’re using your college fund to pay that fucking fine?”

  Daniel stood his ground as Zef’s eyes blazed with fury, and Roy looked more than a little uncomfortable.

  Daniel glanced over to his brother’s friend. He didn’t blame Roy – Zef would have found out sooner or later.

  “Mom and dad saved that money for you to go to school and get your degree. They didn’t work their butts off so you could piss it up against the wall to pay for a fucking speeding ticket.”

  “I know that!” Daniel yelled back. “But I didn’t have a choice. I worked on Sirona for two fucking years so I wouldn’t have to take the bus – I’m not going to sell her to pay some shitty fine.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have got caught speeding, you dumb fuck!”

  “Do you think I don’t fucking know that?!”

  “No, I don’t. And why the hell are you dating that singer? That is just fucking mental! Do you want to be reminded every day? Because I remember you bleeding all over me when you couldn’t play your music any more, and now you’re dating a singer?”

  “We’re not dating, we’re friends. We…”

  “Bullshit!”

  Roy stepped between them, placing his massive hands on their chests and pushing them apart.

  “Take it down a notch, guys. It’s done now. No use having a shit fit.”

  Zef glared at him. “Butt the fuck out, Roy. This is family business.”

  “No, it’s my business,” snapped Daniel, “and I’m outta here.”

  He turned on his heel, needing some space. He had to get his head together and there was only one person he wanted to see.


  * D: can I see you? Are you alone? *

  Lisanne’s reply was instant.

  * L: K out with Vin. Am home alone. LA xx *

  Feeling relieved, he pulled his bike around, heading for the dorms, and to the one person who seemed to understand him.

  Just a quick stop at the liquor store first.

  It wasn’t open house hours at the dorm rooms, so Daniel snuck in via the fire exit that the girls kept open, allowing their boyfriends to visit. It was the worst kept secret on campus.

  He knocked on Lisanne’s door and she opened it immediately.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi. Are you okay? Did you get your bike back?”

  He nodded wearily as she pushed the door open wide. He walked in, kissing her quickly on the cheek, and slumped down on her bed.

  “Yeah.”

  “So, it was all okay?”

  “Pretty much.”

  He couldn’t face telling her that he’d had to spend a chunk of money from his college fund, or that Zef had told him not to date her. That shit was just too raw to talk about.

  “I brought beer,” he said, shrugging out of his leather jacket and pulling a six-pack from a paper bag.

  “Oh! Um, I don’t really drink.”

  “S’okay. I do.” He snapped the tab on the first can and chugged almost half of it.

  Lisanne watched him nervously, wondering if he simply wanted somewhere to get drunk. He looked up and saw the expression on her face.

  “Sorry. I should have asked. Do you mind?”

  “Um, no. It’s fine.”

  He sighed. “Shit, I’m doing everything wrong. Sit with me?”

  Lisanne climbed onto the end of the bed and sat cross-legged, facing him.

  “Look, I’m really sorry about how I was before. You know, yesterday. I just… fuck, this is hard.” He stared down at his fingers.

  Lisanne waited for him to continue

  “It was really good yesterday. Before… I wasn’t expecting… I mean, we’re friends, right? And I don’t want to do anything to fuck that up. But I don’t want you to think that what we did… ah, shit.”

  His stumbling words ground to a halt again. But he was trying. He was really trying.

  “Why were you so mad at me?” she said, quietly.

  He met her gaze. “Because you made it sound like it was nothing. Like I just go around getting off random girls.”

  “Don’t you?”

  Daniel scowled at her. “No!”

  “How many girls have you slept with this semester?”

  “Other than you?” he said, raising his eyebrows.

  They were both thinking of him falling asleep on her bed that morning.

  “You know what I mean, but if you want me to rephrase: How many girls have you had sex with?”

  He chewed his lip for a few seconds, and took a large gulp of beer.

  “Three.”

  “Altogether?”

  “Three this semester.”

  Jeez!

  “How many in total?”

  “Um…”

  There was a long, uncomfortable pause.

  Lisanne stared. “You don’t know?”

  “Christ! Give me a break! I don’t exactly mark notches on my bedpost!”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “Make a guess. A wild stab,” she added, sarcastically.

  “Maybe thirty.”

  Lisanne swallowed.

  “Maybe thirty-five,” he said, quietly.

  She’d guessed it would be a high number, but it was still quite a shock.

  “Oh,” she said, trying to keep her face blank, but knowing he could probably read her expression perfectly.

  “Why are we even talking about this?” he muttered, as much to himself as to her. Then he looked up. “But you’re only the second girl I’ve ever slept with,” he added.

  “What do you mean?”

  He rubbed his hands over his hair in frustration.

  “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t date. Girls don’t want to date me – they just want to fuck me. And I like fucking. But none of them know about me: you’re the only one. The others never stick around long enough to find out.”

  “You mean you never give them the chance.”

  “Whatever. It’s the same thing.”

  “Not really.”

  “Fuck, Lisanne! I’m trying to say… I want…”

  “What?”

  “You’re not making this easy…”

  “Sorry, it’s just intimidating.”

  “What is?”

  “All the girls you’ve slept with. It makes me feel…” she hesitated, fishing to find the right words to express how desperately inexperienced and inadequate she felt.

  “What does it make you feel?”

  Lisanne ran through a list of words in her mind: pathetic, uptight, a virgin.

  “What does it make you feel, Lis? Because it’s all bullshit. You… me… it’s just different, and…yesterday, when you said about my reputation…”

  Suddenly, Lisanne had a light bulb moment – she understood. “Oh! I hurt your feelings yesterday?”

  He shrugged one shoulder.

  “Daniel, I’m so sorry.”

  He looked down at her bedspread. “I like you.”

  “You do?”

  He groaned with frustration and irritation.

  “Of course I fucking do! I’m here, aren’t I?”

  That was all Lisanne wanted to know.

  Taking a deep breath, she uncrossed her legs and crawled up the bed. Halting in front of him, she brushed her lips against his.

  His eyelids fluttered closed and he sighed softly.

  Encouraged, she knelt across him and bent down, placing another gentle kiss on his lips.

  Daniel slipped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck, humming quietly. Then he pulled her down so she was lying across his chest. He ran his hands downwards, stopping just below the small of her back, placing soft kisses on her throat.

  He let his head fall back to the pillow, and tucked her into his side for a cozy hug, one hand softly stroking her hair, occasionally turning so he could brush his lips over her temple.

  Lisanne was bitterly disappointed. Where were the burning touches she’d experienced from him yesterday? Where was the dark fire in his eyes? Was this it? Were they just friends after all? What did ‘like’ mean anyway?

  He was being gentle with her but Lisanne didn’t want gentle. She wanted him. All of him. And she wanted to know once and for all if he wanted her.

  She hooked her thigh over his hip, pushing herself into him so her leg was almost wrapped around his waist.

  Daniel paused in his tender kisses and looked up at her.

  “Lis?”

  She didn’t answer, but nervously slid her fingers under his t-shirt. He blinked in surprise, then his eyes fluttered closed as she ran her hands over his stomach and chest, tugging gently on his nipple rings. She could feel he was hardening beneath her. It was thrilling.

  But then he grabbed her wrists and pushed her back slightly, sitting up so he could see her face.

  “What are you doing, Lis?”

  “Just… you know.”

  “Baby doll…”

  “I want to, Daniel. I want to. Please.”

  He groaned and closed his eyes.

  She didn’t wait for him to speak, but pressed her lips hard against his, waiting for his mouth to open. When it did, she could taste beer and nicotine, but it was still the best feeling. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, hoping that enthusiasm would make up for what she lacked in technique.

  His grip on her wrists lessened, and then his hands brushed up her arms and into her hair.

  Gently, but with building passion, he stroked his tongue against hers, controlling the moment, showing her how sensual it could be, taking it slowly. His lips were soft and warm, and she could feel the prickle of his stubble against her skin.

  Lisanne’s body throbbed with pleasure.
She had no idea kissing a guy could make her feel so much. She was overflowing with sensations and emotions, as if her skin would split open, unable to contain everything she felt, her lungs too big for her body.

  Daniel rolled onto his back, taking her with him so she was lying across his body. His hands sculpted her waist, massaging her hips with his fingers.

  Then he cupped her ass and pulled her tightly against him. His erection was hard against the fabric of his jeans.

  “You sure, baby doll?” he whispered.

  Lisanne’s brain was deliciously disconnected from the parts that moved, and she hesitated. Daniel pushed her back a few inches so he could read her face.

  “Hey,” he said, softly. “It’s okay. You’re not ready.”

  “I am!” she snapped, slapping the pillow next to his head in frustration. “I am so ready it’s giving me a headache! Just do it already!”

  He blinked at her.

  “I’m just… I’m just nervous, okay!”

  By now she was yelling.

  Daniel was trying to hold back a smile and not doing a very good job of it.

  “Um, Lis, you don’t have to yell at me or beat me up.”

  She frowned. “Are you laughing at me?”

  “Kinda, I mean, it’s pretty damn funny, you yelling at me that you want sex and you want it now.”

  “I’m not yelling!” she yelled.

  “Yes, you are.”

  “How do you know?” she said, allowing the volume to drop by a couple of decibels.

  “Because your face is all scrunched up,” he said, with a grin. “It’s cute.”

  “Oh!” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper as her skin heated to the point where the room ought to have caught fire.

  She flopped onto her back, cursing the genes that made her whole body blush with embarrassment.

  “Hey, I’m sorry, okay,” he said, sitting up and looking down at her.

  Lisanne pulled the pillow over her face and groaned with defeat and dissatisfaction. She felt Daniel tugging at the pillow, and she allowed him pull it from her. She knew how much he hated it when he couldn’t see her face.

  “I’m sorry, baby. Lis… I’m flattered, you know, that you want me to be your first. I just… I don’t want it to be something you’ll regret. I don’t want you to regret me.”

  She heard the anxiety in his voice and opened her eyes.

  “I wouldn’t. I won’t.”