Dangerous to Know & Love

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  Lisanne closed her eyes tiredly.

  “You just assumed that he was in the wrong. He saved me, Kirsty. If you just knew how amazing he is…”

  She stopped abruptly.

  “Whatever,” said Kirsty. “I’m just glad you’re safe. Don’t do it again!”

  Then she gave her a huge hug.

  “Now go get ready for bed. You look as exhausted as I feel.”

  “Yes, mom!”

  Ten minutes later, Lisanne was pulling the duvet around her when her cellphone buzzed with a text.

  * D: sleep well, beautiful. See you at lunch tomorrow. *

  Chapter 9

  Lisanne did sleep well and was one degree short of blissful when someone knocked on the door the next morning, minutes before she and Kirsty were due to leave for class.

  Kirsty was applying her usual industrial layers of glossy lipstick.

  “It’s for you,” she said without looking away from the mirror.

  Lisanne rolled her eyes. Kirsty was Ms. Popularity on campus – it was sure to be for her.

  She pulled open the door and a sophomore that she dimly recognized was leaning against the door.

  “Which of you’s dating Zef Colton?” she said with a yawn, drumming her chipped fingernails against the doorjamb.

  “Um… do you mean Daniel Colton?”

  The girl looked bored. “How the hell should I know? Yeah, are you her?”

  “I guess.”

  “Okay, finally. So I’m after a wrap – something for the weekend.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Hello! Am I talking Egyptian? What can I get for thirty bucks?”

  Kirsty strode to the door and pushed her finger into the girl’s face.

  “You’ve got the wrong fucking room, lady. Nobody here deals, now get the hell out!”

  She slammed the door on the annoyed woman and stared at Lisanne.

  “What was that all about? Tell me you’re not dealing drugs for Daniel.”

  “What? God, no! Kirsty, no! I never… Daniel hasn’t… no!”

  Lisanne was incoherent with shock.

  That girl had thought she could buy drugs from their dorm room?

  She saw that her hands were shaking and hastily sat down on her bed, before her knees buckled.

  Kirsty stared at her, but her expression softened when she realized how upset Lisanne was. “Okay,” she said in a more measured toned. “And you’re not hiding anything in our room for him?”

  “No!”

  Lisanne’s voice was shrill.

  “You have to talk to Daniel about this.”

  Lisanne nodded numbly, and Kirsty chewed on her lip before plowing on.

  “Has Daniel ever offered you drugs? Weed, anything?”

  “No.” Lisanne’s voice had dropped to a whisper.

  “Good. Keep it that way, sweetie.”

  Kirsty headed out for class, leaving Lisanne shaken and very worried.

  She sat for a few more minutes, letting her breathing slow, then picked up her backpack and headed out. Her expression was grim. She had no idea how she was going to bring this up with Daniel.

  Lisanne was distracted all day. She was afraid Daniel would blow her off if she said something to him. She decided to wait until they had more time to spend together, which was easier said than done.

  Lisanne was constantly busy: running between classes, band practices, and trying to keep up with her homework load. She managed to snatch brief moments with Daniel, over lunch, or a coffee before class, but it was all hurried. She didn’t mention the unexpected visitor, but it was on her mind. Without meaning to, she kept an eye open for anything that showed Daniel was dealing. It was tiring and upsetting and she didn’t know what to do about it. So, in the end, she did nothing, and said nothing.

  She had received a short text message from Roy, apologizing for leaving her in the lurch and promising not to do it again. She strongly suspected that Daniel had had something to do with that, but neither of them mentioned anything, so she let it go.

  They were sitting drinking sodas after their Friday morning Business lecture, when Vin and Kirsty joined them.

  Lisanne was disappointed that Daniel and Kirsty didn’t seem to have gotten over their spat, instead maintaining a cautious civility around each other; but Vin and Daniel had talked bikes for hours and were well on their way to becoming friends – a fact that seemed to irk Kirsty.

  “Hey, guys,” Vin said as they walked into the cafeteria. “We’re going to get a few people together and head out to the beach tomorrow. You want in?”

  Lisanne looked hopefully toward Daniel before she answered. She didn’t want to put him under too much pressure. But she was disappointed when he shook his head straightaway.

  “Can’t, man. Gotta be somewhere.”

  “No problem,” said Vin.

  “That doesn’t mean you can’t come, Lisanne,” said Kirsty sharply.

  Vin gave her a warning look which Kirsty pretended to ignore, then carried on making plans for the outing.

  Vin assumed that whatever Daniel had planned also involved Lisanne. But as far as she was concerned, it was the first time Daniel had mentioned being busy at the weekend. Disappointment made her brusque.

  “What are you doing? You didn’t mention anything before?”

  He looked annoyed as he replied quietly, “I’m busy.”

  “Doing what?” Lisanne persisted

  “Not here,” he muttered.

  “Fine,” she said huffily. “Let’s go. You can tell me outside.”

  Vin waved as they left, but Kirsty just watched them go without comment.

  Lisanne led Daniel toward an empty patch of grass in the middle of the quad. It was pleasantly warm and many of the students were sitting outside enjoying the weather. Despite the peaceful surroundings, Daniel looked tense and unhappy, but Lisanne wasn’t in the mood for backing down. They were supposed to be dating: shouldn’t he tell her if he’d made weekend plans without her?

  She sat opposite him and waited.

  “What’s the matter?” she said, in a slightly milder tone.

  Even though Daniel couldn’t hear her, he could read her face easily.

  He frowned at her, then dropped his gaze and started to pick at one of the laces on his boots.

  “I’ve got an appointment at the clinic,” he mumbled without looking up.

  Lisanne was taken aback. What? A clinic? She immediately thought of STDs – she couldn’t help the wayward direction of her thoughts.

  “What sort of clinic?” she said at last, when Daniel didn’t seem inclined to add any further detail. Of course he didn’t answer, and she had to nudge his foot so he’d look up. “What sort of clinic?” she repeated.

  He seemed surprised by her question.

  “The hearing loss clinic,” he said quietly. “What did you think I meant?”

  “Oh,” she said stupidly. “Why?”

  He shrugged. “I go every six months for a checkup. It’s a waste of time: they just tell me the same shit. I’m deaf – that’s not gonna change.”

  “Oh,” she said again, wishing she could think of something supportive to say – or at least something that didn’t make her sound like an idiot.

  Then she had a brainwave: this could really help her to understand. Lisanne took a deep breath.

  “Can I come with you?”

  Daniel looked stunned. “What?”

  Lisanne sat up straighter. “Can I come with you?”

  “Fuck! Why would you want to do that?”

  Lisanne looked away for a moment, gathering her thoughts.

  “So I can understand more,” she replied, looking back at him. “Please, Daniel. If I’m supposed to be…” she paused. “If I’m supposed to be your girlfriend, I want you to be able to share things like this with me.”

  He seemed conflicted. Lisanne forced herself to stay silent, letting Daniel decide.

  “It’s the other side of town,” he said, grudgingly.r />
  “I don’t mind that,” she said gently. “But only if you want me to come.”

  He fiddled with his lace a bit more, then pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

  “I don’t want it to change things,” he said, blowing the smoke away from her.

  “Why would it do that?” Lisanne asked patiently.

  He shrugged. “It always does.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I know.” Daniel let out a long sigh. “The appointment’s at 11:15. I’d have to pick you up at 10:45.”

  She put her hand over his and he glanced up.

  “I’ll be ready,” she said.

  * * *

  When Kirsty saw Lisanne that evening, she seemed determined to give her a hard time for not coming to the beach with them.

  “Well, why is it such a secret where you’re going?” she said, irritation coloring her voice.

  “It’s not a secret,” Lisanne replied sharply, if not entirely truthfully. “It’s just something private Daniel has to do. It’s not for me to say.”

  “It’s not anything illegal, is it?” snapped Kirsty. “Because if it is, don’t let yourself get dragged into it.”

  “What?” said Lisanne, shocked. “Daniel isn’t into anything illegal!”

  “Are you sure about that? Because that’s not what I’ve heard, not forgetting our little visitor the other day.”

  “Since when do you listen to gossip?”

  Kirsty stared back stonily.

  “I don’t usually, but I’ve heard it from several different places now. Too many for it to be a coincidence.”

  “What exactly have you heard?”

  “That he deals drugs,” said Kirsty flatly, raising her eyebrows.

  “That is such bullshit!” shouted Lisanne. “How could you even think that? I’ve never seen him do anything more than smoke a cigarette!”

  “Don’t be naïve, Lis,” said Kirsty, her voice chilly. “Have you forgotten that skank who tried to buy drugs from you?”

  “She asked for Zef, not Daniel. You heard her! He can’t help what his brother does.”

  Kirsty folded her arms, her face full of disbelief.

  Lisanne suddenly remembered everything she’d seen at Daniel’s home, but she wasn’t going to admit that to Kirsty. Daniel had never done anything like that in front of her.

  “You don’t know everything about him, Lis,” said Kirsty, her voice becoming heated.

  “I know the important things!” shouted Lisanne. “He’s sweet and kind and takes care of me!”

  Kirsty snorted. “Just because he puts on a good show, that doesn’t make him squeaky clean. He acts like he’s stoned half the time – not listening and always staring, all intense and…”

  Lisanne cut her off. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Kirsty. Drop it now.”

  Her voice was dangerously quiet and Kirsty looked surprised.

  “I’m just trying to look out for you, Lis,” she said in a more reasonable tone. “You’re my friend and I don’t want him to hurt you.”

  Lisanne took a deep breath. “Daniel won’t hurt me. You have to trust me on this. His brother… well… I don’t know. But Daniel doesn’t have anything to do with that. I promise you.”

  Kirsty shook her head and sighed. “If you say so. Just… just be careful, okay?”

  Lisanne nodded stiffly.

  She hated fighting with Kirsty, but she was so wrong on this.

  The next morning, Kirsty was trying hard to act naturally around Lisanne, but it was obvious she was still on edge.

  Lisanne did her best to ignore her hyper roommate, more focused on what the morning would bring.

  “You can always meet us out there later?” pleaded Kirsty. “You know, when you’ve finished your private thing. Just text me – I’ll tell you where we are.”

  Lisanne gritted her teeth.

  “Maybe. I don’t know.”

  Kirsty sighed and threw up her hands as if to say, Have it your own way.

  Lisanne slipped out of the door, too keyed up to take any more sharp looks or knowing gazes.

  She sat on the curb outside waiting for the now familiar sound of Daniel’s Harley. She was humming along with This Fire, a track by one of her favorite bands, Birds of Tokyo, when Vin drove up in his brand new Expedition SUV.

  She pulled out her ear buds as he walked over to her.

  “Hi, Lis! How you doing? Changed your mind about coming with us?”

  Lisanne smiled and shook her head.

  “No, but thanks.”

  “Pity, it’s going to be fun. Are you waiting for Dan?”

  Lisanne nodded and Vin looked at her carefully.

  “And you didn’t want to wait inside?”

  Lisanne looked up, seeing nothing judgmental in Vin’s face.

  “Kirsty doesn’t approve,” she said, pulling a wry face. “It’s… quieter if I wait out here.”

  Vin squatted down on the curb next to her.

  “She’s just looking out for you, Lis. Dan seems like an okay guy, but you must have heard what they’re saying about his brother? That’s why he’s gotten into all those fights this last week.”

  Lisanne looked up, pinning Vin with a fierce stare.

  “What fights?”

  Vin’s ears turned red and he looked uncomfortable.

  “Um… just a couple of guys throwing a few punches – nothing to worry about.”

  “What?!”

  “Look, Lis, it’s like this. Some people – assholes mainly – assume that if one brother is dealing, then the other must be, too. But I haven’t come across a single person who’s actually seen Dan with drugs or bought anything from him, which makes me think it’s all bullshit. But he’s being tarred with the same brush, and his first thought is to beat the shit out of whoever’s doing the asking. That’s why Kirsty worries about you.”

  Lisanne didn’t know what to think.

  “Daniel isn’t… he doesn’t…”

  Vin sighed.

  “Even if he isn’t, he must know what his brother’s doing. He could get into a whole load of serious trouble – and so could you.”

  He gave her a sympathetic look, then stood up and made his way to the dorm rooms, leaving Lisanne fumbling with her overflowing thoughts and emotions.

  In the distance, the sound of a motorcycle engine grew louder. Lisanne took a few deep breaths and tried to quell her stomach’s natural inclination to turn a few somersaults.

  Daniel pulled up next to her and lifted his visor, but he didn’t cut the engine and he didn’t dismount. He simply handed her the spare helmet without speaking, and jerked his head to indicate that Lisanne should climb on.

  She’d known the morning would be stressful but she hadn’t thought it would be this bad: first what Vin had told her; now Daniel stressing out.

  Daniel hit the throttle and they took off so quickly, Lisanne had to grab him to stop herself being jolted off the back.

  He drove for about 20 minutes before pulling up in the parking lot of the city hospital. When he cut the engine, finally there was silence. For Lisanne it was a relief – it made no difference to Daniel.

  He locked their helmets in the leather saddlebags and carefully met her gaze.

  “If you don’t want to stay, there’s a cafeteria in the main part of the hospital.”

  Lisanne was confused.

  “Why wouldn’t I want to stay?”

  He shrugged but didn’t answer.

  Lisanne took his hand he looked down at her, surprised.

  “Let’s go,” she said.

  Daniel felt dread seep into his bones. This would be the day when she’d decide she couldn’t date a deaf guy. This would be the moment that she’d run.

  He led her around to a side door with a large, blue and white sign that announced ‘Hearing Loss Clinic’.

  “I’ll need my hand, Lis,” he said, pulling his fingers from her grasp.

  His rejection hurt, but she didn’t sa
y anything. Daniel was radiating was enough tension to make Lisanne bite her tongue.

  But she was wrong – about Daniel rejecting her.

  The clinic’s reception was already occupied by two families with a bunch of kids who were probably still in elementary school. In complete silence, they appeared to be chatting away animatedly, communicating through sign language.

  One of the youngest kids turned to stare, then gave Lisanne a big smile and raised his hand to his head in what looked like a salute.

  Lisanne smiled and waved back, but the child looked confused.

  Suddenly she realized that Daniel was moving his hands quickly in a series of confusing shapes.

  “You… you can do sign language?”

  He raised his eyebrows.

  “Well, yeah. I went to a deaf school for nearly three years. What do you think we did? Draw pictures?”

  She tried to ignore his blunt sarcasm.

  “What about lip reading?”

  “Not everyone can lip read, especially if they were deaf pre-lingual.”

  “Um, pre-lingual?”

  He gave her his full attention.

  “If a kid is born deaf or becomes deaf before they’ve learned to speak, it’s a lot harder to learn to lip read. Not impossible, just a lot harder. Most deaf kids are brought up signing.”

  “Oh,” said Lisanne anxiously. “I see. What did you just say to him?”

  “I told him that you were hearing and couldn’t sign.”

  “Is everyone here deaf?” she whispered.

  “Not everyone, honey,” said one of the mothers kindly. “Is this your first time?”

  Lisanne blushed and gave an awkward laugh. “Is it that obvious?”

  “Pretty much, but don’t worry about it. You’ll get used to it,” she said, glancing at Daniel, then giving Lisanne a warm smile.

  Daniel was still in conversation with the young boy. Something the boy had signed made him smile and throw a wicked look at Lisanne.

  “Trevor!” snapped his mother, signing as she spoke. “That is rude! Apologize to the young lady.”

  The boy made a fist with his right hand and drew a circular motion in front of his chest.

  “He’s saying ‘sorry’,” Daniel translated for her.

  “Oh! How do I say, ‘that’s okay’?”

  “Make an ‘O’ shape with your hand – yeah – that’s it. And you make a sign like a pair of scissors for the ‘K’ by pushing up your middle finger and dropping your index finger.”