Dangerous to Know & Love

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  He was embarrassed that he’d cried but she loved it, because it told her everything that she needed to know, and everything that he found so hard to say.

  And then, two weeks later, after yet another tuning session at the hospital, came the miracle moment.

  The scene was so perfect in her mind, so ordinary in location, but she kept it like a jewel – a special memory that she took out when she needed to smile.

  She was standing in Daniel’s kitchen, washing dishes, while he leaned against the counter next to her and dried. It was an uncomplicated, everyday piece of drudgery. Not that she minded – she loved those quiet domestic moments when it was just the two of them.

  And she’d started to sing – one of Daniel’s songs – her favorite song. It seemed to describe her relationship with him perfectly.

  When I hear that song

  Feeling every note

  It’s a special kind of place

  Singing words we wrote.

  Sounds fade away

  Every mile signed

  But first thing in the morning

  You’re always on my mind.

  And then at her side, she’d heard his soft voice singing along with her.

  Wish I was that man

  Touching every void

  It’s a special kind of place

  Music we enjoyed.

  Her voice shuddered into silence, and she stared at Daniel as he continued by himself.

  Words that don’t last

  And feelings not always kind

  But last thing every night

  You’re always on my mind.

  She dropped the plate she’d been washing, making the suds leap into the air, and turned her eyes toward him, throat cracking.

  “You… you could hear me! You heard what I was singing!”

  He nodded, his face serious.

  “You didn’t say anything! How long? How long have you been able to…?”

  “I thought once before… maybe… and then today… after the tuning session… I wanted to be sure, baby doll.”

  They held each other for so long, the simple act meaning so much.

  “I always liked that song,” he said, quietly.

  It gave them hope. Daniel still found that listening to recorded music was impossible, a fact that frustrated him inordinately, but he could hear Lisanne, and his most basic wish was fulfilled.

  In some ways it made things easier, but in others, it was harder for him.

  Rodney, in particular, was prone to forgetting that Daniel was deaf. He’d turn away during conversations, or cover up his mouth, or talk while eating – all things that made it impossible for Daniel to understand him. He bore it with more stoicism than Lisanne, who would flare up at the slightest infraction.

  She could tell when Daniel didn’t understand, when he was getting left out of the conversation. He couldn’t hear children at all, their high pitch inaudible to him. He had a similar reaction to Shawna’s continual shrieking, but that was no loss. He couldn’t hear whispers and he still relied on lip reading. But Lisanne could see that the balance was beginning to shift.

  He was stubborn and independent and she loved him more than breathing – and he drove her completely crazy.

  He still refused to let any more of his classmates know that he was deaf, and he sat in lectures with his beanie pulled down low. Some days he said he couldn’t wait to rip the device from his head, but other days he seemed to tolerate it better.

  He was still ill at ease with the knowledge that his skull contained a piece of titanium, but they were working through his issues together. She’d asked him if he thought it was worth it. He’d nodded but not really answered her. Lisanne was disappointed inside, but she hadn’t pushed him. She was learning, too.

  She tolerated his moods, and he put up with her monthly sulks. She was also beginning to spot the signs that told her when he needed to be by himself. She sighed, thinking how alone he’d been for the last four years in one way or another. He was doing better now – going out more, taking more chances at being social. Vin had been working on getting Daniel to try out for the college football team, even to the extent of looking online for specialist helmets. Daniel hadn’t agreed so far, but Lisanne was hopeful. And sharing the house with Rodney had been good for Daniel, too. Even so – and Lisanne scrunched up her face – when Daniel hit overload, he still clammed up.

  But if he thought for one damn second that he could control her life by fighting with Roy, he had another thing coming.

  Lisanne had worked up quite a head of steam before she decided to go to the auto repair shop where he was working, and confront him. She grabbed her jacket – and stopped.

  Lying on the bed, hidden under her coat, was an envelope, her name written in Daniel’s spidery scrawl.

  Lisanne’s heart squeezed painfully. The last time he’d written her, it had been about his operation.

  She pulled out a single sheet of paper and began to read.

  Baby Doll,

  You asked me if it was worth it, having the CI. I know you feel like you pushed me into it, but that’s not true.

  Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.

  Getting the CI so I could hear you was the next best thing.

  So, was it worth it?

  It’s worth it because:

  * I can hear you sing

  * I can hear you talk

  * I can hear you laugh

  * I can hear the wind in the trees and the sound of the ocean

  * I can hear my music

  * It makes me want to discover the world with you.

  And when we make love, I can hear you call my name.

  I love you, so much.

  Daniel x

  She sat down on the bed, holding the letter in her hands. How did he do that? How did he utterly floor her with just a few words – words that he couldn’t even say out loud?

  She realized he must have brought it with him to give to her before they’d had their fight. God, he was infuriating! A beautiful, brilliant, complex man – really damned annoying – and she loved him.

  She loved that he’d thought about her question instead of dismissing it. She loved that he’d written down what he couldn’t say out loud. And she loved that he’d left it behind for her to find, even though they’d been yelling at each other.

  Lisanne pulled on her jacket and made the trek across town to the auto repair shop. The bus ride gave her a good 40 minutes to decide what she wanted to say to him, but as she walked toward the faded entrance, she still had no clue how she was going to start.

  Daniel was leaning over the hood of a V6 Mustang, doing something manly and macho with a torque wrench, his very fine ass on display, despite the work overalls.

  The V6 Mustang was bright yellow, not a color Lisanne liked on cars, but he’d been working on it for a couple of days, saying he needed the overtime. Lisanne suspected it was more because the car was ‘a classic’ and Daniel couldn’t resist a sexy piece of automobile. To Lisanne, now she’d seen it, it still looked like a box on wheels, but she was amused by the reverence with which Daniel talked about the car. It was ‘she’, of course, although Lisanne managed not to be too jealous, despite her awesome lines and her great body.

  She pulled herself up to sit on a low wall, her legs dangling, enjoying the view. She was quite content waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing, and not wishing to break his concentration. Besides, it had been a while since she’d had the opportunity for some undisturbed ogling.

  The overalls showed off his slim waist and narrow hips, and with the sleeves rolled up, his strong forearms were also on display. He had a smear of oil across one cheek but his hands were encased in thin, plastic gloves.

  She was surprised how much of a turn on she found it, watching him waist-deep in the car’s engine. She remembered Kirsty’s words from the very first time they’d seen him – That boy is fine. The words seemed even more true to her today, knowing how beautiful he
was on the inside, too.

  Her contented reminiscing was interrupted by a middle-aged woman in an expensive pantsuit climbing out of a taxi. She threw some money at the driver and stalked across to the auto shop, her cellphone clutched in one hand, a takeout coffee in the other.

  Lisanne could see the woman running her eyes up and down Daniel’s ass and broad shoulders in a blatant display of eye fuckery before she coughed loudly and deliberately, clearly expecting some response from him.

  Lisanne knew he didn’t wear the CI when he was working, finding it too distracting. As the woman approached Daniel, she tapped her phone impatiently with her long glossy fingernails and huffed.

  “Some people have no damn manners!” she snapped. “Hey, you! Hey, you’re working on my car so I pay your damn salary!”

  Lisanne saw red. She marched up to the woman, her small hands clenched into fists.

  “You’re the one with no manners,” she said coldly and clearly.

  “What? Who asked you? Mind your own damn business!” The woman’s face was incredulous as she took in Lisanne’s plain t-shirt and discount store jeans.

  Lisanne felt her face heat up but she stood her ground.

  “He is my business – and he’s not being rude – he’s deaf. Yes, that’s right.” She crossed her arms. “Don’t assume everyone is like you!”

  The woman was speechless, staring at Lisanne angrily ,but also with doubt written all over her face.

  Lisanne walked to Daniel’s side and he looked up in surprise.

  “Hey, baby doll! What are you doing here?”

  She gave him a small smile, and glanced over his shoulder. “You have a customer.”

  Daniel turned around.

  “May I help you, ma’am?”

  It amused Lisanne to hear Daniel being so ultra polite, when normally he couldn’t complete a sentence without uttering some sort of cuss word.

  Her eyes narrowed when she saw the customer’s raptor like smile.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt you,” the woman said, faking sincerity perfectly, “but that’s my car y’all are working on. I was told I could pick it up this afternoon, but if you need more time...?”

  Daniel let loose his most irresistible smile, and Lisanne suspected he knew exactly what he was doing. When he winked at her, she was certain, and grinned back.

  “No, ma’am, she’s good to go. She was idling high because of the idle air control,” he said, authoritatively, “and the 2005 model is known for front end noise and rattles, but she’ll be fine now.”

  He turned back to drop the hood.

  “Thank you, young man,” the woman purred to his back. She raised her eyebrows then tapped him on the shoulder.

  Daniel turned around. “Yes, ma’am?”

  “Thank you,” she said again. “I can see you really know what you’re doing.”

  Her tone was suggestive as her eyes flicked up and down his body.

  “Sure, no problem,” said Daniel, as if he hadn’t noticed. “The office will have your invoice for you.”

  Then he peeled off the plastic gloves and walked over to Lisanne, grinning.

  The woman flounced off to pay her bill, and Lisanne gave an internal fist pump.

  Daniel gently smoothed her hair away from her throat and nuzzled the soft skin.

  “Are you still mad at me?”

  “Being cute doesn’t make you any less annoying!”

  “Yeah? But what if I’m hot?” and he pulled her close to his body, gripping her hips firmly and running his teeth down the side of her neck.

  “Still annoying,” she breathed out, in a whisper that was more like a moan.

  She gathered her scattered wits and pushed him away. No matter how many times he kissed her, she always had the same reaction – complete mental paralysis, and damp panties.

  She was pleased that he wasn’t immune to her charms either, and his overalls couldn’t disguise that he was growing hard.

  He groaned as she pushed him away, a look of disappointment painted across his lovely lips.

  “I got your letter,” she said.

  His eyes slid away from her and he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Yeah?”

  She lifted her hand to his cheek. “I loved it. Thank you.”

  His answering smile was shy and it made the breath catch in her throat.

  “Okay,” he said, quietly.

  “I’m still mad at you about Roy!” she said, putting her hands on her hips.

  Daniel scowled.

  “What did he do that was so bad?”

  His only response was to grimace

  “I mean, you’ve left us without our lead guitarist 10 days before the gig! What the hell were you thinking? If this is just about you being jealous…”

  But she didn’t get to finish her rant.

  “Yeah, I’m jealous!” he yelled, making her jump. “I’m jealous that he was up there playing with you and I’m not. I’m jealous that he’s second-rate and can still play better than I can now. I’m jealous that he gets to hear you sing – really sing – and I don’t. So, yeah! You could say I’m fucking jealous!”

  He looked so angry and hurt, and Lisanne was mortified that she’d made him feel like that, but she needed to have this out with him.

  “So who’s next?”

  “What do you mean?” he said, still breathing hard.

  “Who are you going to fight next? Mike? Carlos? JP? You said you wanted me to have music for both of us – but perhaps that doesn’t apply anymore.”

  Daniel looked furious, then a look of resignation passed over his face.

  “Baby doll, fuck, look… yeah, I’ll be jealous whoever you play with… but Roy… I couldn’t let him hang with you anymore.”

  “But why?”

  He rubbed a hand across his forehead.

  “I had an idea about Roy, but… when I saw Zef, he told me not to trust him – not to trust Roy. I didn’t know what he meant, so I asked around…”

  “And?”

  “And he’s up to his neck in shit, Lis. The heavy stuff. Like Zef was. It’s just a matter of time and I don’t want you anywhere near him when that happens. Okay?”

  Lisanne found it hard to believe – Roy seemed like such a sweet guy. He’d always been kind to her, although there was that time he’d let her make her own way home late at night after having promised her a ride.

  She sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you have to go charging in on your crusade? You could have gotten hurt – again.”

  Daniel shook his head. “I just wanted…”

  “To protect me. I know. Please, Daniel. Please. You have to talk to me about these things.”

  “I don’t want that shit touching you, baby doll,” he said mulishly, warning Lisanne that they’d reached an impasse.

  “Okay,” she said, “but you still owe me a lead guitarist.”

  He gave a small smile. “Already done.”

  “What?”

  “JP’s a pretty good guitarist and he’d been getting bored letting Roy do all the good stuff. You don’t need Roy. You’ll be fine.”

  “Any other arrangements you’ve made in my life that you’d like to tell me about?” she snapped.

  The annoying man just grinned at her. “Can’t think of any, but if I do, I’ll try to remember and let you know.”

  Yep, very annoying.

  Lisanne glared at him but found she couldn’t keep it up with him looking at her like that, all hot and disheveled, all sexy and shameless.

  “Are you done here?”

  “Why? Baby doll want to play?”

  “Oh yes,” she said, nodding her head. “She really, really does.”

  * * *

  Daniel was right about JP. He’d relished the chance of stepping out of Roy’s shadow, and had been very happy to work with Lisanne on a new song she wanted to try. She’d kept it a secret from Daniel – it was going to be a special surprise for him.

  “Sit still, damn it!” Kirsty scol
ded. “These curling irons are super hot! I don’t want to burn you – or me.”

  Lisanne was being primped again. She still found it borderline torturous but she couldn’t deny Kirsty her pleasure either, and she had to admit she was pretty awesome at turning an average face and figure into something that would stand out on a stage – even if it was in a dive on the music circuit to nowhere.

  Lisanne had been colored, curled, painted and powdered and finally poured into a fabulous gold sheath dress that clung in all the right places, and made her boobs look impressive.

  “Ta dah!” sang Kirsty. “You look knockout, honey! Daniel will probably want to kidnap you so no other guys can see the hotness that is you.”

  Lisanne wasn’t sure about that, but she appreciated Kirsty’s encouragement. And she definitely didn’t think it would do any harm for Daniel to see her all dressed up for a change. He didn’t seem to mind that she lived in jeans and t-shirts but he was a guy after all, and what guy didn’t like to see their woman in skirts and heels?

  There was a knock on the door and Rodney’s voice boomed through the panel.

  “Your pumpkin awaits, mademoiselle!”

  Kirsty grinned and pulled open the door. Rodney and Kirsty had hit it off immediately and she’d even tried to persuade him to major in fashion. Rodney was still thinking about it but said he didn’t want to ‘live the stereotype’. He was undecided, if only in what he wanted to study – because he’d been dating Ryan, a second year Mech Eng student, for three weeks, and had been happily exploring the local gay scene.

  Rodney stopped and applauded when he saw Lisanne. “Outstanding! God, you’re so amazing, Kirsty!”

  “Hey, what about me?” wailed Lisanne. “Person about to go on stage needing encouragement here!”

  “You, too, Cinderella,” said Rodney, pulling her into a warm hug. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispered. “Now, let’s get this show on the road!”

  “Wait!” yelled Kirsty, and took a photo of Lisanne looking rather startled.

  As they approached the club, Lisanne wished very hard that Daniel was in the car with her, holding her hand, but he’d gotten a ride with Vin and was going to meet her inside. Sirona might be sexy (as Daniel insisted), but she had her limitations when it came to mass transportation.