Putting Boys on the Ledge

by Stephanie Rowe

  "We are still disappointed that you were late without calling us earlier in the week. We were concerned something had happened to you."

  I could tell she meant it, and I felt bad. I hated it when I worried my parents. "I should have called. I'm sorry." I was. Once I was babysitting Marissa and she fell asleep in the goat's pen, and I couldn't find her for an hour. I was terrified! I didn't want to do that to my parents. They were weird, and they named me Blueberry, but I did love them.

  "So we're going to get you a cell phone," my mom announced.

  "You are?" This was turning out to be my best Friday night in years! I tried desperately not to jump up from the table and start dancing like a crazy woman, but I couldn't quite keep my feet from drumming on the floor.

  Dad cocked his head, no doubt trying to identify the pitter-patter of my feet, while Mom continued with the lecture. "But you are only to use it for emergencies and to call family. Plus, you always have to have it with you, so we can reach you at any time."

  Okay, so there were moments when my parents' belief in parenting with love instead of harsh discipline worked in my favor. Which was why I wasn't going to push it. "That's totally fair. I won't abuse it."

  "Can she call us?" Allie spoke up. "Do we count as family?"

  Oh, that's brilliant! I grinned at Allie, and she winked at me.

  Mom and Dad looked at each other; then they both nodded. "Of course. You girls are family." Then Dad shook his finger. "But no long phone calls. Check-in only."

  "Got it." I leaned back and let my feet dance under the table. I saw Natalie and Blue high five each other under the table, and Allie looked very pleased as she took another bite of the lasagna. I knew her happy expression wasn't from what she was putting in her mouth, that was for sure.

  I couldn't believe it. I was going to be in the musical—as Heath's mother. I wondered if I would get to touch him. Plus, I was getting a phone. Even if I couldn't use it much, I would still look cool. Heath would have to be impressed.

  I wondered if he was going to be at the football game tonight. Everyone went to the football games. Last time he saw me with naked fingernails and bad hair. This time I'd be a ravishing, mature babe. With a phone. And a part in the musical. "Allie?" We had less than a half hour to make myself a sexy diva.

  "Yeah?" She grinned at me, her eyes sparkling.

  "Did you bring your makeup?"

  She grinned. "Sure did. I even raided Louisa's stash."

  "You're putting on makeup to go to Theo's game?" Mom was watching me much too carefully.

  I shifted in my seat. "Maybe."

  She smiled knowingly. "Well, you'd better go get ready. We'll be leaving in a half hour."

  She'd guessed there was a boy involved. I knew she was going to grill me later, but that was okay. First I had other things on my mind. Like looking good for tonight.

  Really good.

  There was a lot riding on tonight. I'd never put on makeup to attract a guy before. I was going to have to rely on Allie's expertise. I'd never realized that liking a guy was so stressful. Maybe this was what it was like to be on The Ledge. Maybe I had gotten one little toe out there already, just waiting for Heath to push me out the rest of the way.

  Yuck. No wonder Louisa always said it was the boys who belonged out there.

  Why did anyone have to be on The Ledge?

  Why couldn't everyone be snuggled up in one happy pile?

  I decided I was going to prove her wrong. No one needed to be on The Ledge. Not me. Not Heath. Not anyone.

  Yep. I had it all figured out. I couldn't wait for tonight. This was going to be great!

  CHAPTER FOUR

  We saw Heath ten minutes after we got there.

  Ten minutes!

  It was as if fate had dictated we were going to have a future together. With all the people at the football game, what were the chances I'd see him so soon? Before my hair got frizzy or before I rubbed all my makeup off. Even before my mom realized I'd pulled off my baggy sweater to reveal a cute, snug little shirt that magically managed to draw one's eyes toward my nearly invisible breasts. I was quite certain it was the four-inch white stripe right over my breasts that was so inviting.

  Needless to say, Allie had swiped it from Louisa's closet, but Louisa wouldn't be mad. No doubt she would be in full support of anything intended to bring a boy to his knees in a helpless puddle of longing.

  Anyway, we were on our way to the refreshment stand to get sodas when I saw Heath. He was in line just ahead of us, wearing his black leather jacket and jeans again.

  I slammed my elbow into Natalie, who had the misfortune of being the person closest to me. "That's him!"

  "Where?" Frances asked. Natalie was too busy wheezing and trying to catch her breath after I'd slammed her in the gut. Guess the adrenaline was flowing. Sorry, Nat!

  "Buying hot dogs. In the black jacket." I wanted to hide. Duck behind my friends. Run away. "He's going to think I'm following him."

  "Of course he is," Allie said. "With three hundred people at this game and your brother on the team, there's absolutely no other reason you'd be here other than to stalk him."

  I bit my lip. "You think?"

  "No! I was kidding." Allie grabbed my arm and spun me toward her for a quick inspection. "You look great. Go for it."

  "Go for what? I don't know what to say."

  "Let's get in line," Frances said. "He'll have to walk by us with his food when he leaves."

  That was Frances. Always calm. Always thinking. "Great idea."

  We all lined up, with me on the outside, right next to where he'd have to walk by with his load of food. My heart was racing. Not just racing—it was out of control. Was this what it felt like right before you had a heart attack? My stomach was in knots, and even the bottoms of my feet were sweating. "I can't do this."

  "Yes, you can." Natalie wedged herself next to me, blocking my escape path while I watched Heath pay for his hot dogs and soda.

  "He's coming." Oh, my gosh. He was walking right toward me. He was so cute. Hot. Gorgeous. Tall. Would he still smell like he did before? I lifted my nose and sniffed, really subtly, but all I could smell was hot dogs and popcorn.

  Closer. Less than five feet away now.

  A weird humming started in my ears, like I was going to faint. Oh, wouldn't that be dignified.

  His gaze drifted over me, and I mustered up a smile. He smiled back. I love that smile.

  I felt an elbow in my back and heard a whispered command to say something.

  He was only a foot away now and about to move past.

  "I got the part," I blurted.

  He glanced at me. "Did you say something?"

  "I got the part."

  He stared blankly at me. "What part?"

  Oh, my gosh. He didn't remember who I was. "The... the..."

  Then someone shouted his name and he turned away. Whisked off into the crowd. Gone. What a horrible, horrible evening.

  * * *

  "I have a theory about Friday night," Allie announced on Sunday evening. "About what happened with Heath at the game."

  "I don't care." Okay, so I did care. A lot. But I'd been trying not to think about Heath all weekend, and having Allie bring it up wasn't going to help. I was currently lying on my carpet staring up at the ceiling.

  As I'd been doing all weekend.

  He hadn't recognized me.

  After I'd obsessed about him for every minute since I'd met him, he hadn't even remembered my face, let alone my name. How could anyone forget the name Blue? Very few people forgot meeting someone with my name. So the fact that Heath totally forgot?

  Not a good sign.

  Not good at all.

  "I have a theory," Allie interrupted. "Doesn't anyone want to hear it?"

  "No." I couldn't bear to talk or think about Heath for another minute.

  Frances and Natalie weren't nearly as restrained as I was. "What's your theory, Allie?" Frances asked.

  Well, she would ask
. She never had any homework to do on Sunday night. Might as well dissect the process by which Blue Waller had become invisible.

  Not that I was getting any homework done, though. How could I think about math when my spleen was currently on its way to the transplant center and my body was covered in tread marks after getting sucked off The Ledge by the hurricane-force winds swirling around?

  The four of us had been meeting every Sunday night to do homework since we'd first started having homework. In the beginning, we'd met up to work on the assignments together.

  Once Allie and Frances had gone off to private school, we'd kept up the tradition because it made it less painful to do homework on Sunday night if we all suffered together.

  In fact, it was sort of an unwritten promise that we'd all leave some homework to do for Sunday night.

  Except Frances. It simply wasn't in her nature. So tonight she was reading a book. For fun. Not a textbook, a fun book. Maybe there was hope for her.

  Me, on the other hand... All homework was still undone. I had no chance of finishing it all by Monday, and I didn't care. I was too depressed to work.

  "Yes, what's your theory?" Natalie asked.

  "I don't want to hear it," I announced.

  "Then don't listen." Allie folded her hands across her pre-algebra book like an all-knowing guru. "At tryouts, Blue didn't have any makeup on. She was wearing jeans and a loose sweater, and her hair was showing the effects of a long day at school."

  My stomach dropped. "I didn't realize I looked that bad." Not that I was listening. Because I wasn't.

  "Oh, no, no, no." Allie patted my knee. "You looked fine. But at the football game you looked hot. Like you were sixteen."

  "Really? I looked sixteen? Even with no boobs?"

  Frances rolled her eyes. "Not all older women have big boobs."

  "I know, but it sure helps," I said.

  "Anyway..." Allie waved her hands to get our attention. "It wasn't that he hadn't noticed Blue at the auditions. It was just that he didn't recognize her because she looked different, older, and there were so many distractions she didn't have time to woo him."

  "Woo him? How do you woo?" I didn't know I was supposed to woo. I'd been focusing on trying to have an intelligible phrase come out of my mouth.

  "Yes, what's wooing?" Natalie asked.

  "It means making a guy realize how completely awesome you are, and that he will die a horrible, suffering death if he doesn't get you as his girlfriend within the next thirty seconds," Allie explained.

  I groaned and pulled a pillow onto my face. "Oh, because that will be easy to do, of course."

  "Of course it will be. You just need a better environment so he can focus on you." She pointed at me. "You just watch, Blue. We'll get you all decked out before your first rehearsal and then he'll fall at your feet when he realizes the gorgeous girl from the football game is also the same charming Blue he met at tryouts."

  I wanted to believe that. I really did. "You really think so?" I wasn't too sure, but Frances nodded her agreement.

  "You know, I think Allie has a point. You did look different at the football game. That cute top really showed off your figure." Frances grinned. "He was probably too busy looking at your chest to notice your face."

  "Wow. That would be fantastic." No one had ever looked at my chest instead of my face.

  Allie scooted to the edge of my bed, where she'd spread out all her homework. "So where was he looking? Did you notice?"

  "He…um…well…" I tried to convince myself that he'd been staring at my breasts, but there was no hope of delusions of that magnitude. "I think he was looking past me. Into the crowd."

  "Oh." Allie frowned. "Then I guess we'll have to go with my original conclusion. He just didn't recognize you."

  "Because you looked so hot," Natalie added.

  I scanned the faces of my devoted friends and decided they were all insane. Except I really, really wanted to believe them. I needed to believe that it had simply been a matter of non-recognition because I looked so hot. If the truth was that Heath had simply forgotten I even existed, I would never recover. "My first rehearsal is on Tuesday. At five-thirty."

  Allie nodded. "We'll meet you in the locker room at five. I'll bring supplies from Louisa's room."

  Natalie grinned and clapped her hands. "I'll just be getting done with practice then. I can meet you guys."

  Just then my bedroom door swung open and my mom popped her head in. She was wearing a blue shirt and baggy white pants. No black at all. Hurrah! "You girls are supposed to be studying, not chatting."

  "We were discussing Blue's first rehearsal." Natalie said. "She's a little nervous."

  "Oh…" That was all it took to get my mom going. She walked into the room and sat down on the bed next to Allie.

  Therapy by Mom.

  Just what I need to get my mind off Heath. Not.

  * * *

  Monday after school I flung open the door to the barn and announced my life to the animals. "My first rehearsal is tomorrow night. I'm so nervous."

  "Rehearsal for what?" A boy popped up from the feed bins and I screamed.

  Okay, I can admit it: I screamed. Maybe a little undignified, but I really hadn't been expecting anything human to be in the barn. At least I didn't faint, though Allie would probably recommend it under certain circumstances.

  "Who are you and what do you want?" I grabbed a feed bucket and held it up as if I knew how to cause serious bodily harm with it. What was he doing here? There should be no strangers in our barn!

  He didn't look too scared, unfortunately. He smiled instead of screaming and running for his life. "I'm Colin Bradshaw. Are you Blue?"

  How did he know my name? Did I have a stalker? Hmmm...he was sorta cute for a stalker, even though his blue jeans were faded and baggy, and his boots were pretty beat-up. His smile was nice and friendly, and I liked the way his hair was sort of spiky in the front. His body was lean and relaxed, like he was totally at ease with being in someone else's barn. Honestly, he was kind of appealing in a careless sort of way. Nothing like Heath, though.

  "What are you doing in my bam?" I demanded, still wielding the bucket. I would not be distracted by the good looks of my soon-to-be murderer.

  "Waiting for you."

  "Me?" Wow. Maybe he really was after me. Should I be panicked? Run away? "Why?"

  "You're supposed to show me what to do." He leaned against the food bins, wedging his hip against the wood. "Didn't your parents tell you they'd hired me?"

  "Oh...No, my parents didn't tell me." Alas, no stalker. Too bad. Maybe it would have brought out Heath's protective instincts. When he recognized me, that is. "You're my replacement."

  "For the next three months." He folded his arms across his chest. "You're in a play?"

  "A musical." Hey, nothing wrong with letting people think I could sing. I casually set the bucket back down, pretending that I'd simply been relocating it to a more appropriate place.

  "You're a singer?"

  Fine. Let me bask in my delusions for only one second. "No, actually, I can't sing. It's a non-singing part."

  He nodded approvingly. "Cool."

  Cool? What did he mean by that?

  "I can't sing either," he said.

  Oh, my gosh. Was he trying to bond? Did he have a crush on me? Unacceptable. I was taken. Must nip this in the bud. "Heath can sing," I said loftily.

  Colin lifted his brow. "Who's Heath?"

  "A boy," I said vaguely.

  "A boyfriend?"

  I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't quite manage the lie. Lying was what helped to contribute to the downfall of society. Negotiating adjusted dinnertimes is one thing. Lying? Something else entirely. My mom would wear black for a year. And she would definitely find out. She's a mom. They're psychic. "I hope so."

  Colin nodded. "Ah. A guy you like?"

  "I play his mother in the musical."

  "Interesting."

  "I'm not really his mother," I said.
"It wouldn't be weird or anything in real life."

  Colin just stood there grinning, like he knew I was getting myself all tangled up and stuff.

  Jerk.

  "What's this boy's name?" he asked.

  "Heath Cavendish."

  Colin tilted his head. "Heath Cavendish, huh?" He said it like there was something wrong with the name.

  "I'm sure you wouldn't know him. He's a senior."

  "So am I."

  "Oh." Well, fine, then. "He plays basketball, too, you know."

  Colin held up his hands. "I concede defeat. Heath Cavendish may have you. I step aside."

  Step aside? He hadn't been in the race, had he? Of course not. He was here to clean the barn. Heath had probably never cleaned a barn in his life. Much too uncool. "So you want to learn how to do the feed or what?"

  "It's what your parents are paying me for."

  "At least they pay you. I was doing it for free." I headed toward the feed bin Colin was leaning against so I could start showing him what to do.

  A faint smiled curved Colin's mouth, and I noticed it was sort of a nice mouth. "Kids get taken advantage of sometimes, don't you think?"

  "Definitely."

  He moved aside so I could open the bin. "So if you weren't working for free for your parents, where would you be working?"

  Working? I never thought about working. I'm fourteen. I guess when you're seventeen, you think about those kinds of things, but I could come up with something, right? "Um..." Think! "With kids. I'd want to work with kids."

  "Like a teacher?"

  Hmm...that sounded sort of wimpy. "Gang youth." My mom had been talking just the other day about how gangs were a substitute for families, and that if the nuclear family hadn't broken down, then there would be no kids in gangs. I thought it actually sounded pretty interesting.

  Colin lifted an eyebrow. "Gang youth?"

  "Yes. You know, go into the inner cities and help those kids. I'd get to carry a gun and everything." Oops. My mom wouldn't be too high on the gun thing. Better not be telling her that little detail.

  He grinned. "I wouldn't have thought you were the gun-toting type."

  Hold everything! Allie would kill me for announcing I wanted to carry a gun! That wasn't the way to attract a boy. You attract boys by wearing tight shirts, flipping your hair, and laughing at the right times. Not telling them you want to carry a gun.