Putting Boys on the Ledge

by Stephanie Rowe

  I didn't think I could take any more practicing, or else I'd start to like Colin instead of Heath. Colin had kissed me on the understanding that it was just a practice kiss, not a real kiss, and I wasn't going to be naïve enough to think it meant something. But I was still kind of melting over the kiss, and I needed to distract myself. Remember why I'd done it. "You think Heath will like kissing me?"

  A strange look crossed Colin's face. "I can't speak for Heath."

  "Well, then, do you think I need more practice before I kiss Heath?"

  Colin shifted and suddenly looked very much like he wanted to leave the stall. "I think you kiss fine. I gotta go." And then he pushed open the door with the toe of his boot and walked out. I heard him say good-bye to my friends, and realized he was leaving.

  Which was fine. Though I wasn't sure why I had this sort of weird tenseness in my belly at the thought of his leaving. It hadn't been there when we'd been kissing.

  The door swung open wide and Allie, Frances, and Natalie ran into the stall.

  "What happened?"

  "Did he kiss you?"

  "Was it awesome?"

  "Is he a good kisser?"

  "Were you nervous?"

  "Was it weird?"

  I held up my hands and they fell silent. "I am officially ready for Heath."

  And I was. I had become a woman, or at least a freshman who knew how to kiss.

  Nearly the same thing.

  * * *

  This time pre-rehearsal prep went smoothly. Allie arrived with the makeup and cute clothes. Natalie got out of practice on time, and Frances was there as well. We had a full half hour in the locker room to make my hair behave and get my makeup just right.

  And when I say my hair was behaving, that's amazing. With mousy brown, straight, boring hair, it's really hard to make it look good. But Allie did it, thanks to her talents with a curling iron. The clothes she had filched from her sister looked amazing on me. Having all three of them to pump me up and get me psyched made me feel like I could actually walk in there, ignore Heath, and not rush over to him and start babbling apologies for ditching him in the middle of the dance floor.

  This time, when I walked out into the hallway three minutes before rehearsal started and saw Heath hanging out with a couple guys, I didn't duck my head or hide. I simply lifted my chin the way Allie had told me to, pretended I didn't see him, and walked on by. I could feel him watching me, and it was all I could do not to run over to him and beg him to forgive me for acting like such an idiot at the party.

  But my friends were watching me from the end of the hall, and they'd ordered me not to speak to Heath before he spoke to me. Fine. I'd comply while they were watching, but if Heath hadn't spoken to me by the end of rehearsal, I was going to apologize.

  I wasn't going to tell him that the reason I'd left was because I didn't know how to kiss and that I'd been practicing. I'm not that dumb.

  Anyway, I walked into the hall, and a few people actually waved. They'd been at the party on Friday night, and obviously remembered me because I'd been with Heath. I smiled back, and took a seat in the first row. That way I wouldn't see when Heath sat down and I wouldn't be tempted to stare at him, or rush over to him and throw myself at his feet.

  I knew that Frances, Natalie, and Allie were probably going to sneak onto the balcony and watch from up there. They had my back. I could do this.

  Mr. Howland whistled and gestured everyone into their seats. He then took out his script and announced the order of scenes for today.

  First up, my scene with Heath.

  Nothing like being deprived of time to summon my internal will and fortitude before facing the enemy.

  I took a deep breath, grabbed my script, and forced my wobbly legs to support me and walk to the stage. This time I went around the long way and walked up the steps, so I wouldn't need to have Heath pull me up. Though I wanted to. Oh, boy, did I want to have him reach for me, and to feel his hand around mine and—

  Be strong, Blue.

  As I was walking toward the center of the stage, Heath hopped up. He was so athletic it was astounding. I could totally see how he'd be a star basketball player. Just seeing him made my stomach go all woozy and my skin feel hot. Was this what it felt like to be in love? And had I ruined it already?

  I stopped about ten feet from him and faced Mr. Howland. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Heath looking at me, but I couldn't see the expression on his face.

  I was so not comfortable with playing hard to get. Why did this have to be a game? Why couldn't I just tell him that I liked him and I was sorry I freaked?

  Mr. Howland started giving us directions on where to stand and move, and I had to pay attention to him. I wrote down what he said in my script, and walked through my lines with Heath.

  Unfortunately, there was no kissing or even touching involved, but Heath was watching me pretty intently. To see if my head was going to fly off and strange objects were going to catapult out of my body? Probably.

  The whole scene went by much too uneventfully. Other actors came into the scene, and I realized that acting actually requires a lot of concentration. And I had to have all my lines learned in one week! Yikes!

  And the other thing I learned was that just having a scene with Heath didn't mean that we were psychically connected. Like I said, I caught him looking at me a few times, but that was it. We had no chance to talk at all.

  Not even when we were finished. Dratty Mr. Howland kicked me off the stage so that Heath and his lover could work on their song.

  Brilliant. I got all decked out and looking good and even practiced kissing, and nothing. Not even a greeting. I knew I'd totally blown it at the party. I never should have let Allie get my hopes up.

  Boys sucked.

  Dismissed for the evening, I grabbed my backpack and stalked out of the assembly hall, trying to smile at the folks who greeted me.

  My friends met me in the hall, their faces somber.

  Oh, great. When their faces were serious, there was no hope that the misery of the encounter had been only in my imagination.

  "Tough night," Allie said.

  "He's a jerk," Frances announced. "You don't want him anyway."

  Natalie just slung her arm around me and squeezed my shoulder. "For all that, you suffered with dental floss up your bum?"

  I couldn't help but grin. "Green silk dental floss."

  "Men have no appreciation for what we women go through for them," Natalie said. "They're all jerks."

  "Hey, Blue."

  Oh, my gosh. I whirled around to find Heath poking his head out the door. "H-h-hi."

  My friends slowly faded away, retreating down the hall to give us the appearance of privacy. An illusion of privacy, because they were definitely listening to every word.

  "You're taking off already?" he asked.

  "Yep." I had to apologize. "Listen—"

  "Are you doing anything Friday night?"

  "What?" I shook my head to clear my brain. No way had he just said what I thought he said.

  "Are you free Friday?" He said it again, very clearly, and there was no way to misunderstand.

  He was asking me about my plan on Friday. There was only one reason why he'd be doing that, right? I mean, it wasn't like he was in charge of monitoring the social schedule of freshman girls, right? "Yes. Of course." Free? For Heath? Was he kidding?

  He grinned. "How about I give you a call this week and we'll do something on Friday?"

  "Sure. Great." This couldn't be happening. It was amazing. Fabulous.

  "Are you on for rehearsal any more nights this week?"

  "I don't think so." Having a non-singing part in a musical really didn't require one to be at rehearsal very often. Very annoying. Why couldn't I sing? What a curse to be burdened with at my tender age.

  "All right. I'll give a ring. What's your number?"

  I immediately yanked a pen and a scrap of paper out of my bag and jotted down my house phone. Then I added my cell phon
e number. Gotta look worthy. "The second one is my cell phone. You can call that anytime."

  "Great." He shoved the paper in his pocket, and the floozy bimbo who was his lover poked her head out the door.

  "Heath. Mr. Howland's back. Come on."

  "Right." He smiled at me. "Gotta run. See you."

  And then he went with her. To do their song together. Yuck. Have I mentioned that I hate her? Interesting, considering that I don't even know her name.

  But I'm the one he's going out with Friday night. Not her. And this time I'll be ready to kiss him.

  Once again, my life is perfect.

  * * *

  By Thursday evening Heath still hadn't called me. I'd stayed home all week, huddled by the phone, and no call.

  "If he calls tonight, you have to tell him you already made plans for Friday," Allie announced.

  "No way. I'm not making the same mistake again." It was difficult enough to get a date with Heath. I wasn't going to turn one down.

  "You don't want to look desperate," Natalie agreed.

  "How do I look desperate? He asked me to go out with him on Tuesday and I agreed. How is that desperate?"

  "Because he hasn't called to confirm," Allie said. "He needs to give you more than one night."

  My mom popped her head in from the kitchen, where she was working on some seaweed quiche thing. "What are you girls talking about?"

  "A boy in Blue's play asked her out for Friday, but he hasn't called to confirm yet, and I think she shouldn't go even if he calls tonight. It's not enough notice," Allie said.

  Gee, thanks, Allie. Not. I didn't want to discuss boy issues with my mom. She was a mom.

  My mom, whom I didn't want to get involved, set her big ol' knife on the bookshelf and looked at me. "You have a date for Friday? What time?"

  "I don't know if I have a date. He hasn't called."

  "What time?"

  "I don't know. I guess dinner and a movie."

  "You can't go." My mom picked up the knife and walked back into the kitchen.

  What? I couldn't go? What was she talking about? No way could I possibly turn down a date with Heath because my mom wouldn't let me go. Shooting an annoyed glance at Allie for bringing it up, I jumped to my feet. "Natalie, watch my cell phone. If it rings, answer it. Same with the house phone."

  She nodded, and I followed my mom into the kitchen. "Mom. Why can't I go on a date?" Be calm, Blue. Don't let her see you panic. "Theo was dating at my age."

  My mom shot me a look. "Don't try the Theo thing again. It worked once."

  "But he was."

  "For your information, it's not the date I'm objecting to." She grabbed an organic carrot from her recycled plastic bag and set it on her handmade all-natural cutting board. "You can't miss Theo's game for a date."

  My mouth dropped open. Tacky, I know, but I was in too much shock to remember how to control my face. "What?"

  "Theo's game. You know we all have to support him."

  "He doesn't even know if we're there."

  "Of course he does. Even if he doesn't see us, he feels us."

  "He's not psychic."

  "How do you know?"

  Was she kidding? We were actually discussing whether Theo was psychic? "Mom!"

  "What?"

  "This is an incredible boy. And he's a senior. And it's the first time he's asked me out. Do you have any idea how rare it is for a senior boy to be interested in a freshman?" She had to understand how important this was to me. Much more important than Theo's game. "Don't you remember when you were in high school? Can you imagine if you were in my situation with this kind of opportunity, and your mom made you do some family thing instead? It's not fair."

  My mom set her knife down and turned to face me, an odd look on her face.

  Uh-oh. I didn't like that look. I took a step back.

  "Have you been sexually free with boys?"

  Oh, my gosh. I could see the headline now: Fourteen-year-old Girl Actually Dies from Embarrassment "Mom!"

  "Well, have you? You said yourself how rare it is for a senior boy to be interested in a freshman girl. When I was in high school, it was usually sex."

  "I've kissed one boy once in my life." I absolutely couldn't believe I was having this conversation with my mom. "That's it. Nothing else."

  "You sure?"

  "Of course I'm sure. I think I'd have noticed!" My voice was getting louder, and I could see my mom getting that expression where she was about to start lecturing me on the link between yelling and how it contributes to the downfall of society. I took a deep breath and lowered my voice. "Mom, believe it or not, I am actually one of the more socially inept girls in my class. In spite of that, Heath actually likes me. In fact, he tried to kiss me last weekend and I ran away from him because I was so freaked out. And he still wants to take me out. So maybe he just thinks I'm interesting. Did that ever occur to you?"

  My mom sighed and wiped her hand on her apron. "Oh, Blue, that's not what I meant. Of course I think you're wonderful and interesting. I just want to make sure you're making the right decisions. I'm glad this boy sees you for who you are. Is he a vegetarian?"

  "A vegetarian?" Was she kidding? "I didn't ask him. That's not exactly first-date material."

  "Why not?"

  "Because there's no need to scare him off by letting him know how strange my family is. And I'm not a vegetarian, so it doesn't matter."

  Mom raised an eyebrow, but she let the remark about my strange family slide. "Fine. You can go out with him. But not on Friday night, and not unless I meet him first."

  "Mom!"

  "What?" She imitated my wail perfectly, and it made me as mad as it always did.

  "That's so uncool to have to meet you first."

  "I don't care. And Friday night you're going to the game."

  I folded my arms across my chest. "What if I say no?"

  Mom gave me that mom look. "I don't think you really want me to answer that question, do you?"

  Fine. She was right. "If you've ruined my social life and scarred me for life, I hope you're happy."

  "There are six other nights in the week. If this boy is interested in you, it shouldn't be too hard to find another one."

  Easy for her to say. She wasn't the one who'd already messed things up once with Heath.

  Twice?

  He'd never come back again.

  My life was ruined.

  * * *

  Friday night eight o'clock, my mood was even worse. I glared at the football players, wishing the earth would swallow them up and crush them all beneath mounds of gravel.

  "On the positive side, it's good Heath didn't call. That way you didn't have to tell him you couldn't go," Frances said.

  I couldn't believe he didn't call. "He probably called right after we left the house tonight."

  "If he waited until that late to call, then he doesn't deserve to have you home," Allie said.

  "I can't believe my mom made me leave my cell phone at home."

  "She does have a point," Natalie said. "The only people you're allowed to call are your family, and everyone is here."

  "That's not why she made me leave it at home." I couldn't believe what a bad mood I was in. "You told her you were guarding the phone in case Heath called. So she knew I'd given the number to him."

  Natalie poked me. "Don't get mad at me, Blue. I'm not the reason Heath didn't call, and it's not my fault you couldn't go out with him tonight."

  "It's your fault I couldn't bring my phone tonight. Heath probably left me six messages trying to find me. And now he'll think I don't like him." I folded my arms across my chest and tried to shoot poison daggers out of my eyes at the world.

  "It's not my fault," Natalie repeated. "And you're not being fair!"

  "I'm glad you don't have your phone," Allie said. "If he actually bothered to call tonight, then the only acceptable response is to not be home and to not answer your phone. If you'd brought it, I would have confiscated it anyway!"
r />   I couldn't deal with this discussion. "I'm going for popcorn. I'll be back." I didn't even offer to get anyone anything.

  Was I in a foul mood or what? Why hadn't Heath called? He'd totally said he'd call. I sat home every night this week, threatening everyone in my family to stay off the phone, and to no avail. He simply didn't call. Why not? I didn't understand it. Everything had seemed perfect at rehearsal. Was it because I hadn't let him kiss me? Had I blown it? It didn't matter now, did it? I'd bolted and I was stuck with it now.

  The only solution to make myself feel better?

  Eat.

  I skipped the popcorn stand and headed straight for the soft-serve ice cream. Double chocolate was all that would satisfy. With any luck it would all go straight to my boobs and I'd wake up tomorrow with a woman's figure.

  Yeah, right.

  I got in line behind a couple that was being way too lovey for my taste. Even my blackest scowl didn't deter them, so I folded my arms across my chest and stared out at the crowd so I wouldn't have to look at them and think about how I was supposed to be out with the man of my dreams tonight.

  And that was when I saw him. Heath, walking toward me—with his arm around a girl.

  My stomach turned to lead, my toes curled, and a lump settled in my throat. He was on a date with another girl. That was why he hadn't called. Because he was on a date with someone else. Betrayal and anger swelled inside me. Unbelievable. How stupid could I be?

  As I bit my lower lip to keep from crying, I could almost feel the wind blowing through my hair as I peered out over the edge of The Ledge at all the headlights below. Oh, I was out there now, and it sucked. It was a little late to realize that Allie had been right when she'd warned me not to go out there. Would I notice when I lost my spleen? Was it a necessary organ? Would the tread marks be permanent, or would they fade with a good scrubbing?

  The Ledge was no place for a girl. With all the coaching I'd gotten on the subject, how in the world had I let myself end up out there, hanging by my fingernails?

  "Blue?"