Barefoot

by Ruth Patterson

  He lifted a hand and smirked, ‘Later.’

  Cal led her round the side of a haybarn, his back stiff with anger. Suddenly they were back in the manicured areas open to the public, and it felt like a different world again. ‘This is how the punters like to think a farm looks,’ he said, and she blushed. It was as if he had read her mind again.

  The café was much quieter than it had been on Saturday. A couple of tables were occupied by mothers with toddlers and another with one elderly couple. An older woman was serving and Cal made the introductions. ‘Mum. Meet Toni.’

  She was much smaller than Cal, with greying hair pulled back tightly in a pony. They didn’t look alike.

  ‘Hi, Toni. I’m Debs.’ Her smile didn’t reach her eyes and lines of exhaustion showed on her face. ‘OK kids. What’ll it be?’

  Cal chose the chocolate cake and Toni went for the flapjack. They sat at a table in the window with the sun streaming in through the glass. Cal was quiet. He concentrated on devouring his cake with his head down, then pushed his plate away and looked up.

  ‘So I’m guessing you and Sam don’t get on,’ she said.

  ‘Mr… ‘I’m doing a business degree’… you mean? He’s full of himself.’

  His resentment startled her and she focused on crumbling her flapjack into small pieces. It was too sweet.

  Cal sighed. ‘Enough of my family. Horses are more interesting.’

  She looked up to find him grinning again.

  ‘What’s Grace like?’

  Toni was thrown. ‘Dunno. Push-button, I guess.’

  He frowned. ‘I never know what people mean by that.’

  She felt a bit uncomfortable. ‘You know. Thoroughbred. Does it all. Bit spooky. There’s not a lot to say about her really.’

  ‘Sounds like you don’t have much time for her.’

  Toni sensed his judgement and felt the need to explain. ‘I suppose we never really bonded. I didn’t exactly get to choose her.’ She remembered how she’d felt when Arabella bought the mare. All she saw was a pony who was replacing Buster and expected to help her win. She thought of how Cal was with Rebel. Or how she was with Buster. The pain in her ribs was spreading now and she winced.

  ‘What’s up?’ He was watching her intently.

  ‘Nothing. It’s just…’

  He suddenly looked over her shoulder and tensed. ‘Shit. My dad.’

  Toni turned round and saw a man heading towards the café. He was in his mid-fifties, small and balding, and looked really mad.

  ‘Gotta go.’ Cal jumped up quickly.

  As he pulled open the door, she clearly heard his father’s angry voice.

  ‘You’re meant to be sorting that fencing out.’

  ‘I’m on it, OK.’ Cal pushed his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders.

  ‘No, it’s not bloody OK. Wasting time messing about with that bloody horse. Hanging around with your girlfriend.’

  Cal glanced over his shoulder at Toni. ‘She’s not my girlfriend,’ he muttered, and began to shut the door again.

  ‘Well, whoever she is, tell her to get lost. We’ve got a farm to run.’

  They walked off together, abandoning Toni. Debs came over immediately, carrying an empty tray. ‘I’m sorry about Matt.’

  Toni felt incredibly awkward and quickly took some money out of her pocket, but Debs shook her head. ‘Put that away.’ She loaded the plates onto the tray and wiped the table. ‘He’s under lots of pressure at the moment. We all are.’ She seemed to want to say more, but then changed her mind and headed back over to the counter.

  Toni left immediately and walked up to the entrance of the car park and was relieved to see the Land Rover waiting.

  ‘You’re quiet,’ Jen commented after they had driven for a few minutes in silence. ‘Didn’t it go well?’

  Toni had so many conflicting feelings she had no idea what to say. ‘It’s complicated,’ was all she could come up with in the end, which sounded pretty lame.

  Jen laughed. ‘That’s why I stick to animals. Grace’s tail is better by the way. I reckon she can go back out tomorrow.’

  Grace. Even Jen seemed to care about her more than Toni did. She had taken the mare for granted for so long and never really given her any love at all. From now on things were going to be different, she decided.

  It was time for a fresh start.

  For them both.

  ***** Five *****

  When they got back to the yard, Jen opened the back of the Land Rover and began to unload heavy bags of chaff, slinging each one onto a pile with ease.

  Toni’s ribs were killing her, and she remembered the doctor’s warning about overdoing it. ‘I’m sorry I can’t help.’

  Jen laughed. ‘No offence, but even with two good arms I don’t reckon you’d be much use.’

  Toni tried not to take it personally. Jen was probably right. She promised herself that when her injuries were healed she was going to get more hands-on in the yard.

  She walked down the track to Buster’s field and he came trotting over instantly to greet her. She felt in her pocket and found a mint for him. He hoovered it up instantly, then nudged her hand, asking for another.

  Toni shook her head.

  ‘No. One’s enough.’ He gave her sleeve a sharp nip, and tossed his head a couple of times in irritation when she didn’t give in, before trotting off again to graze on the new spring grass.

  Buster. She had had him since she was five and loved him unconditionally, even though he was stubborn and grumpy. She confronted the uncomfortable truth she had been avoiding.

  Why don’t I feel that way about Grace?

  Toni walked back up the muddy track, deep in thought. The yard was empty now. Arabella and her team were all still at the show and it felt calm and peaceful. She rinsed her wellies under the hose and went on into the lower barn to see Grace. The pony raised her head, then lowered it again immediately.

  Resigned.

  If Toni was honest with herself, Grace had been like that since she had owned her. She knew the attention would come when she was expected to work again and had no expectation of anything more.

  When Toni opened the stable door, Grace lifted her head again, looking wary.

  ‘Hi there.’ It felt awkward and she didn’t know where to start. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

  Grace, sensing a change in her perhaps, seemed uncertain, and moved sideways a step so she could still reach her hay-net, but with one ear back, keeping an eye on the girl all the time.

  Toni inched forward and stood alongside her, breathing in her smell. It was different to Buster.

  Sweeter.

  Doubting, the mare backed herself into the corner, even though it meant leaving the food.

  Toni remembered what Cal had said about the horse needing to invite you in, and stepped back outside the stable again, then shut the door.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She found herself saying it out loud, then felt really stupid and looked round quickly, but there was no one within earshot. This was ridiculous. She had owned Grace for eighteen months, yet it still felt as if they were strangers.

  Grace was almost twelve and Toni knew so little about her. She vaguely remembered Arabella saying the previous owner had given up riding. But what about before that? She decided to make it her mission to find out. Which meant first she had somehow to get her hands on Grace’s passport. And that meant asking her mother when she got back.

  Thinking about Grace inevitably led her to think about Lauren, and she finally decided two things. It was time to tell her friend about Cal. And she couldn’t wait until Lauren got back from Spain. She composed a text she knew she was pretty sure Lauren would find hard to blank.

  ‘I’ve met a guy.’

  Short, and to the point.

  It had the desired result. Within moments she got a response.

  ‘Skype in five.’

  Toni went inside and sat at the kitchen table, feeling a little awkward, and lo
gged on. ‘How’s Spain?’ Seeing her friend’s face, tanned and relaxed, she didn’t really need to ask.

  ‘Hot,’ Lauren said, impatient. ‘Now, tell me everything! What’s his name? Is he into horses? Is he fit? How old is he?’

  ‘OK, OK,’ Toni laughed. She was forgiven, obviously. ‘His name is Cal. Yes he’s into horses. And yes he’s fit. At least I think he is.’ She relaxed. It felt so good to be talking about Cal to somebody. She told Lauren about Poplar Farm and Rebel and Cal’s father. ‘And I don’t actually know how old he is. I’m guessing around eighteen.’

  Lauren’s eyes widened. They were sharply defined with thick black eyeliner, making them look huge. ‘Older guy. Awesome. So how’s it going?’

  Toni found herself blushing. ‘OK. I think.’

  ‘OK? That tells me nothing.’

  ‘It was cool. He’s cool.’

  ‘I need details.’ Lauren pushed her. ‘What did you guys do?’

  How can I explain?

  ‘He’s really into natural horsemanship. He taught me to do stuff with his horse Rebel.’

  ‘You mean like horse whispering?’

  ‘Yeah, sort of.’

  ‘So no kissing.’ Lauren was disappointed.

  Toni laughed. ‘No kissing – yet.’ She paused.

  ‘What?’ Lauren sensed she was stalling.

  ‘He seems to have a screwed-up relationship with his family, that’s all.’

  ‘And you don’t?’

  Toni laughed. ‘Fair point.’

  ‘When are you seeing him again?’

  ‘Not sure.’

  ‘He’s probably embarrassed about his dad. And guys are crap at communicating. You’ll have to make the next move, for sure.’ Lauren switched the subject rapidly. ‘How’s Grace?’

  ‘Better. She’s going back out tomorrow.’

  Toni could see the horse lorry roll into the yard from the bedroom window and decided to tell Lauren about her research on Grace another time. ‘Still on for Badminton?’ They had walked the course on cross-country day every year since they were seven.

  ‘Course.’

  ‘Arabella’s back, I’ve got to go.’

  Lauren waved. ‘Text me.’

  Toni waited until the horses were all unloaded and tried to think of a plausible excuse for wanting the horse passport. Needing to check Grace’s vaccination record was the best she could come up with in the end.

  She went in search of Arabella, and soon heard her mother’s voice, raised on the phone in her office.

  ‘And I’m telling you I’ve already filled in the bloody form and sent it to you.’

  There was a brief pause, then she began to shout. ‘Well, that’s not my problem is it?’

  There was a longer silence this time and Toni guessed she had hung up. She hesitated outside the door. It wasn’t a good time, clearly, and she turned to leave again.

  ‘So you’re just going to give up?’

  Cal’s words haunted her and she stopped. The truth was it never was going to be a good time with her mother, was it? So she turned back and pushed the door open.

  ‘What?’ Arabella didn’t look up.

  ‘I just need….’ Toni’s voice trailed away as her mother spun round on her desk chair, her face contorted with fury.

  ‘Spit it out!’

  ‘Grace’s passport,’ Toni mumbled. To her amazement, Arabella reached up and grabbed a box file from one of the shelves.

  ‘They’re all in there. Just make sure you put it back.’

  Toni inched forward and took the file, holding her breath as she waited for her mother to ask why she wanted it. But the question never came. Arabella had already picked up the phone again and was dialling another number, leaving her to slip out gratefully.

  She sifted through the pile of passports until she found Grace’s and was shocked to find five previous owners listed. The first one looked like a breeder and it seemed she had been sold on as a yearling. Toni decided to start at the beginning. Using the address and a bit of detective work online she was excited when she found a phone number. But the man who answered was completely uninterested.

  ‘If you’ve got a problem with her, it’s a bit late to come whingeing to me about it.’

  ‘There’s no problem,’ she interrupted him hastily. ‘I just want to find out more about her.’

  ‘Sorry. Can’t help.’

  ‘But you must remember something,’ Toni pushed. ‘She’s a chestnut thoroughbred, with one white sock and a white blaze.’

  ‘Do you realise how many horses I sell a year?’ He snorted in disgust and put the phone down.

  Vile man.

  She moved onto the next number and dialled it Another man answered, fortunately polite this time.

  ‘I bring on youngsters, back them and sell them on. I don’t tend to get too sentimental about them.’

  ‘Do you remember what she was like – anything at all?’ Toni persisted.

  ‘Just like any other thoroughbred mare from my memory. Flighty. My son backed her not me. He’s in New Zealand now. Sorry.’

  Toni hung up, feeling despondent. It was sad how little anyone remembered about Grace. She looked at her list again then dialled the third number she had.

  This time she reached a voicemail and left a message, asking them to call her back. She had more luck with the fourth number. A pleasant woman answered immediately and was co-operative when Toni explained why she was calling.

  ‘Grace. Of course I remember. She was my daughter’s second pony.’

  ‘What can you tell me about her?’ Toni asked.

  ‘Not a lot really. Gemma was in Pony Club and competed her for two years. Grace did well for her, but she was too spooky and such a pain to load. We kept her on working livery at a local riding school. It was the only way we could afford her. Someone there bought her off us.’

  Toni thanked her and rang off. So Grace had been kept on working livery and was used to lots of different riders. Ponies had one of two responses to that. They became either stubborn and challenging, or nervous and eager to please. Grace definitely fell into the latter category.

  She had one more number to call.

  This time it was a man who answered.

  ‘That bloody pony,’ was the first thing he said, ‘don’t remind me. I bought my kid all the gear. Including a trailer we had to drag her into every time. Spent every weekend driving round shows. Cost me a bloody fortune. Then she woke up one day, found herself a boyfriend and lost interest.’

  Toni thanked him politely and rang off.

  Then Arabella had bought Grace, and the pony had yet another new home.

  A home where her rider resented her.

  That was Grace’s life.

  ***** Six *****

  Toni’s father was away on a business trip in Boston, and the week alone with Arabella felt endless. When she got home from school one day and saw his car in the yard, she was overcome with relief. She ran inside and prowled round the lower storey of the house calling his name, then saw him through the half-open door of the snug, lying on the sofa.

  He sat up and shook himself. ‘Hi, darling. Sorry – jetlag. I couldn’t even make it upstairs.’

  As she bent to give him a hug, he ran his fingers through his hair and yawned at the same time. ‘You hungry?’

  Toni nodded. ‘I can wait, though. If you need to sleep more.’

  He shook his head. ‘No, that would be a bad idea. I’ll be up half the night.’ He hauled himself to his feet and, as always, when she hadn’t seen him for a while, she was in awe of his size.

  ‘Where’s your mother?’ He tried to make it sound casual.

  ‘At a show. Shropshire.’

  The relief was evident on his face. ‘Looks like it’s just us then. Tell you what. I’ll have a quick shower and we can go to the pub to eat.’

  ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘Give me ten minutes.’

  He picked up his case and disappeared upstairs, and she sat on
the sofa for a minute, still warm from where he had been lying, and thought about Cal. She hadn’t heard a word since the day Jen had taken her to the farm. A whole week.

  What had Lauren said? ‘Guys are crap at communicating’

  Not all guys. Her father had managed to text or call every day – even with the time difference in the States. So why did she have to be the one to get in touch with Cal? She sighed and played with her phone again.