Creed's Expectations

by Hollyfield, J. D.

  So on day seven, as I sit here and eat marshmallow cereal, feeling the most alive I’ve felt in days, I think about how it’s time to confess. Maybe it would make me feel better to let it out. All of it. Spew all the pain, and then move on. Maybe I’m being weighed down by the memories, the regrets, and I just need to upchuck it all into words.

  “I ran into Creed Monroe at the job fair. He convinced me that sleeping with him was the answer to getting back at Steven. So I did.”

  If I wasn’t so concerned with her choking, I would take offense at the marshmallows Amy just spit up all over the floor. “Say what?” She coughs more chewed-up marshmallow into her hand.

  “Oh, you heard me. I slept with Steven’s brother. And it was… amazing. Hot. Best night of dirty sex I’ve ever had.” I may hate Creed now, but there’s no reason to deny the facts.

  “You, Kasey Bishop, had sex with your ex’s brother, and it was dirty sex?”

  I grab the bowl from her hands before she drops it and take a bite. “Dirty sex. Ripped my clothes off, dirty talk, even sucked him off a little without biting anything. Did the nasty, hair-pulling, almost blew a hammy, orgasming.”

  She is just staring at me. Which is fine. More bites for me until she snaps out of it.

  “Okay, so why is this the first time you’re mentioning this to me?”

  Yeah, that makes me feel like a jerk too. I hand over the bowl as my peace offering. “I just didn’t want to admit what I did. I was in shock. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Fucking sexually spent.”

  “Well I’ll say,” she adds in. “So, how does he fit into all of this?” Oh man, we better finish this bowl of cereal before I end up having to give her the Heimlich.

  I make it through my entire story, leaving out nothing. Every single sexual experience, contract review, and shameful hair pull was spilled. By the time I finish, I’m completely spent.

  “So that’s all she wrote. Once again, I suck with men and I’m jobless.” Assuming that when I walked out of Roe Inc., Creed got the hint that I was not coming back. I had no emails from Virginia, so I figure they’ve already taken me off their payroll.

  “Kasey…” She stalls, struggling with the right words to say.

  “Yes, Amy?” I laugh, knowing how far-fetched my story has to sound. She probably doesn’t even believe half the shit I just told her.

  “First off, I think you’re my hero. I have fantasized about having sex in public, like a billion times. It’s, like, number three on my bucket list. Second, not to play the devil’s advocate here, but technically you both wanted the same thing. Just because he had other intentions with the information, doesn’t mean it makes him more the devil for doing it.”

  I sit up. “He used me! He lied about how we ran into each other. Everything. From meeting me, to the job; he even set up my living expenses! It’s like I was his little puppet, and he was enjoying pulling all my strings.”

  “But didn’t you enjoy him pulling your strings?” UGH!

  “Not what I was referring to.” I lay back down and stare at the ceiling. “He knew lying was a big factor for me. I made that very clear the first time he got caught. He could have come out and told me then. But he chose to let me continue playing the fool.”

  Amy pushes me over and lies down, staring at the same blotch of fuzz hanging from the ceiling. “So what about all the changes you said you saw in him? You admitted he was changing. He wasn’t the playboy jerk he first was. Does that count for anything?” I turn my head, giving her my what’s your angle wiggly eye.

  “What’s with all the defending? Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

  “I am!” She shrugs her shoulders. “But, I’m just thinking that maybe he was trying to save you from being hurt.”

  There’s the infamous ‘but.’ It always happens. And really? “So keeping it from me and having me find out by Steven throwing it in my face is not hurting me? Why are you so bent on making excuses for him?”

  She groans, putting a pillow over her face. “Because I am a hopeless love junkie and your story is just so tragically romantic.”

  “Oh, my God!” I grab the pillow off her face and toss it on the floor. I try and push her off the bed, but she turns and bear hugs herself to me. “You are ridiculous! This is not something out of your romance books! This is real life. My life!”

  “I know! And I just think you should see it from both sides. I mean he was about to tell you he loves you, for—”

  “Don’t say it!”

  “He loves you!’ she shouts and tries to slide off the bed before I throw her. “Seriously. I get it. I would be hurt, too. And you have a right to be. But I wouldn’t write this one off just yet.”

  “Too late,” I pout, throwing myself onto my side.

  “Is it, though? I mean you’ve been pretty pathetic since you got back here. You weren’t even this bad when you got dumped on my doorstep after Steven.”

  I flip again, staring her down. “That’s not true.”

  “So true. You ate cereal right after Steven. Didn’t even bat an eye at the bowl I put in front of you.”

  “So, that means nothing.”

  “Day seven. Seven days until you gave in and ate cereal. You do the math.”

  That means nothing. I mourn in different ways. Some heartbreak requires cereal. Some requires your stomach to be so empty that not even cereal will fix it. Okay, fuck. That kinda sounded like her theory made sense.

  “Whatever, can we just drop it? I really don’t want to dwell on the ifs, ands, or buts about it. It’s done. I want nothing to do with him or his deceiving ways. No matter how romantically tragic you twist them into sounding.”

  Amy looks like she wants to say more, but she doesn’t. I’m thankful for that.

  “Okay, so fine. Moving on. Any chance you wanna let me live vicariously through you and go into detail about that office sex?”

  Three weeks later

  “HOW DOES THIS LOOK? DO I look like I’m hiring material or just plain ol’ desperate?” I offer Amy a twirl in my hire me, I’m super desperate interview attire. I spent a few more days playing the “poor me” card until I got up and back on the horse. There weren’t many jobs in Spokane, but I got lucky and found one a few towns over. The commute would probably suck and I would probably end up murdering someone in a case of road rage by week three, but at least I would die with a job. And hopefully death benefits.

  “I think you look absolutely fabulous and I would hire you instantly!” she beams. I smile back and thank her. Biased bitch.

  “Okay, fine, then I’ll wear this.” Just then, the doorbell rings. We both turn, curious. “Are you expecting someone?”

  “I’m always expecting someone, in my dreams. No, it’s probably someone who has the wrong door.” Amy walks out while I change out of my outfit. I hang it back up so it doesn’t wrinkle. Amy finally returns, looking confused and holding an envelope in her hands.

  “Oh no, you’re not getting evicted, are you?”

  “What? No! Why would you think that? Mailman. Letter’s for you. Had to sign for it.” She tosses the letter at me and jumps on my bed. “Well, open it. Geez, inquiring minds are just dying to know over here.” I wave her off, flipping over the envelope. It’s addressed to me, but no return address. I tear the seal, pulling out the folded letter. When I have the letter open, I immediately notice the logo on the paper. It’s from the Wheatland Community Center.

  You are cordially invited to the:

  Grand Re-opening of the Wheatland Community Center.

  Hors d’oeuvres will be served.

  Ribbon Cutting Ceremony to follow.

  I flip it over and see the party is a week away.

  “Well, Jesus, tell me what it says already!”

  I totally forgot Amy was even in the room. “It’s an invitation for the Wheatland Community Center I had mentioned. I guess they’re having a re-opening.” Which makes me really damn curious as to why. I drop the letter on my dresser and grab my laptop. Thr
owing it open, I quickly type the center’s name into Google. A few telling articles pop up, answering my question. “That asshole,” I mutter as I pull up an article, reading how the building had indeed been sold. The community center was relocated. How could he do that? I guess, after everything, he really didn’t care. About me, or anyone.

  “Thank you for coming with me,” I say again, for the billionth time. I didn’t want to miss the re-opening, but I also didn’t want to come alone.

  “No need to thank me. Thank you for booking such a lavish hotel. Did you see they had a bidet in the bathroom? Not only do I have the cleanest vagina in this town, I’m also not in need of a man for another three to five weeks.”

  Oh, my God, too much! I shake my head, walking ahead of her. “Well, I’m pretty sure that’s not what it’s meant for,” I remind her, but I’m sure my words fall on deaf ears.

  When I RSVP’d to the event, James replied back immediately with how excited he was that I would be attending. He told me the kids would be ecstatic and the center would pay for my travel expenses. I said it wasn’t necessary, but he insisted. More like, he wouldn’t take no for an answer. But the second we got to the hotel, I knew I couldn’t allow them to pay. The hotel was way too fancy and there was no way the center could afford to waste money on a lavish hotel like that.

  The new location is not far from the old one, a recently built structure just a bit smaller, but this location, it seems, has a huge outdoor playground.

  “This place is really nice,” Amy points out. I agree as I look around. The building looks new and way better than the old one. “Looks like a step up from the other one. I thought they were broke, though? Seems like they got the better deal losing that building.”

  And I also agree. I’m still baffled as to how they landed this location. Even more, the building.

  “Ms. Bishop!” I turn to see James waving me over. I wave back and make my way to the entrance. “Hello! So happy you could make it. Have you been inside yet? It’s amazing.”

  “No, I just got here. And I must say, this is all so beautiful. I can’t imagine what you guys went through having to lose the building, I’m so sorry, James. But this sure seems like a win-win.”

  James gives me a peculiar look. “What do you mean by losing the building?”

  “How you lost the building. It still got sold.”

  “Ms. Bishop, the building—”

  “James! It’s time.”

  A woman calls for James, cutting him off. He pats my shoulder. “I’m sorry. It’s time for the ribbon-cutting. Please, you should be up there with us.”

  I take a step back. “Oh no, this has nothing to do with me.”

  James grabs my arm, pulling me to the front of the crowd. “This has everything to do with you. This would never have happened if it weren’t for you.” I try and pull back, but he’s got a good grip on me and before I know it, we’re on the stage in front of a large group of families and kids. I shoot Amy an apologetic look for leaving her alone in the crowd, but she just grins at me.

  “I want to thank everyone for coming today, for such a great celebration. The Wheatland Community Center is going on its fourteenth year of service to this community. We’ve been through some great times and some hard times. This past year has been a struggle for us and the community, and for families who depend on this great establishment for their kids. But today we get to start a new chapter. We get to open the doors for kids to grow, learn, and feel safe. Today, we welcome you all to the newest chapter in Wheatland’s Community Center.” The crowd cheers loudly at James’ speech. I clap and smile, so proud for what he has done for all these kids, and his fight to keep the center up and running.

  “Now I want to introduce you to someone very special to this community. Someone who, without her love and support, this wouldn’t have been possible.” Oh God, don’t say me, don’t say me. “Please give a round of applause for our savior, Ms. Kasey Bishop.” Dammit. The crowd is up off their chairs in a standing ovation. My cheeks have to be crimson with embarrassment. I try waving off the crowd as if it’s no big deal. And to be honest, this doesn’t really have much to do with me. I just created awareness.

  When the crowd settles, James hands me the scissors, which I refuse to accept, until I have no choice, and together we cut the ribbon to the new community center. That’s the cue for the crowd to join everyone inside for hors d’oeuvres and drinks. As I follow the crowd inside, James grabs me.

  “Hey, real quick. I just wanted to say thank you again. I won’t ever be able to show my gratitude for what you did.”

  “James, I’m not sure what I really did. I pointed out a good thing, which technically didn’t work out. You guys still lost the building.” There’s that look again. “What?”

  “Do you not know?”

  “Know what?” I ask, clearly I don’t know.

  “Kasey, we didn’t lose the building. Mr. Monroe bought it, just as he planned, but he tore it down. The appraisal came back that the building was close to being condemned. He bought the building and had it torn down so it wouldn’t be occupied by the homeless, ending in deaths due to the deteriorating building structure.” He takes a moment to watch my reaction, which is shock. “I’m sorry, I just thought you knew. Creed spoke about it as if this was all your doing.”

  “I… I… I didn’t.”

  “I don’t know what to say. Creed funded the new building in your name. He gave all credit to you.”

  Why would he do that? “I… we haven’t really been in touch the past few weeks.” I’m embarrassed to have to admit that.

  “Well, for what it’s worth, thank you. Without you, this place would have had to close its doors. Now Creed’s company has sponsored and funded the center fully. Everything was paid for.” I’m speechless. I just don’t know what to say. Why would he do that?

  “I’ll give you a minute See you inside.” James squeezes my arm and walks inside. But I need more than a minute. I need a lifetime to figure out why Creed did this. Instead of joining in the festivities, I find Amy and head back to the hotel. I don’t know how to process all this. I think being back in this town is clouding my vision. Being so close to a life I was creating. It just unnerves me.

  I take a shower, hoping to wash away the confusion, but it does no good. I stare at myself in the mirror, trying to find some answers within myself, but fail miserably. I just want to go home and crawl back into my bed where it’s safe. Where I’m not confused. Where my heart doesn’t feel so torn. Where there aren’t small signs of Creed that remind me of us and our times together.

  “Hey, Kase? I’m gonna run down and grab us something to eat, okay? I’ll be back.”

  “Okay!” I shout through the bathroom door. I take one last look at myself and step into the master suite. So ridiculous, this room. But now it makes sense why. It was probably booked and paid for by Creed. I change into a pair of yoga pants and tank top. I hear the door open and shut again.

  “Did you forget your wallet?” I call, walking into the living room.

  But it’s not Amy I see.

  It’s the man I gave my heart to, who took it for granted.

  Creed stands there, looking prime as always, in a suit, but his hair is longer and it looks like he hasn’t shaved in some time. It also seems no matter how much time or pain is between us, those eyes still have a way of seeping deep inside me.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask harshly.

  “I came to see if you were all right.”

  “I’m fine. You can leave now.”

  He doesn’t move. He doesn’t take his eyes off me.

  “I heard you never made it inside the community center.”

  “Are you stalking me now?”

  “James called me.”

  That’s ridiculous. “Why? Where were you? Seems like it was your show anyhow.”

  Creed shrugs. “It’s not my thing. You look thinner. Have you been eating?”

  What? “That’s none of your b
usiness. And not your thing? Then why are you here? Why did you fund the whole project?”

  “I did it for you. You wanted it. I funded it for you. Have you been sleeping? You look tired.”

  Jesus Christ. “No, I haven’t been sleeping. I’ve been sick to my stomach trying to figure out how I got so lost inside someone and never realized he was playing me for a fool the whole time. And don’t give me that bullshit. You did it for your—”

  “I don’t give a fuck about the center. I give a fuck about you.” I can’t help but stare at him in shock. He cares about me? He can actually stand there and act like he is this giving man, and I should care that he did something for me? How about what he didn’t do? Tell the truth. How about what he did do. Use me to get what he wanted. This isn’t about me. It’s still about him. I take a step toward him.

  “That’s where you’re wrong. You don’t give a fuck about me. I doubt you ever have. You wanted revenge so bad that it looks like you would have taken anyone in your way down. Did it feel good? Getting to throw that in your brother’s face? Was it worth it? You think Mary knows yet? Is she thinking about—”

  “Knock it off.” His eyes are on fire, but now that he’s got me worked up, I feel like there’s no stopping me.

  “Stop what, speaking the truth? You know, it makes sense now. In the beginning, why you kept asking if I had told your brother. So when you stopped asking, what was it? Wanted to reel me in deeper? Make sure you really had me wrapped around your finger before you threw me back at your brother—”

  “I said stop, now.”

  “Not a chance. How’s it been since your almighty revenge panned out? Have you been laughing all the way to the—”

  “I’VE BEEN FUCKING DYING! GODDAMMIT!” He takes three long steps toward me but stops before he gets too close. His hands are out of his pockets, frantically running through his long hair. “Is that what you want to hear? That I have been so miserable I can’t fathom another fucking day without you? That I paid for that entire center just so you would come back to Seattle? I fucking hate myself for what I did. I can’t tell you how much regret I have. But you need to know this was not about hurting you. It never was.”