by Jami Denise
Plus, I think he wanted backup in a house full of girls.
Then, for years nothing happened. We didn't complain or worry; we were content with our family. Now, I held the evidence of another tiny miracle.
And hopefully a boy.
I couldn't wait to tell Royal.
This time was special. I wanted to surprise him.
I planned a beautiful evening, set up a romantic dinner, and waited for him to show up. At a quarter after seven, two hours late, he waltzed through the door with Glenn.
I couldn't help my disappointment, and stupid tears poured from my eyes. I swatted them away before the men reached the kitchen.
"Damn, Jenna, what's cookin'? It smells delicious," Glenn bellowed from the doorway.
They both took in the table: the place settings, the candles, and the flowers. Both of them looked shocked and guilty.
"Did I forget something?" Royal asked. I could see the calculations running through his head, wondering if it was my birthday, or anniversary, or freaking groundhog's day. He forgot them all, anyway.
"No. I just wanted to surprise you. I had a surprise," I said sullenly.
His eyes darted behind me to the large stock pot on the stove.
"Crab?"
I nodded, willing the tears to stop. It was dumb to cry, but it seemed like the one thing I did the best when I was pregnant.
"Ah, fuck, I'm sorry, cookie. Don't cry."
He moved quickly across the room, sweeping me up in his arms. "I'm an asshole. I should've called."
"It's okay," I cried into his shirt. "You didn't know."
"I just thought we'd all hang out tonight. Tara told Glenn you were taking the kids to Mom and Dad's for the weekend, so we figured we'd drink some beers and play cards or something."
I cried harder. "No, you two just go ahead. I'm going to sleep.”
He chuckled into my hair. "Ah, come on. Don't be that way. I'll even buy you peach wine coolers," he teased and nipped at my ear. "I'll get you tipsy and we can mess around without kids in the house. You don't have to be quiet."
I whimpered. "I can't drink!"
He pulled back and looked at me, like I was insane. "Oh-kay, so we can just play cards or watch a movie."
"I'm pregnant!" I blurted, hiding my face and the stupid tears in his t-shirt.
I barely heard him growl at Glenn to get out before he lifted me into his arms and carried me upstairs. He laid me on the bed, grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom, and came back to sit next to me, dabbing at the tears on my cheeks.
"A baby? Are you sure?"
I laughed, sniffed, and nodded. "Isn't it obvious? I'm a sniveling crybaby. Isn't that the first sign?"
He smiled. "Yeah, guess I should have known. So you took a test?"
I nodded. "It's in the kitchen wrapped up for you."
"A baby." He smiled, happy and hopeful.
"Are you happy?" I asked.
He pulled my face into his hands and looked deeply in my eyes. "Happy isn't a good enough word for what I am."
His lips were on mine, and I was pushed back against the bed. "A baby," he said, smiling against my lips. "I think we should make sure you're good and pregnant, don't you?" He let his lips trail down my neck, sucking and nipping and driving me into a frenzy.
I laughed. I felt so light, happier than ever. "Like insurance?"
I felt him smile against my skin as he worked the buttons of my blouse. "Exactly.”
He expertly removed the rest of our clothes and followed through with his insurance. Deep, loving, slow and tender. Not one inch of my body went untouched, unloved, or unpleasured. Late in the morning, after we'd spent the night making love, he let his hand roam my body.
"I fucking love you for giving me babies.”
I giggled. "I couldn't do it without you.”
His hand settled on my belly, his fingers digging in. "I think this one's a boy. It has to be,” he whispered.
"Like this, Dad?" Benji asked as he teetered on the small skateboard.
"You got it, Bub. Now, push forward and kick your foot back to take off, then just keep pushing and kicking to keep going. Swing your arms, too, like when you run."
I watched while Benji turned to pick up momentum, smiling at his tenacity. He wanted to do all the cool things Royal could do on the board and was determined to do all of it in one day. He was getting frustrated, but thankfully, Royal was so patient with him.
He'd rolled about four feet before one of the wheels got caught on a crack in the sidewalk and tumbled over.
"Shit," he grumbled.
"Watch your mouth, Benji," Royal demanded. "You want Mommy to put soap in your mouth?"
"No!" Benji cried. "I'm sorry. It just came out."
I giggled under my breath, wiping my hands dry before stepping outside to watch them.
Royal laughed and shook his head. "Well, you can't say those words."
"You said it," Benji said simply.
Royal squatted down in front of him. "I shouldn't say bad words, either, but Daddies get to use different words, even though we shouldn't. Little boys can't cuss, okay. You don't want Mommy getting mad do you? What if she doesn't let me come play anymore?"
It was as if a bucket of ice had been dumped over my head. Shivers shook my body and tears flooded my eyes.
What the heck were we doing? Did he really think I’d keep the kids away from him? The thought nauseated me.
For the rest of the afternoon, I did housework, watched television, and paid bills while Royal and Benji played. Then we sat on the patio for the most awkward family meal in history.
Macy wouldn’t talk to him. It was painful watching her treat him badly, and I knew it was time for a serious sit down with her.
Halfway through the meal, Royal had had enough.
"Macy, you need to drop your attitude, now. If you give me one more look, you can kiss your phone goodbye," Royal said in a voice much too calm to match the anger brewing in his eyes.
"Fine. I won't look at you at all," she snapped.
"God damn it! That's enough!" he roared, slamming his fist on the table, causing all of us to jump.
"Royal," I warned. "Calm down."
He narrowed his eyes and looked like he was about to say something but reconsidered. "You know what, Macy? Go to your room."
Her face fell and her chin quivered. It was as I suspected—the bad attitude was masking her pain.
"Fine. I can't wait until I get to leave this place for good!" She flung herself out of the chair and stomped out of the room.
The rest of us sat silently, mulling over the argument. I'd long lost my appetite, so I dropped my napkin on my plate and laid my hands in my lap. I wanted to go to Macy, but I fought back against instinct and waited. He had every right to send her to her room—she was being a brat, but he also had to find a better way to communicate with her.
"What's going on, anyway?" Skylar finally asked, looking back and forth between us. "Are you getting a divorce, or what?"
"No!" Royal shouted, giving her a strong, firm look. "Absolutely not." He looked over at me for confirmation, and I lost it.
The tears welled in my eyes, and I left the table before the kids could see my cry. "I'm going to check on Macy.”
I stopped off in the bathroom before facing her. Were we getting a divorce?
At that point, it was a possibility.
Did I want to do that?
No.
I knocked gently before going inside. I half expected the door to be locked but was glad it wasn’t. I found her on her bed, face pressed into her pillow as she sobbed. Her back quaked with the force, and it broke my heart. I wondered what the hell I could say to make it better. I didn't know what to say, so I just rubbed her back to comfort her.
"Do you want to talk?"
She shook her head against the pillow but swiftly turned over to face me. "I can't stand him, Mom! What’s he even doing here?"
"This is still his home, Macy."
&nb
sp; "So why doesn't he live here?"
I smiled sadly and grabbed her hand, entwining my fingers with hers. "I know this is messed up, but it's complicated and not something we can fix overnight."
She rolled her eyes—to my frustration—and fell back against the pillow. "I hate this, seriously. I'm so mad that he messed everything up, and I'm so mad that you're just letting him do whatever he wants."
I stared at her, confused. "I most certainly am not letting him do whatever he wants, Macy. It’s easier on Ben for him to come here instead of going to grandma’s house. I'm trying to make everyone happy."
She turned her eyes to me. "What about you, Mom? Are you happy?"
I shook my head and looked down at my lap. "No," I answered honestly. "Not at all. I’m trying to bring our family back together. That’s what makes me happy.”
She rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm glad someone is," she mumbled.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.
She threw her hands up and groaned. "That's just what I mean! You're over here still being you, doing everything, acting like everything's fine when it's not. He’s just going out with Uncle Glenn and his friends.”
My stomach plummeted. "Like who? Who does he go out with?" I tried to stay calm, but I knew... I knew.
"No wonder she's so pissed off at me! What do you do? Sit around and drill them for information?" Royal's voice barreled through the room, causing me to jump in surprise.
"What are you talking about? She was telling me about the company you keep, so that’s on you. You’ve caused this, so go talk to her. Maybe if you actually listen to her for once you’d figure it out.”
I stood and swept past him, shoving his shoulder as I did. "Talk to her and then get out. Whatever's going on between the two of you needs to be resolved. I want all of this to stop. Help her, Royal."
I stormed out of the room and into my own, shutting the door behind me. I fell against the cool wood and braced myself with the palms of my hands. I was so hurt by Macy's words. I was full of ten thousand conflicting emotions all over again, but mostly, I was angry. Very, very, angry.
Our entire life was unraveling, and he was still cavorting around with that stupid bitch.
I was thoroughly disgusted.
I thought throwing him out would reinforce what I considered being an ultimatum of sorts—something I never thought I'd have to do.
Our marriage or her friendship.
I was done. I was done tip-toeing around and done being treated like shit. I deserved better, and if he wasn’t going to respect me, then I'd just take care of myself.
I jolted off the floor when I heard the doorknob rattle from the other side. I just wanted to be alone, and I didn’t want to talk to Royal at all. My earlier epiphany sang loud in my head and gave me the strength and confidence to do what I needed to do.
I ignored the door and slipped into the bathroom, letting the door click quietly behind me. I started a bath and lit a few candles. The sounds of the water as it tumbled from the spout drowned out the nonsense outside. I refused to let myself feel sorry for Royal and left him to deal with his children for a while.
For once, actually.
Despite trying to relax, the sounds of them arguing were relentless. It was obvious we needed the therapy more than ever—especially for the kids. We couldn't rationally handle our own problems, so we were in no shape to help them.
I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew I’d fallen asleep. It could’ve been minutes or hours, but enough time had passed that the water had chilled when I heard banging on the door.
"Open the fucking door! Jesus, Jenna, are you okay?"
Royal sounded panicked, so I flew out of the tub and lunged for the door.
"What's the matter?"
His eyes dipped to my chest, and then quickly returned to reach mine. "Did Macy tell you where she was going?"
"No, I didn't even know she left. She's not in her room?"
He took a harsh breath and shook his head with a jerk. "No. I was in the yard with the kids. I came back upstairs to see if she'd talk to me before I left, and she's gone. I grabbed her phone from the dresser when I was in her room, so she doesn't have it."
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Shit. Call Tara. She might be there."
He turned around and ran his hand through his hair, cursing again. I took that moment to grab a towel and wrapped up before following him into the room. He perched on the edge of the bed. His knee shook with nerves, and anguish marred his face.
I walked over, putting my hand on his shoulder to comfort him, but he pulled away, glaring at me angrily. I didn't blame him—I was still angry, too. Turning my back on him, I pulled out a pair of lounge pants, panties, and a t-shirt from the dresser and went in the bathroom to get dressed.
"She hasn't seen her, and mom hasn't either. This is fucked. I was too hard on her."
"She's really confused,” I told him.
"I'm not hanging out with Lana, Jenna. My mom," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "She was at the house picking up my mom the other day when I got home. They went to the movies and dinner, I guess. I went through the garage to get in the house to avoid her. My mother must have said something. My fucking mom."
I growled. "I am so finished with your mom, Royal. I have done nothing to provoke her treatment, and nothing to deserve it. I have fucking cared for her, driven her, cleaned her fucking house, included her in everything we do, and she gives me nothing but fucking grief. I am through!"
I was seething but hurt more than anything. She was a hateful woman.
"You think you said fuck enough times?" he snapped.
"No. Fuck. And. You."
He narrowed his eyes and scowled. "Don't talk like that, Jenna. It's not you."
What?
"Maybe it is now. Maybe I'm so fed up that I want to fucking say fuck! Why are we talking about your mother and my foul language when Macy is God knows where? Figure out where she is, and then complain about my filthy mouth."
"Are you seriously taking this out on me? I have no control over my mother."
"No control. Where have I heard that before? You can't control who calls you or when, you can’t control your mother. Well, I call bullshit. Bullshit excuses and bullshit to you.”
I slid into my sandals and stomped out to the garage to get my truck. It was very likely that Austin picked her up, but I would’ve heard his van backfire even if I'd been dead.
I opened the garage door and took a shuddering breath. "No freaking way. I'll kill her. Royal!" I yelled, clenching the strap of my purse with a death grip.
He looked around frantically when he entered the garage. "What? What happened?"
I pointed out the garage door at the empty spot where my truck sat earlier. "She took my damn truck."
He cursed under his breath and chucked his keys at the floor. "Son of a bitch,” he growled. “She's gone too far. She's using this as an excuse to run off with that punk motherfucker. Get in the truck. I'm going to find her.”
One of two things would happen if he found Macy and Austin. One, he’d kill the kid. Two, he’d kill them both.
"No, you're not going anywhere. No reason for you to go off half-cocked, Royal. Your temper is what caused this mess today. You both need to cool off.”
I turned and walked back in the house, tears pouring down my cheeks. I knew she was okay. She was just blowing off steam. Once she got back—and she'd be back—we could deal with her calmly and rationally.
I'd just reached the kitchen and asked Skylar to call Austin's cell phone, when I heard Royal's truck thunder to life.
"Damn it!" I muttered. "Skylar, call Austin for me, please."
She dialed his number and held her phone to her ear. "He's not answering. It goes straight to voicemail," she said nervously. "I can call Alex or Jayden; they might know where he is."
I nodded. "Call them."
"What's going on, Mom?" She looked so scared, and I wanted to lock Macy in a closet f
or causing even more trouble.
"Your father is going to murder him if he finds him with your sister. She took my keys and left with my truck. Dad is ticked."
She clucked her tongue. "She needs to get over it already. Dad is trying. Why can't she?"
I opened and closed a few cabinets, more out of nervous energy than anything else. I had no idea what I was looking for, but I felt like I needed to do something. "Well, I'm done trying to pacify her. I'm sorry, Skylar. This is such a big mess."
She moved around the center island and wrapped her arms around me. "It's okay, Mom. You and Daddy will work it out. He loves you so much, and he's trying to get better."
I hugged her tightly. "I love you, baby girl. I love you so much.”
Delaney walked in the kitchen and came over to us, wrapping her tiny arms around both of us. "Why are we hugging?" she asked, making me laugh through the tears.
"We're laughing at how crazy we are right now. God, how did this happen?"
Skylar pulled back and looked at Laney. "Stupid Macy took Mom's truck, now Daddy's looking for her and Austin. She's so screwed when he finds them."
Laney laughed. "I really, really, hope he doesn't find them doing something." She blushed and gave Skylar a pointed look.
"What aren't you girls telling me?"
"They kiss all the time. Oh my God, the other day when he picked us up from school, they stayed in the van for like an hour kissing!" she giggled.
Relief washed over me. Kissing I could handle. Anything else, I would lose my ever-loving mind. I trusted her, but she was acting out, and I didn't want her using the boy to do it.
I definitely didn't want the boy using her.
"Where's Benji?”
"He's in his room. Daddy took him in there to change his clothes. He ate it on the patio and ripped his shorts.”
"Is he okay?"
"Mom, he's fine. Jeez. The kid falls thirty times a day. Dad was trying to get his clothes changed before you saw it.” She laughed and shrugged her shoulders.
"Okay, go see if he wants to watch a movie. We can all sit in the family room while we wait for Daddy.”
I had the urge to gather them all up in my lap and hug them tight.
"I'll do it," Laney said. "I have a movie I want to watch in my room. I didn't get to watch it last night.”