by Jami Denise
Benji joined us, complaining the whole time about the movie the girls chose, but at least we were all together.
We hadn't gotten through the first hour of the movie when Royal came barging in the house, dragging Macy by the arm.
She ran upstairs without saying a word, and my first thought was to go up and make sure she was okay. And then kill her.
"Jenna, can I talk to you?" Royal called from the kitchen.
Laney and Skylar both looked at me, concerned, and I gave them a small shake of my head to let them know it was okay.
"Daddy!" Benji yelled happily, jumping off my lap and started for the kitchen.
"Bub, you stay in here for a minute while I talk to Daddy, okay. You can talk to him before he goes home.”
He paced the room, sharp, hard steps back and forth, clenching and unclenching his fists at his side. His head snapped up when he heard me approach, and the look in his eyes was positively frightening.
"Let's go to the garage," I offered, knowing he was ready to blow, and the kids didn't need to hear it.
He stormed out the door past me and into the garage.
"What the heck happened?" I asked, shutting the door behind me.
He turned sharply, teeth clenched and nostrils flaring. "Did you put her on birth control?" he snapped.
I looked at him, shocked and slack-jawed. "No, I’d been thinking about talking to her about it, I mean it’s a good idea—wait? What happened?”
The muscles in his jaw jumped and the rest of his face was tense. "She's on fucking restriction. She doesn't leave the house unless it's to go to school, or if she's with one of us. That fucking kid... she... fuck. I can't handle this shit!"
He turned around, balled up his fist, and slammed it into the wall in front of him. "If anything happens to her—she can't do this! She has too much to look forward to, and that little motherfucker had her,” he hissed under his breath and looked back at me, his face shattered. “Fuck, Jen.”
I walked up behind him and put my hand on his back. "What the hell? What were they doing?"
"What were they doing? What the fuck do you think? He had his hands on her,” he said, anguished and nearly hysterical.
"They were having sex?" I cried in disbelief.
"They were working on it! That little bastard had his pants undone, and she already had her top off! He was—what side of your body goes numb when you have a heart attack? I think I'm—fuck.”
"Sit down, oh my God," I said, quickly grabbing a chair from the corner for him to sit in. "Calm down, Royal. You may be blowing this out of proportion. Tell me what happened."
My head pounded. It was fairly normal they would mess around at their age, with hormones running rampant, but I was still worried. Austin was a little older, and I could tell he was far more experienced than she was. Which was why I was considering a trip to the doctor.
I understood the appeal of boys like Austin. I’d been in her shoes, and although I had no regrets about my life with Royal, I knew we’d been the exception. Not everyone falls in love forever at sixteen, and not all boys stuck around when a girl got pregnant.
She had dreams, different dreams than I had at her age. She had a future ahead of her and the direction my life took was not the right one for her. It’d destroy her.
And her father.
"Baby, take deep breaths,” I whispered, kneeling in front of him between his knees.
I looked down at his knuckles and shook my head. "You're bleeding.”
"I know," he said slowly. "I didn't hit him. I knew if I hit him, I wouldn't stop. I wanted to—I wanted to fuck him up."
"I know," I sighed. "Royal, you can't flip out like that. Your relationship with Macy depends on it. She thinks she loves him."
His eyes were glassy and red. "What the fuck does she know about love? That kid is going to use her up. You've seen him. He could give a shit about her. He was going to fuck her in his van. I swear, if he fucking even as much as..." He trailed off and started hyperventilating again.
"Come on, I'm taking you upstairs," I sighed and knew I'd regret saying the words as soon as they were out of my mouth. "You should stay here tonight. I don't want you to drive."
He smirked. "Maybe I should’ve put a hole in the wall a week ago."
I couldn't help but laugh. "A week ago you would’ve spent the night in jail, smart ass. Just come in so I can get you cleaned up. You can take a shower while I get the kids to bed."
He leaned forward without warning and pressed his lips to mine, hard and persistent. I held onto his shoulders and braced myself for the kiss. I wasn't sure if it was the stress, the moment, or what, but it felt right. At that moment, I needed him, too.
I pulled away first, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. I wanted us to stay on track, and we weren't going to communicate if we were distracted by sex.
"I'll see you upstairs.”
I got up, wiped the soot off my knees, and walked to the door.
"I'm sleeping in the guest room, aren't I?” he asked.
“Yup.”
Chapter 15
The next morning, I found Royal asleep on the couch with Benji scrunched up on his chest, his teddy in his arms. They looked content—a little uncomfortable—but sweet.
I let them be and worked in the garden a bit before everyone woke up. Once I picked Teddy’s flowers to take to the cemetery, I went back inside to start some breakfast.
"Is Daddy still here?" Laney asked from behind me.
"Yeah, he's in the family room with your brother." I sat down next to her at the table, hoping she'd open up to me a little.
"I used to be so jealous of Benji when he was born." She smiled at the memory. "He was my Daddy first, and I liked being the baby.”
I patted her knee. "He loves you all, you know that. I think Benji just needs him a lot right now.”
"No, I know, Mom. They're boys," she giggled.
"Yeah," I agreed.
Laney's relationship with Royal was, in my opinion, unique. He related to her on such a special level, something none of us understood. They had very little in common other than their free spirit. They used to go off on their own, exploring, talking, and thinking. She didn't play ball like the other girls; in fact, she disliked sports altogether, but she loved the ocean, and nature in general—something he held dear to his heart. He always felt more alive when he was outdoors.
She was definitely Daddy's girl, though. Even though I'd never say it aloud, she was special to him, his little Laney.
"Mommy," she said quietly.
"What's up, angel?"
"Do you think you and Daddy will get back together?"
"I love Daddy very much, but we have to learn to be nice to each other again. This is a time-out, like I told you before. We'll work through this, and we'll be even better. That's what I want for all of us."
Nodding, she looked up at me. "I noticed you guys don't kiss and stuff as much. You guys are always mad now.”
"It's not because I don't want to kiss Daddy, I think we just forgot how important it is to kiss and hug each other. Just like I never forget to kiss you guys goodnight and in the morning before you go to school, I can't forget how important it is to kiss Daddy, too."
She smiled. "I know you guys love each other because my friend's parents aren't like you guys. I sometimes used to get embarrassed when you guys flirt and stuff," she giggled.
I leaned in and pressed my forehead to hers. "Daddy thinks it's funny to tease you guys. He can be a brat."
"He's cute, though, huh Mom?" she sighed. "I have a cute Daddy."
She had a way of making my heart melt. Everything ugly disappeared and sunshine pushed through. I wished I could tape record conversations we'd have, so one day she could see how beautiful she made my life. I really wished at that moment Royal had heard the sweet words from his daughter. I wasn't sure he really, truly understood his place in our family—how important he was to us.
"Well, don't tell him that he's cu
te. He'll get a big head."
I winked and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Come on. Let's go dig for a little. Your pumpkins are getting huge."
She’d been working in the garden with me since she was old enough to walk. When she was in Kindergarten, her class project was a garden, and she’d insisted on growing vegetables. I’d always had flowers—thanks to Royal, but our little farmer always ensured we had fresh vegetables.
We worked in the garden for a little over an hour and then went inside to get cleaned up. Inside, Royal, Skylar, and Benji were sitting together in the family room, eating Frosted Flakes and watching cartoons.
"Good morning," I said, leaning against the door jamb. "I was going to make breakfast, but I wanted to wait for you guys to get up."
Royal, charming as ever, replied with a mouthful or cereal. "Skywur fix burfust."
"Cute," I said, rolling my eyes.
He swallowed down the bite and stood. "We need to talk to Macy," he said, walking toward the kitchen.
"I know we do." I followed behind him and sat down at the counter. "Are you calm enough to talk, or are the two of you going to kill each other again?"
He turned around, pointed a finger in my direction, and narrowed his eyes. "Things need to be handled around here. You've obviously given them way too much freedom and now look at the shit she's gotten herself into."
"How dare you say this is my fault? She's a teenage girl, not a dog! I can't make her heal, Royal. She was upset yesterday, and yes, what she did was horribly stupid, but you have to talk to her calmly."
He laughed dryly and shook his head. "You're being blind, Jenna. She's playing you for a fool!"
"Don't call me stupid, damn it! I'm not blind, or clueless. I was her once, or don't you remember? She's only been seeing the guy a couple months, and I have talked to her about things, okay. Have you? No! You started grunting and dragging your knuckles and swinging your club in the air like some gorilla man! Of course she's not going to listen to you!"
He stuck his finger out at me again, and that tiny gesture was flipping crazy switches off in my head left and right. "She needs boundaries."
"You're being ridiculous," I hissed. “What do you want to do with her? Lock her up until she's thirty? What about the other two? Should we install a tower?"
Before he could answer, Macy walked in the room behind me. "Oh, good. We're back to fighting." Her smart-assed remark rubbed me wrong. I was already worked up by Royal's tirade, and I wasn't putting up with her mouth.
"Sit down, young lady. We have some things to talk about."
She rolled her eyes and sat down across from me, folding her legs underneath her.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I really didn't want to make you worry. I was coming right back."
"That's a crock of shit!" Royal snapped. "You did it to piss me off for punishing you."
She stood, her arms straight down at her side. "I just had to get out of here. I was going crazy, and I wanted to talk to Austin. You took my phone!”
"You weren't talking, Macy!" Royal yelled again. I shot him a warning look, and he stepped back, taking a deep breath. "How could you be so stupid?"
"Royal," I snapped.
He was upset. We both had the tendency to say things we didn't mean, and he was going to hurt her with his words. I wouldn't tolerate him belittling her.
He glared at me before continuing. "I don't like that guy, and I don’t trust him. He wants one thing from you, and once he gets it, he’ll be gone.”
She rolled her neck and snapped back. "Is that all you wanted from Mom?" she quipped.
"Yes—at first, yes. Jesus! All men want that, Macy. That's what I'm telling you. I agonize over the mistakes I made back then. I wish I could take things back and treat your mother the way I should’ve, but I was a stupid kid, pumped full of hormones and love and lust over a pretty girl. I fell in love with her, though, Macy. I knew right from the very beginning that things between us were different, but it didn't change the way I was. I still wanted to have sex with her, regardless of whether I should've. I shouldn’t have touched her until we were married. I disrespected her, and your grandma and grandpa by sleeping with her.”
A gasping sob tore through my chest. His confession was both shocking and unbelievable. I had no idea he thought that way, and even though I disagreed, knowing he felt that way astonished me.
He’d probably been up all night thinking about what to say to her. I knew how he wanted his daughter to be treated, and he had secondary guilt.
Seemed like he was finally pulling his head out of his ass.
They both looked at me as I pushed my face into my hands, shaking my head.
"It's the truth, Jenna, and you know it. You were naïve and young, and I fucking took what I wanted because I knew you'd do whatever I asked you to. I didn't take advantage of you, but I should’ve been more careful. I took your love and took, and took, and took. I fucking knocked you up before you could graduate from high school and then put you through losing Teddy all because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants.”
I looked up and shook my head furiously. "No, Royal! We were both irresponsible! Both of us!"
He laughed, roughly and full of regret. "Would you have ever told me no, Jenna?"
I shrugged my shoulders. The answer was probably not. I was as hot for him as he was for me—not that I was telling my daughter that.
"Oh my God, can we please stop talking about your sex life? I get it. You had sex, got pregnant, and you weren't married. What does that have to do with me? I haven't had sex yet! Ugh!"
"Thank fuck for that," Royal muttered into his hands.
"So, I'm supposed to stay a virgin forever? God, you are so annoying!"
He dropped his hands in his lap and let out a long, frustrated sigh. "You think I want to be an asshole all the time? I worry, Macy. I love you—even if I don't say it every day, I do.”
They could run around in circles all day and get nowhere. Between his outbursts and her eyeballs rolling around in her head, they were getting nowhere fast. They were too much alike—stubborn, passionate, and impulsive. There had to be a compromise, or no one would give in.
"Since Austin is special to you, he should come for dinner so we can get to know him. All we know about him is that he likes to make out in his van. That’s not a real positive impression. You have to understand where we're coming from. We're your parents, and it's our job to protect you.”
She crossed her arms, rolled her eyes again, and sighed. "Seriously? How lame! Austin Samuels does not do family dinners. He's so not like that.”
"Austin Samuels isn't going to do anything if he doesn't show up at your mother's table. That's the shit I won't put up with—disrespect. If he thinks he's man enough to touch my little girl, then he's man enough to face her father.”
"God! Fine. I'll ask him, but I swear, please don't act all weird and embarrass me.”
"No guarantees.” Royal shrugged his shoulders and gave me a wink.
"Fine, can I go?"
I shook my head. "No. We need to talk about how irresponsible you were. You're grounded for three weeks, like your father said. You are home by three fifteen unless you have practice, and in that case, I will pick you up right afterward. No phone, no visitors, no computer—unless it's for school. You also owe your father an apology for the way you treated him yesterday. He didn't deserve it, and you can't hurt us just because you don't get your way.”
She looked over at Royal and lowered her head. "I'm sorry. Can I go now?"
I groaned. "Well, at least you have three weeks to work on a better apology. I think you and your dad have some things to talk about, though, before you go.”
I looked up at him, telling him with my eyes that he needed to talk to her. There was something deeper going on—catching her and Austin was just the tip of the iceberg. They had to clear the air.
"Macy, you know I would never hurt your mother, right?" he said nervously.
She scoffed. "But, you are
. You did."
She wouldn't look at him, and that just wouldn't do. "Macy, we talked about this. It was a misunderstanding."
She finally looked up and rolled her eyes. "Why are you friends with Lana, Dad? She's a bitch, and she's obviously after you. It's totally obvious!"
His forehead scrunched, and he frowned. "That's not it at all, Macy. I think she's just lonely and wanted some old friends to hang out with. She doesn't mean shit to me—she was just an old friend."
She flopped back against the counter. "Whatever. Why is grandma hanging out with her? That's just weird, isn't it? She just shows up and butts into our family? Grandma is stupid, too."
Royal rubbed his hands over his face roughly. "She spent a lot of time at our house when we were growing up, so I think she’s just looking for something familiar. I don't know. Grandma isn't stupid, Macy. She likes being needed, or wanted, or whatever.”
I bit my tongue hard enough to bite it off. Wasn't stupid, my ass.
"Really? No. I think she's stupid for talking to her on the phone about you and mom and us. She said we don't appreciate you and stuff. I think she's jealous of mom—and us.”
"Jesus," he groaned. "Look, I'll talk to Grandma. You need to know that I would never ever, leave your mother for anyone else. I love her, even when I act like an asshole.”
She shrugged her shoulders, and I could see she was crying. At least they'd finally gotten something out. It was a small breakthrough, but I’d take it. For the first time in weeks they were actually talking.
"Can I please go to my room?”
"Yeah," Royal said, his emotions starting to show, too. "We'll talk more later, but Macy, if you hear something or need to talk, come to me.”
She nodded and walked out of the room, leaving Royal and me alone with our thoughts. It was a lot to take in. I wasn't sure if he'd actually absorbed everything she was trying to tell him or not, but it was starting to look like he understood where we were coming from.
"This is fucking crazy. I'm seriously having chest pains. Where the hell did my little girl go?"
I knew where his head was. His little princess was all grown up, and he wasn't coping well. I think somewhere in his heart, he hoped she'd always be his—love him the most. It never ended up that way, but I knew from experience that no one, not even the love of your life, could replace your daddy.