Burned

by J. Nichole Parkins

  “Well, then that’s his decision, not mine.” I swallowed thickly. “I’d be heartbroken, but just the same as if you left me. I don’t know how to make him understand. But I have to try.” I shook my head.

  Our history may be just too much for him to accept this arrangement. It also wasn’t in his nature to share. He was born to be in charge, a so-called alpha. Asking him to share was tough on his pride. Would it be too much for him to handle?

  I felt like I should feel bad loving both of them and asking this of them. And I did a little, but the bigger part of me knew that this was right for now. I was too damaged, too broken to have to choose. Each of my broken pieces fit perfectly with the three of them - Daniel and Gavin and Spencer.

  I doubted Daniel’s claim that I was heading into Spencer’s bed. Sure there was an attraction, but that didn’t mean sleeping with him was inevitable. I had enough on my plate juggling Gavin and Daniel. I felt a strong connection to my partner, but I didn’t want to damage our relationship by changing it. Plus there was the fact that I was hiding a big part of myself from him. That wasn’t a good basis for a relationship - it wasn’t even good for a friendship. But it was how it had to be for now. Until I could determine which was more important to Spencer, the rules or me.

  “I need to go back to Wyoming,” I announced as I lay sprawled across Daniel’s chest still trying to catch my breath.

  “I know.” He lifted his head, resting it on his arm which he bent behind his neck. “I figured as much, I was just waiting on you to decide when.”

  Raising my head, I looked into his eyes, lips pursed at being known so well. It was a little disconcerting. He laughed at my pout.

  “You and Spencer just wrapped up your case, right?” At my nod he shrugged. “Why not now?”

  “Now?”

  “Better now when your plate is clean, than waiting and getting involved in another case.”

  “Will you come with me?”

  “I’d better not - not that I don’t want to. I’d love to see where you grew up. See all your old haunts. I’m sure your surrogate family has some great stories.” He smirked, the ever-present twinkle in his eye. “Not to mention all that wide open space. I’m sure we could run around naked a lot.”

  I couldn’t help the laughter that spilled out. I needed this man, needed the joy and laughter he brought to my life.

  “You should spend some time with Gavin.” Daniel’s voice clear and resolute. “I know things are weird between you. They would be weirder with me along. How would you explain me? ‘Hey this is my other boyfriend.’ I think I’d have a hard time fitting in even without that. I mean look at me.” He gestured to his piercings, mohawk, and brightly colored hair. “I don’t think I’d exactly blend in in rural Wyoming, baby.”

  He was right. Maybe the time with Gavin would help us figure things out. Everything was still so up in the air. Were we together or not? I didn’t even know if he was going to stay in town. He belonged back in Wyoming. But my heart also shouted that he belonged with me. It was all so hard. This whole thing was reminiscent of why I ran in the first place.

  “I am so lucky to have you.” My hands framed his face, thumbs running along the scratchy stubble.

  His smile lit up his face, transforming this tough-looking punk, allowing the kindness, the love within shine through.

  “I’m the lucky one,” he whispered against my lips as our breaths mingled. He leaned the fraction of an inch remaining between us and allowed our lips to meet. My heart swelled, wondering at the gift I had in him. In someone that allowed me to truly be me.

  “You know Gavin is going to be overjoyed.” His laugh vibrated through his chest, causing me to rise and fall with the movement. A giggle escaped despite my best efforts.

  A sudden thought had me frowning.

  “What?” Daniel asked, catching the quick change in my expression before I could hide it.

  “I’m scared. What if I lose control while I’m there? I could do so much damage.”

  “But what if you don’t? What if you miss the opportunity to mend fences, to forgive and be forgiven because you let your fear rule you? Rule your decisions?”

  “But I’m so dangerous.” A frown creased his forehead as he shook his head emphatically.

  “You are so powerful.” His finger tapped my temple. “You can control it. I know you can.”

  Worry puckered my forehead, and I gnawed on my lower lip. Could I? It was such a huge risk to take.

  “What about Spencer?” Confusion replaced worry as I tried to see where he was going. “Spencer could go with you. That way he can keep you grounded if things did get worrisome. You’d relax more if you weren’t always worried about burning everything down, right?”

  “But he wouldn’t-”

  “How do you know?”

  “But-”

  “You’ll never know unless you ask. He’s your friend. Your partner.”

  “Was my partner. The case is over.”

  “Seriously? Despite the fact that your case is closed, he is still your partner. I bet he’d do it for you. Who wouldn’t want a relaxing vacation in Wyoming?” Lopsided, his grin made my eyes roll. Indeed.

  I was silent as I considered his idea. Would he go with us? While it would solve a lot of problems, it raised a couple more. However these were all more manageable issues.

  “You could offer to pay his way, if that would make you feel better.” I had to admit his idea held merit.

  “I’d miss you.” I pouted. And I would. Terribly.

  Daniel had slowly insinuated his way into my daily life. I thought about him constantly when we were apart.

  Shock ripped through me as I realized, I loved him.

  I let the thought simmer, swirl around me. I loved him.

  “I love you, you know,” I admitted sheepishly. Hiding my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of leather and almonds that clung to him.

  He pulled my face even to his, his hands framing my jaw, keeping me from looking away as his piercing eyes met and held mine.

  “I love you too, Kyra. More than words.” He swallowed thickly, gathering his words. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I didn’t want to scare you off.”

  Smirking, I knew that’s exactly what would have happened.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  It was a long drive from the airport to the Guarani’s ranch, to the place I had called home for almost five years.

  I had wanted to rent a hot little convertible, but since most of the roads were unpaved, logic prevailed and we rented a Jeep Wrangler. It still allowed me to have the open space I craved. The engine revved as we went up an incline, the distance between us and the ranch slowly shrinking. With the top down, the air flung my short hair all over the place, but it was exhilarating.

  Gavin shifted uncomfortably in the tight backseat, his long legs practically around his ears as all of our luggage was crammed back there with him.

  “You know, you could have called someone from the ranch to pick you up.” I reminded him, yelling to be heard over the wind.

  “Could have.” His eyes shot daggers at me as a smirk twisted my lips. Shifting to glare at Spencer, his distrust was obvious. He didn’t want us alone. The jealous cat was in for a treat once he found out how close Spencer would have to be at the ranch. He’d be my shadow, at least for the first couple of days, making sure I remained in control.

  While grateful, I was surprised that Spencer had come with us in the first place. We weren’t dating. I wasn’t sure we were even partners anymore since the case was officially closed. Mumbling something about needing a vacation anyway, he just packed a bag and booked his flight.

  He was worried about my control, worried I would burn down the ranch. It wasn’t high on my list of things I wanted to do either. If nothing happened he got that relaxing - if somewhat strained - vacation. If things started to go haywire, well, he’d do his thing.

  Worry flitted through my mind as I
shifted gears on the Wrangler. I was taking a government agent into what was basically a den of shifters. Where the only people who knew of my shifting abilities roamed freely in both forms.

  What if he found out about my shifting? I knew this was a pretty good possibility. I should have prepared him ahead of time, warned him. Putting it off, I kept skirting the issue until we were stuck in the Jeep. Driving through the mountains with a pissed off Gavin in the back seat probably wasn’t the best time to bare more of my secrets, despite the fact that Gavin already knew.

  I considered again why I was scared to tell him. Was I worried he wouldn’t be able to deal with the added complication? Would by-the-book Spencer feel the need to let the Feds know, condemning me to be locked away as a guinea pig for the rest of my life?

  I was pretty sure he would keep it under wraps - we were friends if nothing else. Besides, I couldn’t talk him out of coming once I planted the idea. Being hardheaded and a stubborn ass, once he decided he was going nothing could sway his mind. I just hoped I knew him as well as I thought I did.

  The drive seemed to take an eternity - the roads long and winding through the Laramie Mountains. I tried to appreciate the beauty of my surroundings but my nerves and my fears, kept any pleasure from my thoughts. Resting his hand on my thigh, Spencer squeezed reminding me I had his support. Despite my fierce shielding and using all of the calming techniques I had studied, my anxiety was palpable. The feel of the wind whipping through my hair was soothing. I was glad I had chosen the topless Wrangler, even though it was significantly cooler in Wyoming than I had grown used to in Tampa. As I shifted gears again rounding the final curve, the house came into view. It was as large as I remembered, centered in a flat valley. The three story structure was dwarfed by the Laramie Mountains, its huge wrap-around porch the focal point for a lot of my past. After bouncing down the long dirt drive, we stopped beside a large blue pickup truck. The same one that I had first seen through the cloud of dust on route 91 all those years ago.

  Gavin hopped out first, his boots hitting the gravel before the Jeep was completely stopped. The screen door banged as a young girl flew through it and leapt into Gavin’s outstretched arms. She must have been about five or six, brown ponytail swaying as she was flung in a circle. Gavin’s deep laugh accompanied hers.

  Moments later a long-legged woman who looked eerily similar to the brown-haired urchin stepped out, followed by Aunt Sue who was drying her hands on her apron. She hadn’t changed a bit; same gray-tinged hair worn in a bun, same dress and apron. She shielded her eyes from the midday sun squinting at us.

  I stepped out of the driver’s side, hesitating. Confidence in my welcome began to waver. Spencer’s hand pressed against the small of my back, offering support but urging me on. Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward to greet my surrogate family for the first time in seven years. I was no longer the mousy frightened girl when I had arrived so many years ago, nor was I the brash angry teen when I left so suddenly. It was time to set my past to rest, and welcome the good parts with open arms.

  The heels of my boots sank into the thick dirt, dust instantly coating the black finish. The smog-free air hit me, the freshness mixed with hay and the musty scent of the cattle I could hear lowing in the distance.

  “Welcome!” Aunt Sue called out waving us up to the house, her boots beating a staccato on the wood planks of the porch as she moved closer. Her smile was wide and welcoming, lighting her face, making her appear years younger than I knew she was. After years of training herself not to touch me, she didn’t reach out to me as I approached. A gesture I appreciated more than I could express, so instead I leaned into her and hugged her, tightly. I could feel her shock, but her stiffened posture melted as quickly as it had come. She embraced me as fully and warmly as she would her own children.

  “Hello Aunt Sue.”

  “It’s been a long time sweetie.” Her voice, choked with tears, caused a knot to form in my chest.

  “I know it’s not enough, but I am sorry that I hurt you.”

  “Water under the bridge, Kyra. Just don’t do it again.” She swatted me gently. Now it was my turn to laugh. I turned to the other woman who Aunt Sue introduced as Cole’s wife, Nora. Her carbon-copy youngster still flung herself at Gavin squealing.

  “And that little pip-squeak harassing Gavin, is my daughter Kimmi.”

  “She looks exactly like you.” I smiled adding, “If she’s anything like Cole, I bet she’s a handful.”

  “Exactly,” Nora ruefully added. The door slammed again as a tall brunette sauntered out, her baby bump obvious.

  “Tori? Wow, you look great.” And she did. The little annoying kid I left was now all grown-up, a stunning woman in her place. .

  “You too. I’m glad you came back.” Her bright eyes clouded warily as she eyed my partner.

  “Who did you bring with you?” Aunt Sue smoothed her skirt as she asked what everyone was obviously thinking.

  “This is my friend Spencer,” I continued the introductions, clarifying who was who as more people stepped from the house. Finally Cole came swaggering from the barn and swung his arm around my shoulders after shaking Spencer’s hand.

  “Seems to me it’s time for a beer.”

  “Already ahead of you.” The tall lanky man who had identified himself as Tori’s husband Lee called out as he carried a cooler from the house.

  “They might like to get their stuff from the car first or maybe freshen up a bit. They’ve all just flown in from Florida. I’m sure it has been a long day,” Aunt Sue called out.

  “A beer does sound great, but I need to find a bathroom. If you can show us where we are staying, we can put our things there.”

  I sought a brief solace in my room, one of the guest rooms on the second floor. Since Spencer was a last-minute addition to our trip there wasn’t a room prepared for him.

  “I’m sorry for springing Spencer on you. I didn’t know he was coming until we left.”

  “No trouble at all, sweetie. Is he staying with you?” she asked with a raised brow. That was a loaded question. Was he? He needed to be close to work his magical grounding on my mojo so it would be really convenient. But at the same time I was actually having sex with Gavin so this whole thing had a huge potential for awkwardness.

  “Does the couch pull out?” I pointed to the small flora couch in the sitting area of the suite.

  Aunt Sue’s crooked smile spoke volumes as she brought a second set of sheets and an additional pillow to the couch. “It’ll be a tight fit for his tall frame.”

  “Maybe I’ll be nice and let him have the bed.”

  She left as Spencer brought our luggage inside the spacious room, frowning as he spotted the single queen bed.

  “I am staying nearby right?”

  “You get the bed. I’ll take the pullout.” His eyes closed with relief. “Gavin’s going to be pissed.”

  “That’s an understatement,” I snorted.

  After freshening up and talking myself out of hiding in the bathroom, I turned to Spencer, who was stretched out on the bed. The muscles on his arms were emphasized as he rested, his arms folded above his head. My eyes were drawn to the six-pack peeking from under his t-shirt, which had ridden up as he relaxed.

  A heavy sigh escaped despite my attempts to rein it in. “Ready to face everyone?”

  “I guess that about covers it,” he chuckled as we headed back out. “This should be interesting.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.” I mumbled as he glided down the stairs out of earshot.

  By the time we came back outside several more people had gathered on the porch. I remembered most of them despite the years and was able to awkwardly introduce Spencer to most of them. He didn’t object at being simply introduced as my friend, and it kept the questions to a minimum, although we were the subjects of a lot of speculative glances.

  There were a few new faces, mostly spouses and children that had been added to the clan over the years. I got the vibe fr
om everyone that my hasty departure and long-time absence was forgiven. Taking their cues from Gavin’s acceptance, they were open and warm. I could feel their curiosity, but no one asked any questions I couldn’t handle.

  Even though I knew better, I indulged in several beers. Not enough to get shit-faced, I had to keep my control for safety reasons, but enough to make me a little more loose-lipped than normal. And a little touchy-feely. I’m pretty sure I hugged everyone there at least once. Gavin about fell off his chair.

  Darkness fell. Real darkness like I hadn’t seen since I left. The kind where you stumble around and trip over your own feet since you can’t see them any longer. But the stars - oh my. I had forgotten how many stars were really in the sky, hidden underneath all the lights from the city. It took my breath away.

  Cole and Gavin started a fire and we gathered around it. Most of the older folks had crashed at nightfall, including Aunt Sue, and the wee ones were put to bed. Finally, it was just Spencer, Gavin, Cole, and Tori left. I expected tension, but it was surprisingly easy. I knew I could plead exhaustion if I needed to escape.

  “So,” Tori started, her face reflecting the flickering fire. “Catch us up. Gavin says he finally found you in Tampa. What on earth are you doing there?”

  “I’ve been there the whole time. It’s nice, sunny, warm, basically no winter. Practically paradise.” I smiled remembering the several feet of snow I used to trudge through living in Wyoming. I didn’t miss that.

  “Nice. I’d love to see the Gulf.”

  “You should come down sometime for a vacation.”

  She eyed me speculatively, weighing my sincerity. “I might just do that.” She grinned. “So what did you end up doing? I know you never settled on anything in high school.”