ClownFellas

by Carlton Mellick III

  Pinky was dumbfounded, standing at the edge of her bed with such an awkward look on his face. He felt as though he were the one at fault for intruding on them.

  “What’s going on?” Pinky said in a soft voice they barely heard.

  He didn’t know what else to say.

  “Pinky?” Taffy cried. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  She pushed the naked clown off her.

  “Hey, what’s the deal?” the man yelled at her. “I wasn’t finished over here.”

  Pinky’s eyes met with the clown who was boinking his girlfriend. Even without the massive hats on his head, Pinky would know his face anywhere. He couldn’t believe it. Of all the guys Taffy could have cheated on him with, she’d chosen the most obnoxious jerk of a clown Pinky had ever met.

  “Hats Rizzo?” Pinky yelled. Then he looked at his girlfriend. “You cheated on me with Hats Rizzo?”

  Hats looked at Pinky and just laughed out loud. “How ya doing, kid? I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  Although Hats was completely amused by the situation, Taffy Bozo glared at Pinky as though she wanted to dig her fingernails into his face and rip his eyes out.

  “Get out of here.” Her bright-blue eyes turned cold and icy. Her purple button nose wrinkled with anger.

  “Why…” Pinky was so flustered he didn’t know how to get the words out. “Why would you do this? I thought you loved me.”

  Hats laughed even louder when he heard Pinky’s meek response. He put an oversized novelty cigar in his mouth and puffed on it.

  “How could I possibly love you?” she cried. “After what you did…”

  Taffy covered her naked marshmallow-white body with a blanket as if Pinky were some strange pervert who’d walked in on them.

  “What did I do?”

  “Don’t act dumb with me. I’m through with your lies. I can’t believe I was with you for two whole years and didn’t even realize it…”

  “I’m serious. What did I do? What’s going on?”

  “Pinky, we’re through.” She threw her pillow at him.

  Pinky caught it and put it back on the bed. “But you have to tell me what I did.”

  “My daddy told me all about it,” she said. “He said you’re a rat.”

  “A rat?” Pinky cried. “How am I a rat?”

  “You’re working with the cops to put my father and uncle behind bars. You used me the whole time just to get to them.”

  “I did not. I’m no rat. No way.”

  “Do you know how embarrassing that is for me?” Taffy said. “Do you know what people are going to say when they find out I’ve been sleeping with a rat for two years?”

  “Wait…,” Pinky said, putting the pieces together in his head. “Is this why I got a black joker card today? Because somebody thinks I’m a rat?”

  “You got a black joker?” Hats chuckled so hard he almost bit through his cigar. “Wow, they didn’t take any chances with you, did they, kid? You’re one dead clown.”

  Pinky tried to go to Taffy. He wanted to hold her, at least one last time, at least to say good-bye. But she cringed when he took one step in her direction.

  “Get out,” she cried. “I never want to see you again. I can’t wait until Mr. Pogo gets his hands on you.”

  Pinky couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. He wanted to scream. He wanted to let out all the tears he was holding back.

  “I promise you, Taffy,” Pinky said. “It’s all a mistake. Somebody’s setting me up.”

  Taffy stood out of the bed and pointed at the door. “I said get out!”

  Hats chuckled. “Yeah, get out of here you stinking rat, before I whack you myself.”

  Pinky didn’t know what else to say. He turned around and walked out of the room, his heart crumpling up like a wad of newspaper in his chest.

  As he went for the front door, he said in a voice too low to hear, “I’m no rat, Taffy. And I’ll prove it to you if it’s the last thing I do.”

  Chapter 60

  Pinky Smiles was shell-shocked as he walked away from Taffy’s apartment building. He didn’t know where he was going; he just walked, staggering like a zombie down the sidewalk. Hobo clowns and laughy-gas peddlers tried to get his attention, but the half clown didn’t even notice them. It was as if his whole world were crumbling around him. It was the only time he’d ever lost the smile on his face.

  Taffy had cheated on him, and with Hats Rizzo of all people. But the part that devastated him most was how quickly she’d turned her back on him. She wouldn’t even listen to his side. She treated him like a piece of trash.

  But he didn’t love her any less for how she reacted. In fact, he kind of loved her more. If Pinky actually was a rat that’s exactly how he’d want the love of his life to respond. It showed she had loyalty. An enemy of the Bozo Family was an enemy of hers, no matter who they were, no matter what they had done in the past. That was exactly the kind of clown Pinky wanted to marry.

  “Of course she would think I was lying…” Pinky smiled. “Who would ever admit to being a rat?”

  He knew he just had to prove his innocence and get the hit called off, and then everything would go back to normal. If only he had more time.

  After a few blocks, Pinky snapped out of his head and noticed a brown car trailing behind at a leisurely pace. Somebody was following him. When he looked back, the car stopped. He couldn’t see the two men in the front seats, but they were clearly watching him. He could tell they weren’t clowns.

  “Do you want something?” Pinky called out to them.

  The car rumbled in response.

  He crossed the street in front of them and went in another direction, taking a side street behind the fish market. The car followed him.

  “Hello?” Pinky asked, but his pursuers didn’t respond.

  After another block, the car pulled up alongside him and the two vanilla men looked out the passenger-side window.

  “Pinky Smiles?” asked a man with a blond buzz cut.

  “Yeah?” Pinky said.

  “We’re with the FBI,” he said, showing him a badge. “Get in.”

  They opened the back door for him.

  “Am I under arrest or something?” Pinky asked.

  “We’re here to help you out,” said the man in the driver’s seat.

  Pinky recognized the man driving the car. No one but Manny Malone had that smug condescending smile and forty-year-old-frat-boy fashion sense. The bastard had been trying to take down Don Bozo for the past five years. Pinky didn’t want to be seen anywhere near the son of a bitch.

  “No thanks,” Pinky said and continued on his way.

  The cops drove alongside him, matching his pace.

  “Get in,” Manny said. “We need to talk.”

  Pinky stopped walking. He looked around to see if anyone was watching.

  “About what?” Pinky asked.

  “Just get in.”

  Pinky scanned the street again. Then he got inside. The second he closed the door, they sped off.

  “Did you get one of these this morning?” said Agent Buzzcut. He handed him a photocopy of a black joker card.

  Pinky took the paper and nodded.

  “Then you know what that means, right?” Manny asked.

  “Yeah,” Pinky said.

  Manny turned into a parking garage to get off the street. It was mostly empty, only a few cars on the first level.

  “It means a hit man who goes by the name Mr. Pogo is after you,” Manny said. “And you’ve got less than twenty-four hours to live.”

  “But it doesn’t have to be that way,” said Agent Buzzcut. “We can protect you from Pogo if you cooperate with us.”

  “How can you protect me from Pogo?” Pinky asked. “That’s supposed to be impossible.”

  Manny Malone smirked as he pulled into a parking spot. “They say he’s never lost a target. They say he’ll find you no matter where you hide. They say he knows black magic. But do
you know how he’s really able to do what he does?”

  Pinky shrugged.

  Agent Buzzcut said, “We’ve autopsied several of Mr. Pogo’s victims. In each case, the bodies had tracking devices planted on them. That’s how he’s always able to win the game of cat and mouse that he plays with his targets.”

  “He never planted a tracking device on me,” Pinky said.

  Agent Buzzcut turned around, “Show us your hands.”

  Pinky gave him his right hand.

  “See, right here.” Buzzcut pointed at a black mark on Pinky’s index finger.

  “Isn’t that just ink?” Pinky asked.

  Buzzcut shook his head. “When you accepted the black joker card from Mr. Pogo’s courier, the device was injected into your bloodstream.”

  Pinky touched the mark on his finger. There didn’t seem to be anything under the skin. “I don’t remember feeling a prick or anything.”

  “The device is so small it’s almost microscopic and moves through the bloodstream. It could be anywhere in your body. Getting it removed is not easy, but we have the means. If you work with us we can get it out of you and take you to a place where Mr. Pogo will never be able to track you down.”

  “What would I have to do?” Pinky asked.

  “We want information that will lead to the arrest of Don Bozo,” Manny said. “And to testify, if necessary. If you can help us, we can help you.”

  “I don’t know who you think I am,” Pinky said. “But I don’t have any information like that. I’ve only met Don Bozo once.”

  “Our sources tell us differently,” said Buzzcut. “You’ve been seen at your boss’s residence on numerous occasions, as well as at several gatherings thrown by the Bozo Family’s second in command, Jojo Bozo.”

  “But I only attended those as Taffy Bozo’s boyfriend,” Pinky said. “I wasn’t even introduced to anyone important at those events.”

  “Think carefully, Mr. Smiles,” Manny said. “If you can’t help us then we can’t help you.”

  Pinky knew plenty more than he was letting on, but he wasn’t about to give up anything to the cops—especially not when one of them was Manny Malone. The only reason he always put the screws to the Bozo Family was on account of him being on the French clown payroll. And they’d pay a hefty sum if he could put their competition behind bars.

  But still, it was possible that these cops were the only thing that could save him from Mr. Pogo. He had to decide between death and betraying everything that he stood for.

  After a moment of thinking about it, Pinky said, “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything. I’m just Taffy Bozo’s boyfriend. That’s all.”

  “Then there’s nothing we can do to protect you,” Manny said.

  Pinky opened the door and stepped out. Then he looked through the passenger-side window at Manny Malone.

  “I’d rather die a clown than live as a rat.”

  Chapter 61

  Pinky knew what he had to do next. He had to try to get the tracking device removed without the help of the feds. But he had no idea who he could turn to. He thought about contacting Captain Spotty, but if his old mentor suspected him of being a rat then he might kill Pinky himself. He thought about asking his mother, but she wouldn’t know the first thing about removing such a thing. He didn’t want to go to a hospital. If he went to a doctor’s office telling them he had a tracking device swimming through his bloodstream, they’d probably send him to the funny farm.

  There was only one option he could think of. Although the man wasn’t a real doctor, Earl Berryman—the Bozo Family veterinarian—could possibly help him out. Since Earl had little communication with members of the Bozo Family, he likely wouldn’t refuse assisting Pinky on account of him being a rat. Unfortunately, being only a veterinarian, the chance of him removing such a device was pretty slim. But Pinky didn’t have a whole lot of options.

  When Pinky arrived at Earl’s apartment, he didn’t expect Vinnie Blue Nose to be the one to answer the door. The capo was in horrible shape. His clothes were filthy and covered in bloodstains. His nose and lips were cracked. Scabs had formed on the red and white parts of his skin.

  “Mr. Blue Nose?” Pinky asked.

  At first, he thought Vinnie was there to whack him. As his capo, it would have been Vinnie’s responsibility to make sure Pinky got what was coming to him. But nobody knew Pinky was going to Earl Berryman’s place, so it had to be a coincidence. The capo had to be there for some other reason.

  “Hey, Smiles, how’s it been?” Vinnie opened the door all the way to let him inside. “Did Spotty send you?”

  Pinky stepped into the apartment. “No, but he’s been looking for you. Is the vet around?”

  “He’s with Jimmy,” Vinnie said.

  Pinky Smiles looked around, not knowing where to sit. The place was covered in blood, and whichever surfaces weren’t covered in blood were used to hold houses of cards. Vinnie had built ten small card towers around the room, most likely out of nervousness, giving himself something to do while waiting to hear about his friend’s condition.

  “What happened here?” Pinky asked.

  Vinnie shrugged. “Jimmy and I got into a scrape. This is mostly his blood.”

  Pinky looked at him with a concerned face. Even though he was in danger, he was more worried about Taffy’s cousin than himself. “Is he going to be okay?”

  “He’ll be fine,” Vinnie said.

  But Pinky still wanted to know every detail of what happened, just in case he could help in some way.

  Vinnie said, “It’s a long story. Forget about it.”

  Pinky nodded.

  “So why are you here?” Vinnie asked.

  “To see the doctor,” Pinky said. “I mean the vet. I need his help.”

  “You know, a real doctor would probably be more effective than the vet. You want me to drive you to a hospital?”

  Pinky shook his head.

  “Why not?”

  Pinky didn’t want to give him too many details. He was a dead clown if Vinnie suspected him of being a rat.

  “I just want him to take a look at something,” Pinky said.

  Vinnie pointed to the hallway. “He’s in the master bedroom. Why don’t you let him know you’re here.”

  Pinky nodded.

  Then Vinnie went for Earl’s phone. “I’m going to check in with the boss. He’s going to be pissed when he hears about what happened last night.”

  As Vinnie entered the phone number, Pinky turned and walked down the hallway with every muscle in his body tightened. If Blue Nose didn’t already know about the hit on Pinky’s life, he was going to after that phone call with the boss. He wasn’t sure what to do.

  Before he entered the master bedroom, Pinky saw a window at the end of the hallway that led to a fire escape. He paused for a moment, debating whether to enter the room or flee out the window.

  In the next room, he thought he heard Vinnie say, “Yeah, Pinky’s here with me now. Why?”

  And with that, Pinky’s panic made the choice for him. He crawled out the window and went down the fire escape.

  Chapter 62

  Pinky had to find another way to remove the tracking device. There was only a small chance Earl could have possibly helped him, and he didn’t know any other people in the medical profession. It was possible that he knew people who knew people who could help him, but there weren’t many people he could trust at that moment.

  Then an idea: His mother could help after all. She knew doctors. They came to the Rainbow Gardens all the time. Some were clients; others came to give checkups to the girls. If anyone could help remove the tracking device, she would know who.

  When he called, he knew his mother would be worried about him but he had no idea she would be in such a frantic state.

  “Pinky? What’s going on? Are you all right?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “There’s Bozos all over this place looking for you,” said Miss Tina. “They say you’re a r
at.”

  “I’m not a rat.”

  “Well, they sure think you are for some reason. What did you do? Is there any reason they’d suspect you were working with the cops?”

  “It’s just a misunderstanding, Ma,” Pinky said. “I’ll figure it out. But right now, I need your help.”

  “You can’t come here. You need to stay away.”

  “But I don’t know where else to go,” Pinky said.

  “I can’t help you, Pinky,” she said, her voice choking on her words. “They’ll probably kill you if you come anywhere near me.”

  Pinky paused and took a deep breath.

  “Okay, I’ll figure it out myself,” he said.

  His mother was crying on the other end.

  “I love you so much,” she said.

  “Don’t worry, Ma. I’ll prove to them it’s all a mistake.”

  “Pinky…,” Miss Tina began, but she couldn’t say anything else.

  Pinky told his mother he loved her and then canceled the call. He hoped it wasn’t the last conversation he’d ever have with his mother.

  As Pinky put the phone back into his pocket it vibrated in his palm. He looked down to see that it was Spotty who was calling. He hesitated answering. There was no way of knowing if his mentor was still on his side.

  Spotty had a serious tone in his voice when Pinky answered.

  “Meet me at Pumpernickel’s,” Spotty said.

  “What’s going on?” Pinky asked.

  “Just meet me there. Make sure you’re not followed.”

  Then Spotty hung up. Pinky didn’t like where this was headed, but he didn’t have many options left. He had to have faith in his old friend.

  Chapter 63

  Pumpernickel’s was an antique bookshop run by a clown by the name of Sir Reginald Van Pumpernickel. The man was a fancy sort of clown who wore a three-piece suit straight out of the seventeenth century accessorized with a gold pocket watch, a cream-colored top hat, and tiny round-lens reading glasses that perched on the tip of his plump green nose.