All In

by O'Donahue, Fallon

  “Because you weren’t in love with her,” Cass summarized. Damn. That woman just put a fine point on things, using her detached therapist voice—deep and soft, but no emotion.

  “What?” he asked, not missing the way she was looking at him, as if there was something that he was missing.

  “Did you ever think that the success was more than she was ready to take on? That maybe her being needy and demanding was about how everything she thought she wanted was coming up hollow. That she was looking to you to be her anchor?”

  Fuck.

  He shook his head. “No. Not once. But Cass…”

  “Honey, I’m not justifying anything she did to you, but I know that, if I became this super successful person out of nowhere, I’d need something at home to hold onto. No, you weren’t the right person to do it, because you didn’t feel that way toward her, but I get it. I-“

  “Cass, she fucking cheated on me.” There, he said it. Well, not really said it, more shouted it. He knew Cass could see the 72 sides of a situation. It’s what made her amazing at her job and an amazing friend. It’s also what tore her apart inside when she got close to someone. She was always analyzing. But there was nothing she could say to make cheating okay.

  “Oh, sweetie.” She kissed him softly on the lips. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I just-“

  “Thought I was the one who fucked up.” He stiffened. Of course she did. Everyone did. He hadn’t told anyone except his sister, and she was great at keeping her mouth shut. No one knew that the great Maddox Paul couldn’t hold onto the perfect little wife.

  “No!” She pushed him away, grabbing his cheeks. “No. In all my time…watching you with all those women. I—“ She swallowed hard and pulled a veil over the flash of hurt before placing her forehead against his. He tightened his grip. He knew those women were hard on Cass. But they were nothing. They weren’t her. They’d never be anything close to what he had with her.

  “Cass…”

  “Shhh. Just listen,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I’m going to tell you this once, Maddox Paul. And you are going to listen. You are amazing. You are warm and funny and smart and a pain in my ever loving ass. You aren’t that fresh out of college idiot trying to prove himself. You’re there. You’ve accomplished everything you’ve set to accomplish, save one thing, and you’re an idiot for thinking it was the one thing you didn’t need.”

  “I-“

  “I said shut up.” She put a finger over his mouth. “Listen. You thought you could do all this without opening up your heart, and when it finally came time to love, you got shit on. You both made mistakes. But it’s time to let that go and stop beating yourself up over it, Maddox. And stop beating her up. I don’t care if she’s still in love with you. I don’t care if she used you, threw you out like garbage, tore your heart out…I don’t care. I have you now, and I’m not planning on letting you go. Since the day you walked into my life, you’ve been my light. You’ve been my rock. You’ve been my everything. You may not think you should be loved, but you are. Madly,” she kissed him, “Deeply,” kissed him again. “And always.”

  On the last kiss, he pulled her tight, his lips crashing into hers. His heart swelled. She loved him. Cassidy Moore loved him, and he loved her, too. Every bit of her. Let Marissa try to destroy this. He was ready to fight. There was no one who got him like Cass did. No one who had faith in him like she did. He knew what it took for Cass to say these things. She didn’t open up easily, and she definitely didn’t put her heart out there like she just had. Hell would freeze over before he’d allow his fucking ex-wife to break it.

  * * *

  Darkness engulfed the room, and he took in the deep, even breathing coming from Cass, her arm and leg draped over him as he lay on his back staring at a ceiling he couldn’t actually see. Now it was his turn to panic, but outside of the anxiety over fighting against one of the most manipulative women he knew, he was content. Cass’ breathing was like a lullaby, soothing his soul.

  Damn, he was starting to sound like all those saps in the romantic comedies Cass forced him to watch when she was feeling particularly mean. How many times had he watched the male lead set aside his own ambitions or pride because of some piece of ass and chastised them for it? Maybe now he was just getting where they were coming from. He’d turn the world upside down for Cass, something he’d never have done for anyone else—not even the woman he’d married in his career-focused youth.

  Maybe now he was just beginning to understand what his life had been missing, why his heart was so heavy when he went home to see his parents. Cass was right. His parents had always been so in love with one another. When he was a teenager, he’d rolled his eyes on more than one occasion at how affectionate they were with one another, but he’d attributed it to them being hometown sweethearts. He’d justified his marriage to Marissa by telling himself that his parents had never left their small town and didn’t live in the world he did.

  But success had been hollow without someone else to fill the open spaces. When his mother received her tenure, his father took them all out for steak. When his father completed his Master’s, something he needed to become a guidance counselor, his mother baked him his favorite cookies for a month. She didn’t have to. She’d taken on extra clubs and summer school teaching jobs to help pay for that degree. His parents had saved every extra penny they’d had to put him and his sister through college, while keeping a roof over their heads and supporting one another in whatever whim breathed through them. They were each others’ cheerleader and support—and the sheer number of times he dealt with his friends’ teasing when his parents kissed, hugged, and goosed each other…they never lost that passion.

  His heart clenched remembering all the glances and caresses between his parents, because he hadn’t understood it until now. He kicked himself for how oblivious he’d been to Cass. It wasn’t just that he’d denied how she felt about him, but it was also that he hadn’t realized how he’d felt about her and how he allowed himself to believe that her friendship was all he needed. That he’d somehow find a wife who would look great in publicity photos and have Cass to fill all the emotional craters in his heart. He was so stupid. As Cass inched closer to him in her sleep, he realized that he’d been lacking intimacy. Real intimacy. Not just sex. He lacked the person who pried his heart open, not to hurt him, but to fill him up.

  He had everything now, and no way in Hell was Marissa going to ruin that.

  But he knew Marissa. He didn’t know why she wanted so badly to deny him his happiness, why after almost a decade she couldn’t seem to get over whatever hurt he’d inflicted on her, but she would pounce on Cass. It didn’t matter what Cass said about fighting or being his. Marissa would prey on every insecurity Cass had, and she wouldn’t care if Cass was collateral damage on her way to destroying him.

  This time it would destroy him. He loved Cass. He always had, but once he’d opened himself up to being with her, really seeing what he had in front of him, the emotion consumed him. He’d been with more women than he’d like to admit, even had long-term relationships, and none of them damaged him in the least bit when they were over. This one would. This was it for him.

  No, Marissa wouldn’t win this one. He wouldn’t let her take this away from him, even if it meant destroying her in the process. He just hoped that, in the heat of battle, he didn’t lose the reason for fighting the war.

  22

  Cass

  “Cassidy Moore,” she said, reaching out her hand to the stunning brunette in front of her. She’d seen pictures of Mad’s ex-wife, but they didn’t come close to seeing her in person. The woman was not only beautiful, but she oozed charisma and confidence. Yeah, she could see how Maddox would’ve chosen her to be the perfect COO’s wife.

  It made Cass hate her just that little bit more.

  This woman had it all. Cass glanced around the office, not missing the family pictures hung interspersed with the diplomas and awards. Her husband was good looking.
He wasn’t Maddox gorgeous, but he was handsome with his soft brown eyes and light brown hair dusted with grey. Her kids were adorable. With all this goodness, why was she so hell-bent on destroying her ex-husband?

  “Marissa Paul,” the bitch smiled and motioned for Cass to sit. Cass pulled out her computer, ready to take notes. She’d be perfectly professional. Nothing out of the ordinary. This would just be about the website.

  “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me, Dr. Paul. I-“

  “Marissa, please.”

  “Marissa. I know you met with Phil to go over some preliminary ideas, but I wanted to spend some time discussing in a little more detail what you’re thinking for the website,” Cass began, uncomfortable with how Marissa just seemed to peruse her, as if she was a predator looking for Cass’ weakness. Mad had warned her that Marissa was good. He’d explained how she’d worm her way into Cass’ psyche without Cass even realizing it. Cass came armed, though, with a history of being manipulated by her mother and being judged by everyone around her for not fitting into how society thought a woman should look—stick thin, pretty, and supported by a man. Would manipulation hurt? Yep. Would it cause her to doubt? Sure. But Maddox promised he’d be there waiting to soothe whatever psychological injuries Marissa inflicted on her.

  “So, I’m thinking we start with what you don’t like with your current website,” Cass suggested, and the conversation started off perfectly professional, with Marissa rattling off how the site felt slow and old. It didn’t reflect Casita’s new direction, which was holistic healing. It was cold and technical, and they wanted to bring it into a new age. They wanted to offer online discussions with their patients, health and wellness information, and make their practice seem warm and friendly.

  “You didn’t ask me about my last name,” Marissa flipped the conversation just as Cass was about to end the meeting.

  “I didn’t have to,” Cass responded, trying not to look surprised. They’d just met for over an hour with no sign that Marissa would be anything but professional. Why now? Cass focused on keeping her voice light and hands steady as she packed up her computer.

  The woman pursed her lips and her gaze turned colder.

  “How long have you been sleeping with him?”

  “What?!”

  “Sleeping with him. You have that-“

  “I appreciate your insight for the web design, Dr. Paul,” Cass stopped her, emphasizing Marissa’s last name. Sure, questions about Marissa floated around Cass’ head: Why had she kept that last name? Was it really because she had established her success well before she remarried? Or was there something else? But Cass had years of working with an ass like Phil who used shock to try and get a reaction out of his employees, so she’d had plenty of practice in not taking the bait. “I’ll be in contact when I have some renderings for you to review.”

  Cass wasn’t going to give this woman what she wanted. With trepidation and a plethora of assurances that him talking about his past exploits wouldn’t make her doubt his feelings for her, Maddox had warned her about all the other women Marissa had run off. He couldn’t tell her how Marissa had done it, because he wasn’t the type to hang onto even a friendship with his exes. If it had anything to do with Marissa giving off the crazy ex-wife vibe like she was in that moment, that could have been a start.

  Marissa stood and walked Cass to the door of the office, the psychiatrist’s eyes narrowed as if assessing whether her prey was worth her effort. “You’re different than the rest,” she said, softening, before reaching out her hand to shake Cass’. “Don’t let him break you.”

  And with that statement, the good doctor returned to her desk, dismissing Cass.

  What the fuck?

  * * *

  “Shit, honey, that is some crazy right there,” Lo shook her head as she ran the box cutter through another insane layer of tape. Lo would take no chances with her stuff, allowing nothing short of superhuman strength or the sharpest samurai blade to get through all of the tape she’d heaped on the moving boxes.

  “Right?”

  “You sure you really want to take on this crazy bitch?” Lo pulled out some books, plopping them willy nilly on the shelf behind her. Lo finally made the plunge, deciding Dan was really worth closing the book on the Hoochie Mama era.

  Cass was really happy for Lo. It was about time she’d settled down. A person really shouldn’t go through life jumping the bones of one guy after another, and she knew it had started becoming something empty for Lo. Cass was just glad a good man like Dan came into her life when he did. The man thought Lo hung the stars, and considering her friend’s penchant for fluorescent everything and her undying love of reality dating shows, nothing short of worship would justify it.

  “I can handle some crazy,” Cass replied, adding more books to the shelves.

  “I did some digging,” Lo said, setting aside her empty box before cutting through the tape on the next one.

  “On what?” Cass asked, afraid she already knew Lo’s answer.

  “Crazy bitch.”

  “Lo, we talked about this. I don’t want you to do digging. This is for me to handle.”

  “Girl, I take care of my friends, and this psycho has a reputation. You’ve been so good and haven’t totally run off screaming. It’s been what? A month?”

  Cass nodded trying not to let her humiliation show on her face.

  “Yeah, a whole month, and you braved your way through the tough part. I know that wasn’t easy. I don’t know who planted that damn doubt monster in your pretty little head, but that’s a topic for another day, because my whole goal was to find out her M.O. and cut the bitch off at the ankles before she could feed that beast.”

  Lo had stopped digging the knife through the thick layers of tape and gave Cass a look that said, “Yeah, try to refute what I just said.”

  Cass sighed. She’d argue and lose. It didn’t matter how many nights she’d spent wondering when the other shoe would drop. She’d managed, for the first time in a long time, to fight her doubts and anxieties. It wasn’t that they were there, but that she pushed them away. It was hard, and some days it felt like a losing battle, especially when she and Mad would have little arguments about the most random things. In those moments, her self-doubt would flare, and she’d have to lock herself in the bathroom and talk herself off the ledge. She wouldn’t allow Mad to be the crutch. She refused to allow herself to rely on him telling her she was worth it, no matter how it felt when he wrapped his arms around her. This time she wanted it to be about her feeling worth it.

  Maybe that was the difference this time around. Maybe this time she focused on why she’d be the best for Maddox. She was worth it. When her doubts said she wasn’t smart enough, she reminded herself that she graduated top of her class. When she didn’t feel strong enough, she reminded herself that she was the one who moved up from a lowly design assistant to managing a team of designers. Sure, she wasn’t at Marissa-level genius or success, but look how that turned out. Marissa couldn’t hold onto Maddox, and she was at the top of her game. No, she reminded herself that she was not only great at giving Maddox what he needed, but she also deserved for him to give her what she needed. Sure, it was a fight to push out the doubt and let the good, powerful thoughts in, but she was too old and too experienced to lose sight of how important this fight was, and losing wasn’t an option this time around.

  She wasn’t a young thing anymore, and Cass thought it was time to grow up. That was why Lo’s frank outing of Cass’ inner anxieties bothered her. It embarrassed her that her friend seemed so proud of her for finally growing up and dealing with her self-esteem issues like an adult.

  However, a small part of her, that little immature 17 year old itching for gossip, wanted to know what Lo had dug up.

  “Fine. What did Sherlock Lo find out?” What could she say, she was a little contradictory…

  Lo laughed. “Honey, that woman might be my bitch hero.”

  “What?!” Cass stopped rear
ranging Lo’s books on the shelves. Lo had no sense of order, and Cass liked to organize when she was stressed.

  “She is all kinds of worshiped in her field. She’s been published in almost every medical journal there is. She’s revered. She developed this new form of psychotherapy that is being hailed as the second coming in the world of drug addiction.”

  “I know all this, Lo. Along with that she’s happily married with her two kids. They have a cabin in Tahoe and a condo in Hawaii. What’s your point?”

  “She has all this, and yet she makes it her mission to destroy Maddox at every turn. Well, at least his love life. You know she never took an ounce of money from him?”

  “Yeah, well, she kind of cheated on him…”

  “But we don’t live in that kind of state. She should have been able to take half. She didn’t. She walked away clean.”

  “Okay, but-“

  “Right. So, she didn’t take from him financially, but she’s never let him have a normal relationship, like, ever.”

  “Lo, I told you that.”

  “From Maddox. But I heard this from a couple of his exes. They were pretty reverent when I mentioned her name, and they said they don’t envy anyone else who gets involved with him.”

  “Seriously? What, did she boil their bunnies on the stove? What the fuck, Lo?” Cass was getting worried. Was this woman some sort of stalker? Serial killer?

  “No! Way worse. They said she’d gotten into their heads. Made them see things about Maddox that they hadn’t seen before. It was like they were so grateful that she involved herself, keeping them from making a huge mistake by being with someone as crazy as Maddox. When I pressed them on it, they said Maddox was just high maintenance and they’d never felt like they met his expectations. Like they weren’t good enough for him, and somehow she made them think they were dodging a bullet. I don’t get it. She made herself out to be the hero.”