The Perfect Boy

by Hailey Abbott

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Did he really think she looked cute, or was he just messing with her head? She wondered how she could possibly look cute with her wild curls straggling down her back in limp, oily strands. Obviously, AJ was joking around at her expense—just like he’d been doing ever since he’d laid eyes on the kayak.

  AJ forced his face into a grin. “Look, sorry if I was a little harsh out there,” he said quietly.

  “It’s cool,” Ciara said flippantly. She tried to smile, but it was a pretty shoddy effort. It was clear that AJ could see how unhappy she was and was just trying to cheer her up. She knew he didn’t mean a word of it. He thought she was reckless and pushy—hardly even make-out material, let alone a potential girlfriend. And then there was the way he’d acted like a petulant kid when things didn’t go exactly right. Didn’t he realize that behavior like that messed with her vision of him as the perfect boy? Guys as hot and confident as AJ weren’t supposed to freak out like that. They were supposed to be cool and collected in the face of an emergency. If this were a music video, he would have scooped her up in his arms and planted a firm, comforting kiss on her lips instead of nearly peeing in his swim trunks while she did all the work. It wasn’t a side of AJ she liked, and she hoped she wouldn’t see it again.

  Heidi and Kevin were already waiting for them when they pulled into the dock. “You guys go for a dip?” Kevin asked. “You’re all wet.”

  “I know,” Ciara said dully. Kevin was smiling, which must mean that things had gone well out there with Heidi.

  “We totally crashed into a ten-foot wave!” AJ said. “But we handled it all right.”

  Sure…like he had handled anything. She had done it all.

  “Wow, you’re so brave,” Heidi cooed, batting her eyes at him. “We saw sea otters. They were sooo cute!” She turned her sparkling eyes on Kevin. “Do your sea otter impression for them. You guys have to check this out—Kevin was cracking me up the whole way back.”

  “I gotta hit the girls’ room,” Ciara said, feeling majorly uninterested in Kevin’s otter impression. A small shard of jealousy lodged in her chest. Obviously, Kevin’s afternoon had gone a lot better than hers. She turned and headed for the restrooms.

  “Oh, man, me too!” Heidi hurried after her. She caught up with her just as Ciara slipped into one of the stalls. “Kayaking was such a great idea,” she said from behind the metal barrier. “How much fun was that?”

  “It was all right,” Ciara said, trying not to blow a gasket. She knew she would have felt happier for Kevin’s success if she weren’t so annoyed at her own disastrous afternoon.

  “Kevin just kept cracking me up the whole time,” Heidi continued. “He’s so funny. Hey, what’s up with you and him, anyway? You two have been spending a ton of time together.”

  “We’re just friends,” Ciara said through gritted teeth. She was glad to be safe in the stall so Heidi couldn’t see her glaring.

  “Are you sure?” Heidi persisted. “Because I could totally see you guys together. You’d actually make a great couple. And then you and Kevin and me and AJ could double date!”

  Ciara could have cried. If Heidi thought she and Kevin were getting something going, Operation Woo-ha was even more of a disaster than she had thought.

  Chapter Twelve

  You can find it on the rack in your record store

  If you get the record, then your thoughts are adored

  —A Tribe Called Quest

  So how are things going with AJ?” Ciara asked. She and Heidi were taking a break between the breakfast and lunch rushes at the café, sitting at a table on the deck overlooking the ocean and sharing a spinach and sun-dried tomato omelet.

  It was an overcast morning a few days after the kayaking fiasco. Only a few blankets were sprinkled across the clean stretch of sand between the café and the surf line. Unless the weather cleared up, it would probably be a slow day at work.

  “Oh, they’re usually pretty good,” Heidi said.

  “Usually?” Ciara probed.

  “Well, most of the time, he’s really sweet,” Heidi said. “But then he’ll, like, go off into his own world, and when I ask what’s up, he just says he’s thinking about the crew or whatever.”

  “AJ always says that,” Ciara said. “He’s starting to sound like a scratched CD.”

  “Yeah, and sometimes I think it’s not just his music,” Heidi confessed, looking out over the ocean. “Like, sometimes he really wants to make out, but then all of a sudden he’ll stop and get really distant and say he needs time alone. It’s kind of frustrating. I mean, it’s not like I need him to vow eternal devotion or anything, but if it’s just because I’m inexperienced and doing a bad job or whatever, I wish he’d just tell me. I’d rather know I’m doing something wrong than keep making a fool of myself.”

  “I’m sure you’re not doing anything wrong,” Ciara assured her. She felt bad for Heidi, who still seemed so insecure sometimes under her snug-fitting tank tops and platinum bob. “But maybe you just need someone a little more open. AJ can be really complex—I’m sure it gets frustrating.”

  Ciara knew it was frustrating for her. She was still trying to figure out what the deal was with the whole kayaking debacle. Obviously, AJ knew he’d acted like a spaz. The one time she’d seen him since then, he’d barely said two words to her and hadn’t been able to meet her eyes. She wished there was some way she could tell him she’d forgiven him. Everyone had flaws, even a guy as amazing as AJ. He was probably just stressed about the Coup show, which would be a huge deal for anyone, let alone a perfectionist like him. Maybe once they were together, she could help him get over his obvious fear of water. The old Ciara might have gotten sick of AJ after one little setback, but the new one would stand by her man for the long haul.

  “But AJ’s so hot!” Heidi protested. “Where else am I going to find a guy who looks like that? I keep hoping we’ll bump into Jude so he can see how much better I’m doing now.”

  Ciara bit down hard into a chewy sun-dried tomato. Was that all AJ was to Heidi—a cheap way to get back at her ex? She thought bitterly that she could probably replace AJ with a cardboard cutout of Usher and Heidi wouldn’t even notice.

  “There are plenty of guys around as good-looking as AJ,” Ciara fibbed. “And a lot of them are more open and funny and less moody. Don’t you think you’d be happier with someone like that?”

  “Maybe,” Heidi said slowly. “But I haven’t really met anyone who fits the bill.”

  “Are you sure?” Ciara asked, attempting to mentally beam a picture of Kevin into Heidi’s head. She envisioned Kevin on the beach, taking off his sunglasses and smiling as the wind tousled his hair. How could Heidi not go for a guy like that?

  “Well, actually,” Heidi said conspiratorially, “remember that guy from Smoothie City? He sent me a really cute e-mail the other day.”

  Ciara pictured Kevin’s face melting into a frown.

  “That burnout with the stupid tattoo?” she asked.

  “He’s not a burnout!” Heidi protested. “He goes to college. And I thought the tattoo was kind of cute. But I told him I was seeing someone else.”

  “You mean AJ?” Ciara asked carefully.

  “I don’t even know if that’s true, though.” Heidi sighed. “I mean, we’re totally not official or anything like I was with Jude. Or like he was with Marlene.”

  “Who still doesn’t know about any of this, right?” Ciara clarified.

  “Oh gosh, no,” Heidi said. “And it’s so weird because, like, she used to be one of my best friends, but now that I’m messing around with AJ, I can’t talk to her about anything anymore. I feel like if she just looks at me hard enough, she’ll know what’s been going on.”

  “Are you sure she’d care?” Ciara asked. “I mean, she dumped him, right?”

  “Yeah, but still…” Heidi fidgeted in her seat. “I mean, any way you cut it, it’s kind of crappy to sneak around with your good friend’s ex just a couple of months after
they broke up. Like, I didn’t even call her about the boat party. I told myself she was probably working early the next day, but…well, I wasn’t sure. And then sometimes I wonder if she’s really as over him as she says. She gets pretty cranky every time the subject of groupies comes up.”

  Ciara thought of Em back in LA. She’d always pretended to Em that she was happy Em had finally found love with Tim, but Ciara was starting to realize how much she’d resented that rift in their friendship from the get-go. Em had still tried to stay friends, but it was Ciara who couldn’t take feeling like a third wheel and kept pushing her away. Of course, it hadn’t helped when Em had started harping on her to change her love life, either.

  “That’s why I’m so glad I have you,” Heidi continued, giving Ciara a wide, genuine smile. “Things are weird between me and Marlene right now, but I can talk to you about anything.”

  “I’m glad you can trust me,” Ciara said. The irony was so strong it made her teeth hurt. She felt like the biggest snake in the world.

  “Hey, you,” Kevin greeted her as she ducked into the passenger seat of his blue Acura.

  “Whatup, Kev?” Ciara clicked her seat belt into place. “Want to give me the post-kayaking report?”

  As he pulled out of the beach club’s parking lot, Kevin filled her in on his conversation with Heidi in the boat (mostly small talk) and how much she had loved the sea otters. “It was almost like being with the old Heidi again,” Kevin said. “It was nice to see her excited over animals again instead of putting on too much makeup and talking about shaking her tail feather. But in terms of romantic vibes? I don’t really know. She laughed at a lot of my jokes, so maybe that’s a good sign. But she wasn’t exactly begging to be Mrs. Kev-lar by the end of the ride, either.” Instead of pouting, Kevin seemed to be in a pretty good mood. Maybe it was because, no matter what had happened, it couldn’t have been as bad as Ciara’s kayaking debacle with AJ. “So how’d it go for you?” Kevin asked, as if he could read her thoughts.

  “You mean besides almost drowning him?”

  Kevin laughed. “He told me later he was scared to death. But I think he’s recovered.”

  “I wish I’d known about his deep-water phobia.” Ciara sighed. “That really didn’t go as planned.”

  “He’ll get over it,” Kevin assured her. “I think in his own way, he’s starting to see how amazing you really are.”

  “Really?” Ciara asked. She could feel herself flushing slightly. “What makes you say that?”

  “Oh, nothing concrete.” Kevin was suddenly concentrating very intensely on the road. “It’s just that you keep doing all these cool things like…well, like teaching us all how to kayak in the first place. I mean, he’s got to see how great you are eventually. He’d be dumb not to.”

  “Thanks!” Ciara’s blush grew hotter. It was weird to have Kevin compliment her like that but also kind of nice. It made her feel secure in a way she never quite did around AJ. With him, she was always walking on eggshells, terrified she was going to screw everything up.

  Kevin pulled into a nondescript shopping plaza and stopped the car. “You up for digging through some record crates?”

  “You know me,” Ciara said. “I’m up for anything.”

  Kevin led her to a storefront with a large blue sign over it that said Satellite West in bright, spray-painted letters. As he pushed open the door, a funky speed garage track came bouncing out at them. The walls of the store were covered in rainbow-colored graffiti, everything from small black-and-white tags to large, elaborately shaded pictures, and a row of smoked-glass listening booths stood against one wall. It was totally different than the big, generic music stores she was used to visiting in LA.

  Kevin went straight to the Soul section and began riffling through the records. Ciara stood next to him, suddenly über-conscious of the fact that the dreadlocked girl at the cash register was giving her outfit (the simple black shorts and white T-shirt she always wore to work) the once-over. She felt decidedly unhip.

  “AJ wants our sound to have more female vocals,” Kevin explained, picking out records and making a small pile on top of the next bin. “So I’m looking for stuff to sample.”

  “Oh.” To keep from looking like she didn’t belong there, Ciara began flipping through the bin in front of her. Black women in sparkly lipstick and evening gowns smiled at her from most of the covers. There were few names she’d actually heard of. It was depressing to think of how many people just never made it in the music business, even if they got as far as producing an album.

  “So I’m thinking of throwing a beach party,” Kevin said suddenly. “We did it last year, and it was off the hook. You know, sneak in a keg, set up some turntables, make a bonfire, camp out. You can usually get permission from the beach club to do stuff like that as long as you promise to keep the noise level down and take responsibility for anyone swimming without a lifeguard.”

  “Sounds like fun,” Ciara said.

  Kevin gave her a cute, crooked smile. “Glad you think so,” he said. “Oh, and it could be a chance to get some Woo-haing in too. I forgot to tell you that AJ said the other day that Heidi’s taste in music is really starting to get on his nerves.”

  “Really? He actually said that?”

  “Well…he said that if he had to listen to one more Pussycat Dolls tune, he was going to spew,” Kevin said. “I just assumed he was talking about Heidi. You know, she’s all into them and stuff.”

  “Maybe…,” Ciara said. But she still felt skeptical. Sure, she wanted AJ more than ever, but she was getting tired of chasing and chasing without ever reaching her goal. It was starting to hurt her ego, and she missed her old confidence.

  “Come on,” Kevin urged. He placed a friendly hand on Ciara’s shoulder. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He totally thinks you’re hot—plus you guys have the making-it-big thing in common.” He shook his head like he couldn’t quite understand what motivated that kind of drive, but he was smiling.

  “You think?” Ciara asked. Kevin’s flattery was working. She already felt a little better. Maybe she could give it one more go.

  “I know,” Kevin assured her. “Anyway, it’ll be sweet: a nice moonlit night, some great tunes and beer. Anything could happen.”

  “Maybe,” Ciara said, melting a little more.

  “Well, the Ciara I know doesn’t turn down a good party.” Kevin picked up the stack of records he’d made and motioned for her to follow him to a listening booth. There was just enough room in it for him to stand at the turntable while she sat on the tiny velvet-cushioned bench. He put a record on and a shrill, screeching voice filled the booth.

  “Um, no.” Kevin quickly replaced the record in its sleeve. The next one featured a low, sultry female vocalist with a cool piano line that immediately had him bobbing his head.

  “Oh, I just remembered,” Ciara said suddenly. “My mom’s in town this weekend. I’ll have to make sure seeing her doesn’t interfere with the beach party.” Her face twitched into a frown in spite of herself. All summer long, she’d thought that when she finally saw her mom, she’d be able to triumphantly tell her she wasn’t returning to LA. But now she didn’t feel so triumphant. So far, things hadn’t worked out quite the way she’d planned. Without the perfect boy, was there any point in sticking around? If she got frustrated and returned to her old ways, why even bother staying in Santa Barbara? Then she’d have a bad rep in two schools instead of just one.

  “You don’t seem too psyched about it,” Kevin observed.

  “I could more or less live without my mom for the time being,” Ciara said. “It’s been nice not having to deal with her so much this summer. In fact, I was kind of considering staying in Santa Barbara this fall. Not just to get away from her but just…well…” She trailed off, realizing she’d just given Kevin way too much info. Her plans to stay in Santa Barbara were top secret. Why was she suddenly giving everything away?

  “It would be great if you stayed here,” Kevin said
encouragingly.

  “Yeah, but it’s just confusing,” Ciara said. “I thought I’d come here and everything would be great just because I was out of LA and away from my mom, but now I’m not so sure. Heck, I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this. I’m going to shut up now.”

  But Kevin just stood there and listened, his eyes fixed intently on her. “Not to get all Dr. Phil on you or anything,” he said. “But it sounds like you’re trying to escape more than just your mom.”

  Ciara felt her face grow hot. Why was she even having this conversation with Kevin—and in the middle of a record store?

  Kevin shrugged. “Hey, it’s cool if you don’t want to talk about it. When my parents split back in middle school, there were like three weeks where I didn’t go anywhere or talk to anyone. All I did was sit in my room listening to records. That’s when I really got into spinning and scratching.”

  He turned and lifted the needle abruptly, putting the record back in its sleeve and replacing it with another soulful female vocal track.

  “The divorce has nothing to do with it,” Ciara snapped. “Actually, I’m happy about it.”

  “No offense,” Kevin said. “But you don’t really look happy.”

  “I am!” Ciara insisted. “All my parents did when they were together was fight, but they were hardly ever together because my mom was off running around.”

  Her hands flew to her mouth as soon as the words were out. She had just given away way too much. What was it about being with Kevin in the listening booth that made her flap her trap? It was almost like a confessional. But Kevin was hardly a priest.

  “Look, all I’m saying is, whether it’s the right thing for your parents or not, it can still hurt you. I know it hurt me.”

  Ciara couldn’t even look at him. She drew her knees up close to her chest and rested her chin on them, letting the singer’s voice soar around her head. She tried to push Kevin’s words out of her mind, but they stayed in there, ricocheting off the sides of her brain like the singer’s voice against the walls of the tiny booth.