The Perfect Boy

by Hailey Abbott

  He was wrong, of course. She wasn’t hurt by the divorce—she was happy her parents were both doing what they wanted to do. Sure, she resented her mom for cheating. Who wouldn’t? She’d gotten mad when Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller too. But it wasn’t like she took it personally.

  At the moment, though, it wasn’t even worth thinking about. Kevin was dividing the records into stacks to buy and stacks to put back. His blunt-cut hair fell haphazardly over his forehead and into his eyes. Ciara spontaneously stood up and used the palm of her hand to push the thatch of hair away from Kevin’s face.

  Kevin looked up, surprised. “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Trying to see what you’d look like with a different haircut,” she explained. “You’ve had the same hair forever. It might be time to go for something new.”

  “Something new for the ladies?” Kevin asked in his funny-man voice, wiggling his eyebrows.

  “For a certain lady named Heidi, definitely,” Ciara said.

  “You know, ordinarily I’d ask if you really thought she’d go for it,” Kevin said. “But she really liked my new shades and that T-shirt you helped me pick out the other day, so I think I’m just going to defer to your superior judgment on this one.”

  “Are you saying you’ll let me drag you to my favorite salon here?” Ciara asked.

  “Sure.” Kevin sighed. “As long as they don’t try to wax my eyebrows or anything.”

  “I’ll do what I can to preserve your delicate masculinity.” Ciara laughed as they exited the store. Joking around with Kevin had lifted a lot of the family-induced funk she’d dropped into just moments before. She was already starting to feel better.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The summer days are gone too soon

  You shoot the moon

  And miss completely

  And now you’re left to face the gloom

  —Norah Jones

  This is going to be the best night ever!” Heidi said, heaving a tent from the trunk of her car and dropping it with a heavy thud on the pavement of the beach club parking lot.

  “I’m looking forward to it,” Ciara said. She meant it, too. Not long after the kayaking disaster, AJ had started e-mailing and texting her with questions about marketing strategies for the B-Dizzy Crew, and in the last couple of days, things had even gotten a little flirtatious. Like when AJ wrote that he’d think of his new songs as a success if they got hotties like her dancing onstage (followed by an emoticon wink) or saying that their new song was partly inspired by her.

  Ciara felt like she was holding the night ahead of them in the palm of her hand. It was a beautiful, clear, moonlit evening with stars gleaming like tiny ice chips in the sky, and the salty ocean air had a wild, intoxicating smell that made her feel like anything could happen. Lust and romance seemed to sweep in with every wave that caressed the shore. Tomorrow she might have to face her mom, but tonight she was going to make it happen. Tonight was hers.

  “I can smell the bonfire from here,” Heidi said, and sure enough, the tangy scent of wood smoke drifted toward them on a gentle breeze. Farther down the beach, in a secluded area separated from the road by a tall dune, they could see the blaze of the fire and hear the seductive bass of a bumping sound system. As they approached, they saw bodies clustered around the fire and the keg, sipping beer from plastic cups and laughing in the moonlight. Several tents already dotted the party site, and a shade structure had been set up to protect the generator, turntables, and speakers, which blasted an upbeat house track.

  They found a place to set up their tent, then wandered over to the fire, greeting friends of Heidi’s from school and people Ciara had met at D-John’s parties along the way. An enthusiastic terrier rushed toward them, wagging its tail as if trying to shake it off its butt.

  “Aw, isn’t it the cutest?” Heidi cooed, squatting down to pet the dog. “I wonder whose it is?”

  “I’m borrowing him for the evening.” Kevin emerged from the shade structure and clapped. Ciara smiled to herself at her handiwork—the new haircut framed his face beautifully, showing off his strong, square jaw and smiling eyes. The dog immediately hurried back to him and sat at his feet, staring up expectantly and still wagging his tail like he was trying to sweep the sand off the beach. “He’s my neighbor’s, but when I said I was doing a beach campout, he begged me to take him. Apparently, Woofie is a big fan of the beach.”

  “Aw, Woofie!” Heidi looked down at the dog with stars in her eyes. “You’re so cute! I wish you were my little puppy.”

  Ciara couldn’t help admiring Kevin’s strategy. He’d told her in a text message that he had a surprise secret weapon that any girl would go crazy over, but this was better than anything she could have predicted. Heidi’s inner animal freak was coming out all over the place.

  “I have to walk him,” Kevin said to them. “You girls want to come?”

  “Heck, yeah!” Heidi said.

  “I’m going to stay here and warm up by the fire,” Ciara said, wondering why he was inviting her too. Didn’t he want the time alone with Heidi?

  She waved to the two of them as they disappeared down the beach, two tall shadows with a tiny one dancing and nipping at their heels.

  “Hey, girl!” a voice said close to her ear. She turned to see Marlene, wearing a comfy white velour tracksuit and holding a beer.

  Ciara greeted her with a hug. “Good to see you,” she said genuinely. “You haven’t been around much.”

  “I’ve been working a lot,” Marlene said. “And kind of doing my own thing. I started taking yoga—it’s great. You should come sometime.”

  “I’d like that,” Ciara said. “Have you been here for long?”

  “Yeah, I was over by the fire trying to talk to AJ for a while, but he’s acting all weird again.” Marlene made a face. “Probably wondering if this gig’s going to launch him to superstardom or whatever.”

  “I know,” Ciara agreed, even though it was actually what she liked best about AJ. “But if that’s what he wants…”

  “Exactly.” A sharp buzzing came from Marlene’s pocket, and she fished out her phone. “Crap, that’s probably my cousin. I said I’d meet her at the parking lot and help her carry her stuff back here. Catch you later, okay?”

  Ciara turned and headed toward the fire, guiltily relieved that Marlene had to disappear for a bit. Her heart skipped in her chest when she saw AJ sitting by the fireside, staring intently at the flames. People talked and laughed around him, but he didn’t appear to be part of the group. She wondered what he was thinking about. New song lyrics? The next step to stardom? Her? She was about to join him when she had a thought. Stopping by the keg, she poured two plastic cups of beer and walked toward AJ, balancing them carefully in each hand so they wouldn’t spill down the front of her green crocheted Miss Sixty tank top. It wasn’t that she was trying to get them drunk. If AJ had to be drunk to want her, she would rather not have him. Then again, if it helped him forget about whatever was bothering him…well, that was kind of a plus too, wasn’t it?

  “I brought you something,” she said quietly, coming up behind him. AJ jerked around, startled—he’d clearly been deep in thought about something. But his face relaxed into a smile when he saw her, and he patted the patch of sand next to him. Ciara handed him the plastic cup of beer and sat down, her thigh rubbing against his as she did. It was just for a brief moment, but the spot where they’d touched seemed to warm faster in the heat from the fire.

  “Thanks.” AJ held up his glass for a toast.

  “Here’s to a great night,” she said, tapping the rim of her cup against his.

  “And great company,” AJ replied, his eyes holding hers like magnets. Just looking at him made her feel more alive than she had all day—maybe even all summer. Sitting next to AJ, with their eyes locked like that, made the air seem fresher, the fire hotter, the beer more tart and sweet and intoxicating.

  “You think?” Ciara asked. Their shoulders brushed briefly, and her s
kin tingled like there wasn’t enough of it to cover her body.

  “Well, yeah, Ciara,” AJ said, turning to her, his eyes so dark and deep she could have fallen into them and swum around for a while. “I mean, you’ve done so much for the B-Dizzy Crew—all your help with marketing and your great ideas and just your constant support. I’m not sure I ever really thanked you enough for that.”

  “You’re welcome,” she breathed. The way AJ was thanking her, it almost sounded like he was practicing to accept a Grammy—but the way he was looking into her eyes was much more intimate. Her whole body was full of wanting him: all the longing that had built up over the summer, all the nights she had dreamed of holding him and woken up with her arms grasping at empty air, all the plotting she had done with Kevin to get him swarmed around inside her, desperate to get out. If something real—and passionate—and very, very sexy didn’t happen soon, she was going to explode.

  “I mean, you’re amazing too,” she continued. “You’re so smart and talented and…I just know there’s so much more to you than anyone knows about. And I want to get to know you more. I want to take this deeper.”

  She couldn’t hold back anymore. This was it—the moonlight, the music, and AJ all converged in the palm of her hand. The night was hers. She leaned forward, closed her eyes, and pressed her lips to his.

  Ciara couldn’t believe she was finally kissing AJ! Just the realization that she’d gotten exactly what she wanted turned her skeleton into a warm, soupy liquid. It short-circuited her brain, made her feel like she was jumping off a cliff and into the new, perfect life she’d craved for so long.

  The knowledge sent an exhilarating calm buzzing through her. When they finally pulled apart, Ciara could almost see cartoon hearts popping out of their heads. She couldn’t stop the dopey smile from spreading across her face.

  “That was amazing,” she said in a voice that barely sounded like her own. It was dizzy and breathy, like…well, like Heidi’s voice when she had told her about their first kiss on top of the roller coaster.

  Ciara had to force the image of Heidi out of her head. It was ruining the moment—her moment. She wasn’t ready to chase the sweet taste of victory out of her mouth with a sour dose of guilt.

  “Yeah,” AJ said slowly. But his face registered something other than post-kiss bliss. “Yeah,” he said again, more softly, as he moved away from her on the sand, hugging his knees and looking down to avoid her eyes.

  “Are you okay?” Ciara put a hand on his back. Maybe he was just trying to figure out a way of saying he wanted to take this to the next level. Or maybe he was wondering what to do about Heidi, how to let her down nicely. Either way, Ciara was sure he that felt the same way she did: that they were kindred souls meant to be together, their fate sealed by that kiss.

  “I don’t know how to say this,” he began.

  “Take your time,” Ciara said, dipping her head to try and look him in the eye.

  AJ took a deep breath. “I’m kind of confused,” he said. “Ever since I broke up with Marlene, all these girls have been after me, and I don’t always know what to do about it. Heidi’s all over me, but sometimes I feel like she’s just using me to get back at Jude. And you were cold at the beginning of the summer, but you’ve been really flirty ever since. Plus, all these girls keep giving me their numbers after shows, like I’m actually going to call up people I don’t even know. Part of me likes the attention, but part of me knows that it’s not really about me—it’s about something they see in me that isn’t really there.”

  The cartoon hearts floating above Ciara’s head began to deflate. Was AJ trying to say that she was just another girl who was into him? Didn’t he see that they had so much more than that?

  “I thought it was different with us,” she whispered.

  AJ finally met her eyes, giving her a rueful smile. “In some ways, it is,” he said. “You’re great, and you obviously really care about what happens to my career. That means a lot to me. But I’m still kind of getting over Marlene, and having all these girls chase me is a real mind freak. Before Marlene, I was Star Wars boy. I was playing with a toy lightsaber. Girls weren’t exactly banging my door down. I’m not used to this.”

  “So what are you saying?” Ciara asked. She felt like she’d just swallowed fiberglass.

  AJ sighed. “I guess just that I need time to think,” he said quietly, putting a hand on her knee. An infuriatingly fraternal hand.

  Hurt boiled in Ciara’s throat. She had to will herself not to cry. “Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you kissed me,” she said. She stood up quickly, and the beer rushed to her head. She swayed for a moment before catching her balance, realizing she was too close to the fire, too close to AJ and all the other people and the music and everything else. Then Ciara ran to her tent, kicking up sand behind her as she went. She could hear AJ calling her name, but she didn’t turn around. Not this time. Maybe not ever again.

  Chapter Fourteen

  And on the topic of trust, it’s just a matter of fact

  That people bite back and fracture what’s intact

  —The Roots

  Ciara sprinted until she got to the tent, suddenly glad that she and Heidi had set it up far enough away from the party that even the music was just a dull thump in the distance. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she let them fall freely down her cheeks as she tugged at the zipper, trying to get the door open so she could get inside and away from everything. She unrolled her sleeping bag and crawled inside, curling up in a ball with the synthetic fabric rubbing against her bare legs. Turning on her stomach, she buried her head in her arms and let the sobs overtake her. Everything had been so perfect, and with just a few words, AJ had shattered it.

  She could still barely believe that he didn’t see how incredibly right they were for each other. She was willing to support him in everything, be his main cheerleader and adviser in his budding music career. All she asked in return was for him to love her—or even to want her enough to not be able to resist her kisses. She was used to being the one who said no, who turned boys away when they wanted her the most. Now she was on the other end, and it didn’t feel good at all.

  The sleeping bag warmed around her, and her head grew heavy on her arms as her sobs slowly subsided. Maybe she would just take a little nap…and then she’d go back to the party with her head held high, as if nothing had ever happened, as if she hadn’t just lost the one thing she’d been trying all summer to get. She could pick up the pieces from there. What else was there to do? All her plans were destroyed once and for all.

  She didn’t know if it was minutes or hours later when she heard a scuffling outside the tent, accompanied by a long, quavering wail. At first, she was scared—were there animals on the beach? And if so, why were they trying to get into her tent?

  There was the long squeal of the zipper opening, and a platinum-blond head poked itself inside.

  “Heidi,” Ciara said, partly as a greeting and partly to assure herself that it really was her friend. Everything was dim in the moonlight.

  “Yeah, hi.” Heidi’s voice was choked with tears. She sniffled loudly. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

  “No, that’s cool,” Ciara said groggily. Why was Heidi crying? Her blood suddenly chilled—had AJ told her about the kiss? What if Heidi was mad at her?

  But Heidi didn’t seem mad. Just very, very unhappy. She zipped the tent up behind her and collapsed on the air mattress next to Ciara, sniffling and whimpering.

  “What’s wrong?” Ciara asked.

  “It’s…” Heidi took a shaky breath and let out another volley of sobs. “AJ,” she finished finally. “He said he’s confused and needs time to think and doesn’t want to hook up anymore.”

  Well, that line sure sounded familiar! Ciara wished she could tell Heidi she knew exactly how she felt, but of course that would give everything away. It was frustrating to be in such a similar situation and not be able to bond over it the way they could just talking abo
ut boys and friends in general back at the café.

  “Everything was going so well,” Heidi continued. “I mean, I had this great walk with Kevin and then I got back and I was ready to get seriously into making out with AJ when out of the blue he’s all, ‘We need to talk.’ And that’s when he dropped it on me.”

  Obviously, their kiss had triggered something in him. A tiny hope flitted through Ciara’s head—maybe AJ had realized that they really did belong together, and he was trying to let Heidi down the easy way first. But then why hadn’t he come and found her? She shooed the thought away. It wasn’t doing any good, and she still had a crying friend on her hands. “I’m sorry,” Ciara said quietly.

  Heidi looked at her through her tears. “Well, it’s not your fault,” she said.

  Guilt snaked its way through Ciara’s gut. Little did Heidi realize that it actually was.

  “I know, but I feel bad for you,” Ciara said quickly. “I didn’t think you’d be this upset. I thought AJ was just an outlet for Heidi the wild child.”

  “Well, maybe I was starting to want more than just hooking up. I don’t know,” Heidi said.

  The guilt in Ciara’s stomach seeped through her entire body. She felt awful. Would she still have gone for AJ if she’d known Heidi liked him as more than just a summer boy toy? It was a question she didn’t want to even try to answer.

  “Anyway, it’s over now.” Heidi let out a sigh that ended in a small sob. “I just…I kind of wish I’d never started anything with him in the first place. All I did was get myself hurt.”

  “What about Kevin?” Ciara asked, desperate for something—anything—to say to get Heidi to stop crying. The guilt was like a jackhammer drilling a hole in her brain.

  “What about Kevin?” Heidi asked. “Why do you keep bringing him up?”

  “You said you had a great walk with him,” Ciara said. “Maybe he’s really the right guy for you.”