My Name Is Venus Black

by Heather Lloyd

  “What are you saying? That we leave him in there?”

  “Well, I’m pretty sure you can get someone out by paying a bail bondsman ten percent, but we don’t have twenty-five hundred dollars lying around.”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Let’s just wait and see,” Marco says. “We’ll know more after the arraignment. They have forty-eight hours to arraign him, but since that goes into the weekend, it might not happen until Monday.”

  Tessa hears Maureen say quietly, “Monday?”

  “I know, baby. I’m sorry.

  “I told Tony when he first got Leo that this was a stupid thing to do. Shit. Why didn’t he listen to me? But no. He’s gotta do whatever Tessa wants him to do. He can’t say no to his precious princess.”

  Tessa is shocked by Marco’s words and the resentment they reveal. She shivers. But she knows he’s right, too. It’s all her fault. She swings through the doors into the kitchen. “I couldn’t help but hear,” she says.

  They both look startled. “I know it’s my fault, Uncle Marco,” Tessa says tearfully. “You’re right. I begged him. I made him do it. I should be the one who goes to jail! You need to tell the police!”

  “Oh, baby,” says Maureen. She opens her arms, and when Tessa doesn’t come, she grabs her into an embrace. “Marco didn’t mean it. Come here, baby.”

  It’s too early in the morning to cry, but it’s too late to stop now. Tessa sobs on Maureen’s shoulder as Marco lays his hand on her head. “I’m so sorry, Tessa,” he says. “I didn’t mean it, I’m just so worried…I say stupid things. You know how much your uncle Marco loves you.”

  Maureen whispers into her hair, “It’s not your fault, baby. It’s not your fault at all. It’s no one’s fault. It was just love. You and your daddy loved that boy, and you did what you thought was best. It’s plain old love’s fault.”

  Tessa steps back, wipes under her eyes with her fingers. “Then I hate love,” she says. Maureen laughs and Tessa lets a smile slip, too.

  “I hate love, too, baby,” says Uncle Marco. He reaches his arm firmly around her back. “Please forgive what I said.”

  “Okay,” says Tessa in a small voice. “But we’ll get him out on bail?”

  She sees Maureen and Marco exchange a glance. “You bet, sweetie,” says Marco. “First thing after the arraignment. We’ll find a way, even if we have to sell the car.”

  Tessa walks out from under his arm and grabs a paper towel. Blows her nose, tosses it in the garbage. She takes a deep breath. It’s time to think like a grown-up. Act like a grown-up. Be strong for her dad.

  “Can I please have some coffee?” she asks.

  At the airport that night, a big screen tells me that Inez’s flight is arriving on time. I take a seat at the gate and pick up a People magazine someone left behind. Of course the cover story is about Christa McAuliffe, the teacher who died in the Challenger. I don’t read the article, because it’s just too sad.

  Pretty soon I can see what must be Inez’s plane taxiing up to the gate. Passengers emerge in spurts, a mix of middle-aged people. A few college kids. Finally Inez appears. She’s wearing jeans and a cute scarlet smock top. Her brown boots make her look like a bohemian cowboy. She’s in full makeup, of course—carrying a tan leather jacket.

  My mother is beautiful.

  I can tell she’s unsure whether or not to attempt to hug me. She smiles as she approaches. Part of me wants to extend my arms, but I just can’t. “How was the flight?” I ask, folding my arms around myself to send a signal.

  “It was scary!” she says, a little too loudly. “And I had no idea that they served drinks on planes!” I can smell wine on her breath.

  “Do you have luggage?”

  “Only this little one,” she says. There’s a small gray case in her left hand.

  I explain to her that we can’t see Leo tonight. “They said you should come to the police headquarters in the morning.” I offer to take her to the Holiday Inn where I’m staying, and she agrees.

  Once we’re safely on the freeway, I ask her to look at the map I drew on a napkin to get us back to the hotel. While I drive, she demands I tell her all over again the whole story of how I found Leo. She is giddy with excitement.

  I can’t blame her for being a bit giddy. I feel a little giddy, too. But I tell her I’m too tired to go over the details tonight. She already knows most of it. And I don’t want to mention that there is a sadness to the story that threatens to dampen my joy. The look on the Mexican girl’s face. The way Leo was wailing. The feeling that we were breaking up a happy family, which, when I think about it, makes me outraged.

  By the time we get to the hotel, Inez is so confident of a new truce between us that she actually asks for the room adjoining mine. I want to object, but how petty would that seem? It dawns on me how hard it would be to get back to my hostile state toward Inez. We’ve spent real time in each other’s presence now, been on the same side of a challenge—and won. And now we’re both excited about the same thing.

  I just don’t want Inez to mistake it all for forgiveness.

  * * *

  —

  AS SOON AS I walk into my hotel room, I see the message light on my phone blinking. I’m guessing it’s Piper, since she has my number here. I feel bad, but it’s too late to call her back.

  I punch the button, put the phone to my ear, and listen to Piper. “Annette, where are you? It’s four-thirty.” Clunk. Beep. “Annette, where are yooouu?” A long silence. “You promised to call and I’m getting mad!” Clunk. Beep. “Annette! You promised to call me. So you’re a promise-breaker person.”

  A half hour later, I’m lying in my tightly made Holiday Inn bed, trying to put together the strange pieces of my life. My estranged mother is lodged next door. My long-lost brother is across town in protective custody. A gorgeous man with a beautiful Mexican daughter sits in jail for kidnapping. And a little girl I love thinks I’m a promise-breaker.

  Maybe Inez was right before. Somebody should make a movie.

  * * *

  —

  SATURDAY MORNING, INEZ sits in a chair while she looks at a mug shot.

  “Do you recognize this man?” asks the detective called Cunningham.

  “Yes,” says Inez. “He came to look at my house in Everett. It’s him.” She picks up the photo from the detective’s desk and stares at it. “It’s the Tony guy.” For some reason, she feels a little disappointed. She half-hoped it was someone else.

  “If this man had Leo, why did he come to my house in Everett and pretend he might want to buy it?” she asks.

  “When exactly did he come to your house?”

  “A few days ago…It was Sunday, this past Sunday.”

  “But you’d never seen him before that? Maybe lurking around?”

  Inez stares again at the photo. “No.”

  “Do you know of a man who goes by the name Tinker Miller?”

  “Tinker? Sure. Tinker is my late husband’s brother. I haven’t seen him in years, though. Tinker and our family didn’t get along.” Inez shakes her head. “He even burglarized us once.”

  “This man here, Tony Herrera…” The detective points at the photo. “He claims that Tinker, going by the name Phil Brown, brought the boy to Oakland and rented an apartment from him. Says the guy claimed to be the boy’s father and told him the mother was a heroin addict.”

  Inez can’t believe her ears. “So you’re saying Tinker took Leo?”

  “It would appear so.”

  “I don’t get it. Why would Tinker take Leo, first of all, and how come this other man had him?”

  “Could this Tinker Miller, your brother-in-law, be a pedophile?” asks the detective.

  “Oh God! No. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t think so. But…” Clearly she’s not a good judge of character, she reminds
herself. She never thought Raymond would be a pervert, either. “Oh dear God. Please, no!” she says. “Do you think Leo was sexually abused?”

  “That’s something we need to evaluate,” he says. “That’s just one of the things the children’s services department will want to explore.”

  “So how did this Tony end up with Leo, then? I don’t get it.”

  The detective sits up straighter and tucks in his neck the way a fat man might his belly. “His story is that this Tinker fellow up and abandoned the boy.”

  Well, now, that she can believe. Tinker would have had his hands full with Leo. She tries to imagine how Leo would have responded, tries to picture Tinker taking care of Leo with all his picky habits and tantrums and…“How long did Tinker have Leo?”

  “This Herrera fellow says that Tinker up and took off after a few months. Instead of calling the police to report it, Tony Herrera and his daughter, Tessa, kept Leo. Got him a fake birth certificate and everything.”

  “So all these years he’s been living with this guy and his daughter?”

  “That’s the story.”

  “But why? Why would someone do that?”

  “He says his daughter cared for the boy.” Inez remembers that Venus described seeing a beautiful teenaged Mexican girl at the house where they found Leo. “Apparently she didn’t want the boy to end up in foster care.”

  Inez tries to absorb this. She desperately needs a drink. “So why the hell didn’t they first make sure that no one was looking for him? Why assume he doesn’t have another family?” She feels her anger rising. “How could they not call the police? They must have known about us, because how else did this Herrera guy come to my house in Everett?”

  The detective sits back in his chair. “I’m not sure, ma’am, but in his statements, Mr. Herrera claims that after he saw Leo featured as missing on a milk carton a week or so ago, he realized someone was looking for him and was planning to give the boy back. Apparently he came to Everett to check out the situation. Claims he wanted to make sure Leo was going to a good home.”

  Suddenly it all makes sense. The reason Tony was more interested in her than in the house. His emotional reaction to Leo’s room. She can feel her face burning red. “If he knew I was Leo’s mom, then why didn’t he say so? Why did he just turn around and go back to California?”

  Then it hits her. Obviously, he didn’t think she was good enough.

  * * *

  —

  LEO IS ALONE in a playroom with lots of toys. Most of them are for babies. He notices some race cars on a shelf. He picks out an orange one and sits on the floor. He spins the wheels like he used to. He stares into the turning.

  When he hears a door open, he looks up, hoping for Tessa.

  But it’s not her. He sees his sister, Venus, from before. And there’s also the one who was his mother. He stares down at the car in his hand and ignores them. He hears their steps coming closer. Then he sees black sneakers with white circles. Brown boots. He wants them to go away.

  “Do you remember your sister, Venus?” he hears.

  “From before,” says Leo. He thinks of the red trucks, the screaming, the silver thing. “I don’t want before. I want to go home now.”

  “I understand,” says the voice who is Venus. “Do you remember your mom, Leo?”

  “From before,” he says. “But I want Tessa. Where is she?”

  “Oh, Leo, I’m sorry,” his mother says. “She’s not here. We’re here to take you home.” She squats down next to him. “I missed you so much.” She tries to touch his long hair, and Leo jerks away. “Don’t do that!”

  “Okay, Leo. I’m sorry. No touching.”

  “I see you have a car there.” It’s Venus. “What if I buy you some new cars to play with?”

  “I’m not a baby!” he yells. “I’m thirteen years old!” He starts rocking number two. He can’t help it.

  “You’re right, Leo,” says Venus. “You’re all grown up now, aren’t you?”

  She sits on the floor, across from him. “Remember how we used to count the planets, Leo?”

  Leo sees a ceiling of stars. The planets hanging in blue light. “Venus is red,” he says.

  “Yes, Leo!” says his sister from before. “So you do remember your home. Do you want to come home?”

  “I want to go home to Tessa! I don’t want before!” he yells. He wants to have a tantrum, but Tony says thirteen is too old. Instead, he stands up and looks at his yellow watch. “I need to go to school,” he announces. “It’s almost time for math!”

  Venus stands up, too. “Leo, can you look at me?” He turns his head and tries. His eyes skitter across blue eyes and big black hair. He turns and looks the other way. He doesn’t want to see her.

  “Go away,” he says loudly. “You’re confusing me.” Confusing is a word Leo recently learned. When they still won’t go, he stomps across the room, sits down in the corner, with his back to them. He starts to bang his head on the wall like he used to do.

  The boots walk toward him.

  “It’s going to be okay,” his mother says in a soft voice. “I love you, Leo.”

  Tessa and Tony say this a lot, but Tessa has never taught him what he’s supposed to say back. He knows other things. Like when Tessa says, “Thank you,” Leo says, “You’re welcome.” When Tessa says, “I’m sorry,” Leo says, “I forgive you.”

  * * *

  —

  INEZ IS STILL trying to get through to Leo, but I can’t take it another minute. I leave the room, tempted to slam the door. How did this happen? I feel like a fool. All my dreams of reuniting with Leo had been happy ones. I’d imagined him being excited to see us, jumping around and making his happy humming sound. Maybe that was too much to expect. But this? This?

  As I’m headed out of the building, I spot the Mexican girl I saw the other day when they arrested Tony. She is seated in a plastic chair outside an office. This is the Tessa Leo is crying for. I approach her, furious. “Do you realize what you did? My brother has been so brainwashed by you, he thinks you’re his family. Now he is so confused, who knows how long it will take to fix this!”

  “I’m s-sorry,” the girl stammers, clearly afraid of me. “I didn’t know…”

  “Sorry doesn’t begin to cut it. Wait a minute. Are you here to see Leo? Are they actually going to let you see him?”

  She looks down at the floor. “They want my help….But I don’t have to if—”

  “Oh my God. Fuck it all to hell,” I say, storming for the door.

  * * *

  —

  ON MONDAY MORNING, Tessa is waiting on a bench outside a courtroom. Marco didn’t think her father would want her to see him at the arraignment. She is anxious and resentful. She’s practically an adult, and she’s pretty sure her dad would want her there.

  After a while, she wanders down the hall to a water fountain and gets a drink. All the men are wearing suits, and the women are in dress clothes, too. Professionals, she thinks. Not the kind of people she grew up around, but maybe the kind she wants to become.

  She sits again on the bench and wonders what’s happening inside. Could they really charge her father with kidnapping? She has the urge to burst into the courtroom and explain that it’s her fault. But she knows that’s not how things work.

  She thinks about seeing Leo’s real sister, Venus. She didn’t look anything like Leo. More like his opposite. She was so tall, and with all that curly black hair she struck Tessa as regal or exotic.

  Tessa’s not sure, but she thinks Venus is probably about twenty. She can’t quit thinking about when Venus yelled at her Saturday. She’s never had someone get mad at her like that. It was so shocking that she cried afterward. Then she tried to put herself in Venus’s place. What if Leo was her real brother and he got kidnapped when he was seven—and when she finally found him
he didn’t want her?

  She couldn’t imagine how terrible that would be.

  Thinking about it again now, a fresh weight of guilt presses down on her.

  She wonders about Leo’s mother. Maybe she looks more like Leo. She will be so happy to get her son back. But will Leo even want to go with his mother? After what Venus said Saturday, she doubts it.

  “So we meet again,” says someone nearby.

  Tessa looks up. Oh my God, it’s her! Venus.

  She automatically gets to her feet this time, prepared to run if she has to.

  “Do you know if it already started?” Venus asks, nodding toward the courtroom. “Can I still go in?”

  “I don’t know,” Tessa says, surprised Venus isn’t yelling at her. “I’m just supposed to wait out here. My uncle Marco says they do more than one at a time, so you can probably go in whenever.”

  Venus says nothing, but she continues to stand there. Finally Tessa ventures to ask, “Is your mom here, too?” Tessa is even more afraid to see the mom. She has no idea what to expect, but she imagines the woman will lash out at her, maybe even attack her. After what happened with Venus, Tessa wouldn’t be surprised.

  “No. She’s back to the Holiday Inn,” Venus says bitterly. “She doesn’t want to lay eyes on him.”

  “Oh,” says Tessa. She realizes Venus is talking about her dad, like he’s evil or something.

  And then it hits her that Venus has no idea she’s really to blame. “You need to know it was all my fault!” she blurts out. “The police might not tell you, but I should be the one in there,” she says, nodding toward the courtroom doors. “I kept Leo. I practically made my dad keep Leo. It’s all my fault, not his.”

  Tessa can feel Venus looking directly at her. She dares to meet her eyes, blue mixed with a gray the color of knives, rimmed by thick black lashes. To Tessa’s surprise, Venus’s eyes aren’t as angry or mean as she feared.