by Thorn, Ava
“I don’t want that for us…love mixed with hate…it is a recipe for disasters.”
“Come here, Kari.” He held his hand out for her, Hank was shocked that she reached out for him. “I’m walking away with knowing that you’re going to be my wife one day. I’m committed to you and I will be patient. Your worth all the patience in the world.”
Kari wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him one final time. “Thank you,” she said against his lips.
“All I want is for you to be happy.” He kissed her again before walking out the door.
***
Hank pounded the nail into the post. His thoughts were with Kari, he thought with him closing the door on the past was showing Kari how serious he was about moving on with her in the future. Even though she’d turned down his proposal, Hank wasn’t about to give up on her. Walking away would be easy but they had come so far. Kari needed her space to navigate through her feelings and he will be the lighthouse that guided her home when she found what she was looking for.
Hank looked up at the sound of a truck coming down the hill. Parking next to his truck, Austin stepped out and walked towards him with a container of food.
“Farrah missed you at dinner. She made fried chicken, mac and cheese and black eyed peas,” Austin said, grinning from ear to ear.
Hank continued to hammer the nail into the post. “I thought you said she couldn’t cook anymore,” he replied.
“Well, this was her last night cooking.” Austin leaned against the post and observed his cousin carefully. “She said no.”
“How can you tell?” he said sarcastically and threw the hammer on the ground.
“The post is taking a beating that’s for sure.”
“Austin, did you ride up here to joke, because if that’s the case, you can save it,” Hank grumbled.
“What happened?”
Hank kicked the post until it was laying on the ground. “She said no to my proposal,” he breathed heavily. “I feel like I just got hit by a Mac truck.”
“So, instead of learning and trying to turn it around you’re going to beat up the poor fence,” Austin mumbled.
Hank began to pace the grassy area in front of Austin. “I told her I would fight for her, be patient and wait for her but I don’t know what to do.”
“Nobody can give the best advice other than you,” Austin said.
Hank sat on the tailgate of his truck and shook his head. He was miserable. When Austin sat down next to him he told him about the proposal and how Kari told him they should take a break.
“It seems to me that Kari is being selfless. She cares about your needs much as hers. Kari is recognizing your feelings and future together. I’m proud of her and so should you.”
“What do I do?”
“During the breakup with Farrah it was about learning how to be a better man and husband. Farrah allowed me back into her life after she journey through her past,” Austin said.
Hank nodded as Austin words became comforting. He failed Kari before and if she gave him another chance, he would spend the rest of his life for making the most stupid decision in his life. His choice to reconcile made her doubt his love.
“Love isn’t life without conflict. Farrah and I both learned it’s about wanting and working to overcome it together.”
Hank stared into the distance as the sun began to set over the hills. “Thanks man, I needed someone to talk some common sense into me.”
“Don’t we all.” Austin handed him the container and fork. “Eat up.”
“Tell Farrah I appreciate the food.” Hank took off the lid, the delicious aroma traveled to his nostrils. “How do you not gain an inch of fat?” he asked biting into the warm chicken.
“Working around the ranch, jogging three miles a day, and other activities,” Austin said, wagging his eyebrows.
Hank nearly choked on his dinner. “TMI,” he coughed.
“Shit, you asked,” Austin chuckled. “How is the divorce going?”
“Let’s just say that Natalie wasn’t happy with getting a half of million and the cottage in Montana.”
“What does she want? She signed a prenuptial agreement. Secondly, she can’t touch the houses you own on the ranch.”
“Natalie is about money, instead of the ranch in Montana she wants money,” he said.
“You’re not telling me something,” Austin said.
“Natalie did her homework on Kari, she knew things I don’t even know about Kari. Talking about how she will sue Kari for having an affair with me.” Hank shook his head disgust.
“What’s the plan?”
“Protecting Kari all the way, even if that means settling with Natalie.” Hank couldn’t allow Natalie to hurt Kari, he already caused her so much pain.
“I know I’m not stuck on stupid but didn’t Natalie leave you for another man, and when he dumped her ass, she came back running home to you?”
“The last thing I need is for all this shit to be put in the papers for everyone to read about it. I’m going to give Natalie exactly what she wants,” Hank said, smiling deviously.
“Oh God, does this require bail money?”
“No…it’s called out smarting someone.” Hank laughed at Austin theatrics.
Austin stood up and checked his watch. “I need to go back to Farrah, for the past couple of days, she been experiencing some Braxton Hicks contractions.”
“Thanks again for the conversation and tell Farrah I said hello and thank you,” Hank said as Austin walked to his truck.
“Will do,” Austin said, tipping his hat at Hank before climbing into his truck.
Later when he got home to the empty house, taking a hot shower he laid in bed holding a pillow pretending like it was Kari right next to him. His love for her wasn’t going anywhere; she was like an old song that was stuck in his head. His life felt incomplete without her. He was going to continue to feel this way until Kari was back with him.
Chapter Twelve
Three Weeks Later
Kari wished that she could have found a reasonable solution to her father’s birthday and parent’s anniversary. Suck it Kari it’s only a week it you can get through anything. For the past three weeks the only way she communicated with her Hank was via phone. Sitting on the lounge she drifted back to the conversation they had a few hours earlier this morning.
“I had a dream with us growing old together, having a house full of kids,” Hank said softly.
Kari leaned back against the headboard, for the past couple of nights this became their nightly ritual of talking on the phone before going to bed. Hank never pressured her into changing her mind or asked to come over. “Did I learn how to cook in this dream?” she laughed.
“Nope, that’s how I know the dream will come true,” he chuckled.
“Thanks not funny Mr. Jackson,” she smiled.
“Are you okay?” Hank asked.
“I’m going back to California for my father’s birthday and for some reason I’m dreading it,” her voice became soft and needy.
“Why is it hard to be around your parents?
“I’m the youngest of three children; my sister is the example of rich kid with too much money, never worked a day in her life and hooked on drugs. My brother doesn’t know what it means to work hard for anything because everything is handed to him. He ran through so much money with fail business plans-”
“You are not like them, Kari. You may have your parents’ money at your disposal. You went to college and graduated but most importantly you making your own name.”
“I think my love life is the way it is because I craved the love and attention from parents and never received that from them. Maybe this is why I make so many people jump through hoops in order for me to love them.”
“You need to talk to you parents.”
“And tell them what? That they neglected their kids for spending time with their friends in different continents instead of being parents and they’re the reason why I
can’t build a connection with anyone because I’m scared of letting anyone in.”
“Kari take a deep breath and exhaled. I want you to know its okay to let go of the past and learn to trust.”
“That means talking to them,” she mumbled, laying back on the bed.
“Yeah, staying away from them won’t help you either,” Hank said.
Kari yawned; pulling the pillow to her she pretended it was Hank sleeping next to her. “Thank you. I really needed that pep talk before I go home to Clare and Nigel Hayes.”
“I’m going to hang up so you can get some sleep.”
“No!” she said quickly. “Stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep…Please.”
“You can have whatever you want,” he replied.
Kari didn’t know when Hank hung up the phone, maybe it was sometime during the night when they both fell asleep on the phone together. When she woke up that morning she had a text message.
Good Morning, Beautiful
Last night I listened to you snoring on the phone. I’m picturing that I’m right next to you, your black hair fanning across the sheet. I want to touch you but I can’t, so I closed my eyes tightly and pictured myself kissing you goodnight.
Kari, I miss the sound of your heartbeat at night, it beats strong and steady. Did you know your heartbeat is the lullaby that puts me to sleep at night? I’m not going to push you to come home to me, I know you will come in due time.
Every day when I wake up I can’t wait to I fall asleep again, so I can escape into the realm where we’re happy and living together as one. Until you come back into my life I want to tell you to continue to work hard and don’t be afraid to love.
Hopefully one day I can wake up beside you and give you the world because God knows you deserve it. Losing you has been the hardest things that ever happen to me.
Take care & Love always,
Hank
Was it too late? She asked herself staring at her phone, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall.
“What’s wrong, Kari?”
Looking up she smiled weakly at her father. Nigel Hayes still looked to be a man in his early sixties, his black hair with sprinkle of grey. “Nothing,” she mumbled.
“Don’t tell me nothing, I’m your father and can tell when something is going on with you.” He took a seat next to her. Adjusting his shades, he looked over at her. “Tell me what’s going on?”
“I think I just ruined a good relationship with my stupidity.”
“Why would you say that?”
“I met a good man, I love him to death.” She smiled just thinking about Hank.
Nigel took off his sunglasses and looked sternly at his youngest child. “Who is he?”
“Don’t worry, Dad. Hank is a good guy.”
“What about his financial stability?”
Kari knew what he father was trying to say, he wanted to know if Hank had his own money. “He doesn’t want my money, and he is very successful in his own right.”
“Care Bear we just want you to be happy.”
“Daddy,” her voice broke.
Nigel reached over and took Kari’s hand into his. “Oscar Wilde said ‘Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.’ We weren’t the best parents. Mom and I thought because there were nannies and the fact that we gave you kids everything you want and more…we thought everything was okay.”
“I’ve been up, down, turned inside and out.” Kari roughly brushed the tears away. “Because of the resentment I have towards Mom and you for never being there.”
“When I think about all that I missed with your siblings and you, I hate it.” Nigel cleared his throat. “I regret ever business trip I took over school plays, soccer games, recitals… I’m embarrassed to say that I wasn’t the one to teach you to ride your bicycle.”
“For a long time I considered myself to be strong, independent, confident and the ability to make decisions.”
“Talk to me.”
“I met this guy who loves me, even though we had some hick-ups a month ago. He still loves me and is waiting for me to sort through my feelings,” she said, taking off her sunglasses looking her father directly in the eyes. “I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I’m unsure, doubtful and confused. It’s like there is this hole in my heart, and for as long I can think I been feeling it with people who don’t mean crap to me.”
“Until now,” her father said.
“I was feeling empty and alone and when Sam came into my life, there was still that feeling but it eased just a little. But with his deceit he made that hole become bigger and the loneliness greater. I met a good man who I love and completes me.”
“Does he love and value you?” Nigel asked.
“Yes,” she said softly. “Dad, I just felt like the two people needed and wanted to feel love from didn’t show it. It doesn’t matter that Rita was like a mother and I had friends out the woodwork, the only two people who matter was you and Mom. I don’t expect him to fill that void that was put there by my parents.”
“Clare and I love you.” Nigel patted her hand. “Don’t allow me and your mother’s actions to change the course of your life.”
Kari nodded her head; she watched as her father stood up and began to walk away from her. A gust of wind blew across the pool area. The burden that she’d been carrying around almost her entire life started to lift. It seemed like telling her father how she felt broke the spell, which kept her heart bounded.
For as long she could remember, she tried her best to keep her emotions bottled up, but now that she was twenty-eight years old she needed to express them openly even if her parents didn’t want to acknowledge their mistakes.
Kari knew that her parents were suffering from their own fears, insecurities, shame and inability to face the truth. Right now on this day she would accept that her parents were unable to do anything different to give her siblings and her what they needed more. Closing her eyes and opening them slowly she looked at the mountains in the distance. Kari made peace with the fact she would never receive validation, emotional support from Clare and Nigel Hayes. There was no use in worrying about the past because you couldn’t rewrite history.
Picking up her phone Kari emailed Hank.
The only person responsible for their true happiness is oneself. Today, I take the first step in being happy and completed. You’re my dream and my joy. We have this chance to have an amazing life together and I can’t think of anyone else I want to share my life with.
I told myself that I would never open my heart to anyone else. My life was like a desert that hadn’t experienced rain in years until you came into it. I never had love before not even with Sam as I think about it. You taught me that I don’t have to hide from love. You took away lonely, frustration, and confusion. Hank Jackson, I know it’s okay to be excited, happy and content.
***
Finishing up lacing her sneakers, she thought it would be a perfect to go running around the private gated community in Hidden Hills. Holding her iPod and ear-buds she walked towards the front door but not before getting stopped by her mother.
“Kari? Dear can you come in here for a moment?” Clare Hayes called out.
Sighing, Kari turned back around and went to the formal living room where he mother was going over china patterns with her assistant. Her mother was beautiful woman who could rival Beverly Johnson. Taking her designer spectacles, she gave Kari a once over before turning her attention to the two china plates in her hand.
“Which one do you like Kari?” Clare asked.
Kari walked over to the table and looked at the two dishes that appeared to be the same except one was an alliance-grey dinner by Christofle and the other was white Medusa Gala Plate with the signature Versace imprint. “The Christofle,” she pointed.
“I was thinking the same thing, darling,” she winked at Kari. “This is where my daughter gets her exquisite taste.”
Clare sat the plates back on the table and looked at her assistant Antonia. “We’re going with the Christofle.”
“Well, if that’s all I’m going for a jog,” Kari said, backing up towards the doorway.
“Kari.” Her mother smiled slowly. “Why don’t you accompany me on a shopping trip on Rodeo Drive?”
“I have a dress for the dinner party,” she replied.
“I’ll pick you up clothes to wear around the house. You came back from that city wearing those God awful jeans and boots.” Clare said, making a disapproval look.
This was Clare Hayes; she was always poised and sophisticated. She was always worrying how the rich black family in the rich, celebrity filled gated community portrayed them. Her mother had everything she ever wanted, but still worried about what other people thought.
“Mother, I live in Nashville and I’m not trying to impress anyone.” Including you she wanted to say but didn’t. Kari turned to walk out the room.
“Kari,” he mother called out stopping Kari. “Maybe you should want to impress a suitable admirer tonight,” Clare said, fixing herself a glass of tonic, and smirked knowingly at her daughter as she sipped her drink.
“Mommy dearest,” Kari smiled as her mother’s lips quiver, when she called her the name she despised. “I’m going back to Nashville after the dinner party, but for now I’m leaving for a jog,” she said, walking out the room.
The day was ending off nicely, the sun was beginning to set over the horizon with a calming effect that told her everything would be okay. Putting on her ear-buds she did a few stretches before she took off down their private road that lead to the main gate.
Kari inhaled slowly letting the fresh evening air seep into her lungs. After she exited the gate she picked up her pace. Sweat started to prickle on her forehead. Three more miles, she thought pushing herself to run faster. A smiled formed on her lips as she thought about seeing the man who treated her like she was the greatest think he ever laid eyes on and made sure she knew she was loved and wanted. After the dinner party she would be on the first thing smoking to Nashville to see Hank.