Look Both Ways

by Joan Early

  “How do you know all this?”

  “For one thing, he dated Barbara Patton in accounting. She’s a real broom-riding witch. Always talking loud and saying nothing. She dated him until about four months ago. She’d sit in the lunchroom every day talking about getting him bedded and wedded, but it sounds like she didn’t do either one. We all got sick of listening to her. I think everyone there shouted when the bragging ceased.”

  “What happened?”

  “I’m not sure. First she bragged about having him close to the altar, and not for a sermon. Then she just stopped talking about him. Someone asked why, and she said things didn’t work out. I know someone else who dated him. She said it didn’t work out because of his responsibilities, but she’s a real society maven. Her first husband was a pro football player and she’s involved with several big social events. I don’t think Willie had time for all of that. Either that or he was bored to tears by that bunch, the same way I am.”

  Susan felt sympathetic. “I’m sure it’s not easy dating or being married to a man who is constantly on call. Of course, right now my social life is nonexistent, so I don’t expect any conflict.” She put the file aside and looked at her new friend.

  “Angie, he’s the first man I’ve been attracted to since Stan. Heck, my attraction to Stan wasn’t like this. Just watching Will walk in my door turns my knees to jelly. I keep thinking if he can rattle me this much just by walking into a room, I could find myself totally helpless if I fell in love with him, and then my control alarm sounds.”

  “I understand what you’re saying, but we all take chances with our heart when we fall in love. A powerful man like Willie Cartwright showers you with his masculinity just by being there. You know who he reminds me of? That guy on TV. He stars in that show, The Unit, and he was the president on 24. They even look a lot alike.”

  “Dennis Haysbert. You’re right. They do look a lot alike. There’s just something thrilling about a big guy, especially his walk. Confidence and masculinity. Takes your breath away. My dad is a big man. Rugged and robust. He made me feel safe when I was growing up—he still does. I won’t tell Willie that, or he might think I’m looking for a father substitute. Believe me, that’s not what I have in mind.”

  After a good laugh, Angie became serious. “No matter what man you fall for, I doubt you’d ever be a doormat. You’re not a weakling.” She gave Susan a sisterly pat on the shoulder. “I’m so happy for you. For a minute I thought you might be falling for Travis Polk. He and one of my collectors went to a ballgame together and Travis spent the whole evening talking about what a wonderful person you are.”

  “I like Travis a lot, but we’re just friends. He’s a nice man, but he’s seeing someone, and I’m not attracted to him. I didn’t plan to fall for Rev. Cartwright.” She spread her hands. “It just happened.”

  “Just take your cue from him and don’t be afraid. I know how a failed marriage can make a woman extra cautious. Men have the same problem. I was gun-shy and so was Carl, but when he asked me to marry him, I felt it was right. He’s been a great husband, the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t imagine my life without him. Quit worrying and enjoy yourself.”

  Angie’s straightforward advice eased most of Susan’s fears. She should focus her thoughts on the time she spent with Will and how much she enjoyed his company; how she admired his calm, mature outlook on life and life’s curveballs; and how his wonderful dancing eyes dazzled her. Even when they disagreed, her tremendous admiration and respect remained. She felt a deep connection with him, both spiritually and emotionally.

  * * *

  “I enjoyed that sermon, son,” Rev. Cartwright said, adding, “Seems I’ve heard it somewhere before.”

  Will laughed and helped his father from the wheelchair to the sofa. “Okay, I pirated most of it from one of your sermons. But, hey, that’s the highest form of flattery.”

  “Cop out,” his sister Terri said. “Where were you all day yesterday?”

  His response was brief and dismissive. “Galveston.”

  “Galveston? What were you doing down there?” she asked.

  Will shrugged, hoping his non-response would end the inquisition. “Trying to relax.”

  Rev. Cartwright smiled up at Will. “Did you take that pretty woman with you?”

  Mrs. Cartwright sat next to her husband. “I knew you wouldn’t want to eat out today, so I cooked a pot roast last night. I just popped everything in the oven. We can eat soon.” She turned to Will. “What pretty woman?”

  “A friend, Mom. Susan. You met her last Saturday at the fashion show.”

  “Your father wasn’t at the fashion show.” Mrs. Cartwright nudged her husband. “What do you know that I don’t?”

  “I know she’s pretty, and she must be intelligent or she wouldn’t have that big position. Willie brought her by after the fashion show. She said her mother remembers me from years ago. I like her, and I think she’s a good fit for Willie. I can tell he likes her a lot.”

  Will grinned shyly. He could not contest such an obvious truth.

  * * *

  He sent Susan a bouquet of red roses on Monday, and they had lunch on Tuesday. She mentioned her love for tennis and racquetball, and he saw this as another link in solidifying their relationship. They had lunch again on Friday, and Susan broached the subject she had avoided.

  “I know we shouldn’t talk about Cedargrove Heights, but I’ve been thinking about something. Since you’re also an accountant, I’m sure your church has a credit union. Sealand offers several benefits, including special interest rates when monthly payments are debited from a Sealand checking account or from a credit union account. We also offer financial counseling, and I will personally volunteer to conduct workshops for prospective homebuyers.”

  His face lit up. “It’s funny you should mention that. We do have a credit union, but participation has been lagging lately. Two minority auto dealers just offered set pricing for credit union members, and will make donation to Cedargrove Baptist each time a member purchases a new or used vehicle from them. I gave the executive board my pitch last night.

  “I won’t go into details, but there are some troublemakers in our midst. Also, a lot of them just can’t stand to hear the truth. They don’t listen when they’re told how to manage their money, but they come running when they’re about to lose their homes or their cars.”

  “Then they want the big guns to plead their cases,” she answered with a smile. “Many people want riches without responsibility.”

  “So true. My problem is that I never learned to say no.”

  “Can’t say no, huh?” she asked teasingly. “Let’s see. What can I ask for?”

  “Come on now. If I figure you right, you wouldn’t ask for help even if you really needed it. Not that I would ever be able to say no to you.” He wanted to kiss her right there in the restaurant. “No matter what you asked of me.”

  He walked her to her car and held her loosely against him. He looked into her eyes and caught a glimpse of her soul. Words were not necessary.

  * * *

  Her jumbled emotions were taking a toll on Susan’s nerves. Will was right about the redlining. She knew the Cedargrove situation was miniscule compared to other news-making incidents. Still, each time she heard or read of an injustice of any kind, she would feel guilty. When she thought of Rev. Cartwright Sr. and the millions of brave people who put their lives and those of their families in peril to try and right the wrongs of the narrow-minded, she would feel even more ashamed.

  While Will was out of town, and with Angie’s help, she was making significant progress on the files. There were many fires to extinguish and her phone rang constantly, but regardless of her workload, Cedargrove and Will Cartwright were foremost in her thoughts. She had found a man who thrilled her to the bone, but as gratifying as that was, she knew the connection could prove destructive. She trusted Will, but there were too many unknowns floating about. Even Angie acknowledged that a
relationship with such a public figure could lead to major complications.

  Travis was an added worry, as her time with him was becoming increasingly unsettling. Even at lunch, he drank too much and constantly complained. The next time he invited her to dinner, she searched for a way to say no.

  “What about the woman you mentioned who wants to marry you? Is she comfortable with our friendship?”

  The question caught him unaware. “Our friendship has nothing to do with her. If you don’t want to go, just say so.”

  “I don’t want to go out to dinner, mainly because you won’t let me pay, but I would like to fix you dinner at my place. How about that?”

  She called home for her mother’s stewed chicken and corn casserole recipes. She added green beans, rice, and sweet rolls to the menu and made her grandmother’s famous sweet tea. Travis raved over the meal and had third helpings of the chocolate cake made with buttermilk and eight eggs.

  After dinner they relaxed on the balcony and listened to music. Travis became comfortable enough to remove his shoes.

  “That was a great meal. I don’t know many women who can cook, certainly not like that. My mom isn’t a great cook, but she can stretch a meal further than anyone I know.” He looked at her admiringly. “You have it all. You’re beautiful, successful, and a damn good cook. Any man would be lucky to have that combination in a wife. Your ex-husband is an idiot.”

  “Thanks for the compliment, but I’m far from perfect.” She tilted her head to the side and made a face. “I can’t prove this, since I’m asleep when it happens, but Stan said I snore.”

  After a hearty laugh, his expression turned serious, and she again asked about the other woman.

  “I’m not trying to pry into your personal life, but I am interested in knowing more about that special woman you mentioned. I’d like to meet her. You didn’t even tell me her name. Friends share, you know.”

  “Her name is Lucy. She lives down the street from my mother. She’s a nurse. We went out last night. The movies. She loves movies and television, which I always find boring. Or maybe I’m just boring.”

  “You’re not boring. I so enjoy your friendship.”

  “That’s probably because you haven’t made friends here in Houston.”

  She was slightly offended. “I have other friends, both male and female. I’ve met two guys in this building, but I wouldn’t call them friends. In fact, I think the one downstairs is stalking me. Either that or we have the same schedule. I see him practically every time I leave here.”

  “Seriously?” He frowned. “Shouldn’t you report that to the police?”

  A slight breeze blew her hair in her face, and he brushed it back.

  “It’s not serious. He’s older. I can outrun and outfight him if I have to. I just don’t want to date him, and he keeps asking me out. Yesterday, he offered to take out my trash. He also told me that his wife died a few years ago, so I think he’s just lonely—and he constantly brags about his wealth.”

  “I don’t think a lot of poor people live in this building. I also know it’s hard for a woman like you to find a man who is on an equal footing, so maybe you should consider someone from this building.”

  “I can’t believe you said that.” She slapped his leg. “Why don’t I just ask for a copy of his tax return?”

  “Hey, I’m just thinking of you. I see you married to a high-powered dude, certainly not a lowly brother like me.”

  “I wouldn’t have a problem with your salary, but I’d have a problem with anyone who thinks of himself as a lowly brother. I’m happy with my life the way it is. I don’t need marriage or wealth to be happy.”

  He stretched and bopped his head to Kirk Whalum’s saxophone. “But it sure does help.”

  Susan was glad when the evening ended. She saw a lot of Stan in Travis, and that made her even more uncomfortable. Her father was right about relationships in the workplace, she thought. Dissolving their friendship would be a snap if they didn’t work together.

  She began the workweek by thinking of possible ways to ease Travis from her personal world, but before she could formulate her first course of action, Will called with an interesting proposition.

  “I’ve been back almost a week and still can’t find time for myself. I’ve missed you, but I’ve got a plan.”

  She had missed him, too, more than she cared to admit, but his offer caught her completely off guard.

  “Seems the only time I have any control over my schedule is when I’m not in Houston. I’m taking a trip to Atlanta this weekend. It’s a minister’s convention. I’ll be leaving Friday around three and returning late Sunday evening. I took the liberty of purchasing two tickets and reserving a room for you. Can you make it?”

  Her heart almost stopped. “Sure!” Feeling that her answer had come too quickly, she added, “I just told my friend Angie that I would like to get away for the weekend. How should I pack?’

  “There’s a reception Friday night. Cocktail dress, I would say. Saturday will be a workday for me, but I’m planning to make it a short one. There’s a big gala Saturday night. That’s a formal affair with dinner, awards, and dancing. That sort of thing. Is that a problem?”

  “Not at all.” The slinky dress she had just purchased would be perfect.

  She floated through the rest of the week. Her mood was so light that even Price noticed. Travis stopped by her office to ask her to dinner on Saturday night and became inquisitive when she said she would be away for the weekend.

  “Are you going home?”

  “No, I’m taking a short trip that I hope will allow me to get some things straight in my mind.”

  “Some things seemed to have straightened out already. You’re glowing. Is there a man in your life that you failed to mention when we were sharing the other day?”

  “I told you I made a couple of friends since I’ve been in Houston. Remember?”

  She smiled, but he did not.

  “Hey?” She flashed a concerned grin. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.” His anger was visible. “You said you made friends. You didn’t say anything about dating.”

  “And you don’t tell me about your dates. I said friends share, not elaborate.”

  He leaned over her desk and spoke softly. “I lied about my feelings for you, Susan. I even lied to myself, but I can’t anymore. When we’re together, I never want to leave you. I come to work happy because I know you’ll be here. You say you don’t want a physical relationship without an emotional one, so why can’t we have both?”

  She didn’t answer; she simply could not think of anything to say.

  “I guess that means you’re not attracted to me at all.”

  “We’re friends, Travis. What about Lucy? You even bragged about the numbers in your little black book and the women who had your number.”

  “I’m not in love with Lucy and I don’t see that happening but…” He stopped. “Look, if marriage is important to you, I’m prepared to take that step.”

  She was shocked. “Well, gee. Don’t put yourself out. If that’s a marriage proposal, I’ll have to decline.” His woeful expression touched her heart. “I value your friendship, Travis, but I can’t allow myself to be pushed into something before I’m ready.”

  “I meant what I said. I’ll marry you tomorrow. I can’t see spending the rest of my life waiting for the perfect person and the perfect circumstances.”

  “That is even more insulting. Just how imperfect am I?”

  “That’s not what I meant. You’re my boss. You make more money than I do. I’m just saying that this is not a perfect world. We have to make adjustments. I’m not like your ex-husband. I’m content with my position here. I have over two dozen rental properties and other investments. I can offer you a comfortable life, even if you decide not to work. If you continue here, I will not resent the difference in our positions or in our salaries. I will love you as much as one person can love another and try my best to make you hap
py.”

  Deeply touched, she reached across the desk and placed her hand on top of his. “You are so sweet, and I really do care for you. I’m not trying to be difficult, and I wish I could offer a more palatable explanation. It’s just that we seem to be at different points on the spectrum.”

  “Is this one of those things you talked about?” he asked, his mood lightening. “Does this have to do with control?”

  She smiled. “Not really. It has to do with love. One of the things I plan to do this weekend is sort out my personal life, explore my feelings. You should do that, too. If you’ve dated Lucy for several years, you must have feelings for her. I’ve enjoyed your friendship, but I think you should consider this other relationship. There is a man in my life, but that relationship is in the formative stages, and it’s certainly not physical.”

  “So that’s the kiss-off? You’re breaking up with me?”

  Veins popped out on his forehead, and she saw Stanford the night of their confrontation. She thought of how life would be if she accepted his proposal. Simply miserable; of that she had no doubt. It was obvious that Travis was not as secure as he believed himself to be. She was glad they were just friends.

  “Travis, let’s not make more of our relationship than it is. You haven’t even dated me exclusively. Your offer of marriage seems like a concession on your part, and you know that’s wrong. This other woman is probably in love with you, and I’m not. I don’t think you’re in love with me, either. Lust and love are not the same.”

  He hung his head.

  “Okay, go on your weekend trip, but promise me you’ll think about us.” He turned to leave, but then stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Don’t be so sure I’m not in love with you, but I can take a hint.”

  She watched him walk away and knew the feelings she had for Will could never be duplicated.

  The rest of the week was not nearly as productive as she hoped it would be. She spent an undue amount of time trying to shake her guilt for allowing Travis to fall for her. By Thursday night she was more than ready for the Atlanta getaway. She packed and then called her parents to inform them of her expected weekend plans. She gave her mother the hotel’s phone number and waited for the expected reactions—her mother’s delight and her father’s litany of precautions.