Look Both Ways

by Joan Early

  “I called on my way to work. He told me good-bye, asked me to please leave him alone, and hung up. I want him to have his ring back, and I’ll get on with my life. That’s not the way I want it; that’s the way it is.”

  * * *

  Susan worked on the files and stack of papers on her desk until Angie’s assistant rapped on her door just after eleven o’clock.

  “Sorry to bother you, Miss Cross, but I need a signature on this report and Angie isn’t back yet.”

  “That’s okay, Shauna.” She took the papers and realized what Shauna had said. “Did Angie go to lunch already?”

  “I don’t think so. She said she had an emergency and left about two hours ago.”

  Concerned, Susan signed the report, waited for Shauna to leave, and then dialed Angie’s cell number. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m turning into the parking lot. Hold on and I’ll tell you when I get upstairs.”

  When she learned Angie had gone to see Will, Susan shook her head. “Don’t you get it? I was wrong. We’re not meant to be together. Didn’t he tell you that?”

  “No.” Angie shook her head and held out her hand. “Put this back on your finger and get over to that hospital. He wants to see you.” She smiled. “Now.”

  “I don’t think so, Angie. I can’t keep going through this, not even for Will. Do you realize how my life has seesawed since I’ve been in Houston?”

  Angie started to speak and Susan talked louder. “I get a promotion that’s too good to be true, so I wonder if it is. A stranger walks in my first day on the job and gives me another reason to wonder. He pisses me off and takes my breath away at the same time, and I give it right back to him. We get together, we part, I suffer. I guess he suffered, too. I come back home after convincing myself to find out if we can make it work, and he’s comatose. I damn near lose my mind with worry, he comes back, we get engaged, and now we’re apart again. On top of that, the ex-wife he claims to have no contact with waltzes in and takes my place at his side. I can’t deal with this anymore. I don’t want to. I know you’re trying to help, Angie, but it won’t work. There are too many women in Will’s life, so I’ll gracefully, and at his request, step aside.”

  “I know you’re upset, and with good reason. That’s why I went down there. I told Jean that I was concerned about you just like she was concerned about her brother, and though I realize he’s going through a tough time, I needed answers.”

  She took a deep breath and continued. “Just as I finished giving her my version of what happened, his ex-wife came back. I thought Jean was going to faint. She went into the room and we listened outside the door. She was talking to Will about some real estate deal she’s trying to close. Jean called her out of Will’s room, grabbed a handful of that fake hair and pulled her to the elevator.”

  Susan gasped. “She did that?”

  “She did, and I was right there to back her up. She told Tracey to never set foot near her brother again or she would kick her ass. Jean accused her of trying to get back in Will’s life because she needs money for this deal she keeps talking about. I think she’s right.”

  “You really think this woman would pull some crap like that when Will is lying there suffering? That’s pretty low.”

  “She’s a bitch, plain and simple. I don’t know if she was that way when she married him or not, but she is definitely a bitch now.” Angie hugged Susan’s shoulders. “Now, you have to go to the hospital. I wouldn’t tell you to go without good reason. You were right all along. You two do belong together. The wait will only make it that much sweeter. Go, now. That good-looking man needs you, and believe me, he won’t ask you to leave.”

  Taking her purse from the credenza, Susan spoke over her shoulder. “Okay, I’ll go, but if I’m invited out of there one more time, I’m never going back.”

  Glancing apprehensively at Angie’s smiling face, she left and hurried to her car. The drive was short, and not knowing what to expect, she stood by the elevator and tried to prepare for another disappointment. Mrs. Cartwright was waiting in the hallway.

  “Miss Cross. Wait here for just a minute.”

  She hurried away and Susan inched closer to Will’s door. Mrs. Cartwright came out smiling.

  “Go on in. He’s waiting for you.”

  Susan got the same sly look she had received from Angie. She pushed the door open just enough to peep inside.

  “Come on in.” Will was standing. Flanked by Mrs. Whitehead and a nurse, he leaned on a walker and took shaky steps before sitting on the bed and holding out his arms. “First, tell me what a fool I am, and then please say you’ll forgive me.”

  “You’re walking.”

  She stood inside the door, waiting for her heart to react. Mrs. Whitehead and the nurse hurried from the room.

  “Not very well, but this will do for now. It seems I have to keep saying this, but once again, I’m sorry. When Dr. Hines told me—”

  “I understand your apprehensions, but you didn’t trust me. You didn’t believe I could still love you, and that was so unfair. You pushed me away. It hurt, Will.”

  “I know. We both keep trying to make it easier for the other, and in the process we cause a lot of pain. I’m so sorry, but you’re wrong; I did believe you. I knew you would be there with me even if I never walked. That’s why I had to let you go. I couldn’t allow you to spend your life loving a man who wasn’t all you should have. I know I hurt you. I just thought it would be best to do it now rather than over the course of our life together. Please forgive me.”

  She stood in place next to the door. “When did this happen? When did you first walk?”

  “I moved my right foot yesterday, but there wasn’t much after that. I was afraid to hope. The therapist came in this morning and started flexing my feet. I felt a slight rush and realized I could move my toes. Dr. Hines came in and jabbed me with a pin, and it hurt like hell. They helped me stand.” He closed his eyes.

  “I prayed and tried with every bit of strength and faith in me. I felt my foot move. Just as Dr. Hines told me things looked great, my mother stormed into the room with Angie on her heels. Between the two of them, I feared I’d better be able to run in case they started flogging me. Mama had already fussed at me, but Angie gave me the full dose, including telling me what a rough time Jean gave you when I was unconscious. They both said she had been vicious, but you kept coming back. On top of that, my ex-wife barged in and caused a scene. Jean thinks she wanted money, and as much as it disturbs me, I agree. Jean threw her out today, saving me the trouble.”

  “I was a little uncomfortable when she came to your parents’ house on Christmas, but when I saw her in here after you asked me to leave, I was furious. I still am.”

  He wiped his hand across his face and looked into her eyes. “Please don’t be. She’s out of my life, and certainly out of yours. My sister acted the way she did because she’s always tried to protect me, and I guess I was trying to protect you. I apologize for my stupidity and for Jean’s harshness, as well as Tracey’s intrusion. I couldn’t marry you without knowing the state of my health.” He stopped speaking and looked into her eyes.

  “Your eyes look so hard and cold. Maybe I hurt you more than I thought, or maybe this whole thing has been too much for you. Do you still love me?”

  “I just don’t think I can do this,” she answered.

  “But you do love me. Being a minister’s wife isn’t the greatest, but I’m making you a solemn promise. If my profession interferes with our happiness, I’ll give it up.”

  Susan shook her head. “You can’t do that.”

  “I can and I will. The only thing I can’t do is let go of what I feel for you. I’m positive I’ll never love anyone the way I love you. Please don’t walk away now.”

  She worked her way through layers of anger, pain, frustration, worry, and rejection.

  “You can’t leave me now, Susan. I love you; I need you.”

  She heard confidence and charisma in his v
oice and she saw the future. Hands and hearts entwined.

  “I just don’t believe I…” She let the words trail off and sat next to him. “I don’t think I can live another second of my life without having your arms around me.”

  * * *

  A full-page ad in the Houston Chronicle announced the engagement of Rev. Willard Joseph Cartwright Jr. and Susan Michelle Cross. David Chestnut, who had met the couple in the middle of a feud, wrote an article of love surviving the obstacles of life.

  Angie, Tammy, and Barbara trumped Susan and Will’s wishes for a simple ceremony. Engagement parties with mass choirs, rehearsal dinners, and bridal showers filled Angie’s home and the Bayou City Club with an outpouring of love and support from family and friends. Will’s best man, Robert Wise, assembled a group of former classmates from college and rented a private room at Constantine’s Restaurant for the bachelor party. Will called Susan at eleven o’clock.

  “Would you do me a favor and pick me up? The guys are having fun and I don’t want to ask them to leave their cigars and tall tales, but I want to be with you. I need to be with you.”

  “Good excuse, Rev. Cartwright,” she answered, laughing. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  As they lay in each other’s arms, Will confessed his relief that his bachelorhood was over.

  “I’m glad you said that because I decided to discontinue my birth control products in a couple of months. I’m ready for that little boy with his father’s baritone voice.”

  On the first Sunday in April, Rev. Cartwright Sr. stood, unaided, on the dais at Cedargrove Baptist Church. His son stood at his side. Clutching her father’s arm, Susan glowed in a Vernon Bailey original, her mother’s pearl earrings as something borrowed, and a bouquet wrapped with a sky blue ribbon with Angie’s lucky horseshoe attached.

  She walked confidently down the aisle. Trust, faith, and a very large helping of love had diluted her need for control.

  About the Author

  Joan Early lives in Kingwood, Texas, with her husband where, together, they own an automobile dealership. Look Both Ways is her first novel for Genesis Press. Her second book, Fireflies, will be published by Genesis in October 2009.