The Good Mother

by Sinéad Moriarty

  ‘I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate. We need to tell our parents. I know we said we’d wait until after Christmas, but it’s wrecking my head. Mum knows something’s wrong with me, I’m so jumpy all the time. I just can’t keep it in. It’s too big, it’s too important. We can do this, Piper. You and me, together, we can do it. I love you.’

  ‘I love you too.’ Piper kissed him as relief flooded her body.

  They laughed. It was the first time they’d laughed since she’d told him about the baby. They hugged again and kissed.

  ‘Get a room,’ Penny shouted, peeping around the door.

  Luke grinned. ‘Go away. I want one more kiss.’

  Penny ducked back into the room.

  ‘Now we have to tell our families,’ Luke said.

  ‘Will we do it now?’

  ‘Let’s get it over with. There’s never going to be a good time. They’ll be shocked, no matter what. May as well have it out there now.’

  They walked into the living room where ‘All I Want For Christmas’ was booming out of the speakers.

  Piper went over to her mother and, into her ear, said, ‘Mum, Luke and I need to talk to you and Dad in the kitchen.’

  Olivia’s eyes widened. She shook Seamus’s arm and told him to follow her.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Poppy asked.

  ‘We just want a quick word with Mum and Dad,’ Piper shouted, over the music.

  ‘Ooooooh! Are you engaged?’ Poppy exclaimed.

  ‘Are you getting married?’ Posy asked.

  Piper’s heart sank. They’d be so shocked when they found out.

  ‘Shut up and leave them alone.’ Pauline closed the living-room door.

  Seamus stood leaning against the cooker. ‘So, what’s going on?’

  Luke’s face was bright red. ‘I, that is, we have some news and it’s … well … it’s …’

  Olivia looked right into Piper’s eyes. She knew. Piper could tell. Olivia’s eyes filled with tears and Piper couldn’t stand it any longer: she had to say it out loud. The secret had to come out – it was suffocating her.

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

  ‘What the hell?’ Seamus looked as if he’d been shot.

  Luke stared at the floor.

  It was worse than Piper had imagined. Her mother was crying silently and her father’s mouth was opening and closing, like a goldfish’s.

  ‘I promise I’ll look after Piper and the baby,’ Luke said.

  ‘You’re only kids,’ Olivia whispered.

  ‘How the hell did this happen?’ Seamus asked. He shook his head and, in a voice thick with disappointment, said, ‘Piper, you’re my sensible one.’

  Olivia recovered. ‘How far gone are you?’

  ‘About fourteen weeks.’

  ‘Oh, my God.’ Seamus sat down heavily on a chair.

  ‘Have you thought about your options?’ Olivia asked.

  ‘Yes, we’ve thought and thought and thought, and we’ve decided to keep it.’ Piper was firm. Keeping it had always felt right to her. She knew that having an abortion seemed like the sensible thing to do – she could get on with her life and all of that – but she was having this baby and nothing would change her mind.

  ‘But your future,’ Seamus said, sounding strangled. ‘You’ll be tied down, you’ll have no choices, you’ll never do the things we wanted for you. Piper, you’ve your whole life ahead of you. How could you let this happen? How could you be so foolish?’

  Piper’s lip wobbled. She didn’t want to cry. She wanted to be strong, but seeing her father so devastated was hard.

  ‘It’s my fault, sir. I’m the one to blame,’ Luke said. ‘It was my mistake and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. But I love Piper and I promise to look after her.’

  Seamus shook a trembling finger at Luke. ‘You stupid son-of-a-bitch. You’re eighteen, you have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Having a child is a lifetime commitment. You’re kids. You know nothing about life. You’re still in school, for God’s sake. How the hell are you going to support my daughter and a baby?’

  ‘I’ll get a job and we’ll rent a small flat and –’

  ‘Oh, Jesus, son, you really are clueless. Both of you are clueless and stupid, so bloody stupid.’

  Olivia placed a hand on her husband’s arm. ‘Look, you’re both very young and a bit naive. Piper is a bright, clever girl who deserves to achieve all of her goals and dreams, as do you, Luke. If you’re determined to have this baby, you’ll need support from us and from your family, too, and we’ll help you, but ultimately you’ll be tied down with this child for life. It’s a huge commitment, much bigger than you can imagine.’

  ‘We know, Mum. We’ve thought about nothing else and we’ve made up our minds that we’re keeping it. We love each other, and I know we’re young and I know we’re naive, but we’re willing to make sacrifices to look after the baby.’

  Seamus put his head into his hands. ‘Why, Piper? Why did you have to be so stupid? Your life is not your own any more. And as for you,’ he looked up at Luke, ‘you’d better stand by her side day and night, and if I ever hear that you’re not pulling your weight, I’ll hunt you down and wring your neck. Piper is my pride and joy and you’ve ruined her bright future.’

  ‘Stop it, Dad.’ Piper began to cry now – she couldn’t hold in the tears. ‘It’s not Luke’s fault, and my future isn’t ruined. It’s just different.’

  Luke stood up and put his hands on Piper’s shoulders. ‘I truly am sorry, but I’ve been through a lot over the last few years and I know how important it is to be a good father and to be there for your kids. I will not let Piper or our baby down.’

  Olivia reached over and wiped her daughter’s tears. ‘It’s all right. We’re here for you and we’ll support you, no matter what. We’re just a bit shocked – we need a few days to process the news.’

  Piper gave her mother a faint smile. It was a relief to hear her say she’d support her because she’d need every bit of support she could get. Now that they had told her parents, it was frighteningly real. Her heart was thumping. She knew it was the right decision but it was very scary. She couldn’t bear to see her father so angry and upset. It was awful to think she’d done this to him. ‘I’m sorry, Dad, I know I’ve let you down.’ She was sobbing again.

  Seamus buried his face in his hands.

  ‘Get off me, Pauline! You’re a freak.’ Penny burst through the kitchen door with her eldest sister hot on her heels, Posy and Poppy right behind them.

  ‘We want to know what’s going on and … Oh!’ She stopped when she saw her father and sister crying.

  ‘Is Jess dead?’ Posy gasped.

  ‘No,’ Luke said. ‘It’s not that.’

  ‘What is it?’ Poppy asked. ‘Why do you all look so upset?’

  Piper stood up. ‘I’ve got something to tell you. I was stupid and I didn’t protect myself properly and I’m pregnant.’

  ‘What?’ Penny squealed.

  ‘Oh!’ Poppy’s eyes almost popped out of her head.

  ‘Poor you.’ Posy came over to give her a hug.

  ‘It’s okay. Luke and I are just going to be very young parents.’ Piper tried to keep calm and not fall apart again.

  ‘You’ll be great, Piper,’ Pauline said. ‘You’ve always helped with this lot – you’ll be a much better mother than I ever could be.’

  Piper wanted to kiss Pauline. She had never expected her sister to be so supportive, but she had been brilliant. A total rock. She mouthed, ‘Thank you,’ to her.

  ‘But you’re only –’

  ‘It’ll be nice to have a baby in the house again,’ Pauline cut across Penny. ‘And we can all help babysit.’

  ‘Yes, I’ll help you loads, Piper, I promise. I love babies,’ Posy said.

  ‘I’ll do it too, but you’ll have to pay me,’ Poppy said.

  ‘Don’t be so mean!’ Posy was shocked.

  As her sisters bickered over childcare, Piper held Luke’s h
and and prayed that it would all work out. It would be a long and lonely road, but she had her family, mad as they were, and she knew they’d be there for her through thick and thin. She was lucky, she knew that. Very lucky.

  30

  Jaden crawled across the living room, which was strewn with Christmas wrapping paper, gurgling happily as Jenny filmed him. Nick reckoned she must have caught every second of the baby’s life on camera. She sent him at least three videos a day when he was at work.

  Still, at least she was in better form, not panicking and crying all the time. She still freaked out a lot, but it was definitely better. Whatever the GP had said to her had calmed her down. Nick was glad he’d made her go. It was the best sixty euros he’d spent. She was still very different from the fun, sexy girl he’d fallen for, but at least she was less down. Maybe, with a bit more time, she’d get back to her old self.

  Nick glanced at his watch. He’d promised Kate he’d be there for Christmas pudding at six. He’d have to leave now to make it on time. He was hoping the silver and diamond necklace he couldn’t really afford would make Jenny less grumpy about him leaving.

  He leant over and kissed her neck. ‘So, babe, I have to pop in to the kids now and give them their presents.’

  Jenny stiffened. ‘How long will you be?’

  ‘An hour, tops. That necklace looks so good on you.’

  Jenny fingered the diamond. ‘I love it. Okay, go and see the kids and say hi for me. I hope Jess likes the mini iPad.’

  ‘She’ll love it. It was a great idea. I’ll tell her you thought of it.’

  ‘Go and hurry back. I don’t want to be on my own for long.’

  ‘Sure.’ Nick grabbed his jacket and ran out.

  When he arrived at the back door of George’s house, he could hear loud voices chatting and laughing. He peered in. They were all sitting around the kitchen table. Maggie was there too. God, he hoped she wasn’t going to give him a hard time. She was all Team Kate, and he didn’t want any hassle today. Even the French waitress was there – Kate had invited all the strays in town. Typical, he thought. She was always nice to everyone. It looked like fun, the way Christmas should be, lots of people and food and wine and chat. Nick missed the Christmases they used to have. Kate had always made a huge fuss and turned the house into Santa’s grotto. Jenny had barely put up a tree: she’d said she didn’t feel Christmassy and she was too tired.

  He saw Jess, even frailer than she had been the other day, sitting in the middle, spinning the food around her plate, but clearly happy. He took a deep breath and plastered on a cheery smile as he pushed open the door. ‘Hi, guys, Merry Christmas.’

  ‘Dad!’ Jess beamed up at him. The others muttered hello. At least someone was happy to see him.

  ‘Hi, sweetie.’ He went over and kissed her.

  ‘Did you bring presents, Daddy?’ Bobby asked.

  ‘And a merry Christmas to you too,’ Nick said, squeezing Bobby’s nose in what he thought was a playful way but his son pulled back and said, ‘Ouch.’

  ‘Sit down here,’ Kate said, pulling a chair over for him beside Jess. ‘You have to taste Dad’s Christmas pudding. He’s surpassed himself this year.’ She handed him a bottle of antibacterial sanitizer.

  Nick doused his hands, then sat down gratefully. He pulled his presents out of his bag and handed them out to Jess, Luke and Bobby.

  ‘OMG!’ Jess squealed. ‘A mini iPad! Wow, Dad, thanks so much.’ She threw her stick-like arms around his neck.

  ‘You’re welcome, Jess. You deserve it.’ He held her tightly. ‘It was Jenny’s idea. She said to send you her love.’

  Jess nodded.

  ‘What did you get, Bobby?’ Kate asked.

  ‘A football and a book about birds,’ Bobby said, as he yanked off the wrapping, seeming decidedly unimpressed.

  Obviously got it wrong again, Nick thought. ‘It’s to encourage you to play football, Bobby. I think, if you practise, you might get into it. And you like facts, so I thought the book on bird facts would be up your alley.’

  ‘That’s great, Nick. Isn’t it, Bobby?’ Kate said, faking enthusiasm.

  ‘I don’t like football or birds.’ Bobby kicked the edge of his chair. ‘Jess is so lucky.’

  Nick wanted to shout, She has fucking cancer. Exactly how lucky is that? He bit his lip and said nothing.

  ‘Thanks,’ Luke muttered, shoving his sweatshirt back into the bag.

  Nick took a bite of the pudding. It was delicious. ‘This is great, George, really delicious.’

  ‘Glad you like it,’ George said.

  ‘I’m surprised you’re eating it. I thought your body was a temple,’ Maggie drawled.

  ‘I let myself go sometimes, Maggie.’

  ‘Oh, I know you do.’ Maggie smirked.

  Nick willed himself not to react. Maggie had never liked him. She’d always thought he wasn’t good enough for Kate. She was one of those career types, a rampant feminist. She was all ‘down with men’ and ‘let’s break glass ceilings’. Nick found her hard to take. ‘So, how’s work, Maggie?’ He decided to play nice.

  ‘Good, thanks. The company is expanding and turnover is up.’

  ‘Great.’

  ‘You?’

  ‘Things are on the up again,’ Nick said. ‘It was a tough few years.’

  ‘It certainly was, more for some than others.’ Maggie glared at him.

  He couldn’t win with her. Nick turned to Jess, who had barely touched her pudding. ‘Hey, sweetie, try to eat a little more.’

  ‘I’m not hungry, Dad. I feel a bit queasy.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said, rubbing her back.

  ‘I think Jess might hit the hay soon,’ Kate said, ‘but you’re very welcome to stay as long as you like, Nick.’

  He nodded at her. ‘Thanks. I have to go back, though. I’ll enjoy this fantastic pudding and see Jess off to bed, but then I’ll leave you all to your evening.’ He felt a tiny stab of emotion, knowing that his place was no longer there. He didn’t dare look at it closely enough to find out what exact emotion it was. He had to accept the new set-up and work with it, not go backwards.

  They chatted about their presents and laughed about the pieces of coal George had left on Bobby’s bedside locker as a joke. Kate asked politely about Jenny and Jaden and their first Christmas, but Nick knew no one was interested in hearing about that. When he saw Jess yawning, he stood up, intending to help her up to bed and then go home. Luke stopped him.

  ‘Can you sit down, Dad, before you head off? There’s something I need to tell you all.’

  Nick turned to his son. His face was almost grey – as if he was about to puke. What was going on? He sat down again and looked at Kate, who frowned and shrugged. Clearly she was in the dark too.

  Luke clasped his hands together and took a deep breath. ‘There is no easy way and no good time to say this, so I’ll just say it. Piper’s pregnant.’

  Nick’s mouth fell open. Beside him, Jess gasped, Kate put her hand over her mouth, and everyone else looked stunned.

  Nick felt the blood run cold through his body. ‘What the hell!’

  ‘Sweet Jesus,’ George muttered.

  ‘Congratulations, Luke. You’ll be a cool young dad and Piper will be a great mum,’ the French waitress said.

  Was she stupid? A cool young dad? Jesus Christ, this was a disaster. Nick turned to Kate again, but she seemed to have frozen solid, unmoving, unspeaking.

  ‘There’s nothing cool about having a kid at eighteen,’ Nick snapped.

  ‘Well, you had me at twenty-seven, and that didn’t work out so well either,’ Luke retorted.

  ‘Don’t cheek me after announcing that you’ve got your girlfriend pregnant. How could you be so stupid?’

  ‘Don’t you dare call me stupid!’ Luke’s face was bright red.

  ‘Stop. Fighting isn’t going to resolve anything,’ Maggie said.

  ‘Oh, Luke.’ Tears welled in Kate’s eyes.

  ‘I’m sorry, Mum.’ L
uke was getting upset now.

  ‘Don’t cry, Luke,’ Jess said. ‘It’ll be okay, won’t it, Dad?’

  Nick felt his temples throb. The stupidity of it. The bloody-minded stupidity of it. There was only one solution to this problem. ‘You need to deal with it, Luke, and fast. You’re too young to have a kid. You need to go to London.’

  ‘We are not going to London,’ Luke snapped.

  ‘Yes, you are. You’re not throwing your life away because of one stupid night.’

  ‘What’s in London?’ Bobby asked.

  ‘Nick, I don’t think –’ Kate began, but Luke shouted across her.

  ‘I love Piper and we’ve decided to have the baby and I’m going to be a good father, one who shows up every day.’

  Nick felt the sting. ‘Yeah? Good luck with that. Don’t come crying to me when you realize your mistake six months after the kid is born when your friends are in college and you’re working in some dead-end job to support it.’

  ‘I wouldn’t come to you for anything,’ Luke spat.

  ‘Luke, your dad is right,’ Kate said gently. ‘This is a big decision and you need to take a moment and think about all of your options before making a final choice.’

  ‘We have, Mum. We’ve thought about nothing else and we’re not going to London. We’ve decided to keep it.’

  ‘What’s in London?’ Bobby asked again.

  ‘But how are you going to support it, Luke? You’re both so young,’ Kate reminded him, twisting her napkin into a knot in her fingers.

  ‘Maggie’s going to help.’

  ‘What?’ Kate looked like she’d been slapped in the face. Her cheeks had two spots of red as she turned to her friend. ‘You knew about this?’

  Maggie nodded slowly. ‘Luke called me to ask for help. He didn’t want to burden you as you have so much going on with Jess. I advised him to consider London as an option, but they decided against it. So I said they could have my little apartment here. I’ll get rid of my tenants. They can still go to college and pay me whatever rent they can afford.’

  ‘WHAT’S IN LONDON?’ Bobby shouted.

  ‘Nothing,’ George said. ‘Nothing for you to worry about. This conversation shouldn’t be happening in front of the kids. Bobby and Jess, away upstairs with you.’