Amazingly Broken

by Jordin Williams

  "Why's that?" he asked, picking his pasta.

  "Do you really want to talk about him? It's really okay if we don't."

  "No, it's fine. I'm interested," he said, leaning forward while crossing his arms on the table.

  I took a second to finish my garlic bread before responding. He placed his plate on top of mine and pushed them to the middle of the table.

  "Well, there's underground racing league here. Mostly what I know about it comes from Tiffany and Lance. He never really brings it up and I haven't asked him about it. I figure he does it for money," I explained, mirroring Cole's posture by leaning forward, crossing my arms, and placing them on the table.

  "What's that have to do with girls liking him. They think a guy that races is cool or something?" he asked, moving his lips to the side.

  "He not only races, he's never lost. That's forty three straight wins. Plus they think he is good-looking with his muscles and tattoos."

  "I see," he said, rubbing his hands together.

  "All the girls know who he is. The best parties at the University take place at the same mansion where the races happen. They travel to other areas also. It's only for people 25 years and younger though."

  "So a whole bunch of young guys race?"

  “Pretty much.”

  "I still don't see what's so great about him. He seems like a controlling jerk but I guess if girls are into that kind of thing," he said, raising his eyebrows.

  I didn't respond at first. Yeah, maybe he really did come off as controlling but he seemed to care about me. He made sure I had a place to stay and even let me have his bedroom to myself. The refrigerator was stocked with food so if I didn't eat at the cafeteria there was plenty there to eat. He also gave me attention that I never received from any other guy, even Cole, and he made sure to join my class just to be around me. Then he volunteered to be my class partner for our project and set up times during the week for us to put all our attention towards the project. After he kissed me the first day we worked on the project together I knew it wasn't just to get a good grade but to be around me.

  “They are,” I sighed.

  “Hey, I thought after dinner we could go out and have some fun. This is a working vacation, but so far I’ve only managed to work,” Cole said.

  “Sure, I think Tiffany and Lance are going out. Maybe we can meet up with them.”

  “Who’s them?”

  “Like I said, Tiffany and her boyfriend Lance.”

  “Not that roommate of yours?”

  “No, he’s on a date. You don’t have to worry about him.”

  I heard the sound of an empty-headed girl giggling behind me and felt a strong hand on my shoulder. Cole’s eyes grew wide.

  “Talking about me, Toots?” Jaxon said.

  I looked over and he was standing next to me with an impossibly thin blonde on his arm. She didn’t look familiar, but she didn’t look unfamiliar. She had the same generic attractiveness as all his groupies.

  “Where did you come from?” I asked, trying not to look shocked.

  “We just finished dinner. If I’d seen you, you could’ve joined us.” He looked at me and held my gaze. His voice was cheery but his eyes were still and black. “This is Shannon.”

  “Of course it is.”

  “What?” she giggled.

  “Nothing. How was your dinner?” I asked, forcing myself to be nice.

  “Really good,” he said. He wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t seem upset. “Cole, right?”

  “Yeah, we met,” Cole said, shaking Jaxon’s hand. “The other night at that club.”

  “Sorry about that, man. I get a little protective of our girl here. You know how guys can be, right?”

  “Yeah, I know all too well,” Cole responded. He looked at Jaxon with a level of distrust typically reserved for politicians and salesmen.

  “I didn’t know who you were, and I didn’t want guys climbing all over our girl.”

  “Yeah, our girl doesn’t need that.” Cole’s voice was getting darker. They were having a conversation that wasn’t meant to include Shannon or me.

  “Well, glad we worked that out. I’ve gotta run, Shannon’s getting tired.”

  “Yeah, I’m ready for bed early tonight.” She ran her tongue over her lips and her hand down the front of his shirt.

  He seemed to have picked up another Amber. He appeared to attract easy and seductive girls. I however, didn’t want to be part of that clan.

  “See ya,” I said, forcing myself not to look in his eyes.

  “Later, Toots.”

  He walked off with his arm around her waist. I turned around and watched him hold the door open as they left the restaurant. When the hell did Jaxon get so chivalrous? I thought he wouldn’t even pull back the sheets, let alone hold the door open.

  “Are you okay?” Cole asked.

  I turned back towards him. “Sure, yeah, why?”

  “Your napkin. You only do that when you’re upset or nervous.”

  I had twisted my napkin into a tight little ball. Smoothing it out, I smiled and said, “I’m fine. He’s been driving me crazy lately.”

  “How?”

  “How? The dishes. He’s always leaving dirty dishes in the sink. We’re gonna get rats,” though we already had a rat, as far as I was concerned.

  “Well, that doesn’t have to be your problem.”

  “What d’you mean?” I asked, twirling fettuccine onto my fork. The night might not be perfect, but at least the food was good.

  “If I move to Florida for school, we can, you know, share a place.”

  “Live together?” I sighed. “Cole, I—”

  “I shouldn’t have brought it up. We’re just having fun tonight.”

  He must’ve noticed the shocked look on my face. I put my fork down and stared at the table. When did we start talking about living together? We weren’t even a couple any more.

  “I’m going to the restroom. Can you have the waiter box mine if he comes by?”

  “Sure thing.”

  In the ladies’ room, I stared at my reflection, turning to see my exposed back. I had gotten what I wanted. He certainly regretted dumping me. When I was younger, my mother would run cold water over my wrists on hot days. She said it would cool me off. I’m not sure if it did or not, but it calmed me down. I dried my hands and fumbled through my purse to find my cell phone. I quickly dialed Tiffany’s number hoping she’d pick up.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be on a date?” Tiffany asked.

  “Aren’t you supposed to say hello first?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Cole. He wants us to live together.”

  “Wait, what? Did I miss something?”

  “No, it’s that sudden. I feel like I missed something, too. Can you meet us?”

  “We’re headed out in a few. We’re going to the club. You wanna meet us there?”

  “Yes! You’re not meeting Jaxon and his bimbo of the night, are you?”

  “Not that I know of.”

  “She’s awful. I’ve met smarter walnuts.”

  She laughed. “When did you meet her?”

  “They were here. Did you tell him where I was going?”

  “No way. He was already gone when I left your place.”

  “Okay, well I don’t know how he ended up at the same restaurant as us. Anyway, keep your phone on so I can find you at the club.”

  “No problem, love you.”

  “You too.”

  Cole was signing the check when I got back to the table. I remembered the first time he took me out to dinner. We went to Applebee’s. The food was awful, but we were only fourteen and didn’t know any better. My mom was sick, but she was still around. Before the date, she combed my hair and told me about the birds and the bees. I kept interrupting her to tell her I already knew everything, but she told me that official sources were always better than word of mouth. She never told me that I was a silly kid; she always took the time to explain thin
gs.

  I continued to think how much I could have used her advice with Cole.

  And Jaxon.

  Boys were flooding my mind.

  We decided to walk toward the club so we didn’t have to deal with traffic. He put his arm around me as we walked down the sidewalk. He wanted to be close, but it was tough to walk together like that. It felt like being forced to participate in one of those awful three-legged races at my dad’s office picnics; except nobody was giving me a plastic trophy at the end. It was only a couple blocks from the restaurant but felt like forever.

  “I missed you,” he said, pulling me closer.

  “Yeah, me too.”

  In some ways I did. In other ways I didn’t.

  As we got closer to the club, we noticed some kind of fight. The bouncer was dragging a guy out, pinning his arms behind his back.

  “You gotta calm down, Jaxon,” he said, pushing him toward the street. “Get out of here and calm the hell down. I don’t want to see you again tonight.”

  Jaxon stumbled forward before spinning back toward the door to yell, “You tell Bobby if I see him anywhere, he’s dead. Fucking dead!”

  “Jaxon? What’s going on?” His T-shirt was torn down the front, revealing his tattooed chest, muscles bulging from the burst of action. His knuckles were bleeding and he kept working his jaw from side to side.

  “Don’t worry about it. Enjoy your date.”

  He stormed down the street, stopping to kick the door of a black muscle car. The alarm blared as he cut down an alley. Tiffany and Lance came rushing out after him. She saw me and raised her eyebrows as she rushed to follow Lance down as he followed Jaxon.

  “I wonder what that was about,” I said to Cole.

  “That guy has serious issues. Are you sure you’re safe staying with him?”

  “I don’t think he’d ever hurt me.”

  “I don’t like having to think about it at all. Why don’t you come to the hotel with me tonight?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I won’t try anything. It’s not like that. I just want to know you’re safe.”

  Before I could answer, more people came out of the club, including Shannon. I walked toward her and said, “What happened in there? Why did Jaxon get kicked out?”

  “He’s fucking crazy. He saw Bobby and he went nuts. Jaxon started yelling at him and threw him into the bar.” She pulled out a compact and reapplied her lipstick, snapping it shut when she was done. “I thought he was going to kill him. Don’t get me wrong, Jaxon’s hot and all, but he’s crazy.”

  “Yeah, he isn’t worth the effort. Amber was right,” added her identical friend.

  They walked off, and I stood there trying to piece together the information. I thought about the fight at the race, the almost fight in the school parking lot, the almost fight with Cole, and the apparent fight Jaxon had tonight. Maybe I was naive to think he was safe to be around.

  “I’ll stay with you if you’re sure it’s okay.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Let’s go. I don’t feel like going to the club now.”

  “Because of Jaxon?”

  “I don’t know. I just don’t feel like it anymore.”

  It was Jaxon, but he didn’t need to know that.

  He put his arm around me, and we headed back to his car. It was still an awkward way to walk, but it felt safe and that counted for something.

  “This motel is amazing!” I shouted as we walked into Cole’s room.

  “I know right. Are you ready for bed?” he asked, shutting the door.

  “Definitely,” I responded, setting my purse on the desk. “Uh, there’s only one bed.”

  “Is that a problem? I thought we’d be okay. It’s not like we haven’t before.”

  “I guess. Clothes on though,” I said, pointing at him.

  “Elana, that’s fine. I didn’t bring you here to have sex. I thought you would be safe here, away from Jaxon.”

  “Well, thanks Cole.”

  “Of course. Let’s go to bed.”

  We slipped under the covers. At first we were apart but he tugged at my arm so I slid next to him and wrapped my arm around his midsection. Cole held me as he fell asleep not making another move. Once, when my mother was at the hospital and my father stayed with her, I slept at Cole’s house. His parents put me in the guest bedroom on the other side of the house from their own. The bed was huge—king size—and the room was completely dark and utterly quiet. I waited most of the night for Cole to tiptoe down the hall. It was cliche and that’s why I expected it. His parents weren’t strict and hadn’t issued any warnings, but he stayed away. I told myself that he wanted to crawl into bed with me but fell asleep before he could.

  In the hotel room, I thought of all the time spent waiting for Cole to rescue me—when my father was in a blind rage, when my mother took her last breath, when I waited alone at the airport to leave Iowa. It was always a silly Cinderella fantasy. Life wasn’t a fairytale, and I had no reason to expect a Prince Charming. If women’s studies class was teaching me anything, it was to be my own Prince Charming. Maybe that’s why his offer wasn’t as appealing as it would have been a few months ago.

  As he slept, I watched him, his breathing even and his features angelic. I thought of the life we could have together. The house in Iowa, where I could rebuild the life that had fallen apart. His steady personality that didn’t allow him to risk sneaking into his high school girlfriend’s bed. The stability of his budding career at his father’s company.

  Leaning in, I put my face near his to kiss his cheek. Inhaling deeply, I noticed something peculiar. He had no discernible scent. He was like fresh laundry washed and dried with unscented products. My heart didn’t flutter and my mind didn’t race, but I was peaceful and comfortable. I drifted to sleep with my face inches from his.

  Chapter 19

  The next day we drove in silence back to Jaxon's apartment like we had made a huge mistake the night before. It was weird because nothing happened but cuddling. When he stopped in the parking lot he faced me.

  "We should do this again sometime," he said, placing his hand on mine.

  I looked over at him and smiled. I threaded my fingers through his and grabbed hold. I looked down and our hands entangling each other’s reminded me of the couple years we were together. It was a simple and sweet romance that didn’t consist of much messing around. We had sex multiple times and it was hard to forget since he was my one and only.

  I smiled before he reached across the center console and planted a kiss on me. His tongue slid into my mouth and met mine. His hand then moved to my knee and slowly trailed up my leg stopping at the end of my dress. His right hand let go of mine and next I felt it slide between my head and the headrest of my seat. His hands moved through my hair and pushed my tongue deeper into his mouth. His hand went back down to my leg, to my knee, and then back up. He released me smiling.

  “So maybe again sometime?” Cole asked.

  “Sure.”

  I got out of the car and walked across the parking lot to the sidewalk that led to the apartment door. I stopped in front of the door to the apartment and prepared myself for Jaxon.

  I had hoped he wasn’t home watching out the window at us, but when walked across the parking lot his car was parked at the back. Maybe he was asleep on the couch. Half the time I had no idea where he was and now that I wanted him gone, he was right under my nose. I took a deep breath, pushed the door open and stepped inside. “You can’t sneak past me, Toots. I see you’re doing the walk of shame.” He was trying to be a smart ass, but he wasn’t grinning. He kept staring down at his hands, avoiding my eyes. “So did you guys . . . ?”

  “No, okay! We didn’t do anything. Are you happy? But you know it’s none of your business if we did or didn’t,” I said, defensive. “Where’s your little girlfriend?”

  There were enough empty beer bottles on the floor for five people. Then again, Tiffany and Lance went after him last night, so m
aybe they helped create the mess. I stood staring at the mess.

  “They’re mostly mine,” he said.

  “What?”

  “You’re looking at all the empties. Tiffany and Lance came over, but I’ll take credit for most of them.”

  “You do what you’ve gotta do.”

  “So, did you guys get it on Iowa-style?” he asked again. He was still trying to make a joke, but his voice had an acid edge.

  “Do you even listen? Jeez Jax. I already told you no even though it’s none of your business! I never ask you where you spent the night.”

  “You can see that I spent the night right here.” He kicked the table and it fell forward, tipping more bottles onto the floor.

  I jumped instinctively. The evidence that he had a violent temper was mounting. It was the last thing I needed to be around.

  “I’m going to take a shower.”

  “Wait,” he called. “Come here.”

  I didn’t walk away, but I didn’t walk any closer to him.

  “What d’ya see in that preppy fuck, Toots?”

  “Lovely language. I can’t imagine why I don’t want to stand here and have a chat with you.”

  “I’m sorry. I had a bad night.”

  “Not as bad as Bobby’s from what I hear.”

  “You don’t know the whole story,” he said loudly.

  “I know that I don’t want to be shouted at by some hung-over ape that kicks over tables.” I walked down the hall and slammed the bedroom door shut.

  I heard him get up from the couch and slowly walk down the hallway. The sound of his footsteps stopped at the door.

  “Toots,” he said, knocking lightly. “C’mon. I’m sorry.”

  “Go away.”

  “I want to talk to you. I’ve got something to ask you.”

  I brushed a few stray tears from my eyes and after a couple minutes of silence, I opened the door a crack.

  No boys, no drama.

  Things were not going as planned.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you. But I don't get what you see in that guy. He waited until you left Iowa and now he suddenly wants you again? Sounds pretty fucked up to me.”