Always You

by Lizzie Morton

  Jake begins slowly tracing circles on my hip, and I let out an involuntary shudder. ‘Meet me in the hot tub in five minutes,’ he whispers, placing a soft kiss on my neck just below my ear, before walking in the direction of the hot tub outside. It’s the most intimate physical contact we’ve had, and I feel like I’ve turned into a useless puddle on the floor.

  ‘Oh, my fucking God. I’m horny just watching you two,’ Zoe slurs, slinging an arm around me, breathing heavily in my face. The stench of beer brings me out of my Jake induced daze.

  ‘Seriously, Zo keep your voice down,’ I laugh. Normally I’d be pissed at her for saying things to do with Jake so everyone can hear. But right now, I’m too excited at the potential of finally being able to kiss Jake to care.

  ‘What are you waiting for? Go and finally get your guy.’ With a knowing look, Sophie pushes me in the direction of the hot tub.

  As I make my way over, I stop when I see Jake sat, facing out to the mountains with his chin resting on his arms. He looks so content and peaceful, I’m almost tempted not to disturb him. It’s like he needs this time alone, as if something is troubling him.

  But if he didn’t want me to join him, he wouldn’t have asked me to come. So instead, I approach quietly, and before he can hear me and before I have a chance to get too scared and over think it, I pull my dress over my head and step up to the hot tub. I must make some noise, as he turns around, his eyes widen taking me in. His eyes slowly trail down over my barely covered body, settling on my chest for a few moments, he swallows and then looks up, meeting my eyes.

  ‘Hey, you,’ I say nervously to break the silence. He doesn’t respond, he just sits staring at me wordlessly, so instead I lower myself into the water. ‘Is everything ok?’ The ongoing silence is becoming slightly awkward, and I need him to talk before I start to get cold feet about all of this.

  My question startles him, and he begins blinking and swallows, finally clearing his throat. ‘Shit sorry. Yeah of course, sorry I…’

  We’re sat at opposite sides of the hot tub staring at each other, and I don’t know if I’ve completely misread everything. Suddenly I feel unsure of myself and incredibly vulnerable, a sick feeling begins churning in my stomach.

  ‘Maybe I should go?’ It’s a last ditched attempt to move things along from the awkwardness that’s surrounding us. Tears burn my eyes and I feel humiliated that I thought I could waltz in, in a bathing suit, thinking he would somehow find me sexy. Of course, he wouldn’t, it’s me. Guys like girls like Zoe, not me.

  ‘Shit. Why do I keep saying shit? Fuck.’ Getting frustrated, he pauses for a moment and then he clears his throat. ‘Can we start again? I’m sorry, I’m being an idiot it’s just….’

  Before I realize what, he’s doing, he leans over and grabs my hand, tugging me towards him. When I’m closer he places both hands on my waist and lifts me effortlessly through the water. My legs move involuntarily and somehow, I wind up straddling his lap. My heart rate begins to skyrocket, but with a couple of deep breaths I try to relax, and not think too much about the intimate position we’re in.

  ‘Is it me?’ I ask uncertainly ‘Do I look bad?’ I can’t face looking him in the eye when I hear his response, so I look down into the water between us instead.

  ‘Hey,’ he gently moves one hand under my chin, lifting it slightly and forcing me to look him in the eye. His expression is unreadable, and I have no idea what he’s thinking, but he clears everything up when he says, ‘You look amazing. Incredible. That’s what’s wrong - I’m speechless, Abs. You’ve turned me into a fucking mess.’

  ‘Really?’ I’m completely taken off-guard by what he’s said. No guy has ever said anything like this to me, that I’ve had such an effect on them. Feeling uncomfortable and not knowing how to react, I start squirming in his lap, making accidental contact with his… well you know… which is hard, as, a, rock.

  I let out a small gasp, partly from shock, and partly from the pleasure it sends soaring through every part of me. He glances down at my chest and then tips head back groaning, ‘Abby you’re killing me.’ He looks back and all I see is need and lust. I don’t know what to do, but what I do know is that it’s doing funny things to me and making everywhere tingle. If ever there was a time to take a leap and do something daring and completely out of character, it would be now, so I bring my hands up slowly and place them on his damp chest. He flinches slightly, as if the touch is causing him pain, but I know that’s not the case, as I feel his you know what twitch against my inner thigh.

  ‘Sorry,’ he looks slightly embarrassed, which is so unlike Jake. ‘Right now, I have no control over how my body is reacting to you.’

  ‘What if I do this?’ I start trailing my fingers up and down his chest gently, each time reaching lower, towards his stomach and then further down, towards the waist of his shorts. ‘Or this?’ I lean forwards, pressing my now wet chest against his, which I can feel heaving up and down. Then I lean even closer, placing a gentle kiss on top of his shoulder, at the crook of his neck. It’s out of character for me to be so bold, and I’ve never done anything like this with a guy before, but with Jake I want to do everything.

  ‘And then what if I do this?’ Moving from the crook of his neck, I trace the tip of my nose up and then gently suck on his ear lobe, something I’ve read guys like in books.

  ‘Abby,’ his tone is more forceful than before, and he reaches round for my hair, pulling me back gently, before pressing his forehead to mine. We’re both panting and I know this is it. The moment we’ve been waiting for, for so long. We stay like that, panting, our bodies pressed together and then he nudges the tip of his nose against mine with a small smile on his lips. ‘I’ve wanted this for so long.’ He licks his lips needily and then tilts his head, leaning in slowly to kiss me.

  I close my eyes and move in to meet him. There are only millimeters separating us when Sophie comes barreling outside screeching my name, ‘AAAABBBBYYYY!’

  I fly backwards from Jake, afraid of being caught in such a compromising position, although she’s the last person that would care. I turn, concerned at what has brought her out like this. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Zoe has just spewed EVERYWHERE. It’s so gross. There’s no way I’m handling that shit alone. Sorry guys, I know you were all ready for bumping uglies,’

  Putting my head in my hands I let out a groan. ‘Did you actually just have to say that, really? I’ve only been gone like five minutes; how could she be so sick?’

  ‘We may have had some shots whilst you were getting ready,’ there’s no hiding the sheepish look on her face. They know I hate it when they get wasted and I end up having to clean up the mess.

  ‘You owe me, big time.’ I glare at her, climbing out of the hot tub. I grab a towel and my dress. I turn back to Jake and everything inside me is screaming to leave Zoe and climb back into his arms, finishing what we were about to start. But that wouldn’t be me and Jake knows that.

  ‘It’s ok. Go sort her out, there’ll be another time,’ he says gently with a warm smile. His eyes tell another story, and I know they reflect the longing that will be in mine.

  Waving Sophie back inside with a stern glare, I walk around the tub, lean down, and place a kiss on his cheek. ‘I can’t wait much longer,’ I whisper and then I walk away. Again.

  ***

  Present Day

  It might only be the end of June, but the weather is amazing even though we haven’t hit the peak of summer, and the guys couldn’t have picked a better time for the trip. As we walk around the pool area, I can already feel the sun beating against my skin, and it feels so good.

  It’s early in the day, so it’s quiet and it doesn’t take us long to find the guys at the main pool area. They’ve grabbed enough sun loungers for us all, and once we’re settled, the drinks start. Zoe looks at me pointedly, stating that it’s vacation and anything goes. In return I roll my eyes, as they don’t need the excuse of vacation, they would be drinking regardless.


  We spend the first hour lounging, drinking cocktails and beers, and catching up with each other. The early start was brutal, and mixed with the early drinking, exhaustion starts to take over. I lay back listening to the group chatting away and soon find myself being lulled into a deep slumber. I feel like I’ve been out forever when Zoe wakes me.

  ‘Hey, Abs, time to get up,’ she says giving me a gentle shake.

  ‘What time is it?’ I reply groggily.

  ‘Just after one.’

  ‘Shit. I’ve been out over an hour? Why did no one wake me?’

  ‘Believe me, I would have been the first one to wake you. But you looked so peaceful and you were working late, so I figured I’d leave you a while to catch up. Figured it might help you be a little less bitchy.’ At the last comment I throw her my best bitch face.

  ‘Or maybe not,’ she laughs. ‘Here, I grabbed you another drink as your last one turned into a warm puddle.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I take the ice-cold cocktail, and with a big gulp, relish at how refreshing it is in the heat.

  Sophie and the guys are in the pool throwing a football back and forth between them. Sam glances over and when he sees I’m awake shouts, ‘Yo, Abs, get your ass in here.’

  ‘I think I’ll pass.’ The thought of the guys seeing me in the tiny bathing suit is not appealing, even though the heat is becoming unbearable and I know the water will cool me off.

  He splashes water in my direction, with a devious look on his face. ‘Come on, don’t be such a bore.’

  ‘Nah, I’m ok.’ I pick up my drink, turning to Zoe for back up.

  ‘No way, lady, I’m not getting you out of this one,’ she starts laughing and stands up. Her cover up was removed hours ago and she already looks like a bronzed goddess. I can’t help feeling envious at how effortlessly confident she always is. She leans over and with a wink says, ‘Come on, Abby bear, I dare you…’

  ‘Bitch.’ I throw her my hackiest look, but she merely shrugs, knowing what she’s done, and dives into the pool with the rest of the guys.

  Sitting for a moment. I contemplate what I’m going to do. For now, Sam and the others have been distracted throwing the football around. I never back out of a dare, but I really don’t want to take the cover-up off. Maybe I could get in the pool with it on? But then I would look like the biggest idiot.

  Finally, I decide to suck it up, stop being a loser and join them in the pool; working on the premise that if I’m in the pool, they will barely see me in the bathing suit. I choose a moment when they’re all too engrossed in the game and quickly stand up, pulling my cover-up over my head. What I don’t bargain for is my hair getting caught in the clasp at the back, and rather than my discreet entrance, I spend the next few minutes dancing around and making a spectacle, as I tug and try to get my hair out as quickly as I can.

  A pair of wet hands rest on my shoulders, but I can’t see anything in the mass of hair and material covering my face. A voice comes from behind that I would recognize anywhere. ‘Here, let me help. You need to stay still a second.’ I feel his hands at the nape of my neck, pulling gently at my hair attempting to loosen it from the clasp of the cover-up. Cursing under his breath, it’s clear he’s struggling. ‘Sorry. I need to get closer so I can see better. That ok?’

  My pulse skyrockets, but I can’t exactly say ‘no I’m fine,’ as I would look like an idiot, when clearly, I’m not, I need his help. Clearing my throat, I murmur, ‘Yeah, sure.’ Thank God my face is covered, as I’m certain it’s the color of a tomato. I can’t decide if it’s Jakes proximity, his touch on my almost naked body, or the cool water droplets that are dripping off him and running down my body; but shivers are running down me, despite the relentless midday heat.

  ‘You ok?’ He asks gently, so only I can hear.

  ‘Mortified, but what’s new?’ If in doubt, try and laugh it off. Embarrassing myself around Jake is becoming the norm so I might as well go with it.

  ‘I’ve almost got it, and don’t be embarrassed. I’m the only one that noticed.’ My chest flutters at the kindness he’s showing, when really, I deserve anything but. My Jake focused brain doesn’t miss the small detail he unwittingly admitted; he’d been watching me when no one else had.

  ‘Done. Hold your hair out of the way and I’ll pull it off so it doesn’t get stuck again.’

  ‘Great.’ My conversational skills have reached their peak yet again. He turns me, and I assume I’m now facing him as I still can’t see a thing, then his hands gently skim my chest as he grasps the cover-up and begins pulling it over my head. My body acts of its own accord, my breath comes out heavy and my chest must visibly be rising and falling dramatically. Once the cover-up is over my head, it takes a second to gather my bearings, and then the first thing I see is Jake staring down at me with a frown on his face.

  ‘Thanks,’ I say sheepishly.

  ‘Is that really all you’re going to wear?’

  ‘Excuse me?’ I stutter slightly, confused by his reaction, but then before he has a chance to answer we’re interrupted by the rest of the group.

  ‘Holy fuck, Abby,’ says Sam, following with an extremely loud wolf whistle, drawing even more attention to me, in case the situation wasn’t embarrassing enough.

  ‘What?’ I snap. I’m seriously hating Zoe right now.

  ‘When the hell did you get that body? Loving the bathing suit by the way.’ I hate what he’s saying but know he’s only being playful.

  ‘Really, Sam?’ I raise an eyebrow and laugh, then finally, I make my way into the water. It’s so cool compared to the midday heat and I can’t help a gasp of satisfaction escaping, which doesn’t help with the bathing suit situation. ‘You’ve finally stopped loving yourself so much you’ve noticed that other people around you have grown up then?’

  ‘Ha de ha. Believe me, baby, I noticed that you grew up a long time ago.’ As he’s speaking, he moves in close, so only I can hear.

  ‘You’re such an ass.’ To emphasize my point, I splash water into his face.

  ‘You’re really going to speak to her like that, man?’ We both turn to see Jake still stood at the side of the pool, with a frown on his face, and his arms crossed tightly across his chest. I struggle to pull my eyes away from him, not wanting to look like an idiot again, but with his arms flexed it draws even more attention to the tattoos covering them.

  Never one to miss an opportunity to piss off Jake for fun, Sam raises his hands in the air, and shrugs with a mischievous glint in his eyes. ‘Hey, man, she’s fair game.’

  Jake steps forward angrily. I have no idea why he’s getting so worked up, but then it registers what Sam has said. If there’s one thing I hate the most, it’s being spoken about like a piece of meat. ‘That fair game, you’re talking about is one of your oldest friends,’ I snap. ‘If you’d like to keep it that way, I suggest you stop talking about me like that.’ I narrow my eyes, challenging him to push me further and really piss me off.

  Instead he backs down. ‘Sorry, Abs, I didn’t mean it that way.’ He steps forward in the water, pulling me into a hug, which feels awkward considering how few clothes we have on.

  ‘Just don’t do it again.’ I have no fight in me when it comes to Sam, he always finds a way to win me over no matter what it is he’s done or said.

  Sophie wades over and throws her arms around mine and Sam’s shoulders. ‘Now everyone’s friends again, I think it calls for a round of drinks.’

  ‘Hell yeah.’ Sam shouts in agreement.

  ‘And shots!’ Comes Zoe’s voice from somewhere in the background.

  The moment has passed, and we all make our way out of the water and towards the bar. Jake and Zach don’t follow. As I look back over my shoulder, I can see Jake still rooted to the spot, where he’s been for the last ten minutes; the two of them appear to be sharing heated words.

  There are a lot of hand gestures, as Zach whispers with a serious expression on his face. Every now and again they look over in my directio
n, and I try not to make it too obvious I’m watching them. Zach says something that makes Jake angry, as he throws his hands up in frustration and then pulls angrily at his hair. I don’t know what it is they’re talking about, but it’s causing a lot of tension.

  They look over in my direction one last time, and Zach shakes his head sternly, finally walking away from Jake to the bar. I offer him a sheepish smile as he passes, which he doesn’t return. A tug of guilt in my stomach makes me feel I may be the reason for the animosity between the two best friends.

  But that would be ridiculous, right?

  Fifteen

  The rest of our first day at Lake Placid is a blur of cocktails and lazing by the pool. It’s the perfect first day of vacation and just the down time I needed. I’d never admit to the others, but the past couple of weeks have been crazy, running from one job to another and I’m more than exhausted.

  Not long after the little cover-up drama, Shaun called saying there had been an issue at the bar and he had to stay until it was resolved later in the afternoon, meaning him and Amanda would be arriving later that evening. The lodge has its own restaurant, and we agreed to meet there and hold off on food until they arrive.

  Once we’re ready, we meet the guys in the restaurant, where they’ve already grabbed a table, and ordered drinks. Luckily, with there being so many of us, the table is long, and I choose to sit at the opposite end to Jake. The less drama, the better. As I sit down, I glance around, taking in the cozy surroundings. My gaze settles on Jake, who is frowning at me, again. Even though I can feel my temperature rising in frustration, I look elsewhere, choosing to ignore him. I don’t have to justify my reasons for not wanting to sit near him and his current girlfriend.