‘I told you that I was meeting a friend for coffee, remember?’ Jake chips in, before she has chance to ask any awkward questions. Questions to which the answers would have to be blatant lies.
‘A friend, Jake. You didn’t specify who, so I thought it was just one of the guys.’ She says it with a sweet smile, but to someone who’s been there with Jake before, and understands what she’s feeling, the insecurity on her face and in her voice is clear as day.
It’s also clear from the way she narrows her eyes between us, that there’s more to Amanda’s bubbly, sweet, blonde exterior. The few times I’ve met her she’s seemed easy going, but right now she seems anything but. It’s also obvious she hasn’t been fooled by Jake’s simple explanation of our past. She knows there is more to it, and isn’t happy we’ve been here together, alone. Rightly so. To say I feel like the world’s biggest bitch right now would be an understatement.
‘So, what’re you doing here?’ Jake makes a pathetic attempt to change the subject. Being stood in the middle of a music festival, it’s obvious why she’s here. I raise my eyebrows in disbelief that he could ask such a stupid question, but he stays cool, remaining focused on Amanda.
‘I told you I was going to a gig today,’ she says, matter of fact, clearly not impressed that Jake has forgotten.
‘Right, sorry. I forgot.’ He begins rubbing the back of his head nervously, something Amanda and I both clock at the same time. I try to divert my eyes from watching him, but she catches me before I get the chance, narrowing her own.
Folding her arms across her chest defensively, it’s obvious she’s not ready to drop it. Even if she didn’t witness the almost kiss, she knows something is up. ‘So, what are you guys doing here?’
Jake’s never been a good liar and begins to sweat as he tries to quickly come up with a reasonable answer. Instead I jump in, before he dumps us both in a pile of crap we can’t get out of. ‘It’s my fault. I love being outside, and I was getting fed up at the coffee shop, so I suggested we went for a walk, and we found ourselves here. It’s been over six years since I’ve been in Central Park. God, I forgot how great it is, especially in the summer.’ I’m rambling, I know, but I hope my lie is convincing. Her expression is unreadable.
Amanda looks back and forth between us, unconvinced. I make one final, over the top attempt to win her over. ‘It’s perfect that we bumped into you though! Now Jake doesn’t have to bother heading back to Brooklyn. I’m leaving in a moment anyway, so he can stay here with you. We couldn’t have planned it better.’ I throw in an extra, over the top, overly sweet smile to go with my sickly-sweet tone, trying to emphasize that my intentions are good; even though five minutes earlier they were anything but.
It seems to seal the deal and I ignore Jake’s expression, as I’ve thrown him under the bus. Really, he should be over the moon to spend the afternoon with the girlfriend he claims to love so much.
Finally, accepting my explanation and relaxing a little, Amanda replies, ‘That’s so great! It was nice to see you again.’ Somehow, I don’t think I’m the only one who is good at lying. ‘Will you be joining us all for the fourth of July celebrations? It’s probably the last time I’ll see you as I’m away working for the rest of the summer.’
To most her invitation would seem nice and welcoming, but I’m miffed at her insinuation I’m the outsider here, when these are my oldest and closest friends. We had a close call though, and we’ve just about gotten away with it, so instead of biting I reply, ‘You bet. My boyfriend Michael is heading over the day after tomorrow. I’m so excited for him to meet you all!’ The last part is way over the top, and my face must look unbelievably fake. Jake frowns at me, like he wants to say something but can’t.
‘Anyway. I don’t want to keep Jake from you any longer, enjoy the rest of the gig.’ I give a small wave and begin backing away before I can be drawn into any more awkward conversations.
‘Bye, Abby. It was so great to bump into you again,’ Amanda finishes with a passive aggressive tone.
‘See you later,’ Jake looks away with no emotion on his face. I don’t expect much more with his girlfriend right there, so I leave without another word.
Any hope of a peaceful 4th July celebration has gone out the window. If only I really knew how eventful it was going to be.
Twenty
It’s the day before 4th July and I’m pacing my room. Michael’s due to arrive any moment, after a two-hour delay to his flight. I hoped we would get to spend a couple of hours together before the family meal my parents have organized (family including Sophie and Zoe of course). I think it will do everyone good, including myself, to see my actual, real-life boyfriend and bring us out of this Jake bubble we all seem to be in.
The girls are downstairs, helping mom to get dinner ready, my Dad’s in his office and I’m just here, in my room, pacing and waiting to hear the cab pull up outside. It’s safe to say I’m nervous. Not the usual excited anticipation, because we haven’t seen each other in so long. No, this is guilt ridden fear that he will somehow know everything that has happened with Jake. Any hope I had of this trip giving us a chance to salvage our relationship ended yesterday. I’m well and truly in over my head with all things Jake, but before I can decide what to do, I need to ride out the 4th of July with as little trouble as possible.
If I wasn’t nervous enough, the thought of tomorrow brings an even bigger surge of dread. The idea of seeing Jake and Amanda together properly as a couple after the almost kiss Jake and I had yesterday isn’t something I’m looking forward to; throwing Michael into the mix, I have a bad feeling that a disaster is about to unfold.
Finally, I hear the cab pull up outside, and I stand looking out the window waiting for Michael to get out. I smile to myself when he literally unfolds his six-foot four frame out the door. He’s a blond, muscular, football playing giant. I get a warm, familiar flutter in my stomach, but unfortunately, it’s not the lust filled kind, but the love-him-like-a-friend kind. I genuinely love spending time with him, just not in the rip his clothes off, want to marry and make babies way, which he’s confirmed on more than one occasion he wants. But as I watch him lifting his bags out, his muscles rippling on his tanned arms, I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Any other girl would be living the dream right now, head over heels with an NFL player who’s set for life. Instead, I’m pining over the guy who dumped me six years ago.
I feel sorry for Michael because he never really stood a chance, and that’s what’s heartbreaking. When Jake stole my heart all those years ago, every guy was done for, and it didn’t matter how much time passed, or how much soul searching I did. It’s as if I had to come back at some point, to gain real clarity over everything that happened between us and everything I felt.
I wait until Michael knocks on the door, needing those last moments to get myself together. When he does, I make my way downstairs, just as Zoe shouts up that he’s arrived. I pause for a second with my hand on the door handle, take a deep breath and pray for a small miracle that we all get through this relatively unscathed. When I finally open it, he’s there towering above me with a huge grin on his gorgeous face.
‘Hey, you.’ He pulls me in for a long hug, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck. ‘God, I missed you.’ He pulls back. Before I realize what is happening, he’s kissing me. It’s slightly awkward at first, as he’s taken me by surprise, but I snap out of it quickly, going through the motions, when inside I feel nothing.
Groaning in satisfaction, his hands begin exploring and move underneath my top, as he pushes me back against the door. I should be enjoying this as much as he is when we haven’t seen each other in weeks, but all I can think is somebody is going to walk in any moment and it’s going to be awkward as hell.
‘Michael, you have to stop,’ I say, just as a throat clears behind us. I peer round to see my dad. Great.
‘Hello, Michael.’ The look on his face is unreadable, but knowing him, this means he’s more than unimpressed at
the display we’re putting on in his doorway.
‘Sorry, Mr. West, it’s been a long few week without Abby. You know how it is.’ The last part comes with a wink and a chuckle, as if he genuinely believes my dad will want to share this sort of joke about his daughter. Internally I cringe with humiliation.
Meanwhile, dad stands with his face reddening slightly in anger. ‘I’m not sure I do.’ We’re off to a great start, let the circus begin.
Mom shouts from the kitchen with expert timing for us all to come through. Thankful for the save, I power through, dragging Michael away from my dad before he can say anything else ridiculous.
‘Michael. Hi, it’s so good to see you again.’ Mom walks over from where she was stood chopping, wiping her hands on the front of her apron. She doesn’t give away any signs of insincerity, though I know he isn’t her favorite person. She would never put me in an awkward position, unlike my dad and best friends, who at times, are all incredibly open in their dislike of him.
‘Hi, Michael.’ Sophie smiles. Another who appears to be on her best behavior.
‘Wine, anyone?’ Of course, Zoe doesn’t hide her disdain, not bothering to say hello, but at least she’s being civil offering a drink. It’s never been a secret that they don’t get along, and on more than one occasion I’ve had to break them up from bickering.
‘Please!’ I shout, in need of something to numb my senses from the awkwardness. Zoe hands over a large glass with a smirk, and I respond with my best death stare before taking a large gulp.
‘Woah, slow down, Abby, babe. I don’t want you to be useless later.’ Michael shoots me a totally inappropriate glance, but now he’s in front of everyone. I stand squirming, wondering what the hell is wrong with him. He never has a filter on the things he says, but tonight it’s like he’s purposefully trying to piss everyone off.
‘Seriously, Michael?’ I take another large chug of my drink and storm out the room. Mom remains standing in shock along with Sophie, while Zoe shakes with laughter and dad stands flexing his fists at his sides, trying to keep control of his anger.
Michael follows me sheepishly out of the kitchen, into our living area where I’m pacing back and forth angrily. ‘What the hell is your problem? That’s my family in there. You can’t say things like that!’
‘Sorry,’ he replies nervously, his shoulders slumping in defeat. ‘I’m nervous and can’t help it. I know they all hate me.’
‘They don’t hate you.’ I feel sorry for him. Despite his size, he looks like a lost puppy that just wants to be loved. ‘They will do though if you keep this up.’
‘I’ll try and rein it in. I promise. I really am sorry.’
‘Look, let’s just get through dinner without any more inappropriate comments please?’ I rub his arm gently to reassure him and not come across as a complete bitch, especially when he’s admitted he’s feeling vulnerable.
‘Sure.’
Back in the kitchen everyone is sat at the table with dinner laid out in the center.
‘I’m sorry about before,’ Michael says as he takes a seat.
‘Don’t worry.’ Mom dismisses it quickly, attempting to move on from the awkward atmosphere that’s been created. ‘Wine?’
‘Why not?’ he offers a small smile, and to my relief she smiles back.
Dinner goes by without a hitch, despite the offhand comments Zoe makes, but she does so under her breath. I think Michael’s so nervous he doesn’t hear her anyway.
When everything’s done and cleared away, Michael makes his way upstairs while I make plans with Sophie and Zoe for the next day. I head upstairs where he’s waiting in my room, Great!
I tell him I’m beat, and we should get an early night ready for tomorrow. He looks disappointed but rather than arguing, he asks if he’s staying with me tonight. In your dreams, mister. There’s no way in hell my dad would ever let a guy stay in the same room as me, regardless of how long we’d been dating and when I tell Michael this, I get another disappointed look. Giving up, he places a small kiss on my lips before leaving for the room next door to mine.
Flopping back on my bed, I let out a sigh of relief that the night is over, and I only have one more day to make it through, before Michael will be heading back on a plane to Florida. I shouldn’t be feeling this way, and it isn’t helping that memories of Jake are constantly running through my mind, no matter what I do to try and stop them.
***
6 years earlier
It’s been a couple of days since the ferry ride, and I’ve been a bag of nerves. Not the bad kind of nerves, just nerves of anticipation. Time is running out as it’s only a few days till Christmas and my parents have decided this year of all years, we’re taking a trip to LA for some winter sun.
My mind’s been consumed by Jake and how much I want him. The wait for our first kiss has been long enough, and if we leave it to chance or ‘the perfect moment’ then it’s never going to happen. Throw in the mix our three-week vacation, and I’ve finally decided to take matters into my own hands.
He’s a teenage guy, and as Zoe so kindly pointed out, there’s only so long a guy will wait to get what he wants, otherwise he will move on and get it from somewhere else. Apparently, that’s how their minds work. Deep down I feel like Jake isn’t like that and would wait if I need to. I’m done waiting though, I’m ready.
Last night was spent with Sophie and Zoe, trying to figure out the best way to encourage things along without being full on and forcing myself on the poor guy. Ironically, the least romantic of us, Zoe, came up with the most romantic plan. We opted for a bit of a festive theme. Mistletoe.
You’d think it would be easy to find, alas it’s not. I’ve spent most of the day racing around Brooklyn trying to find some. Apparently, you shouldn’t leave it till a couple of days before Christmas, as most places sell out fast. Lesson learned, but luckily, I got what I needed after some hard work.
The snow started an hour ago, and already the sidewalks are covered. Even though it’s early, darkness is closing in, and as the snow swirls around, the streetlights give off a soft orange glow. Everything feels peaceful, but as I walk along Jake’s block, glancing around at the brownstones, I’m struggling to keep my nerves at bay. There’s a strong possibility I’m about to puke everywhere.
Finally, I make it to the front of his home. ’Shit,’ I mutter under my breath, realizing what I’m about to do. I clutch at the mistletoe in my pocket, using it as a lifeline, to keep me grounded and stop me from turning around and running away. I drop Jake a message, rather than running the risk of bumping into his mom, letting him know I’m at the front door and he needs to come down as soon as he can.
In hindsight maybe I should’ve kept the message more casual, as a second later the door is thrown open by a distressed looking Jake. ‘Abby, what’s wrong?’ He pulls me hard into his chest, wrapping his arms protectively around me, looking frantically behind and checking I’m safe.
I feel rather sheepish for stressing him out so much, and reply, ‘Erm. Nothing.’
‘You made it sound like there was an emergency?’ He looks annoyed, but I would be too if I were in his shoes. I didn’t think this part of the plan through. Looking up, I take him in. His face constantly amazes me, that even though we’re still young, there’s no boyishness to be seen. I’m turning into a puddle of mush, and I’m done for when my eyes meet his.
‘Abby?’ His voice softens, realizing something is bothering me. He pulls away slightly, scanning me over to check that physically I’m ok.
‘So, I have this…’ with a shaky hand, I raise the mistletoe slowly in the air, so it’s high above my head. He’s so tall there isn’t a chance it would go anywhere near his, but it doesn’t matter as he gets the point.
‘Is that-?’ The concern on his face from a moment ago is replaced by an amused smirk.
‘Mistletoe.’ I can’t hide my smile, even though I wanted to come across all serious and sexy, I’m too excited.
He looks nerv
ous himself, for a short moment. I could have been mistaken, but his expression then changes and to someone as inexperienced as myself, is unreadable. I quickly realize that his expression is one of want, and the person he wants is me.
He raises his arms, slipping his hands around the back of my neck and begins rubbing his thumbs in small circles to soothe the nerves that must be written all over my face. And then he starts to pull me towards him. I don’t close my eyes until the last second, wanting to remember every moment of what we’ve waited so long for. It feels like forever as he closes the gap between us, and then his lips press gently down on mine.
At first, he’s gentle, almost uncertain. His lips feel warm and moist and I start to feel him pull away, but I’m in no way ready for the kiss to end; we’ve waited too long for it. A sudden confidence takes over, and I take control of the kiss, pulling him back to me and pressing my lips more forcefully against his. The kiss changes quickly, moving from being a hesitant first kiss, to a battle between two people desperate for each other. It feels like we’re finally kissing for real, as his mouth forces mine open and he gently begins massaging my tongue with his. I’ve never felt anything like it before, my body feels like it’s burning up.
Our tongues are tangled frantically, and he gently tugs my hair, pulling my head back, causing me to open up to him even more. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want Jake. The chemistry between us is off the scale, and I now can’t understand why it’s taken us so long to get here.
As far as first kisses go, I’d say it’s pretty heated. We’ve gone from PG-13 to R in a matter of minutes, starting with me not really knowing what I’m doing, quickly followed by Jake losing complete control, groaning and pushing me back up against the door. It was still open and slams with a loud bang. Neither of us bother to take any notice because nothing else matters. We’re consumed by how much we want each other after holding back for so long. He lifts one of my legs, hooking it round his waist, and cradles my ass as he pushes his crotch into my hips. This movement alone causes waves of pleasure to shoot through my body, heightening when he begins kissing down my neck, nipping gently.
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