Always You

by Lizzie Morton

  ‘I may as well apply for a job here.’ I can hear the humor in his voice without looking at his face.

  Busted. I offer another sweet smile and flutter of my eyelashes. ‘You were doing such a good job; it seemed a shame to interrupt you.’

  ‘Yeah. Right.’ I’m treated to a deep, throaty chuckle and it dawns on me this is the first time I’ve really heard him laugh since I’ve been back in Brooklyn. It feels so normal. There’s no bickering, no hateful looks towards each other. We’re just two people together, laughing and enjoying each other’s company for a few moments.

  The kiss in the car changed more than I anticipated, and for the better. Any past issues that were getting in the way of us having a normal relationship have disappeared. For him at least.

  The silence from my pondering hasn’t gone unnoticed. ‘You ok?’ He asks with concern.

  ‘I was just thinking. It’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh… since I’ve been back, I mean.’

  ‘It’s been a rocky road, hasn’t it?’ He looks around the room like he’s unsure of what else to say.

  ‘I guess that’s one way of putting it.’ I go to stand, and Jake offers his hand, helping me up off the ground. My hand begins to tingle when it meets with his and I take in a sharp breath. Jake notices as his eyes focus on me, full of intent. He tugs firmly, so I’m flush with his chest and the contact with his body causes mine to heat up everywhere.

  ‘I can’t stop thinking about that kiss.’ Leaning in, he trails his nose slowly up and down my neck, the path he leaves tingles. Licking my bottom lip involuntarily, my chest rises and falls hard and the longer I stand in Jake’s arms, the more my body begins to respond. I don’t get chance to reply to his words, as his mouth meets with mine, gentle and unsure.

  At first, he’s hesitant. It’s as if he’s uncertain how I’ll react to him kissing me, but I love that he’s taking what he wants. Lucky for him, I have no control over my body and how it reacts. Even if I did, I wouldn’t stop.

  The kiss deepens and I feel Jake pushing into me, demanding more. We wind up walking backwards and he presses me up against the storeroom door, caging me in and kissing me more forcefully, as he trails his hands under my top.

  I’m incapable of doing anything but kiss him back with the same passion he’s giving me. My body has become a useless, writhing mess and I’m completely open to anything he wants to do to me. I would say yes to everything.

  His hands wander everywhere, tracing gently over all the sensitive parts of my skin, brushing briefly over my breasts and then making their way down to my pants. His kisses have moved back to my neck and as he nips and sucks at the overly sensitive skin, electricity shoots all through my body. I circle my hips up against him, feeling how hard he is and needing the friction between my legs, to soothe the ache only he can get rid of.

  ‘Jake…’ I moan. He responds by thrusting his hips into mine, grinding against me over and over as he covers my mouth with his, kissing me deeper than he ever has in a bid to keep me quiet. From this alone I could come apart completely, but he has other plans. He begins fumbling with the button on my jeans and instinctively I respond, doing the same to his; desperate to feel him inside me.

  Any reservations I might have about the fact we’re about to have sex for the first time up against a storeroom door go flying out the window. We could be in the middle of the bar for all I care.

  ‘I want you inside me, now.’ I say into his ear. This only encourages him, as he begins moving and kissing me frantically, trying not to break contact as he struggles to remove the few layers of clothing that stand between us. Just as his hand begins to dip into my pants and I hold my breath, preparing for the first time Jake will touch me like this, there’s a hammering at the door.

  ‘Ignore it.’ I say, trying to keep him going. I can see in his eyes the battle between wanting to fuck me and the reality he was about to do so against a door, in his best friends’ bar.

  The hammering begins again, but this time perseveres and Shaun shouts through the wood, ‘Jake, you better not be fucking in my storeroom. Not cool, bro.’

  I let out a frustrated sigh, knowing he’s got him, and nothing will happen now. I look up at him and he gives me a disappointed frown. The moment is gone, but maybe it’s for the best. Do I really want my first time with Jake to be in a dingy, damp storeroom against a door?

  He places a few affectionate kisses on my lips, and I can feel my heart rate settling back to normal. Reluctantly he pulls away and I move back to finishing the job I originally came in for.

  Turning the handle to leave the storeroom, he turns back and says with a dark voice, ‘I’m done waiting, Abby. I’ve waited six years. Next time, nobody will stop me fucking you.’ He leaves with a smirk on his lips, as I stand gawping at his back as he walks away.

  What have I gotten myself into?

  Thirty-Two

  Everything should be on my mind right now. What direction I’m going to take at the end of summer with my career. Whether I’m going to leave everything that has become important to me; my friends, my parents, the city I’ve fallen in love with again after all these years.

  There’s plenty on my plate, with work from dad and shifts at the bar filling the gaps in between. But only one thing consumes my mind. Jake. I am royally screwed.

  Everything that had seemed important suddenly doesn’t. Everyone comments on how happy and content I seem. That I’m more relaxed. I’ve even managed to go for a few girls’ nights with Sophie and Zoe without commenting on how much they’re drinking. Zoe asked over and over if I was ok, stating I wasn’t being normal.

  The irony is, the one thing, or should I say person, who caused me the most stress over all these years, has been the one to cure all my worries, fretting and sleepless nights. That’s the most terrifying thing of all.

  It seems ironic, the thought of handing my heart on a plate to Jake again, when he broke it so badly the first time. It’s also ironic that he’s the one to fix it. It feels like there’s more on the line this time and there would be no coming back from this. Fool me twice, shame on me.

  ‘Earth to, Abby, you there?’ Zoe snaps her fingers in front of my face with an amused smile.

  ‘Sorry. I guess I zoned out there.’

  ‘Let me guess, Jake on the brain?’

  I frown, ‘That obvious?’

  ‘Well, he seems to be the only thing your brain can deal with at the moment. It wasn’t a hard guess,’ she chuckles.

  Falling back on my bed, I let out a groan, ‘I’m done for.’

  ‘Seriously? I can’t watch you do this to yourself. Up.’ She demands, snapping her fingers in my face for the second time in a few minutes.

  ‘When did you get so authoritative?’

  ‘Well, someone has to. You clearly checked out when Jake decided to start sticking his tongue down your throat again.’

  I wrinkle my nose in disgust, ‘Gross. How do you make everything sound so nasty?’

  ‘It’s a talent,’ she sings.

  ‘So, you were saying?’

  ‘Wait! For this we need wine.’ Walking over to my dresser where there are two glasses ready, she fills them to the brim and then turns back, handing me one. ‘For the first time in years, you seem happy. Yes, you got burned in the past, but we all have been in one way or another. That’s life, Abs, it’s not perfect, and at times it’s pretty damn painful,’ she looks at me with a pained expression. There’s something she’s not saying, but before I have a chance to ask what, she continues. ‘But that’s life. Surely, it’s better to get on the rollercoaster, as scary as it is, and experience the highs and lows, rather than stand watching.’

  ‘I think I get what you’re saying?’ Really, I’m incredibly confused. She has a habit of giving these random, life affirming speeches, none of which I’ve ever been able to make any sense.

  ‘You don’t. If you did, you’d be with Jake right now. Yes, he hurt you, but we were all young and didn’t know what we we
re doing. What matters is that we’re here now, and despite everything, this time round he’s fighting for you.’

  My mind zeros in on the words ‘despite everything. ‘Is there something you’re trying to say that I don’t know about?’

  ‘It’s not my story to tell. You know who you need to ask if you want answers to that question. Please, for once, Abby, just be. You spent years pissing about, pretending you were happy with this picture-perfect life, when really you tapped out and played it safe. It’s time to get back in the game. Yes, you might lose, but you also can’t win if you’re not playing.’

  I take a large gulp of my drink and look her straight in the eyes for a few moments, contemplating what she’s saying. ‘You’ve become deep in your old age, oh wise one.’

  That gets me a punch in the arm, ‘Seriously, shut up.’

  ‘Ow! That hurt.’ Like really hurt, the girl can pack a mean punch when she wants to.

  ‘That’ll teach you for trying to put me down when I was offering you some sound advice,’ she sniffs slightly. It dawns on me she’s spent some time thinking about what she was going to say, and I may have hurt her feelings a little by turning it into a joke.

  ‘I’m sorry and you’re right. So, what do I do?’

  ‘You drink your wine; put on the sexiest outfit you own and get yourself to this party with me. Don’t give Jake any other option but to ravage you all night long.’

  Trying not to laugh and risk offending her again, I repeat with a straight face, ‘Ravage?’

  She does that annoying eyebrow wiggle at me. ‘Just wait. Long awaited sex is the best kind of sex.’

  ‘How would you know? When have you ever waited long enough for sex to be long awaited?’ Instead of an answer, I get a pillow to the face and we fall back on the bed laughing harder than we have for years.

  ***

  It’s a couple of hours later when we finally make our way to the party that Jake and his band are throwing at their place. I haven’t been back since he looked after me when I was drugged, but I didn’t take in much of my surroundings then; it was all a haze.

  When we reach their house, I look up at the building, thinking it’s typical Jake. It’s an old building that’s been converted into trendy apartments. To most this is the dream, maybe not quite so much for Jake, as he was raised surrounded by money. For him, it must be refreshing to not be living under his family’s roof with their pretentious ways.

  Zoe makes her way quickly up the steps to the front door, and as we’re running late, Sophie is already inside waiting. Looking back over her shoulder, she says, ‘Party time,’ and blows a kiss, before opening the front door, causing music to spill out into the night.

  The house is literally pumping and there are bodies everywhere, crashing together as laughter fills the air. There’s a small stage set up in the large, open plan living area. A crowd has congregated cheering loudly as Jake’s band is finishing setting up. We made it just in time, they begin playing as we find a place to stand.

  When the music starts, everyone becomes lost in one song after another. Each song is hypnotizing, reaching a part of every person in the room, demanding their attention. They leave no room to question how they got a deal with my dad’s label.

  ‘Good, aren’t they?’ Sophie says into my ear, handing me a bottle of beer.

  ‘Yeah,’ it’s all I can manage to say, as I’m mesmerized watching them from a distance, knowing Jake still hasn’t spotted me. ‘They get better every time I see them.’

  ‘They got the deal you know…’ she watches for my reaction out of the corner of her eye.

  ‘What did you say?’ I take a long drink of my beer and turn my attention towards her fully, so I can take in what she says.

  ‘They got the record deal. They signed it today. I guess they wanted to keep it quiet until it was official. Sam told me before they went on.’

  I don’t get a chance to dwell on what this means for Jake and me. For the future. The current song they’re playing ends and my attention is stolen when Sam says into the mic, ‘This one’s for Abby.’ He points directly at me with a wink and I watch Jake’s eyes follow the direction he’s pointing in, finding me in the crowd. His whole expression relaxes, as if he wasn’t sure I’d come, even though I promised I would. As the song starts, my feet move forward through the crowd, so I can see them better. My eyes don’t leave Jake’s for a second, as he plays the guitar effortlessly without looking away from me.

  Those few minutes of the song feel like an eternity, and nothing else in the room matters. It sounds cliché, but I’m entranced by the guy stood in the background. The one who often gets overlooked, never demands attention, but brings the music to life by strumming out melodies that vibrate through your bloodstream and resonate in your soul without you even realizing.

  By the end of the song, I’m completely useless, lost in everything Jake. So much so, I’m only vaguely aware the song has ended, until he stands up and moves towards me with the crowd cheering in the background. I stand blinking for a moment, trying to gather my bearings, but don’t get much of a chance as I catch his expression.

  He approaches me like he’s stalking his prey. God, I hope that’s what he’s doing. Every part of me is throbbing and my body aches to have him inside me. Six years of foreplay is a long time and I’m not willing to wait any longer.

  He grabs the beer in my hands and places it down somewhere, I’m not quite sure where. Then he grabs my hand firmly, dragging me through the crowd in a hurry. We receive knowing glances from most of our friends as we pass them by without acknowledging them. He pulls me out of the main room and along the hallway. I can’t help stumbling as I struggle to keep up with him.

  He catches me by the waist, leaning in and muttering, ‘Steady, Abby. I can’t fuck you if you’re injured.’ My heart feels like it’s going to stop. After all this time he’s confirmed it’s going to happen. With that promise, I’ll be damned if anything is going to stop us.

  Taking the stairs two at a time, I catch Zoe’s eye briefly through the spindles of the bannister. She thrusts her hips backwards and forwards and begins to make a blowjob motion with her mouth. I shake my head embarrassed, but all she does is laugh.

  Reaching the top of the stairs, he can’t contain himself any longer. It takes me by surprise when his hands are everywhere, but it doesn’t take me long to catch up. I moan into his mouth, as his hands make their way up my top, gently grasping my breasts over the thin material of my bra before they make their way around the back, battling with the clasp.

  I pull away panting and give him a stern look. ‘Jake. Our first time is not going to be a show for the rest of the party.’ He steps back laughing, and mumbles something to do with getting carried away, before he opens the door and drags me into his room.

  The door slams shut and as he presses me back up against it, I feel him turn the lock. It’s like we never left the storeroom at the bar, but this time, we both know there will be no interruptions. He’s relentless as he starts to consume my body with his mouth and I’m a puddle on the floor. I can’t do anything but moan in satisfaction; hell, I can barely keep myself stood upright.

  He chuckles as he nuzzles his face in between my breasts. ‘You ok there?’

  Somehow, I manage to form a coherent sentence. ‘I need you inside me. Fucking me. Now.’ I’ve never been particularly forward when it comes to sex, but I guess there’s a side to me that Jake brings out. One I didn’t know I had.

  Pulling away, he stares down at me with a dark look in his eyes. ‘I think this is the first time I’ve enjoyed your snarky attitude.’ I let out a yelp when he slaps my ass and lifts me in the air; my legs wrap around his waist involuntarily.

  Carrying me, whilst kissing me deeply, his lips never leave mine. When we reach the bed, he reluctantly pulls away dropping me gently. I whimper at the feeling of being separated from him, even just for a few seconds, but I’m immediately distracted as he begins removing his clothes. I can feel my
mouth watering as he lifts his t-shirt over his head. As his arms rise upwards, his body flexes and I’m rewarded with the sight of his defined abs and strong chest.

  ‘When did that happen?’ I murmur to myself. It comes out louder than intended, and he raises an eyebrow in question. ‘Shhhh, I’m just appreciating the view. Carry on.’ With that, I flop back on the bed like the cat that got the cream.

  I’m rewarded when he slowly unbuttons his pants and steps out of them. My eyes almost pop out at the sight of his black boxers tented by his erection. With sex and Jake on the brain comes a lack of filter over my mouth, as I say, ‘I don’t remember it being that big.’

  ‘Seriously, Abby?’ He pulls me forward and tugs my dress quickly over my head. ‘I suggest you shut up, or I’m going to have to spank you.’

  ‘I don’t think that would shut me up.’ Instead of attempting to silence me with words again, he begins devouring my mouth. All I can focus on is how amazing this feels after all this time. I’ve had moments of longing, when I’ve allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to have him, but none of those dreams have ever lived up to this reality.

  Taking advantage of my silence, he reaches around my back and unclasps my bra. He begins palming my breasts at a mind-numbing pace that has me squirming underneath him. He only pulls away to drag my underwear down my legs, and then I’m naked in front of him for the first time.

  As my brain begins to catch up, part of me panics feeling slightly insecure, but then I remember that the years have been kind to my body. I’m better now than I was as a teenager, womanlier. With that, comes a confidence you only get with age and experience.

  He growls with satisfaction at what he sees in front of him, and before I realize, he’s found a condom and is rolling it on quickly. Neither of us want foreplay. It’s been too long a journey and anything other than the final act would be a waste of time. We both know what we want and it’s not like it’s needed. I’ve never been more ready for anyone in my life.