My Wife My Baby...And Him

by Shelia E. Bell

  “Father God, what am I to do? I need you. I need you now. Give me direction.” A tear formed in the crest of his left eye. “I was wrong. I didn’t practice self-control. I let my flesh bring me down and now look at me.” He looked up toward the ceiling and tears flowed down his face. Lifting both hands upward, he kept praying, pleading with God to show him the way.

  A light knock on the door came and Stiles slowly lowered his head and hands. Reaching to his left, he opened the top drawer and pulled out a hand towel and began wiping his tear streaked face.

  Knock, Knock.

  “Pastor Graham. You in there?” Hezekiah stood outside Stiles’ office. He felt bad for the guy. What Stiles and Detria were going through made him and Fancy’s problems seem miniscule.

  Hezekiah understood what it felt like to become enraged, to get so mad and angry that you lose all sense of reasoning and for a moment, that nano second, you could very well cross over to the ‘no return’ zone. Only by the grace of God do the angels of the Lord hold you back and give you clarity of mind. Just in the nick of time. Yeah, Hezekiah understood that, but Hezekiah never exhibited that unbridled anger toward Fancy. That type of anger was once reserved for whoever he had to fight off when he lived in Cabrini-Green. Back then, he had to do whatever it took just to survive and come up out of those projects alive.

  God had been faithful, and he heard the cries of Hezekiah to save him. Since that day, he believed in God, but the streets of Chicago didn’t care what he believed. The streets kept calling his name. When he first met Fancy, almost right away she became a ride or die girl, totally faithful and ready to stand by him, at any costs.

  “Umm,” Stiles cleared his throat, got up, walked from behind his desk, and to the door. He opened the door and nodded at Hezekiah,

  “Come on in,” he said somberly, taking a half step backward. He turned, walked back to his desk, and sat back down.

  “How are you, Pastor Graham?” Depending on where the two men were, what they were talking about, and what they were doing, determined how they addressed one another. If they were talking about the Grizzlies or something that was going on in the city, they definitely addressed each other like buds, calling each other by their first names. Otherwise, they addressed one another by their ministerial titles.

  Today, things were more serious than Hezekiah could ever imagine, especially coming from Stiles, who he and countless others at Holy Rock, and in the community, respected as a stand-up man and a dynamic preacher. In Hezekiah’s eyes, Stiles remained that same person, no matter what the first lady had accused the man of doing.

  Hezekiah, having come from the streets, considered himself wise to the game, meaning he could see right through Mizz Detria ‘The First Lady’ Graham. Stiles was blind to the fact, but right from the beginning, when he and Fancy first officially met her, Hezekiah had told Fancy, “Don’t let her get too close. Something about her isn’t right. Something about her spirit.”

  His spirit of discernment rarely led him wrong. Hezekiah wasn’t aimed on getting Stiles off the hook for what he’d done to Detria. His mission was to help Stiles get his name cleared. If that meant stepping up and becoming interim Senior Pastor until the dust settled with Stiles, well, he would just have to do that. Hezekiah relished at the thought: Hezekiah McCoy, Senior Pastor Holy Rock Church and the lovely First Lady Fancy McCoy. He pulled himself out of his daydream and refocused on Stiles.

  Stiles fumbled with the pages of the open Bible on his desk then looked up at Hezekiah. “I can’t say how I’m doing. You tell me. What’s the latest poll? How many members want me out of here?”

  Hezekiah pursed his lips, closed the door, entwined his hands behind his back, and stepped further into Stiles’ office.

  “All I can say is that it seems like the church is torn. Half of the members want you to stay. They say that it had to be a good reason for you to snap the way you did. Then you know there’re the other ones who say you should go to jail for what you did, and you need to step down as pastor.”

  Stiles looked at Hezekiah with sad eyes. “I messed up. I really messed up.”

  “You’re human. Sure, you’re the shepherd of this church, and you are held to a higher standard than most, but that’s part of what we sign up for when we accept our calling into God’s ministry.”

  Hezekiah pulled out one of the brown leather high back chairs in front of Stiles’ desk and sat down. “Sitting in here beating up on yourself is not going to help things. Have you made up your mind about what you’re going to do? Are you going to address the congregation?”

  Stiles shook his head, then rested his head on top of his hands. “I owe Holy Rock that much. This coming Sunday will make three weeks since I’ve been MIA from the pulpit. It’s time I say something. I’m grateful that you’ve been willing to fill in.”

  “No problem. But the fact remains, I’m not you. Holy Rock wants to hear from you; they want to see you. I can’t tell you what to do because I don’t know what I would do if I were in your shoes. What I can tell you is to keep seeking God like I know you’ve been doing. He’s the only one who can give you clear direction.”

  “Yeah, you’re right, and I have been praying.” Stiles pushed his chair away from his desk with his long legs. Slightly leaning back in, he looked up at the wall that showcased the picture of Pastor and First Lady Audrey Graham.”

  “My mother would be so angry about everything that’s happening. I miss her, and this might sound, well, sound crazy but in a way, I’m glad she’s gone to glory. I wouldn’t want her to see the mess I’ve made of things.”

  “Don’t do that. I didn’t know your mother, but I’m sure I can safely say that she would understand. Do you think me and Fancy see eye to eye about everything? Do you honestly think Deacon Jones and his wife have the perfect relationship?”

  Stiles looked seriously at Hezekiah as if he was really tuned in to what he was saying.

  “Nobody has the perfect anything. Nobody. I don’t care how many sermons you get up there and preach every Sunday. I don’t care how long a couple has been married; how many wonderful anniversaries they’ve celebrated, or how many times you see people acting like everything in their lives is all hunky dory; the fact is, we all fall short. You know the Word, Pastor Graham. I don’t have to tell you,” Hezekiah said with conviction.

  “Yeah, I know the Word, but right now, I’m just being truthful, I don’t feel the Word.”

  “Your faith is not based on feelings and emotions. You know what God can do. One thing I know about you is that your belief in what you do is real. I respect you a lot, and I honestly believe you when you say that you didn’t beat your wife.”

  “And I didn’t. I won’t deny that I pushed her up off me. I can’t deny that I was rough, real rough when I did it. But I was so mad.” Stiles bit down on his bottom lip and got up from his seat. “Did I want to hit her? I have to admit that I did. I wanted to hurt her for what she did to me.”

  “But you didn’t. Yeah, you lost it. You pushed her and she injured herself in the process, but was that really your fault? I would say it wasn’t, but it’s not the same as what she’s saying. Remember, it’s her word against yours, and she’s got the bruises to show it.”

  “You’re right. She’s going around telling any and everybody that will listen that I beat her up The nerve of that woman! Why is she trying to destroy me? If her and Skip want to be together, then I’ll gladly give her a divorce. She can have the house, the car, whatever she wants. But I won’t let her have Audrey or the baby she’s carrying…not unless.”

  “Unless the baby is Skip’s?” finished Hezekiah.

  “Yeah, unless it’s Skip’s. I can’t see myself raising another man’s seed, not in a situation like this.”

  “I understand.”

  “What about Skip? What’s he saying?” asked Stiles.

  “I gave that dude his walking papers. Told him to get to stepping and don’t look back.”

  Stiles’ eyes seeme
d to sparkle for a second. “You fired him? When?”

  “Last week. We can’t have someone like him working at the church and knowingly having an affair with the first lady. We definitely can’t have him on the deacon board, so basically, Skip Madison is history. I can’t bar him from Holy Rock, but I haven’t seen him during any of the services since I let him go.”

  “How did he react?”

  “He wasn’t a happy camper. Not at all, but he didn’t buck me too much. I could tell he wanted to take a punch at me, but he must have realized that I would have jacked him up so fast he would have thought he was on a zip line sailing over Holy Rock.” Hezekiah reared back in his chair and started laughing.

  Stiles laughed right along with him. The thought of Hezekiah pounding Skip was worth laughing about, unlike the situation Stiles was in.

  Chapter 21

  “Never use your failure of yesterday as an excuse for not trying again today.” Unknown

  Detria left the doctor’s office and drove to meet Brooke for lunch at a cafe in the Cooper-Young district known for restaurants that served scrumptious comfort food. Right now Detria could use some comfort in whichever form she could get it.

  While they ate, Detria and Brooke talked about what they’d been talking about for the past few weeks: Stiles, the baby, Holy Rock, and of course, Skip. Detria was still no closer to making up her mind what she was going to do about the state of her marriage. Did she even want Stiles back? And supposed she did, and it turned out that he didn’t want her back? What then? Question after question raced through her mind.

  Today the doctor told her she had to stop stressing so much or she could put the baby’s health in danger. She had to take better care of herself, but how, when everything that could go wrong had gone wrong.

  Detria continued to pray that the baby belonged to Stiles. That way, Skip would be out of her life, certainly not at Holy Rock ever again, and she and Stiles could have a new slate. They would have two precious, beautiful children. Detria told herself she would be more patient, act more like a mother, and a doting wife – she just needed another chance.

  Stiles had to be back in court the next day, and she and Brooke planned to be there. The prosecutor told her that Stiles and his attorney had entered a plea deal. He would plead guilty to simple assault and in return would be given probation and a fine.

  “Would you be satisfied with that?” Brooke asked.

  Detria shrugged. “I mean, what he did was wrong, dead wrong.” Detria paused, slowly twirling the small portion of remaining pasta on her fork.

  “Can you forgive him?”

  Detria nodded. “I think I can. If I’m ever going to be able to move forward, I’ve got to let go of the past. I can’t put all the blame on Stiles. I have to let go of the old me, the selfish, self-centered me that I was. I have to be better, Brooke.” She spoke with a slight hesitation. “You know what I mean?”

  “Yes, I know. And I’m proud of you. I’ve been praying real hard for you, and for Stiles, too.” Brooke reached across the table, took hold of her sister’s hand, and squeezed it. Smiling at Detria, she encouraged her by letting her know that she supported her decision and would do anything she could to help her.

  Brooke accepted that she would probably have to do more in the way of helping Detria out with Audrey and the new baby. Like Detria, Brooke was also praying that the baby Detria was carrying belonged to Stiles.

  Stiles was not a bad guy in Brooke’s book. He, of course, had his ways, but she still didn’t think that he deserved to be booted out of a church that his own father founded. But that’s exactly what was happening. Detria had told Brooke that the congregation at Holy Rock was torn over whether they wanted Stiles to remain as senior pastor.

  Brooke paused for a moment, as if hesitant about saying her next thought. “I’ll be praying for God’s will. That’s all I know to do.”

  “I’m going to let my lawyer know that I want the protective order lifted. I don’t think Stiles is going to be fool enough to try anything crazy.”

  “You still have a protective order?” A hard pinched expression appeared on Brooke’s face.

  “Uhhh, yes.”

  “Okay, so tell me, why the change of heart?”

  “I’ve been reevaluating my marriage, my life, everything. If there’s any chance of me and Stiles reconciling, then I have to try to move forward. The first step for me is to get that order lifted. The rest is sort of up to him.”

  “That makes sense. What about the baby? How are you dealing with being pregnant?”

  “As for this baby, Brooke, let’s be real. You know I never was too keen on having a houseful of kids.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Stiles, on the other hand, always wanted at least two or three, maybe more. That’s one reason, though this pregnancy is bad timing, that I really want this baby to be his. Even if we don’t get back together, I know that he will be a good father just like he is to Audrey. Skip, well, Skip would make a good father too, I think, but there is too much drama when it comes to Skip and me.” Detria sighed deeply. “I don’t know what to do. I’m confused.”

  Detria looked down at her belly. Resting her hands on top of it, she thought, God, please, let Stiles be my baby’s daddy.

  Chapter 22

  “We may not be able to undo damages, but we can always make a fresh start.” Unknown

  Stiles stood before the judge and listened as she tongue lashed him before sentencing him to twelve months’ probation. He would have to complete a thirteen-week anger management class as well. She reminded him that he was to keep his distance from his wife and from Skip Madison. He would have to make arrangements to see his daughter.

  Detria and Brooke sat quietly in the courtroom next to Detria’s lawyer. Detria listened intently as the judge chastised Stiles. The judge talked about him so badly that for a minute, Detria felt sorry for him.

  At the end of the hearing, without saying anything to Detria or Brooke, Stiles walked out of the courtroom. He was happy that he hadn’t been sentenced to any jail time, but still felt somewhat dejected because now he had a criminal record. Knowing that it would be expunged after he served his probationary period still did not make him feel one iota better. Thanks to his cheating, scheming wife he may as well have been some abusive thug off the street because that’s exactly the way the judge talked to him.

  Attorney Whitlock, Leo, and Hezekiah walked beside Stiles and made small talk amongst one another, while Stiles was bombarded with thoughts about his future and his position at Holy Rock. The fact that it was possible that his pregnant wife may be carrying another man’s child was not what he wanted to deal with right now. It was too much and if he pondered on it long enough, it may do him good to attend a class to get his anger in check, because he wanted to annihilate Skip Madison.

  Arriving at Leo’s car, Stiles bid his lawyer goodbye. “Thanks for everything, Attorney Whitlock.”

  The attorney patted Stiles on his back. “Remember, keep your cool. Lay low for a minute. And think about what I suggested.”

  “What? Finding another place to live?”

  “Exactly. You can’t keep staying at hotels, you know.”

  Stiles tilted his head, and his eyebrows perked up like a dog’s ears. “The couch in my office isn’t so bad. Actually, it’s rather comfortable,” Stiles tried to joke.

  “You need somewhere more stable for your visits with your daughter.”

  “Yeah, I know, and you’re right. I can’t let anything else jeopardize my relationship with that little girl. She means the world to me.”

  The attorney half-smiled, patted him on the shoulder again, and walked in the opposite direction toward his car.

  “Where to?” Leo asked when Stiles got in the car and closed the door. Hezekiah sat in the back.

  “I want to stop somewhere and grab a bite to eat, and then go back to Holy Rock to get my car. I need to take care of a few things.”

  “I’m off work to
day, so I’ll be glad to take you wherever you need to go.”

  “Thanks, but I can manage.” Stiles briefly glanced over his shoulder. Hezekiah, who was sitting in the back seat, was busy talking on the phone. Stiles turned back and started talking to Leo again.

  “I’m going to contact Riley Hollingsworth to see if she can help me find a spot to lay my head. Somewhere that I can be to myself, just me and God.” Stiles rubbed his head back and forth with his hand. “I’m telling you, this feels like a nightmare. I know God won’t put more on me than I can bear, but it sure feels like this burden is more than I can take.”

  “It’s going to be all right,” Hezekiah spoke up.

  Stiles looked back over his shoulder again. Hezekiah was off the phone. “Thanks, Hezekiah. I’m glad you think so.”

  ***

  Stiles called Riley Hollingsworth and arranged to meet with her so she could take him around to see a few rental properties.

  Riley was an attractive, but sort of reserved looking woman in her early forties, with a professional demeanor.

  Stiles parked in front of the first rental property where they agreed to meet. Right away, from the outside, the cottage style house didn’t suit his taste, but he was willing to look at it and see how the layout was on the inside.

  Riley pulled up and Stiles swallowed deep when he saw her get out of the car and stand up. Something about her was different. Her long locks of blonde hair were pulled back in one ponytail that trailed to the center of her back. Large, gold, hoop earrings kissed the side of her high yellow skin. The berry colored dress she wore rested well above her knees, but was tasteful at the same time. And when she walked, the dressed swayed with her every stride.

  Walking up to Stiles, she extended her hand and shook his, then led him up the steps to the house.

  The inside was not to his liking. It was too drab, felt cramped, and needed quite a number of repairs. He wanted a move-in ready place.

  For the next several hours, Riley showed Stiles several houses and townhomes. Stiles decided that a townhome in downtown Memphis would be an ideal spot. It was centrally located to Holy Rock, which was definitely a plus.