My Wife My Baby...And Him

by Shelia E. Bell

  Arriving at her house, she immediately called Brooke.

  “What are you going to do?” Brooke asked her sister. “What was Stiles reaction?”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do. Believe it or not, Stiles didn’t say one word to me afterward. I can’t explain it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He just looked so, like he was spaced out or something. He just got up and left. I’m scared. Suppose he comes here and tries to do something to me?”

  “Stiles is not going to do anything to you, Detria. The man is just crushed. What do you expect? I wish you would tell me what you were thinking about when you had the affair with Skip, of all people. Where was your mind?”

  Detria lashed out over the phone. “For the millionth time, I do not need you condemning me! Don’t act so holy like you’ve never done anything that you’re sorry for. I guess you forgot about your skeletons, huh?”

  “This is not about me, so don’t even go there,” Brooke yelled.

  “Yeah, you don’t want anybody to know that you had an affair too. Only yours wasn’t with a man now, was it?” Detria said in a condescending tone.

  “I will not let you make this about me. And if you listen to yourself you’ll realize what you said. You said I used to be. That means, I’m not that person anymore. That was before the boys were born. And I will not let you try to take the blame off what you’ve done.”

  “Yeah, you don’t want anybody to know that you were a prescription drug junkie, do you? You don’t want folks to know that you almost lost your husband because you were busy downing Xanax like candy. So don’t get all self-righteous on me, big sister.”

  Click. Air filled the space of silence and then Detria heard the dial tone as it buzzed in her ear. She fell on to the cold concrete floor and sobbed.

  ***

  Stiles couldn’t identify his feelings. It was beyond pain, beyond hurt, beyond a broken heart. It ran deeper than a jagged edge knife puncturing the very center of his being. To know that Elijah did not share in his DNA was the ultimate betrayal.

  “Pastor McCoy,” Stiles spoke matter-of-factly. His voice was elevated to a fever pitch.

  “Yes, Pastor Graham?” Hezekiah sounded like he could detect the frustration in Stiles’ voice.

  “I want you and Deacon Jones to meet me in the boardroom at Holy Rock in thirty minutes.”

  “Are you sure about that? It’s fierce out there.” Hezekiah warned.

  Blaring tornado sirens and roaring rounds of thunder caused the skies to vibrate in a show of power and authority.

  “Quite sure. Be there.” Stiles ordered.

  ***

  The three men sat at the oblong oak table in the boardroom. Hezekiah and Leo were anxious to hear what it was that Stiles had to tell them. They knew today was the day that he was supposed to find out if Elijah was his; from the dejected look on Stiles’ face, they already guessed the answer.

  Stiles looked broken. His eyes were bloodshot red. His brows were drawn together in an angry frown. The tensing of his jaw betrayed his frustration.

  “I want you to be the first ones to know, other than my father, that I’ve made a decision.”

  “A decision?”

  “Yeah, what kind of decision?” asked Leo with clasped hands and a furrowed brow. Leo was almost afraid to hear what Stiles was about to say. Whatever it was, he felt like it was going to be a doozie.

  “First, let me tell you that Elijah is not my son.” With a deep sigh, Stiles formed a bridge with his hands and rested his chin on top of it. He chewed on his bottom lip, pausing before he continued. “I can’t tell you how angry I am. I feel like doing something bad to both of them, something real bad.”

  “Come on now, man,” Hezekiah interjected. “Don’t let the devil make you go there.”

  Stiles gave Hezekiah a stern look of disapproval. “I think it’s a little late for that advice.”

  “I’m just saying. I understand how you feel, but no matter how bad things are, it’s still no reason for you to let the devil have the winning hand.”

  “You have no idea how I feel,” Stiles bit back. He got up from his chair and rubbed his head while he paced around his office. “When you hear a doctor tell you that the baby, the son you always wanted, is not yours, then maybe you can tell me you understand.”

  Leo spoke up. “Look, you have to keep your cool, man. I don’t blame you for wanting to hurt somebody but that won’t change a thing.”

  “I’m leaving Holy Rock.”

  “You’re what?” Leo jumped up from his chair and positioned himself in front of Stiles. “You can’t be serious.”

  Hezekiah remained seated. Leaving Holy Rock? Did I just hear him right? God, I know you answer prayers but I didn’t know you were going to do it like this. Hezekiah turned off the rush of thoughts in his head and tuned back to what Stiles was saying.

  “I cannot effectively lead this congregation anymore. I just can’t do it. I’ve been thinking about this for some time now, and today, well, today I finally understand what God is telling me. Maybe that’s why I’ve avoided going to jail not one time, but twice. I could have been charged with assaulting that punk since I’m still on probation. Maybe it’s God’s way of telling me that I need to leave this town and this church.”

  “So you’re saying God told you to leave this church, to leave your congregation, to just give all of this up?” Hezekiah countered.

  Stiles zeroed in on Hezekiah again with a hard, focused glare. “Don’t even pretend like you don’t want to be the shepherd of this church. You’re ambitious, and you’ve never tried to hide that. Every chance you get, you jump at the chance to stand in my place. Well, you can have it. It’s yours, Hezekiah. It’s all yours.”

  “Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on Pastor McCoy? It’s not like he made this choice. You’re the one who’s jumping the gun. Man, just chill.”

  “Chill?” Stiles chuckled loudly. “How do you suppose I chill when my whole life has been a lie? How can I chill when my wife has been screwing one of my best friends for God knows how long?”

  “I can’t believe that you honestly think I would glory over your trials,” Hezekiah spoke up. “And the last time I checked, being ambitious wasn’t a crime. But since you think I’m rejoicing over your situation, why don’t you stay in the position you were called and then you wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not I want to take your place.” You just don’t know how I would love the chance to lead Holy Rock. This would be the best thing that could happen to me and Fancy, he thought.

  Stiles remained silent, like he was suddenly in deep thought, perhaps pondering the things he’d just said. Out of nowhere, Stiles balled his fist up and hit the wall, leaving a gaping hole.

  “Hold up, man,” Leo yelled and ran up and restrained Stiles. “Calm down. Get it together.”

  Stiles jerked away from Leo then swiftly turned and walked toward the door.

  “Get everything written up. Get the paperwork done, whatever you have to do, just as long as you do it. Pastor McCoy, unless this congregation says otherwise, this is your baby now. Tell the church what you want. I don’t care anymore.”

  “Hold up, Pastor Graham. Why don’t you─”

  “Why don’t I what? Wait until the congregation votes me out? I guess you forgot that it wasn’t that long ago when the church was torn in two about whether I should stay or leave. So I’ll make it easy for everybody, I’m out of here.”

  Stiles opened the door and stormed out before Hezekiah could finish his sentence.

  Leo looked at Hezekiah. Their silence spoke volumes.

  Stiles sped through the blinding tornado-like thunderstorm, disregarding cars that had pulled over to the side of the road, and others that had all but stopped in the middle of the street. In some areas, the streets were flooded, but Stiles kept his foot pressed down full force on the pedal. Driving with reckless abandonment, he almost collided with several of them. There certa
inly must have been angels encamped around his speeding car. It could be the only explanation why he didn’t kill himself or someone else, with his dangerous driving.

  Sirens wailed throughout the city. Thunder, lightning, and the rushing sound of the mighty wind was nothing compared to the storm raging on the inside of him.

  He made it to his townhome safe and sound by the grace of God, though God was the last thing on his mind. He packed as much as he could in one of his upright suitcases before sitting down in front of his computer to search for airline flights. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was going, but one thing was certain: he had to get out of Memphis, Tennessee quick, fast and in a hurry or he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions.

  Chapter 37

  “Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” Hermann Hesse

  “Hold up,” Stiles hollered while making his way to answer the constant knocking on his front door. “What fool is this beating on my door?” he muttered.

  He opened the door with force. Standing on the other side was Leo.

  “What’s wrong with you, man, knocking on my door like you wanna break in or something?”

  Leo walked inside the townhome and Stiles closed the door behind him.

  “What’s up?”

  “You need to stop acting weak, man. That’s what’s up.”

  “Weak? Man, don’t come up in here talking all crazy to me like that. You better step back before I show you weak.”

  Leo waved a hand in the air, dismissing Stiles’ remarks. “Look, don’t come to me with that bull, man. You know good and well what I’m talking about.”

  “Naw, enlighten me, because I don’t know what your problem is.”

  “My problem is that all this confusion going on between you and your woman, you acting like some weak-as-water type of man. You walking around here practically whining like you ain’t got no spine. Okay, the girl messed off on you. Back in the day, think about it, bro. What would you have done? How would you have handled a female back then who even thought about cheating on you?”

  Stiles stood motionless.

  “I tell you what you would have done. You would have dismissed her so quick, man. Just like yesterday’s trash.”

  “The difference is, Detria is not some female, she’s my wife. I can’t just dismiss her like that.”

  “The woman cheated, man. What is wrong with you? Not only that, she got a baby that ain’t even yours! She got a son by Skip, man. Look, I know you’re a man of the cloth, or whatever you wanna call yourself. I respect that, which is why I’ve been by your side since day one. When you appointed me as a deacon then Chairman of the Deacon Board, I fully accepted my role. You know for yourself that I have not stepped out of my lane since then, but now I can’t hold back. I got to come to you as your friend, road dog. We go too far back and have come through too much for me to let you be taken under by some female, wife or no wife, first lady or no first lady. You walking around like some sick puppy dog, talking about giving up everything you’ve worked hard for? And for what? Some woman? A woman who can’t be straight up with you?”

  Stiles walked past Leo and went into the living room and sat down. Leo followed but remained standing.

  “Man, you’re like a brother to me. Ain’t no way I’m going to let you go out like this. I know you’re hurt, and I’m hurt for you, but just like you cut all ties with Rena when you found she was swinging both ways, then hey, this is even worse, man. Detria sleeping with your friend. She got a baby with dude and you sitting over here like you about to lose your freaking mind. I’m telling you, let this crap go.”

  “You don’t understand.” Stiles shook his head.

  “What is it I don’t understand? Tell me.”

  “The dynamics are different. We are not in high school or college anymore, Leo. We’re men; grown men. And I’m the leader of thousands of people. People who look to me for guidance, direction and to lead them to God. How can I do that when my life has been spread across the newspaper, the television and in the church? Everybody knows my wife committed adultery. Everybody knows that Rena slept with Francesca. People think I’m a woman beater. You think they don’t question my ability to lead them after all of this?”

  Stiles stood up, rubbing his head like he always did when he was frustrated or stressed. “I hear what you’re saying, Leo, but I’m so messed up right about now. I need to get away, man. I need some time to clear my head; decide on what I’m going to do next. Not only that, this broad got me doubting if Audrey is even mine. I don’t know what to think. I mean, I’m praying and asking God for direction.” Stiles began pacing. “It’s like I can’t hear God, so much noise is filling my head.”

  “First of all, you’re human man. Newsflash, my brother, you’re not God. This crap is serious, but you got to get it together. If you know you can’t get past this, then you have to make a decision. Move on, let it go. Let her go. Then again, if you’re worried about what other folks are thinking and saying about you and you want to stay with Detria to make yourself look like you’re some kind of perfect guy, then go for it. But you’re the one who has to suffer behind that. I remember you were the one who always used to say that the one thing you would never tolerate from a female was infidelity, and that was when you weren’t married. Remember? You were playing women like we used to play Spades. Now, here you are about to lose your freaking mind over one woman? Come on, man, you’re the senior pastor of Holy Rock. You can have any woman you choose, and I’m sure you’ll find plenty of them who will be faithful to you.”

  Stiles was silent.

  Leo walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and looked inside and got a bottled water. Opening it, he turned and looked back at Stiles.

  “I understand if you need to get away from Memphis for a minute. Maybe that’s a good thing. You do need to clear your head. Maybe a week, a couple of weeks out of this city will do you good. That way you can hopefully get your mind right, bro, but stepping down? Naw, man. That’s crazy.”

  Leo took a deep swallow of the cold water. Walking over to where Stiles had sat down again, Leo looked at him. “Man, you look like you’ve been shipwrecked on a deserted island or something. It’s time for you to man up, make a decision about what it’s gone be and then just do it. And I don’t mean irrational decisions like stepping down from your pastoral position. That’s something you really need to think about and pray about. You don’t make a serious decision like that on impulse.”

  “Yea, you’re right.” Stiles looked at Leo. “Thanks, man.”

  “You know I’m going to tell you like it is. Now, what’s it gone be? Where are you going to get stuff sorted out?”

  Stiles hunched his shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I should check with my probation officer, let him know my plans first. I’m thinking maybe I’ll go to Houston or DC. I got frat brothers in both places, and a few preacher friends.”

  “So, here’s what you do. Figure out where it is you want to go, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you get there. Anything to get you somewhere so you can clear your head. I need the old Stiles back, man. No more Mr. Nice Guy. No more head tucked between your shoulders. You hear me, bro?”

  Clenching his jaw, then pushing his bottom lip forward, Stiles replied, “Yeah, I hear you.”

  Chapter 38

  “There is a smile of love, And there is a smile of deceit, And there is a smile of smiles, In which these two smiles meet.” William Blake

  “You know, baby, just because that kid isn’t Stiles’ doesn’t mean that he’s yours,” Meaghan whispered in Skip’s ear as she laid up in the bed curled underneath his arm.

  Skip eased up in the bed and looked over at her. “What is that supposed to mean?” His voice revealed that he didn’t quite like or maybe understand what Meaghan was talking about.

  “Hold up, don’t get mad. I’m just saying, have you ever considered taking a paternity test yourself? Who knows if you were the only one the she w
as sleeping with? I mean, you never know.”

  As much as Skip wanted to dismiss what Meaghan was saying, he couldn’t. Suppose she was right? Suppose Detria had been sleeping with somebody other than him? Why would it be so hard to believe when she was the one who came on to him? He never would have thought twice about sleeping with her, not because she wasn’t desirable, but for the simple fact she was married to Stiles, his road dog, his longtime friend and his pastor. But Detria Graham made it hard, no downright impossible to resist her. And like just about any man in his right mind would do, he jumped on it when she practically offered herself to him. He couldn’t believe that their affair had lasted this long.

  Detria wasn’t the only female he was sleeping with, of course. Meaghan was proof of that, but there were also a bevy of other women who shared his bed whenever he wanted, and however he wanted. The only thing about Detria Graham was he had given her too much credit. Surely she should have known not to go and get pregnant, knowing that they rarely, if ever, used protection. That was another story altogether. Yeah, he should have used a condom, and most times he did, but Detria could be wild and freaky. There were numerous occasions when she refused to let him use protection, and she’d obviously lied when she told him she was on birth control. The girl was someone to write a novel about now that he stopped to think about things.

  He was more than shocked when Detria told him that Elijah was his. What if he isn’t? What if Meaghan is right? Shooot, these females be straight up cheating and sleeping around like it ain’t nothing. If she gave it up to me, who knows who else she gave it up to. Yeah, I need to think about getting that DNA test.

  “I can help you get a DNA test if want me to, and she doesn’t even have to know.”

  Skip’s ears connected with the words coming out of her mouth. He wanted to hear more.

  “You know she’s not going to do another paternity test. And, if you tell her you want one and she gets mad and refuses to do it, then that’s a sure indication that she’s not sure if you’re the baby daddy either.”