Loving Neil

by Ronald Bagliere

He looked up. “I feel a little dizzy.” He took a deep breath and all at once, his gaze turned inward as if he were deep in thought. His hand jerked several times and he started to get up. The chair slid back and before she knew it, he tumbled to the floor.

  Neil!” She flew around the table. Kneeled beside him. Barney started barking.

  There was no answer, only a confused expression on his face. He tried to get up but couldn’t.

  “Mom, what’s wrong with Dad?” Nate cried, kneeling beside her.

  “I don’t know, honey. Get the phone. Hurry! And Barney, shut up!” She pulled Neil toward her.

  “Here Mom,” Nate said all at once gliding back down beside her. He handed her the receiver.

  Janet punched in 911 then put the receiver to her ear. Hurry up, hurry. Answer, answer! Come on, come on. “Yes! I need an ambulance. My husband just collapsed … Yes, he’s breathing. Yes, he’s conscious, but he’s not alert.” She eyed Neil anxiously as she gave her address to the woman on the other end. A line of drool ran out of the corner of Neil’s mouth. Finally, the woman came back on. “Yes, I’m still here,” Janet answered.

  “An ambulance is on the way,” the woman said. “How old is he?”

  “Sixty-five … No, no history of heart disease … No strokes either … yes, yes. Right.” She eyed Nate. “Get a pillow and a blanket.”

  The two of them gently coaxed Neil to lean back onto the floor and rest his head in Janet’s lap.

  “He’s gonna be alright, right Mom?” Nate said as the color drained from his face. “Nothing’s going to happen to him, right?”

  “No, nothing’s going to happen, Nate. He’s gonna be fine,” Janet said, and she prayed to God she was right. “Now get those things I asked you for.”

  Janet stepped into the ER exam room where Neil lay on the gurney with his back propped up while chatting with a nurse. When he saw her, he put his hand out. She went to his side and studied him. The skin below his left eye was drawn down slightly, but he smiled. With a mild slur, he said, “This wasn’t the surprise I had in mind for you.”

  She felt the heavy fear that had dogged her since he collapsed that morning slip away, and she managed a tiny grin. If she had any doubts about whether she loved him or not, they had been thoroughly extinguished. She said, “Some people will do anything for attention.”

  He squeezed her hand. “How’s Nate doing?”

  “Much better. He’s with grandpa out in the waiting room.”

  “The doc said I had a petite stroke. Nothing serious.”

  “I know. How do you feel?”

  He shimmied himself up so he sat erect with his feet out in front of him. “All right, I guess. I could use another blanket, though.”

  The nurse turned around from whatever she was doing. “I’ll bring one right over after I’m finished.”

  Janet cupped her hand to Neil’s cheek. “You scared the hell out of me.”

  “Sorry about that. Scared myself a little, too. Did you let Megan know?”

  “Dad called her. She’s on her way.” The nurse came over with the blanket and draped it over his feet. Janet waited until she was gone and put the finishing touches of tucking it in around his legs. “How’s that?”

  “Much better. Thank-you. Did they tell you how long I’m stuck up here for?”

  “Not yet. They want to do some tests.”

  “Great,” he said, pursing his lips. “Oh…”

  “What?” Janet said, alarmed.

  “Nate’s game. I’ve completely ruined it for him.”

  She shook her head. “He’s fine, don’t worry.” She turned to another nurse who had come in. “Can my son see his father? He’s in the waiting room with his grandfather.”

  “Absolutely,” the man said. “Stay here and I’ll go get him.”

  “Thanks,” Janet said. She pulled up a folding chair, careful not to bump into the I.V. pole next to Neil’s gurney. “I love you to pieces, you know that?”

  “And I love you to pieces, too. You know, it was so strange when it happened. I could see you, but it was like you were a million miles away.”

  The morning’s event flashed before Janet’s eyes for the hundredth time: her supporting Neil’s head in her lap, combing her fingers through his hair; the drool running over his chin sending a galvanizing fear whose memory still struck terror in her heart. She pushed the memory away. “It’s over now, and the doctor says you’re going to be fine.”

  Neil winked. “Did he? That’s good to know.”

  Nate appeared at the door with the nurse. He stood there a moment then slowly crept in. Neil looked up. “There’s my guy. Sorry I screwed up your game.”

  “It’s okay, Dad,” Nate said eyeing his father warily as if he were afraid something might happen at any moment.

  “Well, am I going to get a hug then?” Neil said, letting go of Janet’s hand. He opened his arms and pulled the boy into his arms as the doctor arrived.

  “Hello, I’m Dr. Faharo,” said a stocky man, maybe a little taller than Janet. His aquiline nose and smooth, dark olive skin gave him an exotic look, Indian or Middle Eastern maybe. He held out a thick hand to Janet that had a broad gold wedding band and stood by as Nate disengaged himself from his father’s arms. “How are you feeling, Mr. Porter?”

  Neil shrugged. “Pretty good.”

  “You had a small vascular event this morning. Nothing too serious, but it needs to be looked at very carefully to make sure it is not a harbinger of things to come. I am scheduling you to have a CAT scan and some more blood work. I see here you have Parkinson’s disease. How long have you had it?”

  “Nine, ten years,” Neil said.

  “And you are currently taking Parcopa and Madopar?”

  “Yes,” Janet answered.

  “Any history of heart disease in your family?”

  “No,” Neil replied.

  The doctor nodded. “And no stroke or vascular disease either?”

  “Not that I know of,” Neil replied. He reached over and grabbed the glass of juice the nurse had set on his tray earlier.

  “Trouble sleeping?”

  Neil took a sip and set the glass down. “Sometimes. Not often, though.”

  “Okay then, that is all the questions that I have for now.” He reached into his lab coat pocket and pulled out a penlight. “Could you please to look straight over my shoulder?” The doctor bent forward and shined the light into Neil’s eyes, first one then the other. “Good, and good.” He picked up a small tuning fork from the counter behind Janet, banged it against his hand and put it to Neil’s leg. “You feel that?”

  “Yep.”

  “And here?”

  “Yep.”

  The doctor put his hand to Neil’s face, turning his head one way and then the other. “Well, you have a little paralysis on the left side, but nothing too noticeable. Now, I have called your neurologist, Dr. Childe. He will be coming to see you tomorrow. For now, depending on what comes back from hematology, I think I will be putting you on a blood thinner called Coumadin. It will help to make sure that if there are any further small clots that they will be dissolved, so we will not have any more unfortunate events.”

  “So, I’m up here for the night?” Neil said.

  “I am afraid so. But our kitchen is much better now I am told, so you will not go hungry. I will see about a room for you as soon as we are done. Are there any questions you would like to ask?”

  “Yeah,” Neil said. “How long am I out of commission–from work that is?”

  Dr. Faharo thought a moment. “You are an architect, no? So could be a week or maybe two, just to make sure. We shall see. We do not want to rush things.” He smiled and turned toward Nate. “This is your grandson?”

  Janet cleared her throat. Nate frowned. Neil said, “He’s my son.”

  “Oh! I am so sorry. Please forgive me.” He gave Janet a second look then. “And you are his wife?”

  “Yes,” Janet said. “Don’t feel bad. Everyone makes
the same mistake.”

  “Well, I will leave you now. Have a good day.” He turned and left the room, just as Megan showed up.

  “Dad, are you okay,” Megan said, rushing to his side. She put her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

  “Careful, girl! My I.V.”

  “Oh, sorry.” She looked at Janet. “So, was that the doctor just then?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And?”

  “I’m fine,” Neil said, breaking in. “Just a little mini stroke.”

  Megan’s eyes widened. “A stroke!”

  “Nothing major. The doctor says I’m gonna be just fine.”

  Megan shook her head. “But what are they doing about it?”

  “They’re gonna run some tests,” Neil said. “Sit down and relax sweetie. You’re making me nervous. And say ‘hi’ to your brother.”

  “Oh, hi Nate,” Megan said. She came over and kneeled down in front of him. “I’m sorry. How’re you doing guy?”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Good. You’re father’s gonna be just fine.”

  Janet stood. I think I’ll get out of here and let them be alone. “Nate, you hungry? Let’s go down to the cafeteria and let your sister have some time with your father, okay?”

  Nate shoved his hand in his pocket and followed her out of the exam room. On the way, Janet collected her father and the three of them melted into the busy corridors of Salem Hospital.

  19

  Three months after Neil collapsed on the kitchen floor with a minor stroke, Janet noticed changes. Where in the beginning he laughed often and was extremely attentive, now he had become quiet; almost secretive, and over the last three weeks had worked a lot of overtime. Janet worried. The last thing she needed was for him to have another stroke, and who knew how bad that would be. He wasn’t driving yet; instead, he rode into work with one of the guys. Alan, she thought his name was. So that was good. As for who brought him home at all hours of the evening–that was usually whoever was available.

  What really bothered her was his avoiding her inquiries about what was going on at work that required his attendance so late into the evenings. Aside from that, tomorrow was their eleven-year anniversary, and he hadn’t mentioned a word about it.

  She pulled into the parent drop-off loop at Nate’s school and found a spot to park. She arrived twenty minutes early because the outdoor shoot of a building in town had been cut short by sudden rain. As she sat in her car looking through the rain-spattered windshield, she thought about Neil’s odd behavior. Did it have something to do with his stroke? Or was he reverting to old ways. She didn’t know, and the more she thought about it, the more worked up she got.

  She turned the radio on to take her mind off her growing annoyance, but her mind kept coming back to Neil’s seeming ignorance of their anniversary. Well, she had done her part. Nate was all set to spend the weekend over at his best friend, Jimmy’s house, and Barney was going with him.

  She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as the radio reeled out The Boss’, Born in the USA. Five minutes later, the front door of the school opened and a river of sixth-graders came pouring out into the rain. Nate ran toward the car, backpack in hand and coat draped over his head. He opened the passenger-side door, threw his coat and pack in the back seat and got in.

  “Hi sweetie. How was school?” she said, starting the car and pulling away from the curb.

  “It was all right. Can I go to Jimmy’s?”

  “After dinner, Nate,” she said.

  “Jimmy said his mother was okay if I ate over there.”

  Janet shook her head. “What about homework?”

  He frowned, and his shoulders sank. He looked out the window then suddenly looked back. “I could do it over there.”

  “I don’t think so, Nate. Besides, you’re going to be with him all weekend. You come home and eat, do your homework, and we’ll see about you going over afterward.”

  He opened his mouth as if to say something then shut it. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “So, have you decided whether you’re going to play basketball this year?”

  He shrugged. “A little.”

  “And?”

  “I guess.”

  “You don’t sound like you’re crazy about it.”

  “It’s okay. Except I never got to play much last year.”

  “You were just starting, honey. You’re bigger now.”

  “Yeah, but so is everybody else,” he said. “Do you think I’m smart?”

  Janet raised a brow. ”Of course. Why?”

  “Eddie Dankin said I was stupid ‘cause I need tutoring in math.”

  “And you listen to this Eddie?” she said.

  “He’s the smartest kid in school, so–”

  “So what? And who says he’s the smartest? Everyone has areas they have trouble with. Even Eddie Dankin. Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re stupid. That gives them power over you.” She turned onto the road that led to their house and kept an eye out for deer. It was that time of the year again.

  Nate was thoughtful. “How come I can’t do math?”

  “It’s not that you can’t do math. It’s just that it hasn’t clicked in with you yet. It will. Give it time. You know, you could ask your father. He’s pretty good with math.”

  “Maybe, except he’s been working a lot and I don’t see him much.”

  Which is something I’m going to remedy very soon, she thought. “We’ll talk to him about it tonight.” She pulled into the driveway and parked.

  They got out of the car and ran for the house between the raindrops. Once inside, Janet set her satchel on the kitchen counter and noticed the red light blinking on the answering machine. Neil! She hit the playback button. Listened to the message she had grown accustomed to hearing over the last month. ‘Working late. Be home as soon as I can. Hopefully around eight.’ She punched the stop button and stood fuming.

  “God damn him,” she muttered. She rarely called him at work, but this was becoming too much. She picked up the phone and dialed his number. It rang on the other end and was finally answered by his voice mail. She knotted her brow. If he was supposed to be working, then where the hell was he? She hung up and a myriad of possibilities flooded her thoughts–all of them preposterous and none of them good.

  She sighed, determined not to let her mind run away with her and decided to forget about it for the time being. Nate would be hungry in short order so she pulled out last night’s leftovers from the fridge. As she turned the oven on, she noticed the reminder pad on the counter next to the toaster. Why was it there and not over by the phone? She picked it up, and as she went to put it where it belonged, noticed the sheet had impressions of writing from the page that had preceded it. She studied it, trying to make out what it said, and when she couldn’t, remembered a trick she had learned in grade school. She opened the junk drawer, fished for a pencil and lightly shaded the paper with graphite until suddenly a name appeared with an address.

  “Paula! Who the hell is she?” Janet muttered. The address was in the Heights. She tapped the pencil eraser on the page as Nate came into the kitchen.

  “Got my homework done. Is dinner ready yet?”

  She looked up. Rearranged her thoughts. “Done already?”

  “It was only one page,” Nate said, reaching for the cookie jar.

  “Don’t even think about it,” she said, swatting his hand away. Let me see your assignment.”

  He rolled his eyes and thudded back upstairs.

  Janet turned her thoughts back onto the mysterious name and address and put the leftovers in the oven. She could think of no one they knew in the Heights. Neil had some answering to do when he got home.

  After she let Nate run over to his friend’s house to play, Janet picked up the dishes and loaded the dishwasher. She was about to start it when the front door opened. She looked up. It was just going on seven. Neil walked in and set his brief case on the floor.

  “Hi
, love,” he said cheerfully.

  She leaned back against the counter. “You’re home early.”

  “Yeah, we finished quicker than I thought we would. You eaten yet?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes we have.”

  “Anything left over?” He peeled his jacket off and set it on the back of the chair.

  “No. We finished what was left of last night’s dinner, which you missed for the third time this week. Who’s Paula?”

  He froze for the tiniest of seconds. “Paula?”

  “Yeah. Her name’s written on the memo pad over there.”

  He sucked his lip. “I see you’ve been sleuthing. She’s a client.”

  “Hmmm. Are we making house calls now?” Janet said.

  He narrowed his gaze. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, the address is in the Heights, and so far as I know, there’s not a lot of offices or business out that way. Unless the partners at your firm have decided to do residential architecture now.”

  “You’re good,” he said, breaking into a smile. He went to the refrigerator and opened it. Stared inside.

  “What’s so funny?” she said. She was now both annoyed and perplexed.

  “You’ll see. Is there anything in here to eat?”

  She went over and pushed the refrigerator door shut on him. “Neil? What the hell’s going on?”

  “I’m not telling you yet. You’ll have to wait and find out.”

  Now she was completely baffled. So this has something to do with our anniversary then? “What are you up to?”

  He patted her cheek with a tremulous hand. “You never mind what I’m up to.” He pulled the refrigerator door open again. Grabbed a soda and popped the lid. After a gulp, he said, “I suppose I’ll have to live with a TV dinner. By the way, where’s Nate?”

  “Over to Jimmy’s house, playing,” she said, feeling better now that she was fairly certain he was up to something good. She backed off on her inquisition and smiled. “Sit down. I’ll throw something together for you.”

  “Buttering me up will get you nowhere,” he said, taking a seat at the table. “By the way, I’m going to need you to pick me up tomorrow.”

  I can play this game, too, she thought. “Oh, not working overtime?”