Loving Neil

by Ronald Bagliere

  “No,” he said, volleying back a smile. “Planning board meeting, and my ride needs to be somewhere else.”

  “I see,” she said. Let’s see how he deals with this. “I can’t be there until six-thirty, though. I have to take Nate to get him signed up for junior basketball.”

  He looked at her hard and she could see him working it out in his mind as to whether she was twitting him or not. Finally, he said, “That’s alright. Meeting isn’t ‘til eight. We’ll have plenty of time. Although, I imagine Nate will be bored as hell.”

  “He can do his homework. Oh, and he could use some help with his math if you have the time, unless of course, you’re working overtime for the next six months.”

  “Not sure on that. I’ll let you know.” He yawned and stretched his legs out in front of him. Looked past her to where she had set a skillet on the burner to fry a burger. “In the mean time, do manage not to burn my supper.”

  She turned, saw the smoke rising up off the oiled surface of the skillet and turned down the flame. “Of course dear. Anything else I can do? Shine your shoes, press your pants?”

  He shot her a devilish grin. “Now that I think of it, you could come over here and give me a massage.”

  “Is that so? What about your dinner?” she said. She turned the burner off, and with a slow alluring gait, walked over to him.

  “I’ll take my chances,” he said and pressed his lips on her arm.

  Janet dropped Nate off over to his friends and started for home to get ready for whatever Neil had in mind for her. It was now going on three and depending on traffic, she figured she had about forty-five minutes to throw on something decent, put her hair up and fix her face in time to pick Neil up from work.

  As she drove, she thought about the night before. After Nate had gone to bed, Neil had come up behind her in her studio and seduced her with a trail of light wet kisses down her neck. Soon after, she found herself being led to their bedroom, slowly undressed and laid down and gently stroked in all the places she loved. She felt her nipples harden under her bra as she thought about the passion they shared the night before. Easy girl. You’ll get yourself into an accident.

  Ten minutes later, she pulled into her driveway and ran into the house. Barney looked up from where he lay on his blanket by the window then got up and followed her into the bedroom to watch her rummage through her closet. After much debate, she settled on a cream-colored cashmere blouse and a deep red pleated skirt–Neil’s favorite–and peeled her jeans and top off. In the mirror she eyed her body, naked except bra and panties, and saw a woman flushed with love again.

  An hour later, she pulled up in front of Neil’s office and as she checked her face in the rear view mirror, Neil opened the passenger door. He got in, took a large white envelope out of his brief case and set it on the dashboard. It had no address but in the top left hand corner, a stamped label said, Salem National Bank. Janet wrinkled her brow.

  “What’s this?” she said, picking it up.

  He snatched it away from her and set his briefcase in the back seat. “For my board meeting.” His brow rose slightly as his gaze drifted over her blouse and skirt. “So where’s Nate?”

  “Over to Jimmy’s.”

  “So no basketball try-out?”

  “No. But we have to pick him up as soon as you’re done,” she said, watching him to see what effect her push back was having at this little game he was playing with her. “So, where we going?”

  “It’s a little out of the way. Hop onto twenty-two. I’ll tell you when to exit.”

  “A little out of the way? Hmmm. Not too many places I don’t know around the valley. Can’t be that out of the way,” she said, pulling the car out into traffic and easing onto the arterial.

  “Well, it is,” Neil said. “Trust me.”

  “Right.” Janet smiled. Let him have his little game. I have to admit it is fun, though. Wonder where he’s taking me? After they turned off the arterial and headed toward Dallas, she realized they were heading to Jake’s. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Okay, either your planning board meeting is at Jake’s or we’re going to dinner. So, which is it?”

  He smiled, and soon after, they were sitting at a table in Jake’s. The restaurant was quiet. A TV murmured from the semi-lit bar at the other end of the room. Crisp, red tablecloths covered the tables. They ordered drinks and after the waiter left them, Neil pushed the envelope toward her. “Before you open it, I want to toast us.”

  “Okay,” Janet said, feeling her heart beat a little quicker in anticipation. “You know, I think I like this new you.”

  “Is that so?” he said as the waiter came back. The man set their drinks down in front of them and was about to ask if they were ready to order when Neil shooed him away. He lifted his glass. “To us and our wonderful new future. Happy anniversary!”

  New future? Bank envelope? Wait, oh my, a trip! He’s taking me to Europe or Egypt maybe? I’ve always wanted to go there. Breathless, she drank a sip of wine and when she set it down, Neil nodded toward the envelope. “Now you may open it,” he said.

  She picked it up, ran her finger under the flap and pulled a long folded bundle of papers out. The top page said, DEED. She looked up, baffled. “What’s this?”

  Neil’s eyes sparkled. “I bought us some property. I’m going to build you a house.”

  Janet sat with the bomb that had been laid in front of her a moment and read the front page of the deed. The address was the same address she’d seen on the pad at the house. “Neil, where did you get the money for this? It’s the Heights.”

  “I know. I picked the place out myself. Nice treed lot with a stream.”

  “We already have three houses!” Janet said, bewildered. “What are we going to do with a fourth?”

  He smiled. “Not to worry. I have a buyer lined up for our place.”

  “A buyer?” She set the deed down, took a deep breath and tried to wrap her mind around what was happening. They had always talked about large purchases in advance of going out and getting them, but this was way beyond that. This was astronomical. She shook her head. “I don’t know what to say.” She gritted her teeth, trying very hard not to get mad. “Where did you get the money? It’s not like we’re rolling in it.”

  Neil reached across the table and took her hand. “I never told you, but when Sharon died, I had a large policy on her. I never used any of it, except to bury her of course. I sank the rest into stocks and bonds, in case something happened to me, Megan and Trev would be taken care of. They’re grown now, have their own lives. I want to use it on us. I want to build you a house.”

  Janet knew the property values in the Heights. The kind of money needed to buy land and build a house there ranged in the middle to upper six figures. She balled her hand into a fist and put it to her mouth as she stared at the deed. Finally, she looked up and stared at him. ”How much do you have?”

  Neil said, “Around a million, five or so.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. “A million, five?”

  “Sorry I never told you. I guess I never wanted to think about using it ‘til now. Never a real good reason. But after what happened to me in June, I realized life is short and wanted to do something with it instead of letting it just sit in a bank. I love you. Let me build this house for you, for us.”

  “Does Megan know about this?”

  He shook his head. “And I don’t want her to.”

  “I see. And just how are we going to explain building a house to her, especially there. Once she sees the area, she’ll pepper us with questions. I don’t like lying.”

  “We’re not going to. Our affairs are our business!”

  “Yeah, but?”

  “But nothing,” Neil said, sitting back. “You needn’t worry.”

  “Maybe.” Janet was of divided mind. She knew Megan. The woman wouldn’t just accept a pat answer, and Janet didn’t like the idea of being under a microscope, especially one Megan wielded. Still, bu
ilding a new home excited her and she couldn’t deny she often wished for a studio of her own.

  She tucked the deed in the envelope and pushed it back to him. “If Megan gets wind of this–”

  “She won’t,” Neil insisted. “Are you upset?”

  “No. It’s a beautiful gift, and I love you for it. I just want to make sure we’re thinking this whole thing through before we jump in.” She smiled and reached across the table for his hand. “So this was what you were up to the last month and a half. Overtime, my ass!”

  “I had to throw you off somehow. It’s a good thing you didn’t look at the pad before, otherwise things could’ve gotten sticky.”

  “You are too much, Janet said. “You sneak! I’ll never trust you again.”

  20

  It took some time for Janet to get comfortable with selling June’s house, which she had called home for better than ten years, but once she made her mind up she found herself feeling like a kid at Christmas. Of course it was a foregone conclusion she would sell the house, she just had to feel like it was her decision and not Neil’s.

  In the meantime, Neil busied himself around the house doing little projects on the weekend, cleaning out nooks and crannies, which hadn’t seen the light of day in years. She was glad because she had been meaning to get to these little jobs for a long time and now they were being done for her.

  Tonight, they would tell Nate about moving. Janet felt nervous about how her son would take the news. She remembered when she was younger how her mother uprooted her across the country. It took a long time to adjust. This wasn’t the same of course, but Nate had come to be good friends with Jimmy down the street and who knew how he’d react. She set the table for dinner and went into the family room to relax by the fireplace where Barney spent much of his time lately. He looked up when she sat, pulled himself up and came over to her.

  “Hey boy,” she said, bending over to pet him. “How’s my little guy?” The dog nuzzled her hand and flopped down beside her. It was then she saw a lump behind his ear. She got down on the floor and probed the fur around it. The lump was the size of a golf ball, and it was soft and fleshy. An anxious feeling rushed through her, and she tried to ignore it. The dog turned his soft brown eyes onto her and held her gaze for some time. It felt like he was telling her goodbye, and an unbidden tear welled in her eye. She quickly wiped it away. “We’d better get you into the vet first thing tomorrow,” she said, petting him.

  Over dinner, she tried to focus on the family meeting ahead where Nate would be told about their move, but all she could think of was Barney. Her gaze darted toward him often as he nibbled his kibble in the corner by the kitchen bay window.

  “Everything all right, honey?” Neil said, interrupting her thoughts.

  “Yeah, fine. You want some more potatoes?”

  “No, I’m good.” He looked at her with concern.

  She glanced at Nate who was shoveling macaroni salad into his mouth at an alarming rate and shook her head. Mouthed the word, later, to Neil. To Nate, she said, “Slow down. It’s not going to run away from you.”

  The boy looked up and eased the assault on his dinner. He cleared his mouth and said, “How long is this family meeting going to take?”

  “I don’t know, depends,” she said. “Why?”

  “I was thinking maybe if it’s all right I could go over to Jimmy’s after.”

  She pushed her plate away and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “We’ll see,” she said, which of course to Nate meant, yes. To Neil, she said, “I’m gonna start cleaning up unless there’s anything else you want.”

  “No, I’m stuffed.” He drank the last of his water, got up and scraped his plate off into the trash.

  “I’ll help,” Nate said, trying to hurry things along. He grabbed the butter and put it away in the fridge then ran for the dishwasher and opened it.

  Neil disappeared into the other room and came back with a couple of dirty glasses. He set them on the top rack of the dishwasher and stepped beside her. “He’ll be okay,” he whispered.

  She nodded. “I know.” She loaded the last of the silverware in the dishwasher, and told Neil to take Nate into the family room.

  “Moving?” Nate said as if it was a foreign word.

  “Yes, I’m going to build us a house,” Neil said.

  “Where?”

  “In a place called the Heights,” Neil said.

  “Towards the orchards,” Janet said, filling Nate in.

  “Right,” Neil said. “And we’ll have a big yard, and there’ll be trees and a stream and a large field out back.”

  Janet could see Nate working things out as he sat on the couch. She held her breath waiting to hear what he would say. “That’s a long ways away. I won’t be able to see Jimmy anymore will I?”

  Neil started to tell him about new friends, but she cut him off before he said anything more. “Not as much, honey, but you’ll see him. And he can come with us when we go up to the mountains every year.”

  “Yeah, right,” Neil said, catching on. “And guess what? I’m going to design our house, and you can help me. In fact, you can design your own room. What do you think?”

  Nate shrugged. “I guess. Can I do a drawing like you do, Dad?”

  Neil grinned. “Of course.”

  Nate brightened, but Janet could see he was still unsure. She decided he’d had enough news for one night and gave him permission to go to Jimmy’s.

  After Nate left, Janet led Neil into the family room and called Barney over. “Put your hand right here behind his ear and tell me what you feel.”

  Neil bent down beside her and put trembling fingers on the dog. His brow knitted, and he looked up at her. “You just discovered this?”

  “Before dinner, yes. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Nate. The house was more than enough for him to deal with tonight.”

  Neil sighed. “You call the vet?”

  She nodded. “I’m taking him in tomorrow morning, first thing.”

  “It’s probably just one of those fleshy growths,” he said getting to his feet. “My next door neighbor back east had a dog who had one of these and he did just fine.”

  “That’s my hope,” Janet said, looking up at him.

  Three days passed and Janet was on pins and needles waiting to hear from the vet. Then finally, the call came. Janet stepped into Neil’s office upstairs as he talked to the doctor on the other end. Suddenly, he frowned and took a deep breath. “I see. When? Yes, of course. Yeah, me too.”

  As Neil hung up, Janet’s heart raced.

  He came to her and put his arms around her. “The lump is a tumor and it’s…”

  “What?”

  “Cancerous, and it’s spread all through him.”

  Janet’s eyes flooded with hot tears as Neil clutched her tightly. “Why is this happening?” she muttered, burying her head into his shoulder. “Why now when we’re building a house.”

  “I don’t know honey,” Neil said.

  “But we’re finally the way I always wanted us to be. It’s got to be a mistake.”

  Neil’s body trembled. “Doctor Manning said not to wait too long. We don’t want him to suffer.”

  Please, please, no. Oh, Barney. She bit down on her lip as Neil held her, remembering the first day she got him. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

  March 1st, 1995 –

  Tomorrow was the closing for the new house, but she wasn’t feeling celebratory. Yesterday, she had said goodbye to her little friend and faithful companion. Outside of Neil, no living thing had heard her most deep and darkest secrets, and there was no one she trusted more to love her no matter what than Barney. Neil had bought a pet casket and had Barney embalmed and laid into it. When their house was completed, they’d find a fitting place to bury him.

  Nate was utterly distraught and hadn’t eaten all day or yesterday. She forced a couple of slices of toast and glass of milk down him this morning and let him stay home another day from school. Neil had
already left for work, and a deathly quiet had settled over the house. From experience, Janet knew to leave Nate alone to deal with his own grief in his own way. He was a lot like her when it came to losing things you loved.

  He lay in his room with the door shut. She went upstairs, peeked in on him then pulled the door shut and retreated to her studio. On her desk lay the submission for a prestigious award she’d long thought about trying for but never had the courage to enter until Neil talked her into it. She eyed the Ansel Adams entry form and started filling it out. She was half way through it when Nate shuffled in behind her. She turned around and opened her arms, and he melted into her.

  Holding him for some time, she decided to get out of the house and do something. She led him downstairs, threw a jacket on him, and said, “Let’s go for a ride.”

  “Where?” he said, pulling on his gloves.

  “The ocean. I want to show you something.”

  They got in the car and drove to Fogarty under dark clouds with a hint of snow in the air. The beach was closed, but she didn’t care. They parked along side the road, and the two of them ambled down through the tall soughing grasses to the frosted dunes.

  Fifteen minutes later, they were climbing up to her grotto. Janet sat on the rim of the rocky enclosure, her hair spun out behind her in the wind. Nate joined her, and she put her arm around him. “When your grandmother brought me out to Oregon, your great aunt June, whom you never met, showed us this place. We used to come here during the summer to splash in the water and take in the ocean. Your grandmother loved it here, and so did I. As soon as I was old enough to drive, I’d come here as often as I could.”

  “To swim?” Nate said.

  “Sometimes. Most of the time it was just to sit by the water and think.”

  “About what?”

  “Life. Why things are the way they are.”

  “Like Barney?” he said quietly.

  “Yes, like Barney.” She was quiet a moment. “One year, just after I was out of college, I came down to do a shoot for a job, and I found this rock.”

  Nate looked around. “Is there something special about it?”