Shadowed Instincts

by Wendi Wilson

  “Oh, going to a movie sounds wonderful.” She looked at Jeremy. “What do you think?”

  “It sounds good to me, but how are we going to get there?”

  “I’ll drive you. It sounds fun.”

  All three of them turned to the doorway to see Declan saunter in and head for the buffet table. Melanie looked at Jeremy with wide eyes and shook her head in confusion.

  “What do you think?” she mouthed at him. He shook his head harshly, so she said aloud, “That’s okay Declan, I know you probably have things you want to do today.”

  Declan turned and walked to their table, taking the seat directly on her right again. She looked pointedly at the six other empty seats, but Declan just grinned. Melanie looked back down at her plate and resumed eating, not wanting to see Jeremy’s reaction to Declan’s antics.

  “No problem at all,” Declan said around a mouthful of cereal. “I kept my day free of plans in case you wanted a tour guide. You and Jeremy, I mean.”

  Melanie looked up at Jeremy to see a frown marring his forehead. He smoothed out his expression and said, “Maybe we should just hang out here and explore. We should learn our way around the house and grounds.”

  “Okay, sounds good,” Melanie said, giving him a tentative smile.

  “Great,” interjected Declan. “I’ll be more than happy to show you guys around.”

  “Great,” Jeremy said sarcastically.

  “Yeah, great,” Melanie added. This is going to be interesting, she thought.

  *~*~*

  “Here’s the entertainment room,” Declan announced in his best tour guide voice.

  Melanie and Jeremy walked into the room and stared around with their mouths hanging open. The room was huge. It was empty at the moment, but Melanie imagined it could hold half the pack comfortably.

  On the wall to the left, a giant television was mounted above a fireplace. In front of it was the largest sectional sofa that Melanie had ever seen. It looked like it could hold twenty people. The fireplace had a huge hearth surrounded by a flagstone mantle.

  Melanie gazed around as they slowly walked further into the room. The wall opposite the T. V. was made entirely of glass and had the same view as her bedroom. She could see the lawn and the pond, with the forest framing the yard on all sides.

  “The sun sets in this direction, so there are motorized shades that can be lowered to block the windows in the late afternoon,” Declan said as he pointed to the remote control hanging on the wall by the door.

  “Cool,” Melanie said, inching away from him and toward Jeremy in what she hoped was an inconspicuous manner.

  Declan huffed and shook his head. She wasn’t fooling anybody. She shrugged and joined Jeremy in the center of the room. She gawked at everything with the same awestruck look that Jeremy had on his face.

  The room had everything. On the far wall opposite the door, there was a bar with barstools. Melanie saw draft beer taps on one end and a soda machine on the other. Behind it was a popcorn machine and various other small appliances to make snacks.

  Scattered throughout the room was a pool table, a foosball table, two pinball machines, darts, and air hockey. There were arm chairs strategically placed for extra seating and a juke box in one corner.

  “Wow,” Melanie whispered.

  “I know, right?” Declan said, having silently walked up beside her. “This place is awesome. If you still want to watch a movie, we could always watch one here,” he added, holding out his hand toward the giant couch.

  “That’s okay,” Jeremy said brusquely. “We want to finish looking around, but don’t feel obligated to join us. We’ll be okay on our own.”

  “I wouldn’t even consider deserting you now,” Declan said with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I have so much more to show you.” He looked into Melanie’s eyes with those words, seeming to convey extra meaning. “Come along.”

  He grabbed Melanie’s hand and drew her toward the door. She looked helplessly at Jeremy and saw him glaring at the back of Declan’s head. With a low growl and a deep frown etched on his face, he trailed behind them.

  Chapter 15

  Melanie was on pins and needles the rest of the morning. She wasn’t sure how much more testosterone she could take. The tension between Jeremy and Declan was palpable and she was waiting for it to explode like a powder keg at any moment.

  Declan insisted on showing them everything. They toured the rest of the house, which included a library, her father’s office and multiple bedrooms and bathrooms in addition to the other rooms she’d already seen. The kitchen was decked out like a fancy restaurant. It had two of everything- two stovetops, two ovens, two microwaves, and even two sinks.

  After their tour of the house, he showed them the grounds. She’d already seen the backyard from the windows, but there were so many details she’d missed. Seeing everything up close filled her eyes with wonder.

  The pond was beautiful, with colorful fish that could be see darting through the clear water. Mama ducks looked after their ducklings on the shallow banks and Melanie could hear bullfrogs croaking from the weeds around the west edge.

  Declan showed them the beginnings of the trails that led through the woods, as well as the wider, flat bicycle paths. They spotted a deer and her fawn meandering not far from the tree line. Melanie’s gasp of surprise startled them and they leapt out of site.

  “I’m kind of surprised to see all this wildlife around here. Aren’t they scared of the dogs?”

  Declan gave her a sweet smile that made her much more uncomfortable than his usual smirk. She quickly turned her back to him and stared into the trees. “We have lived among these creatures for over a hundred years. They have learned that we are peaceful and won’t hurt them. It’s our human form that scares them, not the dog.”

  Suddenly, Melanie realized how close he was. Without her noticing, he had edged up to her and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck as he spoke. She shivered and her eyes shot to Jeremy. He was standing a few feet away, eyes trained on the woods, a muscle in his jaw ticking as he ground his teeth.

  Melanie quickly moved away from Declan to stand beside Jeremy, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it lightly. He squeezed back, but didn’t take his eyes off the woods. She could feel the tension radiating off of him. Her instincts told her to do something before it escalated.

  “Thanks for the tour, Declan, but I think we can take it from here.”

  “But I wanted to-”

  “No, thanks,” she interrupted firmly. “I want to spend some time alone with Jeremy, if you don’t mind.”

  Declan’s lips tightened and his eyes narrowed, but he nodded and turned. Melanie watched him stalk up the hill with stiff, angry movements.

  “What’s his problem?” Melanie wondered aloud as he slammed into the house.

  “Seriously?” Jeremy shouted, dropping her hand. “I told you he wants you. He was flirting with you all morning and you just let him!”

  “Wait, what? Are you mad at me?”

  “Yes! No! I don’t know!”

  Melanie felt the stirrings of anger in her belly and she fought to control it. She knew her impending change caused her to have extreme reactions, but Jeremy didn’t have that excuse.

  “Okay,” she said in a calm, even tone. “You need to calm down and think about what you’re saying. I didn’t do anything wrong. Up until just a few moments ago, I didn’t notice anything inappropriate from Declan. And as soon as I did, I sent him away. Why, pray tell, are you mad at me?”

  All the steam went out of Jeremy and his shoulders slumped. “I don’t know, Mel. Whenever I’m around that guy, I can’t think straight. I feel tense and angry and destructive. I can’t explain it.” He moved toward her and lightly gripped her upper arms. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t mean it, I swear. Forgive me?”

  Melanie wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close. “Of course I do,” she mumbled into his chest, trying to push away her misgivings
.

  *~*~*

  They got some lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon in the entertainment room, curled up on the giant couch watching movies. For the first hour, Melanie was a nervous wreck, chewing her fingernails down to the quick. If Declan found out what they were doing and invited himself to join them on the couch, things would go south quickly.

  Jeremy grabbed her hand and held it, throwing his other arm over her shoulder and pulling her close. She relaxed into his embrace and finally started to calm down. Enveloped in his warmth, she felt safe and secure, like nothing could touch them.

  Flicking off the T. V., Jeremy stood up and stretched his arms over his head with a yawn. His shirt rode up with the movement, baring a strip of skin from above his navel to his low-slung jeans. Melanie licked her lips without realizing it.

  “Hey, I’m a real person, you know,” he said.

  Melanie’s eyes jerked up and a blush stained her cheeks as she stuttered, “Wh-what?”

  Jeremy chuckled and grabbed her hand, pulling her up next to him. “You were checking me out like I was a juicy steak or something.”

  “What!” she exclaimed innocently. “I most certainly was not!”

  “Uh-huh. Yes you were,” he teased.

  Melanie arched an eyebrow and lifted the hem of his shirt. She ran her palm over his abdomen and kissed his neck. Jeremy’s arms snaked around her and he squeezed her butt as she licked her way up to his ear.

  “Okay, you got me,” she whispered into it. “I may have been checking you out…a little bit.”

  Her hand moved down and fiddled with the button of his jeans and Jeremy jumped back quickly. Melanie stood where she was, staring at him in dumbfounded silence. Her hands dropped to her sides and she closed them into tight fists.

  Jeremy raked a hand through his hair and stared at the ceiling, his breath heaving. “Mel, I’m sorry. We can’t…”

  He trailed off with another deep breath. Melanie’s eyes started to fill with tears as the weight of his rejection hit her. She didn’t want him to see her cry, so she did the only thing she could in that situation. She turned and fled.

  Chapter 16

  Melanie slammed her door shut and threw herself onto her bed, sobbing. Deep down she knew she was being unreasonable. They were, after all, in a public space where anyone could have walked in at any moment. She got her tears under control and rolled onto her back, picking up her phone from the bedside table.

  “Hey, Tara. U busy?”

  “Hey! Was just about 2 text U! What’s up? How is everything?”

  “The place is nice. My room is awesome. Jeremy’s acting weird though.”

  “???”

  “I don’t think he wants me.”

  “What?!? What do U mean? He just followed U 2 KY, for crying out loud.”

  “No. I mean he doesn’t want to, U know…”

  “Sex?”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t be stupid. Of course he wants U. I’ve seen the look in that boy’s eyes. Plus, he can’t keep his hands off of U most of the time.”

  “Then why does he keep stopping me?”

  “What, now? Melanie Johnson! Have U been trying 2 get him in the sack?”

  “Shut up.”

  “LOL!”

  “Seriously, if he really loves me and wants me, then why does he keep pulling away?”

  “I think U just answered your own question. He loves U. If he didn’t, he’d just take what he wants.”

  “What about what I want? I’ve tried so many times…”

  “I knew it! U R such a slut!”

  “OMG, Tara. Shut. Up.”

  “Love U.”

  “ILY2, butthole.”

  Melanie threw her phone down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She knew Tara was probably right. Jeremy did love her and that’s why he didn’t want to take things too far, too fast. All of her emotions seemed to be flying out of control and lust was one of them. Anger was another.

  She knew she needed to think long and hard about her impulses and what they really meant. She loved Jeremy, there was no doubt about that. Whenever she was near him, her body felt magnetized, like she needed to get as close to him as possible.

  Am I really ready for everything? she questioned silently.

  She shook her head and groaned. It was all so confusing. She wasn’t sure if it was her feelings for Jeremy or the emotional upheaval of her impending change. She did know one thing for sure, though.

  I need to get myself under control, she thought. I’m going to end up alienating Jeremy and I’m the only one he’s got here.

  She picked up her phone and sent another text.

  “Hey, sorry about earlier.”

  “Mel, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt U.”

  “I know. I understand. It’s just hard to control my reactions right now.”

  “Mel, I get it. I went through this not too long ago. I remember what it feels like.”

  “See U at dinner?”

  “I’ll save U a seat.”

  “Thanks, Jeremy. ILY.”

  “ILY2.”

  *~*~*

  When Melanie walked into the dining room, she noticed two things: Only her family, Jeremy and the Browns were present, and Jeremy had saved her a seat between himself and her mother. A small smile graced her lips when she realized he had done that on purpose. She would have no uncomfortable elbow brushes with Declan while she ate tonight.

  She filled her plate at the buffet and sat down, not making eye contact with Jeremy. She was embarrassed by her outburst earlier and felt unsure of herself. She tried to take Tara’s observations to heart, but that insecure part of her brain wouldn’t let up.

  Jeremy tentatively touched her leg under the table and leaned in close to whisper, “Hey, I’m really sorry.”

  Melanie looked up from her plate and her eyes landed across the table on Declan, who was smiling at her. Of course, she thought, he heard that. He thinks…

  Melanie narrowed her eyes at him, then plastered a smile on her face as she turned to Jeremy. She placed her hand over his and squeezed, then leaned in so that her lips touched his ear when she spoke.

  “Don’t apologize,” she whispered. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you.”

  She kissed his cheek, then looked back at Declan. He had an angry look on his face for a split second before he wiped it clean and replaced it with a sly grin. He turned and started talking to Elaine and Darren about their plans for the week ahead, as if she was forgotten. Melanie heaved a sigh of relief.

  “So, Melanie,” Willow said. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to meet up with you in the morning. I’ll let you pick my brain, so to speak, about living as a cynanthrope, particularly as a female. I can give you a perspective that your dad can’t.” She looked at Darren as she said that last part and shot him an affectionate smirk.

  Melanie perked up. “Really? That would be great, Willow. Thank you so much!”

  “My pleasure, sweetie. What do you say, about nine tomorrow morning?”

  “Nine sounds perfect.”

  “Okay, it’s a date. I’ll meet you in the library.”

  Melanie nodded her head in agreement and the conversation turned to other topics. She was starting to relax and actually enjoy the company. They were a lively bunch, making jokes and taking jabs at each other. Even her mom joined in a few times.

  The only one silent was Jeremy. He was staring at his plate, pushing his food around with his fork when Melanie bumped her knee against his. When he looked over at her, she nodded her head in question, silently asking what was wrong. He shrugged and looked back down at his plate, shaking his head.

  Melanie had an idea what the problem was, so she asked, “Hey Darr- uh, I mean, Dad. Do you think you’ll have some time to talk to Jeremy tomorrow morning? He has a lot of questions and I think you’d be the best person to help him out.”

  Darren’s face split into a huge grin when he heard the word “dad.” That was
the first time she had called him that when speaking to him. “Of course. Jeremy, would you like to come to my office at nine? I can set aside a few hours.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “It’s settled, then. While Melanie is meeting with Willow, you’ll meet with me and everyone will get the answers they are looking for.”

  Jeremy’s face lit up and he shot a look of gratitude at Melanie. She smiled at him and bumped his knee with hers again. She knew everything between them would be just fine.

  Chapter 17

  Melanie fell onto her bed with a sigh. She felt like her brain was going to explode with all the information she took in that day. She had spent all morning and most of the afternoon with Willow. Lunch had been delivered to them, so the only time she left the library was to use the bathroom.

  Melanie looked over at the tall stack of books on her dresser. There were eight of them, all written by cynanthrope authors, in a wide variety of subjects: pack politics, were etiquette, and were history, among others. The one Melanie was most interested in was a book titled Cynanthrope Physiology: What To Expect Your First Few Shifts.

  Willow had glossed over the subject, assuring her that this book would explain everything in great detail and answer all her questions. She wanted to start reading it right away, but her brain was already exhausted from information overload. She decided to relax instead.

  Laying back against her pillows, she thought back on the more embarrassing parts of her conversation with Willow. Her face heated with a blush, much like it did in earlier in the library.

  “So, anything we talk about here is just between us, right?”

  “Of course, sugar. What’s on your mind?”

  Melanie took a deep breath and blurted out, “How do you know if you’re ready for sex, or if it’s just the animal instincts surfacing?”

  “Oh! Are you sure you wouldn’t rather talk to your mama about this?”

  “No! I mean, uh, no. Never mind. Just forget I asked.”

  Willow put her hand on Melanie’s shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll answer whatever questions you have, just like I promised.”