Stop!

by Alison G. Bailey

  Maggie’s head whipped around and she gave me the evil eye.

  Laughing, Risher looked over at Chuck. “So, the rumors are true. Girls really do get sick to their stomachs after one night with you.”

  Without missing a beat or a forkful of eggs, Chuck raised his hand and flipped off Risher.

  Maggie shoved Chuck until he moved from the booth. She followed me in silence.

  Once in the bathroom, I punched open each stall door, making sure Maggie and I were alone before laying into her.

  I got in her face and growled, “What the fuck are you doing?”

  She took a step back. “What’s your problem?”

  “Why did you bring up Benton to Risher?”

  “Is that his name, Benton? That’s hot.”

  Shit.

  I threw up my hands and huffed. “You’re unbelievable.”

  “What did I do that was so wrong? I asked a question in front of your boyfriend. Who, by the way, is ready to kick some ass in your honor.”

  “I don’t want any ass kicked.”

  “Do you have a thing for this guy?”

  “What?”

  “This Benton dude. Do you have a thing for him? Come to think of it, you were in a big hurry to get me out of your room yesterday.”

  “You’ve met Risher, right? That absolutely perfect-in-every-way guy sitting across from the human trashcan you slept with last night.”

  “Yeah, I’ve met Mr. Perfect. And for your information, Chuck has four older brothers. If he didn’t eat fast when he was growing up, he didn’t eat. All I’m saying is you seem to be very protective of this Benton.”

  I had to tell her something that would shut her up once and for all.

  “Look, it’s not Benton I’m worried about, its Abigail. Her parents hate the idea of the guy. If they knew what she was doing, they’d yank her out of school.”

  I held Maggie’s gaze, trying to decipher whether she bought my half-truth.

  “Like star-crossed lovers.” Maggie was nothing, if not a hopeless romantic. “Damn, what do they have against him?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I explained, “All I know is they don’t think he’s the right… fit for their daughter.”

  “It’s like a modern-day Romeo and Juliet.”

  “You could say that.”

  “I completely get it. Keepin’ it on the DL,” she said, nodding.

  “Yeah, the DL.”

  “Well, all you need to do is explain that to your caveman and everything will be fine.”

  “I will… I am, just not now. Later when we’re alone, I’ll smooth things out. So, how about that shopping?”

  She walked over to the mirror and gave herself a once over. “No can do this time around, girlie. I gotta head back home.”

  “I thought you were staying until tomorrow?”

  Running her fingers through her hair, she said, “That was the original plan, but I got a couple… few bad grades. The parental units let me come for the concert since I already had the tickets and they knew it was for you. But I had to promise to get home today and put in some extra study time. So, the guys are going to give you a ride back to campus.”

  “Now I’m sad. I thought we had more time together.”

  She walked over to me. “Pfft, you’re not that broken up about it. You just thought you and cute booty would have another all-nighter in the hotel room. Exactly, what took place in there last night?”

  Grabbing her by the shoulders, I spun Maggie around and pushed her toward the door. “It’s a shame you have to get going. I was about to tell you all the sordid details.”

  It took another half hour for Maggie and Chuck to say goodbye. Risher and I hid in his car, while the other two fogged up the windows in Maggie’s lime green Beetle, expressing themselves.

  When Maggie and I got back to the table, Risher made an attempt at the Benton subject again. I derailed his effort by promising we’d talk about it later. I needed to talk to Benton first. He’d have to let me out of the promise, at least where Risher was concerned.

  The drive back to campus was relatively quiet except for Chuck’s loud snoring rumbling from the backseat. Risher held my hand most of the way, only letting go when he had to use both hands to make a turn. I spent my time alternating between staring at him and out the window.

  Being that it was just noon on Saturday, the campus was pretty isolated. Students had either gone home, were doing laundry, or sleeping off their drunk from the night before. As Chuck groggily dragged himself up the stairs, Risher walked me to my room, holding my overnight bag in one hand and me in the other.

  “I had an incredible time last night, Hollis.”

  “Me too. The concert was amazing.”

  “I’m not talking about the concert.”

  My cheeks heated. “Last night meant everything to me.”

  “Thank you for trusting me with your story.”

  Trust me with yours, Risher.

  I raised my hand, cupping his strong jaw.

  “I’m sorry about earlier, but I won’t let anyone hurt or disrespect you, Hollis.” He turned his head, placing a kiss in the center of my palm.

  “I’ve never had anyone ready to fight for my honor. It’s pretty awesome.”

  “I find that hard to believe. You’re so worth fighting for.”

  Everything about Risher overwhelmed me. Being with him felt like a dream I never wanted to wake up from. Out of nowhere tears began to flow.

  Wiping underneath my eyes, I said, “God. Sorry. I’m such a girl.”

  Risher’s fingers wrapped around my wrist. As he lowered my hands, he leaned in.

  Barely touching my lips with his, he whispered, “It’s one of my favorite things about you. My girl.”

  Backing me against the door, Risher did a little lip nibble and nip before his tongue met mine. I was on the verge of total oblivion when I heard it.

  “Gross!” The voice of Leah cut through me like a razor.

  I tried to pull away, wanting to disappear into my room, but Risher wouldn’t let me. He deepened the kiss and didn’t let up until the slam of the door at the end of the hall.

  He broke away, but kept eye contact. “Hollis, don’t. You’re beautiful inside and out. You’re my girl and I love you. No one will ever take any of that away from you.”

  Choking back a sob, I said, “I can’t believe you’re in my life.”

  “You’re not gonna pinch me again, are you?”

  “No.” I giggled.

  “That’s better.”

  “I love you, Risher.”

  His gaze traveled down to my mouth and popped back to my eyes. “How about we do dinner tonight?”

  I nodded and grinned.

  “And maybe that movie you were trying to get us to go to at 9 a.m.?”

  I continued to nod and grin.

  He took a couple of steps back. “I think there’s a late showing of The Little Mermaid.”

  My jaw fell to the floor.

  “Chuck’s an oversharing freak.” He flashed me a huge smile and a wink and turned away.

  As usual, I soaked in the hotness.

  “Hollis, are you admiring my mind?”

  “Maybe.”

  His hands shot into the air in victory as he added extra swagger to his step before walking out the door.

  Picking up my bag, I went into my empty room. Even though last night was exceptional, I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I wanted to be awake and alert for my date tonight, so I decided a nap was in my near future. I unpacked my jeans and a couple of long sleeve T-shirts I’d taken. After tossing the shirts in the dresser drawer, I turned, stopping in my tracks.

  Benton’s laptop was sitting on the desk, open. He must have just stepped out for a minute because he never left it out when he wasn’t here. And from what I saw plastered across the screen, I knew why.

  “U.G.L.Y!”

  “You’re disgusting.”

  “Faggot.”

  “I bet your parents w
ish you’d been born dead.”

  “I hate you.”

  “Retard.”

  “You should go kill yourself.”

  “Gross.”

  “The world would be a better place without you.”

  “You suck. What are you, anyway?”

  Hate rolled down Benton’s Facebook page like a torrential hail storm. Scrolling further down, I noticed a few friendly posts, but the majority was the same negative garbage. I still couldn’t believe this was happening at the college level. Dates revealed that this had been going on since the first week of classes. I scanned a few more posts to see if I recognized any of the names. I shouldn’t have continued because the next thing that ran across the screen made me sick to my stomach.

  The meme was of a stunned Benton, obviously taken during class, with a photo-shopped gun pointed to his head, and the caption—Wanted: One dead freak. Reward: Gratitude of all mankind.

  It was posted by Shaffer.

  “What the fuck are you doing!?”

  My head whipped around to find Benton standing a few feet away, his hand fisting a bag of takeout. His body tensed as his face turned every shade of red imaginable. I’d been so focused on the picture that I hadn’t heard him come into the room. He stomped toward me, threw the bag on the desk, and slammed the laptop shut.

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t snooping…”

  His glare nailed me to the spot. “Really? Cause it looked like that’s exactly what you were doing.”

  Squaring my shoulders, I stood my ground. “I was walking to my dresser and the laptop was wide open.”

  “So, you make it your business to read everything on every laptop that happens to be in your field of vision?”

  “Jesus Christ, Benton! You’re actually pissed off at me?”

  “Why are you here, anyway? You told me you wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.”

  “Maggie had to go back home early. Why didn’t you tell me about…?”

  “Tell you about what, Hollis?”

  He was acting like he had that day outside the diner. Keep still, don’t talk, and pretend it didn’t exist.

  “We need to talk.”

  “No, we don’t,” he said, firmly.

  I pointed at the laptop. “Benton, you can’t ignore this.”

  Grabbing the bag of food, he abruptly turned and walked to his bed. “Ignore what?”

  I followed. “Are you kidding me?”

  He sat cross-legged and pulled containers of what looked to be Chinese food from the bag. Never acknowledging any of my comments.

  Planting hands on hips, I said, sarcastically, “So, this is how you’re going to handle it… by completely ignoring it?”

  His gaze locked with mine as he bit into an eggroll.

  “You’ve got to report this, Benton.”

  “I don’t have to do anything.” There was a steely determination in his blue eyes.

  Breaking our stare down, I sat on my bed. I needed a more effective approach to chipping away at his hard headedness.

  I kept my tone calm and steady. “Why are you on Facebook anyway? Not exactly a great way to stay off the grid.”

  He finished chewing and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “It’s a way to connect with other transgender people.”

  “What about that church you go to? I mean, isn’t that the reason you go, because a lot of other… people like you attend?”

  Benton noticed my awkward choice of words and cringed.

  “I go to church to gain strength, guidance, and give gratitude to God, surrounded by people who don’t judge me. It isn’t a social club.”

  “I just meant if you needed to talk to your kind of people.”

  “Why can’t you say the word, Hollis?”

  “I can say the word. I’ve said it before.”

  “Then say it.”

  “This is stupid and totally off topic.”

  I didn’t want to say the word because right then I wished he wasn’t transgender. I wanted his brain to sync with his current physical state, the way he was born. I didn’t want people threatening him. I didn’t want to lie to Risher. I wanted girly, quiet, uncomplicated Abigail back.

  Guiding the attention back to the main subject, I said, “Those posts… are they all students who go here?”

  “Most of them,” he answered, not pushing me further about saying transgender.

  “Shaffer is behind all of them?”

  Benton just looked at me with annoyance on his face. I needed to slow down my interrogation a bit.

  I picked at the polish on my nails for the next minute before making another attempt. “How did he find out about you?”

  “I’m not sure if he knows about me being trans. He might just think I’m either gay or lesbian.”

  “Maybe you should stop all of this for a while.”

  His gaze darted toward me. “Excuse me?”

  “Maybe you need to hold off on this Benton thing until after graduation. Then you can go live in some community where people are okay with…” I wasn’t exactly sure how to finish my sentence.

  “Freaks like me?” He snapped.

  “No. That’s not what I mean.”

  “I can’t believe you just said that to me.” I could see the hurt in his eyes.

  “Benton, you have people wishing you were dead.”

  “They’re just words on a screen put there by a bunch of cowards.”

  “What if the words turn into actions?”

  “I’ll handle it.”

  Keeping Benton’s secret was stressful when I thought he was safely unnoticeable, but knowing others had discovered his existence changed the circumstances.

  “I need to tell Risher.”

  “No!”

  “He won’t say anything to anyone.”

  “Why are you doing this? I thought you were my friend.” Benton’s glare sliced right through my heart.

  “I am but you’re putting me under a lot of pressure.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I had no idea how draining it is for you to keep your mouth shut.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “So, you want to tell Risher because…?”

  “You… we need all the support we can possibly get. Besides, Risher means a lot to me and I don’t feel right lying to him.”

  “There it is.”

  “What?”

  “The real reason you want to blab. It has nothing to do with support for me.”

  “Stop twisting everything around.”

  “All I know is, you made a promise to me first. And Risher comes along with a smile and a wink and you’re ready to throw me to the wolves.”

  “Are you mental? Benton, Risher can be trusted.”

  “How can you be so sure?” There was a sharp bite in his tone.

  “Because he’s seen the real me and didn’t look away.”

  “Everything is working out for you, isn’t it, Hollis? Your picture-perfect dibbed dude is one of the most sought after guys on campus. Did I ever mention, I have another class with him? English Lit. Girls are always throwing themselves at the boy.”

  Benton was attempting to fan the ever present tickle of doubt I had about Risher and was succeeding.

  “And what does he do?” I asked.

  “Smiles and eats up the attention. Have you ever asked him why he picked you?”

  I didn’t respond. I just stared, trying desperately to hold myself together.

  “You haven’t, because ninety-nine-point-nine percent of you may trust him, but that point one percent is the firecracker in the face. The freak accident that comes out of nowhere and blindsides you.”

  I couldn’t believe the depth of Benton’s cruelty. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing the effect his words had on me. I bolted from my bed and headed toward the door.

  Grabbing the doorknob, I kept my gaze focused straight ahead. “I don’t think you need to bother with getting hormone shots or transitioning. You’re already a complete dick.”
<
br />   I jerked the door open and stomped out of the room, slamming it behind me. I’d never been so hurt and furious in my entire life. He didn’t know Risher and had no right to make accusations, no matter how hurt he was by my suggestion. Benton was so used to people fighting against him, he was unable to recognize a true friend. But that didn’t excuse how mean he’d been to me.

  I needed to see Risher, feel his arms around me, look into his eyes, and erase that point one percent. I had only taken a few steps down the hall when she appeared. Leah walked toward me, a snotty smirk on her face.

  “Is there a time when you’re not in this hallway?” Sarcasm drenched each of my words.

  “My, we are in a shitty mood. And I was just about to apologize to you.”

  “Really?”

  “Listen, I’m sorry for earlier and for all the other times.”

  Today just kept getting weirder and weirder. I hadn’t known this girl long, but Leah and being genuine struck me as two polar opposite concepts. I didn’t have much of a response except for the generic type.

  “Thank you.”

  “I mean, I knew there had to be an explanation for it. I had no idea you were helping Risher out.”

  My face squished in confusion.

  Leah continued. “With his frat initiation. The guys are required to go out with an ugly girl for a certain amount of time. They have a name for it.” She looked up as if the answer was written in the air. “Dog date! That’s it. Anyway, it’s really big of you to help him out like that.”

  “How do you know this?”

  “Risher just told me.”

  “He smiles and eats up the attention.”

  I didn’t believe her. I wouldn’t believe her.

  Looking her directly in the eye, I asked, “Why do you have to be so mean, Leah? I’ve never done anything to you.”

  “I’m not being mean. I just apologized and complimented you on being Risher’s friend.”

  Folding her arms, she huffed, and walked away.

  I was floored at how the best weekend of my life quickly turned into one of the worst. In less than ten minutes two people had caused my doubt and insecurity to soar. There was so much feeling in his kiss, in his eyes, in his touch.

  “That point one percent is the firecracker in the face.”

  Risher was a good person, sweet, honest, and he wanted to be with me. When I took my makeup off last night, his gaze stayed focused on me. He didn’t cringe. My scars didn’t bother him. He understood because he had his own. He’s not cruel. He wouldn’t use me. My head was spinning, attempting to counterbalance Benton and Leah’s words.