The Man Who Has No Love (Soulless Book 3)

by Victoria Quinn

  “Oh,” he said. “Well, I’m gonna start packing anyway.” He must have set the phone down because his voice was far away now. “I’ve got to get all my rocket stuff to show Dad.”

  “Honey?” Valerie said. “Aren’t you going to say goodbye to your father?”

  I chuckled because I’d never heard him this excited before.

  He came back to the phone. “Sorry, Dad. Bye. Love you.”

  “I love you—”

  He’d already dropped the phone.

  I wasn’t even mad. How could I be mad that my son was so excited to see me that he couldn’t even say goodbye?

  “So, she’s moving here?” Tucker asked, sitting beside me on the couch. “Into this building?”

  I nodded.

  “What floor?”

  I shrugged. “Not sure.”

  He cringed. “That’s too much Valerie, if you ask me.”

  A phone call was too much. “I didn’t have a choice.”

  “I feel like you never have a choice with that bitch.”

  “Tucker.”

  “What? You think she’s a bitch, too.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t say it.”

  “Then what’s the difference?” he asked.

  “Because she’s the mother of my child, so I feel some affection for her.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Her biology did that. She had no part in the development.”

  “Whatever,” I said. “Just…keep the insults to a minimum.”

  “That ship sailed when you told me all the shit she did. That’s straight-up abuse. When I told Cleo about it, she practically burst into tears—”

  “You told her?” I snapped.

  “Yes.” He wore a blank look, like his actions were harmless. “Why didn’t you?”

  I turned away and grabbed my beer.

  “Deacon.”

  “I just didn’t want her to know, alright?”

  “You don’t want your serious girlfriend to know about the shit you went through?”

  “No.” I took a drink and set it down.

  “Why?”

  “For the reason you just said. It hurt her.”

  His eyes softened. “Okay, I guess I can see that.”

  “I don’t ask about her ex-husband. I don’t want a play-by-play of how he broke her heart.”

  “But aren’t you glad he broke her heart? You wouldn’t have her now, right?”

  I didn’t answer that because there wasn’t a good answer.

  A knock sounded on the door before Cleo stepped inside, carrying my mail while wearing her typical heels and tight skirt. She flinched for a second when she saw my brother. “Hey, Tucker. How are you?”

  “Good. We were just discussing the new tenant moving in to the building…”

  I got to my feet and walked over to her, the stress in my chest momentarily erased when I looked at her. Her appearance always gave me a jolt of joy, this warmth in my blood that made me think of pine trees, tall grass, deep water.

  My arms moved around her, and I pulled her in for a kiss, greeting her the way I would if we were alone together, not caring if it bothered Tucker, because she was supposed to be with me in the first place.

  She kissed me back, her arms still holding the paperwork. She took some of my tongue and gave me hers before she pulled away, her cheeks a little red, and slightly cleared her throat like the heat burned her neck.

  “Uh, Deacon,” Tucker said. “Still here…”

  My eyes were still on my girl, ignoring what he said. I kissed her temple before I released her. “Hey, baby.”

  That smile that lit up her face was indescribable. “Hey.”

  I took the mail from her hands and carried it to the coffee table. “You want something to drink?”

  “I’ll have what you’re having.”

  I grabbed a beer from the fridge then returned.

  “What are you guys doing?” Cleo sat in the armchair, her legs crossed, her posture perfect. “A game gonna come on?”

  “I wanted to go to a bar, but Deacon hates bars now,” Tucker said. “He should just put one of those reserved signs on his dick everywhere he goes.”

  I glared at him.

  Cleo smiled, like she thought it was funny.

  “I’m happy you’re getting that P, bro, but I still need to find someone to take my D,” Tucker said.

  I glared at him again. “Shut up, Tucker.”

  “What?” he asked. “Cleo knows how I am. She can handle it.”

  “True,” Cleo said to me. “I’m fine with it, Deacon. I hear Matt talk that way all the time, along with some of the clients in the building.”

  “See?” Now Tucker glared at me. “Your girl can handle it.” He turned back to Cleo. “We were just talking about the devil that’s moving in.”

  “Yeah, that should be fun,” she said sarcastically.

  “She was a bitch the entire time at the hotel,” Tucker said. “The staff hated her.”

  “Tucker,” I snapped at him.

  “What?” he asked. “I don’t care, man.”

  “It’s going to be difficult to deal with her,” Cleo said. “But I’ll ask Matt to help me out. He owes me a lot of favors anyway…”

  “What if she specifically wants you?” Tucker asked.

  “I’ll get her to trust Matt…in time.” She turned her gaze to me, watching me like she wanted to crawl into my lap and hook her arms around my neck.

  “When does she get here?” Tucker asked.

  “In a few days,” Cleo said.

  “And you’re still going to keep this relationship a secret?” Tucker asked.

  Cleo nodded. “Unfortunately.”

  Tucker turned to me, like he wanted my confirmation.

  “I can’t trust that she won’t tattle on Cleo,” I said. “Valerie probably has no idea Cleo can’t date clients, so that probably wouldn’t happen, but it’s too risky. When I move, we’ll tell her.”

  “That sucks,” Tucker said. “She’s moving in, and you’re moving out. Cleo will lose her favorite client.”

  “Well,” Cleo said. “He’s still my favorite man.” She smiled at me.

  I lived for those smiles. Made me feel like I was on top of the world.

  “It’ll be nice to have Derek here,” Tucker said. “I’m gonna teach him everything. And when he’s old enough…take him to his first strip club.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You are not taking my son to a strip club.”

  “And getting him weed—”

  “You just lost babysitting duties,” I said.

  Tucker chuckled. “Come on, I’m joking…sorta.”

  Cleo chuckled.

  “You guys have any fun plans before she gets here?” Tucker asked.

  “No,” Cleo said. “I’ve just been preparing.”

  “Actually.” I turned to her. “I wanted to see if you’d like to go to the cabin this weekend, just the two of us.” I suspected I wouldn’t have the opportunity ever again, because I would feel too guilty going there without Derek.

  She smiled. “I’d love to.”

  “A fuck-a-thon at the lake.” Tucker nodded in approval. “That does sound nice.”

  I turned to my brother, irritated that he talked about our sex life so openly.

  “By the way, you think I could bring a girl up there?” he asked.

  “No.” I turned back to Cleo.

  “Oh, come on,” Tucker said.

  “Have a fuck-a-thon in your apartment,” I snapped.

  “Come on, that’s not sexy or adventurous,” Tucker said. “If I take her to that quiet cabin, her panties will be off, and we’ll be doing it everywhere—”

  “Then the answer will always be no.” I grabbed his beer from his hand and set it on the coaster. “I think it’s time for you to go.”

  Tucker rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man.” He got off the couch and headed to the door. “I’ll talk to you later.” He left the condo.

  I looked at Cleo, who was smiling
slightly, like she found him comical rather than annoying. I studied her beautiful face, watched her look at me. “I don’t talk about us to him…you know…private stuff.” I didn’t want Cleo to think I was talking about her tits, her ass, and all that intimate stuff. I knew men talked about their conquests. I’d done the same. But I didn’t do that with her. Didn’t want her to think I would share such private information like it was meaningless. “I have with other women, but not with you.”

  Her eyes were the same as always, like I lit up her sky. “I wouldn’t care if you did.”

  That wasn’t what I expected her to say.

  “It’s your brother. Sharing experiences creates bonding moments.”

  “Yes, but I would never share those intimate details with anyone.” I would never say she gave good head, how nice her ass looked in the air, the way her expression changed when she came.

  “Well, if you want to, I’m okay with it.”

  I assumed she’d want every detail about her private life to be under lock and key. “Why?”

  She shrugged. “I’m not some hussy you picked up in a bar. We have a deep and meaningful connection. It’s just not the same thing. Our physical relationship is beautiful, so why would I want to hide it?” She continued to look at me. “It’s not like you’re going to a bar and telling a bunch of your boys how you nailed me. You’re telling your brother, who’s your best friend.”

  I didn’t know what to say.

  “I’d tell people stuff…if I was at liberty to say anything.”

  I rested my arms on my thighs, leaning forward slightly. “I still don’t think I’d tell him.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re mine, and I don’t want to share.”

  Instead of getting a driver, I rented a car.

  I didn’t want to sit on opposite sides of the car and pretend to be friends and colleagues.

  That shit was getting old.

  Summer was almost over but the weather was still hot and sunny, so I selected a convertible Porsche. When we got into the wilderness, I pulled the top down so we could feel the fresh air against our faces.

  Cleo didn’t mind her hair flapping in the wind and getting tangled. She raised her arms and leaned her head back, like she was sunbathing in the car, worshiping the blue sky and the life around her.

  Instead of looking at the road, I chose to look at her.

  But that only lasted a few seconds because I didn’t want us to die, so I turned my gaze back to the road and kept us alive. But if I could look at her all day, I would. My mouth was sore from the grin on my face, the way I continued to show my teeth, feeling elated. Never in my life had I felt this way…not once.

  It was indescribable.

  When we reached the cabin, I closed the top, and we got out of the car.

  “Oh my god, my hair.” She laughed as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. “I look like one of Dr. Frankenstein’s creations.”

  “Maybe a sexy toy.”

  She laughed again, like my joke was genuinely funny.

  I grabbed our bags from the trunk and carried them inside.

  She immediately went to the back patio so she could look at the lake.

  I stopped at the foot of the stairs and stared at her through the windows for a moment, committing the image to memory forever, so I would always have it to treasure. Then I carried everything upstairs to my bedroom before I grabbed two beers and joined her outside. “It’s a beautiful day.”

  “Sure is.” She took a drink before clinking her bottle against mine. “Aren’t you glad I made you buy this place?”

  “You didn’t make me.”

  “I pushed you pretty hard, though.”

  I smiled. “Yeah. Now, I know why.”

  “Yes,” she said with a laugh. “Because I knew I was going to have the best sex of my life all over the place.” She didn’t seem to notice what she said, that she’d admitted something to me she probably would have kept a secret if she were in a less happy mood. She left the porch and moved to the path that led to the dock where my boat was tied up.

  I followed her, our shoes thudding against the wooden planks that lined the dock.

  She stopped at the very edge and looked around. “You hear that?”

  I came up beside her and focused my hearing, not noticing anything other than the water gently hitting the dock, the screech of a hawk in the distance. “I don’t hear anything.”

  “Exactly.” She turned to me, wearing a wide smile.

  I smiled back. “What do you want to do?”

  “We should go on a hike, take the boat out to see the rest of the lake, skip rocks across the water…but I just want to do the same thing we did last time.” She shrugged and took a drink of her beer, unapologetic.

  “That’s fine with me.” My arm moved around her waist, and I pulled her close, my lips resting against her hairline. “I just hope we can fit a couple meals somewhere in there…”

  Her arm moved around my waist, and she hugged me back. “We’ll see.”

  The lights were off in the bedroom, and the wilderness around us was so dark that the windows showed nothing but blackness. It was a beautiful sight at sunset, watching the sunlight fade farther away until the view of the lake was gone.

  I sank her into the mattress, my hips between her thighs, deep between her legs, cream building up at my base because her body was always so excited to take me. The heels of her feet dug into my ass with every thrust, and I held up my body with my strong arms, never fatigued no matter how long we did this.

  Her head was on my pillow, her eyes heavy, her cheeks red because she was satisfied but still eager. Cleo showed me a different side to herself when we made love. Her eyes were wet like she was emotional, but she bit her lip in the sexiest way, like she wanted me to pound into her forever and never stop.

  My deep breathing filled the space around us, mixing with her breaths and moans. I never got tired of doing this, of being with the same woman over and over, of making love rather than fucking her. Her tits were beautiful, her face exquisite. I could do this forever and never want anyone else.

  I loved this cabin because she was the only woman who’d ever been here. She was the only woman I’d taken in this bed. Her laugh was the only one absorbed into the foundation of the house, her memory the only ghost that haunted the place. It was our place, not just Derek’s and mine. It was the place where I knew she was the only woman I wanted to be with…even when I tried to deny it.

  I ground into her harder, knowing it would push her over the edge, make her claw at my back the way I liked. I loved it when she scratched me, left physical marks of her arousal on my skin. My face was close to hers, and we breathed hard together, panting, grinding, making each other feel so damn good.

  Then she came. “Deacon…” Her hands slid down my back and gripped my ass, tugging me inside at a quicker pace, tears spilling from the corners of her eyes as she released a moan and a whimper.

  I could feel her tightness around me, feel her squeeze me so hard she might bruise me.

  “Fuck.” Her lips moved against mine as she spoke. “Deacon, I want to have your babies…” She spoke against my mouth as she bucked against me, finishing her high with a kick, as if she hadn’t already come fifteen minutes ago.

  I released a moment later, filling her with another load, filling her so many times that I’d lost track. My cock was coated with her cream, and now it was covered with my own seed, our connected bodies soaked with each other. My thrusts stopped, and I stayed inside, softening, her contents starting to spill all over the sheets.

  She breathed against me, her hands moving up my back and into my hair.

  I was hot and sweaty, but none of that stuff mattered until I finished. The high made me forget the discomfort. Once the fun was over, I ached everywhere, my muscles tired, my back sore. But it was all worth it—every time. I breathed against her and didn’t move, thinking about the words she’d just whispered to me.

&
nbsp; When she came down from her high, her eyes filled with meaning, like she realized what she’d blurted out.

  Valerie had tricked me into knocking her up, anchoring me to her until our son was an independent adult. Cleo’s confession made me tense, made me think of a past I didn’t want to think about. I felt cold, violated. But then I looked into her eyes and remembered the woman I was with, the woman who healed my soul, not the one that ripped it apart in the first place. It was different. We were different.

  I released the breath I’d been holding, let the weight leave my shoulders.

  “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “It’s okay.”

  “It just came out.” Her fingers dug into my hair, her eyes showing her insecurity.

  That was what she felt in the moment, and there was nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t let fear ruin the best relationship I’d ever had. Fear was the reason I’d waited so long to be with her, wasted that time when I could have been happy much sooner. “It’s okay. Really.” I kissed one corner of her mouth then the other, my eyes on hers.

  “Because I meant it.” She continued to hold me close, her fingertips in my damp hair. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed irregularly, like she was scared, afraid she’d ruined this by being honest with me.

  I could never lose her. I could never lose this feeling, this joy. So instead of being afraid of the future, of her feelings, I decided to accept them, to trust her implicitly. “That’s okay too.”

  We sat together at the table outside, the fireplace hot with flames.

  She sat across from me and ate the dinner I’d prepared, barbecue chicken and asparagus. If she didn’t like my diet, she never showed it, always eating whatever I made and being grateful. She probably preferred something different once in a while, but she never voiced it.

  We hadn’t talked about what she’d said in bed since it happened. Now it was a day later, and everything felt normal. I told her I wasn’t bothered by what she said, so her insecurity had been driven away.

  But if someone else had said that, we’d be done.

  I tried not to think about the future. Sometimes it made me anxious, for a lot of reasons. Sometimes I was scared I would die before I had time to finish everything I started. Sometimes when I thought about marriage, it made me sick. But I remembered I was comparing it to the only marriage I knew, and it would never be like that. Sometimes I thought about Derek as a man, one who would outgrow me and move elsewhere to live a life with his family…and I would never see him.