Super Loud Sam vs Birdman

by Jo Simmons

  The children and Sam’s mum watched silently, huddled together in a tense group. The pigeon on the window sill also watched. Here was reporter Tess Trotter in Topside Park again. She must have got there soon after Sam, Nina and Jock left. There were still some runners looking dazed, hugging each other and wiping themselves with tissues.

  “It was supposed to be fun. A fun run. But the run soon turned into NOT fun, and our worst fears about pigeons came true,” said Tess Trotter, with her ultra-serious face on. “This amateur footage was captured by a spectator.”

  A shaky film, recorded on a mobile phone, showed the birds swooping down, scattering the crowd with their spray of plop. You could just hear the groans of the runners and then the film abruptly stopped. Perhaps the phone had been splatted on, too?

  “Mayor Crackling was here today,” Tess went on, turning to the mayor. “Describe what you saw.”

  Still wearing his red robes (now flecked with white pigeon plop), the mayor spoke solemnly, describing how the race had been attacked, bombed, pooped on, ruined, splatted, spoiled, trashed, wrecked and ended.

  “How do you feel now?” asked Tess Trotter.

  “I feel like I need a shower,” said the mayor, “and I’m worried about stains to my robes.”

  “Do you have a message for the people of Topside?” asked Tess.

  “Yes I do. It is this. We must continue our lives as normal,” said the mayor. “We cannot let the actions of a few crazed pigeons intimidate us and spoil our peaceful, happy lives here in Topside. It is the Topside Festival of Fun tomorrow and I urge all Topsiders to come along, have a wonderful time and put all this pigeon poo behind them.”

  “Will you be investigating the incident?” asked Tess Trotter.

  The mayor frowned. “I don’t think so,” he said. “These are just birds, after all. We can’t very well interview them to find out their motives, can we?”

  Suddenly, the pigeon sitting outside the sitting room began tapping on the window urgently. Everyone jumped and stared.

  “Ignore it,” said Sam. “It’s a bit weird.”

  Tess Trotter was still speaking to camera when the pigeon began rapping madly on the glass again with its beak. And at that moment, Sam saw him: the backpack pigeon man from the warehouse. He must have been standing behind the mayor all along. Suddenly, his head popped out, he blinked at the camera, and then he was gone.

  “Him!” yelled Sam.

  “Who?” asked Nina.

  “Him!” roared Sam, pointing.

  “Oh!” said Nina, understanding.

  “What?” asked Jock.

  “Where?” said Sam’s mum.

  But Sam didn’t answer. He got up and opened the window to let the pigeon in.

  “What are you doing?” yelled his mum. “Don’t let that filthy bird in here! It could murder us all!”

  “Look at it!” said Sam, in a loud, stern voice, for he was having a big, serious thought. Some might call it a revelation.

  He stared at the bird. It had a calm, intelligent look about it. Perhaps it was frowning a bit, too? Suddenly, it seemed obvious. As obvious as a red tail on a polar bear. As obvious as a streaker on a football pitch. This was no dive-bombing, cash-machine-raiding, pooper-dooper pigeon. This pigeon was different.

  “It actually looks really sweet,” said Nina. “Not like those big birds that cause trouble.”

  “Exactly!” said Sam. “It’s more than just sweet. I see it now. It’s trying to help. It’s on our side. It can even understand English.”

  “Excellent!” said Jock, who said “excellent” a lot. It was his favourite word. It was just so excellent.

  “Come on,” said Sam. “I think we need to pay our friend in that warehouse a little visit. The mayor said he can’t question the pigeons about today’s attack, but we can question the man who trains them.”

  The pigeon nodded and climbed on to Sam’s shoulder. With his new friend by his side, and his other friends also by his side, but not on his shoulder, Sam marched out of the front door.

  Chapter 14

  Sam’s Shouting Shame

  Sam, Nina and Jock walked quickly and silently. Down by the train station, a man was selling hats with little umbrellas attached. “Protect yourself from pigeons!” he shouted. “Stop the plop!”

  The children carried on past him. As the warehouse came into sight, the pigeon became nervous. You know how a pigeon looks when it’s nervous? Oh, you don’t. Well, twitchy and jumpy, always peeping over its shoulder and looking up into the trees.

  “You’re worried about going to the warehouse, aren’t you?” Sam asked the pigeon. “You think I might lose you amongst all those other pigeons and they could hurt you when they realize you’re not one of them.”

  The bird nodded.

  “We need to disguise you,” said Sam. “Nina?”

  “Already on it!” said Nina, her knitting needles a blur of activity.

  Seconds later, she had created the perfect disguise: a knitted yellow canary suit! Now Sam would be able to spot his pigeon friend easily, but the other birds would not be able to identify him.

  Sam helped the pigeon put on the disguise and the group approached the warehouse. When they were a few metres away, the huge double doors at the front swung open.

  “Good evening!”

  It was the man with the backpack, sitting surrounded by pigeons. In front of them, a huge cinema screen hung from the roof.

  “So good of you to join us!” said the man. “We were just reviewing today’s events.”

  Sam’s pigeon friend began hopping up and down in agitation as the man flicked a switch on a remote control and fun-run footage played across the screen. Then the wobbly camera turned to show the face of the person holding it – it was the man! Of course!

  The children gasped. The man paused the film and the pigeons all clapped, tapping their grey wings against their backs in fluttery approval. Sam stared. There were thousands of them, all bigger and tougher looking than pigeons should look. It gave Sam the heebie-jeebies.

  “You filmed the footage that was on the news!” Sam said.

  “But of coo-coo-coo-course!” said the man. “Let’s watch it again! There may even be a few ‘extras’ that didn’t make it on to the news!”

  The film played again.

  “Aren’t they majestic?” said the man. “Notice how tightly they are flying together. Exquisite! All those other little pigeon attacks and silly nonsense were just a bit of fun. Now you can see what my pigeons are really capable of when they work together!”

  The camera panned down to show the runners.

  “Oh, look! Who’s this?” said the man.

  The camera swung round to Sam, who was valiantly trying to blast the pigeons away with his super-loud sonic boom. It zoomed in on his face, showing his expression turn to surprise and dismay when the pigeons kept going, despite the blast.

  “Why are you showing us this!” exploded Sam, his cheeks hot with embarrassment.

  The backpack man cocked his head to one side and gazed calmly at him. “I just wanted to show you how powerful my birds are!” he said. “And remind you how insignificant you are. Your big shouty voice, all that booming… We all saw – it did nothing. You are not exceptional after all. I was mistaken. Super Loud? Pooper Loud, more like!”

  Sam felt angry. Then ashamed. Then confused. What if the man were right?

  Sam span round suddenly, remembering the locked room in the corner. “What are you up to in there?” he shouted, pointing at it. “What are you hiding? Let’s find out, shall we?” He charged towards the room, through the pigeons, which fluttered out from under his feet. Then he sent out his biggest-ever shock wave, intending to blast the door clean off its hinges.

  Only, it didn’t.

  The door rattled, but stood firm. Nina ran to Sam’s side, putting a hand on his arm to stop him, but Sam shrugged her off and tried again.

  VRROOOOMMM.

  The shock wave rippled out of him l
ike a sonic avalanche, but again, the doors did not budge.

  “See what I mean?” said the man. “Your superpowers have met their match with me and my birds.”

  Sam was panting for breath now. “Who are you?” he yelled, feeling furious and upset and lots of other painful things.

  The man strutted over, and then began ushering them towards the door. “You ask a lot of questions, Sam,” he said, “but you can only dream of their answers. Patience! All will be revealed – and soon! The town of Topside will echo with my name and worship my birds. But until then, fly away home, children, and take that thing with you.”

  “It’s a canary!” said Nina, bravely.

  “Whatever,” said the man. “Get out of my warehouse. If I see you in here again, you will be sorry. You have seen what my flock can do today and that was just the start. Imagine if they got angry. Those beaks are sharp, you know. Think about that before you come rushing back.”

  Chapter 15

  Look Who It Is!

  Sam didn’t speak on the way home. The pigeon, still wearing the canary suit, gently tickled his ear with its beak, but even that didn’t cheer him up. He had been humiliated. His powers had let him down, and now it was certain: the backpack man had more pigeon mischief planned – and Sam had no idea how to deal with it. He longed to see Bryce Canyon again, his wise, cool speech therapist. Bryce would have some good Bryce advice, for sure. But Sam had no idea where Bryce was now. Forget it, he thought, I’m on my own.

  That night, a stream of terrifying nightmares unfolded in Sam’s stressed-out brain. A giant evil hedgehog was about to pounce on Nina. Sam tried to shout a warning, but no sound emerged. Next, Jock was playing basketball, not with a proper ball – with a bomb! It would go off if he shot a hoop. Sam tried to force the ball away, but could not move it. Then Jock bounded up to the hoop, threw the ball up and…

  “NO!”

  Sam yelled himself awake so loudly his ceiling light swung and his curtains flapped. He sat up in bed, sweating and panting. He looked around for the pigeon, but he was gone. Just like Bryce, the bird had left without warning. Sam’s heart sunk. Surely, he could still rely on Jock and Nina, couldn’t he? They wouldn’t abandon him in his moment of crisis?

  Sam stuck his head out of his window and called in his giant voice to Nina and Jock, who lived nearby.

  “Jock! Nina!” Sam boomed. “Come and have breakfast at mine.”

  His voice was loud, but also wobbly. This was a first. Sam clutched his hand to his throat. Was he losing his voice? First his sonic shock wave failed him, and now his super-loud voice? Maybe the man in the warehouse had been right. There was actually nothing super about Sam, after all.

  Once that doubt had crept into Sam’s brain, he could not get it out. He hid under his duvet, feeling miserable, until he heard a knock at the door. That will be Nina and Jock, Sam thought, climbing slowly out of bed.

  He was wrong. He opened the door to find Bryce Canyon standing there. “WAAHHHH!” boomed Sam. It was a super-loud explosion of glee and joy! That was more like it!

  “Hey, buddy,” said Bryce. “How’s it going? Haven’t lost your voice, I see!”

  At that, Sam burst into tears of happiness and relief and other stuff. He was so happy to see Bryce, but so worried about his voice failing him at the fun run and in the warehouse. All those feelings got mixed up together like veggies in a blender, creating some highly emotional soup.

  “What’s this?” Bryce asked, concerned. “Come on, let’s get inside and talk.”

  And talk they did. Sam’s mum made Bryce some coffee, ruffled her son’s messy hair and then left the two friends to chat. Sam told Bryce about all the bad pigeons in town and how his voice did not seem to scare them.

  “What about your shock wave?” Bryce asked.

  “That doesn’t work either,” said Sam. “They just fly along on it, or bounce with it, but they aren’t blown off course. I feel so powerless.”

  Bryce thought for a while before he spoke. “If your shock wave is not strong enough, you must find a way to magnify it. It’s not just the strength and volume of your voice that counts. It’s what you do with it and how you control it that matters.”

  Just then, there was a tap at the door. Sam had forgotten about asking Jock and Nina over. It must be them.

  But when Sam opened the door, it wasn’t his two human friends that he found, but his tiny pigeon mate. It was sitting on the mat with some more newspaper in its mouth. It flew into the house and straight to the kitchen where Bryce was finishing his coffee.

  “Gregory!” Bryce shouted, sounding like he was greeting an old friend.

  Eh? thought Sam. Who the who-who is Gregory?

  Back in the kitchen, the pigeon was sitting on Bryce’s shoulder.

  “Gregory Peck and I go way back,” said Bryce, indicating the pigeon. “I taught him English a few years ago. Pigeon English.”

  “So that’s why he understands what I say,” said Sam.

  “Oh, sure,” said Bryce. “Gregory can’t speak, but he understands a whole heap. He can read and he’s an ace spy, too. Nobody notices pigeons, and that gives him an advantage. If you want information, Gregory’s your man. Well, your bird. I thought you two would get along.”

  “You sent him to me?” asked Sam, but Bryce didn’t answer. He had got up and was putting on his long leather jacket.

  “See you around, short stuff,” he said, heading for the door. “Stay noisy, and remember who you are.”

  With that, Bryce was gone.

  Chapter 16

  News Just In

  Sam was still puzzling over Bryce’s words, dazed from seeing his brilliant speech therapist mentor again, when there was another knock at the door.

  This time, it was Jock and Nina.

  “Sorry we’re late,” said Jock. “Took a detour to Café Teaspoon and bought some doughnuts.”

  The three friends tucked into their sugary treats and immediately went into a doughnut trance in which their sole focus became the doughnuts. The rest of the world seemed to melt away, until Gregory Peck brought Sam round by pecking sharply on the table.

  Gregory had spread the newspaper article he had brought in his beak across the table. The pigeon hopped about and pecked at it again.

  Sam read, his eyes growing bigger with every sentence. He even dropped his half-eaten doughnut.

  TOPSIDE MAN SELECTED FOR GROUNDBREAKING SCIENTIFIC PROJECT, read the headline.

  It explained how local resident Brian Moor had been chosen to join an exciting new project, to give humans the power of flight. It was the brainchild of a famous businessman called Rich Handsome (a fitting name, as he was both rich and handsome). There was a photo of Rich with his arm around Brian Moor, and a quote from him saying: “If our research and experiments work, Brian could be the first man to fly without the help of a machine.”

  Sam squinted closer at the image and a PING! went off in his brain, like an alarm of truth and realization. That was him – the backpack man, standing there with Rich Handsome! Sam checked the date. The newspaper was from five years ago. Yes, it was definitely the same man – not wearing a backpack, but absolutely him.

  “So he was going to be the first man to fly?” asked Sam.

  Gregory nodded.

  “But how?”

  Gregory shook his head. He didn’t know.

  “Where did you get this article? In the warehouse? Is that where you were last night?”

  Gregory nodded twice.

  “Nice work, Gregory!” said Sam, patting the pigeon gently on the head. “Bryce said you were the one to ask for information. Amazing!”

  Nina and Jock had finished their doughnuts now and were coming back from their sugary trance. Sam showed them the newspaper article.

  “But how come we’ve never heard of him before?” asked Nina, looking up after reading it. “If he was the first man to fly, he would have been in the news. He would be famous.”

  “Excellent point!” said Jock
.

  “Perhaps the experiments didn’t work,” said Sam. “Or maybe Rich Handsome ran out of money for the project.”

  “The day Rich Handsome runs out of money is the day I stop saying ‘excellent’,” said Jock. “Rich Handsome is a multi-billionaire. He invented electric-warming pants. They are bestsellers in Russia and Canada, and all the polar explorers use them. And he started a business selling bottled air. And he runs a network of triple-decker buses. And he manages that band, One Dimension.”

  Sam frowned. He wasn’t thinking about electric pants or bands or buses. He was trying to work out how and why Brian Moor had gone from hopeful hero and history maker, to winged weirdo, commanding an army of pigeons.

  “Why don’t you just ask him?” said Jock.

  “Ask who what?” said Nina.

  “Rich Handsome,” said Jock. “Ask him what happened. He’s opening the Topside Festival of Fun later on today with Mayor Crackling.”

  “Brilliant!” said Sam, his big, excited voice blasting the last traces of doughnut sugar off the plates. “Maybe we can catch him at the Town Hall now? Let’s go!”

  Chapter 17

  The Search for Britain’s Richest Man

  With Gregory Peck flying alongside, Sam, Nina and Jock raced off for Topside Town Hall, office of the mayor and all things important in Topside.

  But the mayor was not there. He had gone to meet Rich Handsome at his hotel, before the grand opening of the Topside Festival of Fun.

  Sam asked the mayor’s secretary, Miss Chop, where Rich Handsome was staying. She shook her head.

  “I can’t possibly reveal where such a famous and wealthy man is staying,” she said. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Although, between you and me, if I had as much money as Rich Handsome, I know where I’d stay – the penthouse suite at the top of the Topside Plaza!”

  “Thank you very much!” said Sam, as the three friends zoomed off towards the hotel.

  “Oh…” said Miss Chop, realizing what she had done. “Bother.”