Heart's Desire

by Sorcha MacMurrough

  "Oh, here is fine. There's no point in making extra work."

  Austin set the table beautifully with mats, tableware, and wine glasses. He rummaged around in the oak sideboard for a few minutes, and soon a pair of candles glowed brightly. He turned down the dimmer switch for the lights.

  Sinead smiled softly, feeling the same wave of contentment she had in the car a few hours before. It felt so homely, and looked so beautiful, elegant but cozy.

  Austin helped her dish up the food, and ate heartily. "You're a wonderful cook, Sinead," he said, impressed.

  "Well, it was something quick and simple anyway, and hearty enough for a cold winter's night."

  Austin glanced out the window through the lace curtains as he got up to put his plate in the dishwasher. "It's still snowing out there. We're in for a blizzard if this keeps up."

  "Well, we have plenty of food, and you have your medicine, so I suppose it might be quite fun to be snowed in," Sinead said, standing closer to him than she had intended as she too craned forward to look at the winter wonderland outside.

  Suddenly she felt his hands on her shoulders, stroking her hair and setting her flesh aquiver. Sinead scarcely dared breathe, and was terrified in case Austin pulled her any closer or attempted to look at her face. She felt her desire gleaming in her eyes, and knew that if he looked at her she would be lost.

  She shuddered once again, and heard him say rather gruffly, "Dear me, what a thoughtless host I am." He released her shoulders and moved to the opposite side of the kitchen. "I haven't even checked the boiler or set the thermostat. You must be freezing."

  Sinead breathed again in huge gulps as she tidied away the dirty dishes and cleared the table. He had obviously not realised her response had nothing to do with the cold.

  "There, perfect," Austin said, after a few adjustments to the boiler. "Now, let's get your room ready."

  He took two vases, and the basket of fruit, and told Sinead to take the chocolates and the other vase up with her. He led her up a magnificent oak staircase, down a long dark corridor. With his hands full he did not trouble to turn on the lights, but moved unerringly down the hall to a door on the left.

  Sinead again came up against him when she opened to door with her one free hand, and brushed against him again in the dark room as he moved towards a dressing table to put the flowers down. Once again they touched in the mysterious blackness of the room before he ran his hand along the wall and flicked on the lights.

  Sinead gasped as much at the nearness of him as the magnificence of the room. The centrepiece was a four-poster bed, in carved wood, with elegant curtains and a bedspread in a dark heavy material with a paisley print. All the dressing tables, chests of drawers and bedside tables matched perfectly. There were elegant bedside lamps which resembled the old fashioned oil lamps of yesteryear. Opposite the bed was small fireplace.

  "Do you like it?" he asked softly behind her.

  She could see an almost anxious look in his eyes as she turned to look up at him.

  "It is beyond anything I could have possibly imagined. So lovely. But surely you have a smaller, plainer room. This is much too fine for me."

  "Don't be silly. You're my guest. As the first one ever to visit me in my new home, you're entitled to the best bedroom. We'll have to get some sheets for the bed, though," Austin pointed out. He showed her into the small room nestled in the alcove to her left.

  It was designed as a lady's dressing room, with splendid wardrobes stretching from floor to ceiling, and plenty of drawer space. In one of the cupboards was a supply of sheets and towels, and Austin handed her a pile of linen.

  He walked to the next door, and said, "We'll put your towels in the bathroom."

  Sinead followed him curiously, wondering if it would compare with the bedroom and boudoir.

  She wasn't disappointed. The bathroom was a marvelous blend of old and new, with a splendid mirrored oak bathroom cabinet that filled the wall above a vanity unit with a double sink. The tub was a massive old-fashioned one with clawed feet of brass, but sitting beside it was a miniature whirlpool bath. All the fixtures were of brass, and the floor was made up of gleaming burgundy tiles, which matched all the porcelain fixtures perfectly. Sinead gazed in open-mouthed admiration, and gave him credit for his eye for detail. She eyed the bidet with a tinge of amusement, but pulled her eyes away to ask, "Where does that door lead?"

  Sinead pointed to a large oak panelled door on the opposite side of the room, and for once Austin looked embarrassed.

  "I'm sorry, I, um-it's my bedroom. I'm afraid we'll have to share the bathroom, but then it's the best one in the house and...."

  Sinead felt rather uneasy, but it would only make it worse if he kept apologising and attempting to explain

  "Well, I shouldn't like to be in the way. It's a lovely bedroom, and I'm grateful, but I really have no objections to using a smaller room, and whatever other facilities it has, so as not to inconvenience you."

  "No, no, it would be more inconvenient moving you all the way to the other side of the house. I don't mind sharing with you, so that's settled."

  He hung the towels on the hot rail, and ushered her into the bedroom. There they removed the quilt together, though Sinead protested that there was no need for him to help her. They playfully threw the pillows at each other while they made the bed, and Sinead's breath caught in her throat at the sight of his beautifully boyish smile.

  Austin was kindness itself, making the bed, placing the flowers and fruit around the room, and draping a warm woolen lap rug over the rocking chair in the corner. He went downstairs for her suitcases, and she wandered over to another large door in the corner. She entered the next room and searched for a light. What she saw illuminated moved her indescribably, and took her breath away.

  It was the most splendid nursery she had even seen, the walls pale yellow, the furniture gleaming blond pine, with every teddy and toy imaginable laid out on shelves which lined three of the walls. Magnificent chests hinted at even more splendid things inside. The rocking horse gleamed like a thoroughbred. The multi-colored wallpaper border was covered with knights, castles, ladies in flowing dresses, and even the odd dragon. It was like a fairy tale in every respect, and Sinead couldn't bear to drag herself away.

  A footstep behind her interrupted her thoughts, and she felt swept away as he asked her if she liked it.

  Sinead shook her head. For the briefest moment saw his face fall, until her words registered. "Like doesn't even begin to describe what I feel. I've never seen anything so beautiful. It's a dream come true for a child."

  "That's what I want, for my children when I have them. And for my wife when I marry her. A dream fulfilled, a life surrounded by beauty, with peace, contentment and security."

  Austin came near her, but she hastily backed away, and occupied herself with a large black teddy on one of the shelves.

  "Will you marry soon?" she asked, as she stroked the silky fur, hoping her voice sounded steady.

  "I certainly hope so," Austin said, smiling lazily at her. "If she'll have me."

  Sinead said lightly, "Well, I'm sure when she sees this, she will chase after you even more diligently than she's done already."

  She noticed Austin frown darkly, and immediately regretted having revealed that she knew so much about his private life.

  She brushed past him and explained over her shoulder, "I'd better get unpacked now, if you don't mind."

  Austin was ominously silent, so she thanked him for bringing up her bags and set to work with a will. She opened her suitcases on the floor of the boudoir and organized their contents into separate drawers. She felt rather embarrassed about her plain personal items, and wished she owned some lacy underwear. Then she hastily scolded herself for the thought, and recalled with a pang that she had no use for it in Austin's house, or anywhere else.

  Austin prowled up and down between the bedrooms for a few minutes, and placed some books by the beside table and on the dresser next to the hug
e rocking chair.

  "I brought up some books from the library," he said after a lengthy silence, "but I wasn't sure what you liked, so you'll feel free to help yourself, won't you?"

  Sinead smiled as she glanced at the titles, and brought over the books which she had just unpacked.

  "As you can see, they're perfect, for three of them are the same as the ones I've brought with me."

  Austin grinned, pleased with himself for having guessed so well. He admired her fine embroidery as she placed it on the rocking chair.

  "There's a spare TV I could bring up if you like, but of course I have a huge one downstairs, with satellite and video in the living room."

  "I don't watch much television, and I wouldn't like to be in the way."

  "Don't be silly! How could you possibly be in the way?"

  She avoided meeting his angry gaze.

  After a time he continued more gently, "And besides, I'll bet you haven't satellite TV at home. And of course there's a huge roaring log fire in the living room as well. You're not staying cooped up in his little room all by yourself when you could be warm downstairs in front of the fire keeping me company if I am watching a program, or relaxing on your own if I'm busy."

  Sinead laughed at the description of her room as little, and thanked him for his kindness. He busied himself in starting a fire in her small fireplace while she unpacked the rest of her things.

  After a few moments the fire blazed up nicely, and he came into the alcove to face her.

  "Well, what would you like to do now? Do you want a rest, or are you feeling a bit lively?"

  "What do you have in mind?" she asked, her violet eyes betraying a slight uneasiness.

  "What about a walk in the woods? I've just looked out and the snow has stopped, so we could go out for a stroll. Then there is a good old Humphrey Bogart picture on at nine," Austin suggested.

  "Not Casablanca?" Sinead asked enthusiastically.

  "The very one," he said, nodding his sleek dark head.

  She clapped her hands together delightedly.

  But then Sinead grew more serious as she said, "I haven't got any snow boots with me."

  "No fear. I have lots of wellies downstairs, just in case I ever had visitors. What size?" Austin asked.

  "Six. But don't trouble yourself."

  "No trouble. Put on something warm, and I'll meet you downstairs in twenty minutes."

  Chapter Thirteen

  The snow shimmered in the moonlight, a white blanket of crystals which caused the whole forest to sparkle. Sinead and Austin whispered their awed comments to each other, so reluctant were they to break the absolute silence which enveloped them. The only sound was their feet crunching on the snow as Austin led Sinead by the hand down a path deep into the woods.

  "There is a badger sett down here," Austin explained. He held up some bread which he had brought for them specially. "I'll give this to them just in case they were surprised by the snow and are having a hard time finding things to eat."

  Sinead marvelled at his thoughtfulness. The more she saw of Austin Riordan, the less he tallied with the description which had circulated around the hospital ever since he'd arrived two months ago. He was so unlike Luke in every way, that she felt almost guilty at the obviously unfavorable comparisons she was forced to make. It seemed disrespectful to the dead somehow. It also forced her, not for the first time, to question whether she had ever really known or loved Luke, or whether she had just allowed herself to be taken over by his magnetic personality.

  Crouching down in the snow beside Austin, as they watched the badgers together in fascination, all the warning bells went off inside Sinead's head. Austin too had a magnetic personality. Could she get taken over again? Then she realised that if she had never felt this way with Luke, had never loved Luke, then she had to be in love with Austin Riordan.

  Impossible. Only two days before she had not even known Austin, except as a handsome man in the hospital whom she had glimpsed from a distance a few times. Love? No. He was kind, he was intelligent, and certainly dynamic, with a magnificent sexual presence which every woman felt drawn to upon meeting him. It was so long since she'd been to bed with Luke, more than a year, that she was just confusing lust with love. No, she would have to be on her guard against falling prey to the incredible sensations which coursed through her body uncontrollably every time he came too close.

  Sinead stood up and dusted the powder off her jeans.

  Austin looked over and said, "I'm sorry, you must be cold after watching the badgers for so long." He slipped his arm around her, and rubbed her up and down as if to warm her.

  Sinead could only walk a few paces in silence, her head bowed. Struggling would only make it worse, she concluded. She tried to subdue the thrill of pleasure which made her long to encircle him in her own arms. To see if Austin desired her even one tiny bit as much as she longed for him.

  Almost as if he'd read her mind, Austin tilted her chin up to face him, and his mouth closed over hers in a stirring kiss. It was not the force, but rather the indescribable gentleness, the sensation of searching, soothing, tenderly exploring, which made her almost cry with the joy of it all. Her arms raised up around his neck of their own accord. She stretched up the full length of him in order to reach the splendidly lush hair at the back of his neck. Sinead felt him tremble, and felt his desire burn into her even through all their layers of clothing as he clutched her to him fiercely before drawing away.

  "Snowball fight!" Austin called. He bent down to scoop up a huge handful of snow in his massive mittens.

  Sinead could barely stand, she shook so violently with heat, cold, desire, and confusion. How could he turn away so easily, leaving her devastated? She gasped in shock not unmixed with anger as a snowball exploded into her face and eyes, but then she simply had to laugh. The sheer childish delight of it all infected her as well, and soon they were pelting each other ferociously.

  It was certainly the oddest foreplay she'd ever heard of, but she couldn't really blame Austin. After all, he was tied to Margaret, and Austin still thought she was living with Mike. Sinead thought of setting the record straight at the earliest opportunity, but then concluded that there would be no point.

  Sinead thought resentfully of how a woman like Margaret could be so lucky. Such a splendid man, a house fit for a queen, and probably the prestigious head of ICU post at Castlemaine General if Austin didn't object to a working wife. Her sense of grievance at the injustice of that above all caused her to hurl one of her snowballs furiously at Austin's head. It landed squarely on his ear. He stopped dead, and for a spilt second she was afraid he was hurt.

  "This isn't meant to be World War III, Sinead, but if you insist..."

  He launched himself on her, and they tumbled and rolled in the snow. He held her down with one hand, excruciatingly near her breast, while with the other he scooped snow over her, burying her face. She squealed in rage as the melting flakes trickled down her neck and chest. His hands moved up as Sinead desperately tried to wriggle out from under him.

  Suddenly, through her powder-encrusted lashes she saw Austin's face change in the dim half-light. The snow all over her mouth melted as he kissed her scorchingly, his tongue insistently probing the depths of her mouth. Then he moved to lick the snow off her cheeks and eyelids in a sensual feast which left her shaking with desire.

  "Austin," she whispered, as she gave up trying to resist the longing she felt. As his kisses blazed across her face, Sinead saw a picture flash across her mind, of Austin's naked torso in the hospital that morning. Sinead caressed his shoulders and the splendid column of Austin's neck as he unbuttoned her coat, cardigan and shirt, to nibble her neck and throat.

  Austin's knee rose up between her thighs, and pressed against her mound while his mouth showered her throat with kisses. When he moved to possess her lips again, Sinead could bear it no longer.

  "Austin, my God!" she gasped, as the pleasure ripped through her with a shattering intensity.

>   His eyes flew open to see the violet pools fill with tears, as she clung to him weakly, riding the crest of her passion, her body trembling uncontrollably. He kissed her gently but penetratingly until she stopped shaking, and stroked her cheeks now dampened by tears. Austin nuzzled his cheek against her silky hair and finally forced himself to pull away from Sinead.

  He held out his hand to pull her up, and said, "Come on, let's head inside before we catch pneumonia."

  Sinead felt so ashamed she couldn't even look at him. She reluctantly took his outstretched hand. The contact sent electrical currents through her all over again, as did his other hand every time it touched her in an effort to dust the snow off her.

  "Thank you," she murmured, and headed up to the house quickly.

  "Yes, you're quite right, it must be nearly time for the film, and we'll have to change out of these wet things first," Austin said casually.