Heart's Desire

by Sorcha MacMurrough

  "Surely you're going to have something hot after you've gone to all this trouble," he said, his brows knitting, when she sat at the table with only her coffee and cereal.

  "Really, I'm fine. I couldn't manage anything more. Just eat and enjoy."

  Austin frowned again, but obviously thought better of complaining further. He tucked into the food with relish, and Sinead couldn't help but laugh.

  "You eat like a bird," she said with a grin.

  He looked up at her, puzzled.

  "A vulture, of course."

  He laughed. "And you like a sparrow." Austin put down the paper and asked, "Well, any plans for the day?"

  Sinead couldn't think of any response.

  "Then you'll have no objections to a bit of horseback riding?"

  "I haven't had the chance to ride for years, so you'll forgive me if I seem reluctant to break my neck."

  "Don't be silly, you'll be fine. I've rung the stables, and told them we'll be there at eleven."

  Sinead nodded her agreement, and concluded that if they were on horses, there was little danger of any romantic activity. Besides, it would be good to get out of the house and into the fresh air.

  Then Sinead went up to check on her jeans. When she found them dry, she slipped them on, and put on two sweaters. She thought she ought to wear her uniform in the house, but it simply wasn't practical in this weather, and certainly not on horseback. Also, she could detect that it made Austin slightly nervous. That was all the more reason to wear it in the house. Not that she was so safe outdoors, she thought sardonically, but she wouldn't allow that to happen again.

  Austin handed her the car keys shortly before eleven, and they got the car out of the garage and drove the short distance to the local riding stables. The forest still looked beautifully white, like a new world created specially for them. Austin quietly issued directions, and Sinead was almost more frightened of him because of his gentleness. He should be angry with her. He had certainly seemed upset last night. She thought with shame that he must think she was a dreadful tease or worse. Yet he smiled and chatted as if he hadn't a care in the world.

  "I first came to this forest on a caravan holiday with my parents when I was about ten. In the summer it was the most glorious place in the world for children who had been cooped up for the rest of the year in Dublin. Dad was an insurance salesman, and he travelled a great deal. Mum brought six of us up by herself. It was the one time of the year we were all together and happy, and for once not scrimping and saving every last scrap of food and money."

  Sinead was fascinated to learn of his past. He had come so far since those days, and she couldn't imagine poverty so oppressive. Her mother had been widowed young, and raised her two daughters by herself, but though they had lived frugally, they had never done without.

  "How did you manage to become so successful then?"

  "Sheer determination and luck, and above all a complete commitment to becoming successful. Don't get me wrong. I love what I do, but as the eldest, I felt I had to blaze the trail for the others. I worked all my spare time in an architect's office as a sort of apprentice, and learnt everything I could from him. I began to work on my own designs, of every imaginable type, and soon I was earning. I studied hard, and got a scholarship to travel abroad and study in Italy.

  "Once I was qualified I worked for a couple of different firms, twenty-four hours a day, and gave all the money to the family so the others could carry on with their studies, instead of leaving school at sixteen. Dad died when I was sixteen, and it was touch and go for a while about whether or not I could stay at school. It was then I realised the value of qualifications and bullied my siblings into becoming successful as well."

  "I'm impressed," Sinead said with a warm smile.

  "Sorry if I'm boring you with the self-made man speech," Austin said solemnly.

  Sinead laughed. "If I'm bored, I'll let you know. How did you end up specialising in hospitals?"

  "A couple of contracts came up, and I became fascinated by the need to make them people-friendly, while at the same time making sure they had enough space and facilities to help people. I think you must be quite lucky being a nurse, helping so many people directly every day, while people like me just sit in the background."

  "It's not easy, but you seem to have a very nice view of what hospitals should be, which very often they are definitely not."

  "And you? You mentioned your sister and her husband. Any other family?"

  Sinead told him briefly of a couple of aunts and uncles they hadn't seen for years. She was startled when Austin asked, "And your husband. What was he like?"

  Sinead gripped the steering wheel tightly, suddenly tense. They were now pulling up the drive towards the stables. For a moment Sinead thought she could ignore the uncomfortable question and escape answering it by getting out of the car. But once again she felt compelled to talk, to exorcise the ghosts of the past.

  "I met Luke when I was about fifteen. He went to the local grammar school and was the man who had everything. He was just finishing his A-levels, and going off to train as a doctor. He was flamboyant: fast cars, a fast set, but it was fun. Only then it turned out to be the same, day after day. Though I knew it wasn't what I wanted, it was better than my old life."

  Sinead stopped the car outside the stables and switched off the engine. She met Austin's eyes briefly, but all he said was, "Go on."

  Sinead took a deep breath, and continued, "I suppose it sounds mercenary, but it wasn't like that. He gave me something to live up to. Made me aspire to improve myself. I'd never have become a nurse or climbed so high up the ladder if it hadn't been for him. But I guess I was never really good enough. Or rather, I was, but just the wrong person for him."

  She looked out of the corner of her eye at Austin, and saw that he was still listening intently. "Luke got involved with someone older, more sexy, a real party girl, and it hurt me terribly. I should have seen all the warning signs, but I didn't want to give up. To have spent nearly half my life with him only to have to call it quits, to be dropped like something expendable, well, it was just too terrible to think of. He left me, though at the time he didn't tell me the whole truth. He made me think he was going to the Emirates for the money and prestige. I went down there, and found him living with Ma- the other woman, and there were scenes. Eventually we married, but I knew all along that he was still keeping up the affair. Then I discovered how mixed up he was with drugs," Sinead admitted with a sigh.

  "It must have been a nightmare, so far away from home in, Dubai, was it?" Austin asked, an odd expression crossing his handsome features.

  "That's right. Yes, I was all on my own, no friends, no family, and Luke was a stranger to me. He got more and more depressed, and about two months after we'd married, it was, well, the end of the road," she said with a bitter smile.

  "What about after the accident?"

  She shrugged one shoulder and fiddled with the gear stick. "I was in hospital the whole time, in and out of a coma. My sister and her husband came out, and she stayed to look after me for about four months. Then I started to mend, and it was about two months before I came back to Ireland. I got the job at Castlemaine General in August. It kept me from brooding."

  "What about Luke's family? Did they like you?"

  Sinead gave a snort of laughter. "To them I was the bimbo from hell."

  Austin chuckled at the description, but shook his head. "I've never met anyone less like a bimbo in my life!"

  "Well, you can't really blame them. I suppose they thought I was only after his money, though I rescued him from other women who really were. No, I was the best 'wife' I could have been in every way, and I did work all the time I was with him. I never stayed at home and lay about. I bought the house for Mum and Maeve, and the car, and other luxuries, out of my salary. Now Luke's money is tied up by the solicitors. I know the family are making a huge fuss about how much I'm entitled to. So I'm back to being Cinderella after all, but I can't complain. I
work hard, love what I do, and the salary you pay me will go to Maeve and the new baby."

  Austin smiled at her and patted her hand. "Definitely not the bimbo from hell."

  Sinead thought they were getting far too serious, so she said lightly, "Where are these horses then? We came for a ride, not a chat."

  "Come on then, cowgirl," Austin laughed, though she could see his eyes were still serious.

  Austin introduced her to Jim Crowe, a jolly middle-aged man who ran the stables. First he showed Sinead around proudly. She loved the smell of the stable yard, and patted all the horses with a childish delight that lit up her whole face. Jim kept up a constant stream of chatter, and Sinead was captivated by the beauty of it all.

  Austin said nothing, merely kept to her side, and occasionally touched her arm or shoulder to point out things to her.

  Then Jim led out two magnificent horses, and Austin asked Sinead to choose.

  "Oh, the gray please," she said in awe, as Austin smiled down at her.

  "He's called Smoky. Mine is Thunder. I told you so," Austin added to Jim.

  Sinead had no time to puzzle over the remark, for Jim told her she was going to get a lesson in saddling her own horse. He showed her on Austin's horse, a magnificent chestnut gelding, and then Sinead struggled for several minutes with her own saddle, while the men stood by to criticise or praise.

  The weather was bitterly cold, and her fingers soon grew numb without her gloves on, but she eventually got the saddle secured. After taking a few tugs here and there to test it, Jim said, "That's a first-rate job, Miss. You're a natural."

  Sinead blew on her fingers to warm them and smiled with pleasure, until her hands were taken into huge warm gloved ones, and Austin towered over her. He was like a sleek creature of the forest with his sheepskin coat and tight fawn riding breeches and boots. Her mouth went dry, and for a moment she was afraid he would kiss her. But all he said was, "Come on, put on your gloves and let's go, or the best part of the day will be gone."

  Jim fitted them both out with hard hats, and Sinead was given a proper pair of riding boots which gleamed like new. Then Austin helped lift her slender form into the saddle. The contact of his hard hands on her leg and rump was completely unnerving.

  Once she was safely in the saddle, she fidgeted with the reins in order to hide the expression on her face. Sinead felt rather than saw Austin swing up into the saddle of his own horse, and then heard him command, "This way, Sinead."

  "See you later, you two!" Jim called, as they rode down a small bridle path. Soon they were swallowed up by the woods.

  The silence was complete as they trotted into the forest. All around was white and sparkling, almost blinding in its intensity. Sinead began to grow more comfortable in the saddle, and Austin gave her advice about how to hold her reins, and push off in her stirrups.

  "Jim's right, you're a natural," he complimented her. "How about a little gallop now? There's a clearing up ahead, and you can practice turning the horse as well."

  "All right," Sinead said. "It sounds like fun."

  They sauntered toward the clearing, and Austin's horse remained stationary while he had her trot around him a few times to practice turning the horse. "Easy, now, not too hard on the reins. Smoothly, no sudden jerks. Good, use your knees and your heels," he would call occasionally.

  Sinead felt exhilarated at the excitement and newness of it all. She could only remember being on a horse once or twice in her life, and even then she'd just bounced up and down, completely at the mercy of the horse's whims.

  "Very good, Sinead, that was brilliant. Now, down to those trees and back, and remember what I told you about lifting yourself out of the saddle."

  Sinead dug her heels in to the horse's sides. With an encouraging clicking noise it set off down the clearing. She had the sensation of flying, and there was a small thrill of fear as the horse pounded underneath her powerfully. She thought about the possibility of falling off, but oddly it didn't seem to worry her. She felt in control, and when they neared the edge of the clearing, she reined the horse in, and soon she was galloping back towards Austin.

  "That was wonderful!" Sinead called as she neared him and slowed. "Can I do it again?"

  "Sure, but this time I'll race you to the edge and back," Austin challenged.

  Sinead agreed with delight.

  He brought Thunder's head level with Smoky's and then they were off. Sinead urged her horse on as if her life depended upon it. Try as Austin might, he could not pass her.

  At the edge of the clearing, she turned Smoky very neatly, while Austin's mount slipped in the snow. Sinead was several lengths ahead, and she was delighted with her victory.

  "I won! I won! Amazing!" she laughed, patting Smoky's neck.

  Austin came galloping up to her. "What do you claim as your prize?"

  Sinead caught her breath at the look in his eyes. She could guess what prize he would have claimed had he been the victor. She shuddered with pleasure and fear. She brought down her lids to veil her thoughts, but heard him challenge softly, "Well? Name your heart's desire, and it shall be yours."

  Sinead could think of nothing, so she faced him boldly. "What would you suggest?"

  Austin shook his head briefly and attempted a light-hearted smile. His voice was gruff, but all he said was, "How about the best lunch we can manage at the local pub? My treat, and to save the trouble of cooking?"

  Sinead felt a small stab of disappointment, but then concluded that lunch in a public place would be safest for both of them. "Do we still have time to ride a bit more?" she asked, looking at her watch.

  "I've got my snack in my pocket, and the insulin is in the car, so yes, if I eat this now, we'll have time for another gallop or two."

  Sinead was impressed with how well he was taking to his new routine. "Well done, Austin."

  "There's something up ahead I want to show you. Come on!" he ordered.

  Soon they were back in the forest. Sinead saw an old hut up ahead, and for a moment she felt a twinge of fear. But surely he wouldn't take her all the way out here without good reason. After all, he'd proven how easily he could get under her defenses in his warm comfortable home. A freezing ramshackle hut did not really appeal romantically by comparison.

  "Jim and I have fixed this old place up into a hide. The birds are wonderful, and of course you've seen the badgers. We have fox, otters, pretty much anything you'd like to see."

  "How lovely! You certainly appreciate the countryside more than I ever have, and I come from only a few miles away."

  "It's something I've taught myself to appreciate, like some people spend all their time learning about wines," he said, as they dismounted.

  He took a large key out of his pocket. Soon they were cozily wrapped up inside under a couple of large woolen rugs. Austin had opened up the wooden hatches, and it wasn't long before they saw several rabbits and even a deer trot past. Sinead's breath caught in her throat at the sight of the magnificent stag as he scraped the snow with a hoof searching for a bit of grass, and then nibbled a bit of bark from the tree directly in front of them.

  Suddenly he lifted his antlers, and with one powerful but graceful leap bounded away deep into the woods.

  "Oh my!" Sinead exclaimed, as she finally let her breath out. "I've never seen anything so lovely."

  "I have," Austin said softly, smiling down at her. "It wasn't a stag, though she is as timid as a fawn."

  Sinead couldn't think of a light-hearted quip. Her stomach turned somersaults as he spoke. She must have shivered, for he asked, "Are you cold? Jim and I keep a bit of er, medicinal brandy here to warm us up." He fished around for a moment and then held up a small silver flask. "I know I can't have any, but you're allowed."

  "Yes, why not," she said, more for something to distract his attention than to warm up. He poured her a silver capful, and she tried not to cough as the brandy slipped down her throat. Immediately she felt suffused with warmth, especially when his bare hand touched hers as
he took the cup back.

  He put down the flask and slid closer to her. Since she was in the corner, she couldn't get way unless she jumped up. His right arm under the blankets slipped down her slim denim-clad leg in an exquisite caress which stirred her soul, while his other hand stroked her hair and cupped her chin in his warm masculine fingers. Though her mind screamed out that she should protest, she felt hypnotised by the power in those stormy gray eyes.

  She parted her lips to speak, only to find her words cut off by a gentle but all-encompassing kiss. His tongue invaded the sweet delicate cavern of her mouth, making a thorough exploration before toying with her own tongue sinuously. Sinead felt her whole world tumbling about her, and desperately tried to remain passive under his roving hands and questing lips. But her desire for him was too great. She clung to him with an abandon she had never know possible in herself.