Crave

by Tessa Vidal

  “Thanks.” Her honesty was not always welcome.

  “Shit, I’m sorry, but seriously, I love these new clothes. The contact lenses and the new hair are super hot, and I love the highlights. The extra red really makes your eyes pop. Like if I wasn’t married, I’d be on it.” She took another sip of her beer, then signaled the waitress to come by our table.

  “We’re celebrating. Bring us a bottle of champagne.” She grinned at the waitress who hurried off.

  “Christy, thanks, but I’m not much of a drinker, and I…”

  “Well, you’re a drinker now, sweetie. We’ll share a cab home.” The champagne arrived, and we toasted my business success. Once the alcohol kicked in, we got to the nitty gritty of why I asked her out today.

  * * *

  “Simona asked you to move in? Oh my god, that’s incredible! You’ll save a ton of money, but I bet she’s going to work your ass off too. I mean, you will always be there. How can you escape?” Christy had a point, but since I didn’t have a social life, it didn’t seem like such a hardship. In fact, it seemed like a great way to bank money and keep busy, two things I was good at.

  “I’ll manage. I’m more worried about other things, like…”

  “What are you going to do if you see her walking around naked or something? I mean, she’s got a pool in her backyard, right? I bet she’s swimming buck nekkid all the time.” Christy leered as she slurred her words, and I could see porn playing in her head as she spoke.

  “Well… I kinda did already.” I whispered.

  “What the fuck?!” The people at the next table gave me pitying looks. I sank down in my chair.

  “You’d better tell me all about it, because I want all the delicious details.” Her tongue practically hung out of her mouth.

  “Oh my God, Christy, nothing like that happened, and she, you know, well, she doesn’t know that I saw her.” I grabbed the edge of the tablecloth and hid my face in it.

  “What happened? Like you seriously saw all the goods? How? And like, is she as hot without clothes as she is with them?”

  “We were drinking wine in the backyard and she’d just told me she’d be going out of town for a few days. We agreed on the arrangements, and I left. Halfway down the sidewalk, I realized I’d forgotten to put the invoices I’d been working on in the car back in the right files. It would only take me a minute or two, so I went back to the gate. It’s tall, and you can’t see inside, but next to it there’s a hole in the shrubs you can see through. I didn’t want to barge in and catch her doing something weird, so I peeked through it first. If I hadn’t, I would have barged in on her stripping her clothes off.” I poured another glass of champagne and gulped half the glass down.

  “Go on, tell me more.” I reached over and refilled her glass. The way we were going we would need another bottle soon.

  “I, I was in shock, I mean, there’s my boss taking off her clothes. I stood there for a moment, couldn’t move a muscle. I felt guilty about it, and I didn’t want to get caught either, so…”

  “You spied on her, huh? I know I would’ve.” Christy winked. If the floor could have opened up and swallowed me, I would have been thankful. There’s no way I was telling her everything I saw. I felt so damned dirty, especially because of the good time I had by myself that night. I was becoming a creepy voyeur.

  “I watched for less than a minute and realized I was invading her privacy, so I left.” I crossed my fingers under the table.

  “What the hell is wrong with you Amber? You should have stayed and…”

  “Christy! If someone spied on you, how would you feel about it?” My friend was a damned perv. Probably why we’re friends since it turned out I was as pervy as her.

  “I’d have put on the sexiest show possible, babe, because I’m naughty that way. So are you, you’re just repressed.” She licked the side of her champagne flute and giggled.

  “Christy, I have to think about my job. Simona would fire me if she found out about this. There’s no way she’d want me around if she thought I was going to spy on her. Hell, if she did the same thing to me I’d be upset about it.” Shit, I lied again.

  “Yeah, right? You’d be pissed off if she didn’t ask to get naked with you.” Christy tried pouring another glass of bubbly, but the bottle was empty. She dropped it in the bucket with a thud.

  “She’s not interested Christy. Women aren’t interested in me. It’s a fact, one I’ve gotten used to.”

  “Please. Your boss will do a massive double-take when she gets back from her trip. You are officially a hottie now. That wavy red hair and hazel eyes thing you have going on will make her crazy with lust. Just you wait. Even if she doesn’t, trust me, your love life is definitely about to take off.”

  From your mouth to God’s ear. Though I had to admit, a weird feeling was growing in the pit of my stomach, like maybe she was right?

  “Bless your heart, Christy,” I shook my head “you’ve read too many romance novels. That crazy stuff only happens in books, not real life. I appreciate the compliment, but…”

  A statuesque woman in a black suit appeared to my right, another bottle of champagne ready to be opened.

  “The two of you seem to be having a wonderful time. Would you care for another bottle?” I looked up and locked eyes with a familiar face, but knew it couldn’t be who I thought it was. No way, it definitely couldn’t be her. She looked at me and frowned for a moment, then backed up a foot or so from the table, shaking her head.

  “Amber?” Her voice was polished now without a trace of an accent, and where she used to be painfully thin, now she’d filled out. Her oval face was soft, with only a hint of makeup. I read her name tag; “Vickie Patterson- Restaurant Manager.”

  “Yes, it’s me.” I whispered. The room felt smaller, the ceiling lower. Something lodged in my throat, impeding my breathing. Residual anger flickered in my chest, and I found my fists clenching. A kick under the table by Christy brought me back to my senses.

  “I’m sorry, Christy.” I cleared my throat. “This is someone I knew from a long time ago, back in Georgia. Vickie, this is my friend Christy.” She lifted the empty bottle out of the bucket and placed the full one in it. Vickie shook Christy’s hand, murmuring pleasantries, then turned and faced me again.

  “This is quite a surprise Amber. I mean I knew there was a chance of running into you, eventually. I’ve been back for nine years, and figured if I hadn’t by now… well, I’m sorry I interrupted. This bottle is my gift to you. Nice to see you again.” She abruptly walked away toward the kitchen, stumbling once. Before she left the dining room, she glanced over her shoulder in my direction, and I noticed a distinct flush creeping up her neck.

  She really was surprised to see me.

  “Let’s drink this and get out of here.” I indicated the bottle in front of us, realizing Vickie had forgotten to uncork it. I didn’t know how to do it, so Christy wrestled with the cork for a moment, then poured us both a glass.

  “So, what’s up with her? You two must have some history for her to run and hide like she did.” Christy pulled no punches normally, and alcohol was only making her curiosity more potent.

  The silverware was in my hands for no apparent reason, knife in one hand, fork in the other. I put them down, grabbed the napkin and held it in my lap. Thankfully it wasn’t made of paper, or I would have shredded it in a matter of moments.

  “She’s, well, the catalyst for many things in my life.” God, I didn’t want to think about this right now.

  Christy stared at me with open eyes, then waved at me to continue.

  “It’s embarrassing. She’s the reason I’m in Raleigh, why I moved here in the first place. Vickie’s also the first girl, well, the only woman I ever, you know, did it with.” My left leg was shaking, the table vibrating from it. I dropped the napkin and steadied my thigh with my hand. Christy downed the contents of her glass and poured herself another.

  “You mean, she’s the only girl you’ve ever fucked?
Jesus Amber, you’re thirty years old for christ’s sake. You talk like a twelve year old sometimes.” I looked around the room, praying none of the other diners heard us. I placed my hand over my brow and whispered back.

  “Yes, I told you women weren’t interested in me, just losers like her who can, oh shit. She’s coming back.” Vickie was heading straight toward us. Instantly Christy began laughing, which caught me off guard. She winked, and I chuckled, going along with it.

  “And then Lynda told me… oh hi, you’re back.” Christy was fantastic at this being social stuff.

  “Amber, this isn’t the time or place, but I have some, well things to say to you, amends to make.” She placed a card on the table in front of me. “This is my number. Call me if you care to, if you don’t I’ll understand.” Beads of sweat dotted her upper lip, and at that moment I realized this was harder on Vickie than me. I also remembered that I would probably be speaking with her regularly, since we shared the same boss. I didn’t want to drop that bomb on her yet, so I decided not to say anything about our work connection.

  “Thank you. I’ll call, I promise.” I locked eyes with her and nodded.

  “I took care of the check. Seriously, please call, I…” She remembered that Christy was there, gave a tight smile and strolled back to the kitchen, her head held up high. She’d done the correct thing which I respected.

  “Something tells me she’s sorry for whatever happened all those years ago. Are you going to call her?”

  I threw a few bills on the table for a tip, drained my glass and stood up. Christy did the same.

  “Yes, I’ll call. I think you’re right. At the very least I’ll get to hear her side of the story.”

  Amber- 12 Years Ago

  I met Vickie soon after I arrived at the park with all my belongings in a backpack slung over my shoulder. She was about my age, tall, skinny, and spoke real fast. At first I feared her and the pack of runaways she was hanging out with. I’d been homeschooled, kept away from other kids most of my life while my parents trained me for the ministry. When they found my diary hidden under the floorboards of my closet, they discovered my secrets, the biggest one being I didn’t believe in God. Oh, and that I thought Erika, the worldly girl next door I wasn’t allowed to talk to, was beautiful. Within twenty-four hours I was on the streets.

  There was a boy in our church named Daniel who vanished three months earlier. Hushed voices I overheard in the church office confirmed my suspicions that he was with irredeemable sin and cast out. It chilled me to the bone. I wasn’t quite eighteen at the time, and though I’d saved up a little money from babysitting over the years, I was terrified of sharing his fate. Like me, he’d not spoken much, tried to blend in, but I could tell he was different. Part of me longed to be gone from those people too, but I didn’t have the first clue how I would leave. As luck would have it, I had no choice.

  Vickie didn’t seem interested in doing much, so we walked around Lake Mayer as the sun set. The air coming off the water was warm, and the visuals in the water breathtaking. The sky was clear, with the occasional orange and red puffball sliding over the surface of deep, muddy water. Despite the events of the last twenty-four hours, I needed to focus on the practical side of things now that it was getting dark.

  “I know you guys like to sleep in the park, but I… I’m not ready for that, not yet. I’ve got a little bit of money, not much. I’m going to find a cheap hotel. I just, you know, can’t…” My voice trailed off. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings about sleeping outdoors. What I wanted to do was invite her to spend the night with me, but I was torn. Afraid to sleep alone in a hotel for the first time in my life, and scared of her too.

  “You’ve got that wrong.” She muttered.

  “What?”

  “We don’t enjoy sleeping outside. We do it because we have nowhere else to sleep.” She took my hand in hers. The park was nearly empty, and for the moment I didn’t care if anyone saw us.

  “I’m sorry. It... it came out wrong.” I blushed, hoping I hadn’t hurt her feelings.

  “This is my last night here. I’m going home tomorrow.” Her thumb played with my palm, circling it faster as she spoke.

  “Where’s home?” I asked, wanting to pull my hand away, but not wanting to let go, either.

  “Raleigh. My parents sent me a bus ticket. They want me back, but I’m not so sure about it.”

  “Did you run away or something?”

  “No. I think it’s similar to your situation. I’m guessing you were thrown out, right?” Her voice trembled as she spoke. Her eyes were on the water, looking anywhere but in my direction.

  “Yeah.”

  “Can I spend the night with you?” Vickie asked.

  My chest felt full, as if someone had inflated it like a balloon. Thoughts raced, unintelligible syllables I couldn’t comprehend. I’d never held another girl’s hand before, well, not since I was a kid. Plus, it terrified me being alone.

  “Yes.” I wanted to know the rest of her story. How did she end up in Georgia? Why did her parents throw her out? I could tell she didn’t want to talk about it, but maybe later she’d want to talk.

  We’d stopped in the middle of the little wooden bridge where we’d first met a few hours ago. She took the strap of my backpack out of my grip, then slung it over her shoulder. All of my possessions were now in her hands, and a small kernel of doubt emerged deep in my head.

  I had no one, not a single soul on this planet I could trust. Should I trust her?

  I shrugged it off and smiled.

  The hotel room was filthy.

  I didn’t expect much for $30, but I’d never been in one before, so maybe it was normal. My head ached, and after I walked into the hotel lobby, all I could think about was my room back home, and all the books I’d left behind. They’d probably throw them away. Things, just replaceable things, I reminded myself.

  I checked in while Vickie stood outside and smoked cigarettes. I thought she could tell I didn’t like it when she smoked, because I would stand a few feet away. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, but all I could think was that anything that smelled that bad couldn’t be good for you.

  “I’ve never stayed in a hotel before.” I told Vickie as I tried to use the plastic card to open the door to the room. She smiled down at me and took it out of my hand when I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. Vickie slid it into the slot and a mechanism clicked inside the door.

  “Do you mind if I hop in the shower? I haven’t had one in a few days.” She asked, then put my backpack on one of the beds and glanced away, but I could see she was blushing.

  “Sure. While you do that I’ll go the gas station next door and get food for us.” I sat on the edge of the other bed and felt the metal prod of a loose spring underneath the blanket. I hoped the other bed was more comfortable. Vickie took her backpack with her into the bathroom. At first it concerned me, like maybe she didn’t trust me with her stuff, but then realized she probably wanted to change clothes, or brush her teeth.

  I placed my backpack on the wooden drawers and debated whether or not to unpack it. I didn’t expect to be staying more than a night, two tops. Spying the remote control on top of the television, I turned it on, then dialed the volume down to keep it as background noise. Soon I heard water running, and I pulled my wallet out for a quick inventory.

  I’d only put a hundred dollars in there, minus the fee for the room. I looked in my bag and opened the inner compartment that contained the rest of my net worth. It was all there. I would not starve, but I knew I had to be frugal if I wanted to stay off the streets. After checking my pockets for the card to the room I left to get the snacks.

  “I bought food. Help yourself.” I placed the bag next to Vickie on the bed. She reached out and grabbed my hand and gently drew my body down until my face was opposite hers. She kissed my forehead, then my nose, and then I felt her lips touch mine and I got dizzy. I fell on the bed next to her and smiled.

  Sh
e was only wearing a t-shirt and panties, and she smelled fresh, clean. I’d always known I preferred women, and thanks to my diary now my parents did too. Vickie was attractive, and I wanted to climb all over her. While I didn’t think she’d have a problem with it, I didn’t know how to go about it. I’d never done anything with anyone before, and the books and magazines I’d sneaked from the library didn’t go into a lot of details. What if I made a mistake? What if Vickie got mad, or told me to stop? Doubts raced through my head on a loop until she leaned over me on her elbow and brushed her lips over mine.

  I kissed her back, not sure if I was doing it right, but she responded by climbing on top of me, so it must have been okay. Vickie’s arms encircled my neck, and she kissed my cheeks, then I felt her tongue in my ear. My back arched up, pushing myself into her while fireworks went off behind closed eyelids.

  Oh god, how can this be bad? Why do people consider this evil? What are they afraid of?

  These thoughts ran around my head like it was an Olympic event. My hands shook as I wrapped them around her shoulders. Fear and need competed for my attention, almost like the devils and angels my parents believed in. I wanted to let go, to let it all happen, my parents be damned.

  But you just met her. She’s a stranger, and could be dangerous.

  I shut my thoughts off and tried to will them away. Then I felt Vickie’s lips back on mine, and her hands were underneath my shirt, finding my nipples and squeezing them.

  You shall not lie with a female as one lies with a man. It is an abomination. We follow God’s law in this house.

  My father’s voice echoed through my head as her tongue found the spots her fingers were squeezing.

  I placed my palms against her chest and pushed her off of me. I didn’t want to stop her, but I was so scared. Tears clouded my vision as her face lowered toward mine. I closed my eyes and cringed, ashamed of my fear.