Crave

by Tessa Vidal

  “This is a list of numbers, names and addresses you might need. I emailed them to you as well. I also scheduled visits to them on your calendar. I marked those in blue, which means they are flexible. You can change the dates and times to fit your schedule.” She opened the folder, her hazel eyes scanning the sheets inside. Her intensity came through her eyes the most. Somehow they looked greener when she was concentrating. Amber looked up, catching me staring. I glanced down at my phone, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

  “I will not keep you here all night. Tomorrow morning if you would come with me to the airport and drive back with the car, I’d appreciate it.”

  The folder fell from Amber’s hands, and her eyes grew wide. Papers scattered, and we both got to our knees to pick them up.

  “I’m sorry, I’m nervous about…” I looked up from where I was kneeling and her face was inches from mine. I sucked in my breath and realized my hands were trembling. She looked so frightened and vulnerable. I wanted to take her hand, tell her everything would be okay.

  Get a grip, Simona.

  I handed Amber the papers and sat back in my chair. Smoothing my hair off my face, I struggled to regain my composure before she noticed anything was wrong. I took a deep breath and resumed the conversation.

  “You’ll need a car to visit my different locations. Don’t worry, you won’t wreck it.” I chuckled when I noticed her embarrassment. I wondered if I wasn’t saying it on purpose to see her flush. It started in her chest, working up from under the collar of her button-down shirt to her neck. When it hit her face her cheeks would transform to a deep, rosy pink. She’d close her eyes, as if to say, “Don’t look at me!” I bit my lower lip and turned away to avoid laughing.

  I did that a lot with her.

  “I think between phone calls every day, and email we should be fine. Do you want me to clean this up before I go?” Amber gestured toward the wine glasses.

  “No, I’ve got it. I’m going to stay outside a few more minutes, maybe take a dip in the pool. Oh, and I might not be in touch tomorrow after you drop me off at the airport. To be honest, I don’t know the extent of my father’s illness. But you’ll hear from me every day after that.”

  Amber stood to leave, and I did too. Should I invite her to stay, perhaps take a dip in the pool? I mean, she was about to move in. She might as well take advantage of it.

  Plus, I wanted her to stay. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but when she spoke I clammed up.

  “Goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning bright and early.” She sauntered off toward the little path that led to the gate, then turned toward me.

  “I had a good time in Asheville. Thanks for taking me along.” She waved then opened the gate, a click of the latch signaling I was alone. I fell back in my chair with a sigh and refilled my glass. A delicious Merlot that tasted like perfect, buttery grapes. My head was in the clouds, and I could feel the effects of the wine kicking in. The urge to jump in the pool overwhelmed me. Usually I swam laps, but now I wanted to kick back and relax. I was heading to New York City, and into the unfamiliar territory of family drama.

  I kicked off my heels, and moments later my clothing was in the chair. I placed my wine glass by the edge of the pool, and dove in. The heated water slipped over my skin like a warm glove. I surfaced, allowing my body to float. Eyes closed and my ears underwater, I enjoyed the sensory deprivation, all feeling focused on my skin, the feel of the warm water holding me afloat. I’d tried meditation before and was hopeless at keeping my thoughts from racing. But for a minute or two I felt calm, present. I wished Amber was here to enjoy the pool with me.

  My eyes snapped open. Why did I keep thinking about her?

  I heard a rustle of leaves and stood up with a splash. I was being paranoid. The privacy fence was tall. It was probably an alley cat or a squirrel. I paddled to the side of the pool and sipped the wine, enjoying the sublime taste. Running fingers through my damp hair, I wished it was somebody else’s hands. I rarely had time for sex, usually didn’t think about it, but for some reason it invaded my thoughts. I’d wondered if middle age was taking away my desire to hold another body in my arms. I was only forty-one. Much too early for that.

  Floating on the surface, my nipples grew hard as the temperature difference between the warm water and the cooler evening air teased them. My tongue swirled the wine for a moment, loving the taste and feel of the liquid.

  I put my glass down by the edge of the pool and dove underwater, surfacing into the floating position. The fingers of my right hand slid down my stomach and my thighs opened. I flattened my hand on top of my mound and pressed, a moan coming from my throat. Then I forced my hand away, wanting the pleasure to build, and not give in to it quite yet. Only seconds passed until my hand inched its way back to my slit. I teased my slick folds, then found my clit. My nerve endings were on high alert, sparks of pleasure surging through my frame.

  “Oh Jesus.” I gasped as I sank beneath the water, unable to control my limbs. Trying to achieve some sort of zen meditative bliss while getting myself off was a new one for me. I pulled myself out of the water, grabbed my towel and jogged inside. My clothes and wine were abandoned by the side of the pool.

  As I padded across the grass to the back door, I heard another rustle in the shrubs. I stood stock still for a moment, listening. My skin was pebbling from the cool night air, and I wrapped my arms around myself. Fuck it, if someone was watching, I hope they were enjoying the show.

  Little pinpricks of euphoria shot through my groin as I inserted a finger inside my slit. My eyes closed, and I wandered through the secret fantasies I had filed away in the back of my head. The woman of my fantasies had no face or name. No distractions of emotions, only the urgent need to feel a body underneath mine.

  Curved breasts and long legs, a woman’s scent, and smooth taut skin. The soft flesh of a woman’s breast as I licked around her nipple, then pulled it into my mouth. Feeling her squirm I used my tongue, licking up the side of her throat. I inserted another finger, resting my thumb on my now throbbing clit. My fingers slid in and out, building up speed as the fantasy went deeper. Then my hand slowed as my imagination focused on a single image, a blurry face with auburn, messy hair. My muscles contracted at once when I recognized the brilliant hazel eyes of Amber. I tore my hand away with a gasp.

  “What the hell are you thinking?” I muttered, shaking my head. In vain I tried to clear the picture of her from my mind. My eyes snapped shut, but my body betrayed me as I felt my pussy become wetter than before.

  Damn it. No matter how attractive I found her, and guessed I did, I couldn’t go there. Focus on someone else, anyone but Amber.

  My right hand resumed its motions while my other squeezed a nipple. Soon I reached the pinnacle where pain met pleasure. I slowed down, wanting it to last longer, but the feeling inside my groin was expanding. Soon I felt the impending orgasm approaching. My chest heaved and unfamiliar sounds issued from my throat.

  Unbidden, Amber’s face returned to my minds eye. I imagined my lips on hers while pressing against her lithe frame. She thrashed beneath me, calling my name.

  “Simona, please, I need you.” She breathed, and I felt her hand grip mine, guiding it to her entrance. Pressure was building, radiating through my torso. I needed her, wanted to make her groan with pleasure. I slid down her body and opened her thighs, inhaling her scent. My tongue wanted nothing more than to taste her. My lips rubbed against her mound then I looked up.

  “Baby, is this really what you want?”

  “Simona don’t tease me. I need you, please.” Her hips thrust forward. I licked her clit, enjoying her body thrashing beneath mine. Then I backed away, nibbling the tender skin of her inner thighs.

  “Please Simona, I can’t take it any more.” Amber’s voice was ragged, her breathing shallow and quick. She grabbed my shoulders and urged me forward. I moved up, my lips attached to hers for a tender kiss that grew deeper and fiercer. I ground my hips into hers. Wanting to tast
e her again I pulled back, rewarded with a look of sheer need stamped on her beautiful face. Opening her thighs once more, I inserted two fingers and sucked at her clit with my tongue.

  “Oh my God.” Amber shrieked. “Simona, I can’t wait, I’m going to come.” Her hands gripped the sheets while her hips thrust upward. Euphoria filled me, my thoughts filled with the image of her and me becoming one.

  I can’t believe we are together. I’m making love to her. This is heaven.

  My orgasm gathered strength deep inside. The thought of her coming sent me over the edge. My juices covered my hand as contractions wracked my lower body. I curled up on my side, biting the pillow to keep from screaming her name.

  A few minutes passed. My eyes snapped open, and I was back in bed, alone. Despite the air conditioning, I was covered in sweat, gasping for air. I’d not had an orgasm like this in years, and never one so powerful by my own hand. I brought my fingers to my mouth, trying to remember what it was like to be with another woman.

  “What would it be like with Amber?” My words came unbidden, spoken straight from my unconsciousness. They echoed in my head, a question begging to be answered.

  Now spoken aloud, they became real.

  She was too good of an assistant. Hell, she was becoming too good of a friend to allow any physical attraction to fuck it up. My track record with relationships was almost non-existent. The only time I’d ever felt romantic for another person it had gone tragically wrong. I wasn’t about to take any chances now, especially with her.

  Love doesn’t exist in my world.

  I rolled off the bed and strolled through the dark house. The quiet of the evening would be a great time to swim laps. I’d taken care of what needed taking care of. Life would return to normal.

  I strolled outside, poured more wine, and eased into the warm water. I sipped it and laughed; wine and working out didn’t mix. I guessed I was stuck with my thoughts.

  I rested the back of my elbows against the side of the pool and thought about my upcoming trip. Seeing my mother would be difficult after so many years. I loved her, but had to admit avoiding drama made my life more successful than I ever thought possible. Growing up on the streets made me strong. Avoiding drama made me stronger.

  Resentments were easy to cultivate and grow. When they tossed me out at seventeen, it nearly killed me, and it was the one resentment I’d never been able to shrug off. I was either going to fertilize the field of resentments in my heart, or burn the fucker down.

  “The next few days are going to be rough.” I murmured and gulped down the rest of the wine.

  Mom and Dad might not have been there for me, but I could be there for them. I’d have no regrets hanging over my conscience for the rest of my days.

  “Shut the hell up. Stop thinking.” I spoke aloud, my voice silencing the crickets for a moment.

  I put the wine glass down and pushed myself off the side of the pool, gliding through the water to the other side. I came up for air, dove under and swam back to the other side. Once there my thoughts rested precisely where I didn’t want them to be.

  “No feelings allowed, okay? It only spells trouble. Amber’s a good girl who deserves a hell of a lot better than me.” I whispered.

  The night sky absorbed my words, not giving me a response of any kind. I pulled myself out of the pool and went inside to pack.

  Amber

  The drive to the airport was uneventful, except I kept forgetting to look in the mirrors because I rarely drove. I remedied this by staring at Simona’s dark eyes in the rear-view mirror. This wasn’t exactly safe driving, but at least I was using the mirror. I thought I was getting away with it until she surprised me. I was deciding if her eyes had more gold or green interspersed with the chocolate brown, when her hand grabbed my shoulder.

  “Better keep your eyes on the road.” I jumped at her touch. When I glanced in the mirror again she was biting her lower lip, suppressing a smile. She squeezed my shoulder and returned her hand to her lap. Mortified, I kept my eyes in front of me for the rest of the ride.

  “Do you want me to wait with you?” My heart sank as we pulled up to the curb. I was unprepared for this. Missing Simona wasn’t the best thing I could do for my career.

  “No, just let me out here. God, I hate airports.” Simona reached over me, pushing the button to pop the trunk. I could smell the sexy, woodsy fragrance I loved, and it took considerable willpower not to turn my head, and give her a goodbye kiss. Her touch was all I wanted, for her to place a hand on my shoulder, or my thigh, anywhere damn it.

  I wanted Simona to stay.

  “I will not need you to work today. We took care of everything already, so why don’t you take the rest of the day off? Use my car and start moving into the apartment.”

  “Are you sure? Because I could always…”

  “It’s an order.” Simona hesitated, then resumed speaking. “Relax. Believe me, you will be working hard very soon. Take the day off with my blessing, oh, except for one thing. Why don’t you go to one of my restaurants and eat, introduce yourself to the manager, that sort of thing? Try the food, tell me about it, oh, and don’t tell them who you are until after you’re done eating. I want to hear how the service was.”

  “Sure; I’ll give you a full report.” I scrambled in my head, trying to think of something else to say, anything to keep her with me longer.

  “Thank you Amber. You are, well…” Simona’s eyes bored into mine for an instant. I felt my breathing stop, wondering what she was going to say next. She placed a manicured hand on my knee, gave it a gentle squeeze, then opened the door.

  “Bye.” Simona whispered, then paused for a moment before swinging her legs out of the car. She softly shut the door and a few seconds later I felt the car shake as the trunk closed. She gave me a little wave, then strolled into the terminal.

  “Hey Christy, you wanna grab a drink or three this afternoon?” The sound of a child screaming in the background told me she probably would.

  “Who is this? It sounds like my friend Amber, but she never calls or wants to drink anything. Put that down Jack!” The last part was addressed to her youngest son, who was a handful.

  “Yes, it’s me. To be honest, I need your help. I know I’m a lesbian and all that, but to be honest, I missed the boat on fashion stuff. I want to get a different haircut, and perhaps some new clothes. Oh, and I need to pick up my contact lenses from the vision center. I don’t trust my taste in anything, and well, you always look good. I’m hoping you can help me out.” I stared at my reflection in the mirror while talking, running my hand through my hair which was getting shaggy even by my standards. I hated dealing with it, so twice a year I’d go to a cheap salon at Crabtree Mall and have them chop most of it off. This time I wanted it styled, maybe spend a little extra money and look professional. I wanted Simona to feel good about me representing her at work.

  Well, I guess I wanted her to like it too.

  I heard a thud, then some strange scratching noises.

  “Are you sure this is Amber?”

  I laughed. “Yes, Christy, it’s me. Seriously, do you want to help or not? Because I can’t believe I’m doing this, and I don’t want to lose the motivation. Otherwise I’m going to let my hair get crazier and I’m going back to the thrift store for more boring clothes.”

  “OhmygodI’vewantedtodothisforsolong!”

  She put the phone down. I heard her screaming at her husband that he had to take care of the kids for the rest of the day.

  Amber was getting an emergency makeover.

  We ended up at The Executive Lounge, one of Simona’s restaurants.

  “Did you get colored contact lenses?” Christy kept staring at me. I felt like hiding under my seat.

  “For the third time, no.” I smiled, knowing she was paying me a compliment, but still uncomfortable with the scrutiny. I sipped the wine, not used to alcohol, but since Simona drank it, I figured I should too. Tasted good too, once I got used to it.


  “You totally look like a different person. Like, if you ever went in the witness protection program, no one could find you.” Christy took a swig of her IPA. She gave me a sip of it earlier and I wanted to spit it out.

  “In a good way, I hope.” I felt blood rushing to my face. Being the center of anyone’s attention was foreign to me.

  “Yes, in a most excellent way. Now, tell me again why you’ve decided to finally embrace your inner-girl and look all hot and sexy?”

  Because of my job? Yes, that’s part of it. Because I wanted to look like a grown-up? Yep. Because I wanted to look hot for Simona? Shit; all of the above. I couldn’t think of a response, well, one I could vocalize. I must have taken too long with my response, because she huffed, then spoke.

  “Since you will never tell me, let me guess; Simona, right?”

  “Damn it Christy, of course not. I, you know, need to look professional, for meeting with her employees and vendors, that kind of stuff. She’s my boss, and I’m not trying to get in her pants. I mean, that’s completely over the line, I can’t do that.” My voice shook as I lied.

  “Uh-huh. Which is why you are turning red, because you’re embarrassed to dress like a professional?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm, and I knew I couldn’t hide anything from her. She knew me better than anyone else.

  “Fine, okay, I guess a little part of me is trying to impress her. But, I’m not being unrealistic. I know she would never be interested in me. I don’t even know if she likes women, though I’m thinking she does, maybe, a little bit.” Wishful thinking, but I’d never heard her mention a man beyond an employee or family member.

  “Girl, I’m telling you I saw her giving you the googly eyes. Only people attracted to someone make those eyes, plus you have chemistry, like serious chemistry. When I saw the two of you leaning against each other laughing at me, I knew something was up, and that’s even with you dressed like a dork.”