First to Fight Box Set: Books 1-5
Page 30
“Well, the police have some leads now. All they need to do is bring the guys in for questioning, then this will all be over. Do you want me to help you pack?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Ben turns me around to face him. I keep my gaze steady on his neck. “I’m just saying that now that they’re making some headway on the case, you can relax a little bit. Get back to your own life.”
“I don’t fucking think so.”
“You...don’t fucking think so...what?”
“You’re delusional. We just had the conversation about keeping you safe until this man is behind bars. That doesn’t change because there have been a few developments.”
“Ben, this is getting ridiculous. I’m fine. We’re going to be fine. You don’t have to stay here. If you’re worried about me keeping the baby from you, you don’t have to be. You’re welcome to see him anytime you want. We can go see a custody lawyer and get started on that if it makes you feel any better.”
Ben leans his weight on the kitchen counter and crosses his arms across his muscular chest. “It’s not about the baby, Olivia. It’s about you and me.”
I flush and move to leave, but he cages me against the counter. “You mentioned that before but…things are just too complicated right now. I have to focus on Cole. I think it’s probably best that there isn’t a ‘you and me.’” I can’t entertain the thought of Ben and I again, even though my body is screaming otherwise. I would only lose him again. Like I lost my father and—
“Let me take you upstairs and I’ll remind you of all the reasons why there should be,” comes Ben’s voice, low in my ear.
And that’s exactly why I can’t go there again. With one sentence, he solidifies my conviction and pours a bucket of ice cold water over my traitorous body which was once again heating up at Ben’s sinful words and close proximity. There’s no doubt in my mind that I can take Ben up on his offer right now and he would more than deliver on his promise. Attraction, sex…they’ve never been an issue between Ben and I. But I need more than that now. Cole needs more than that. And we can’t have both.
“I’m not the kind of guy who can give you the white picket fence, but I can promise you that it’s a night you’ll never forget.” Ben’s truth, which he gave me himself. He gave me the best part of himself that night. And it would have to be enough.
“I don’t think so. I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower. You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner.” I move to leave, but he doesn’t budge. “I’m serious, Ben.”
“So am I.”
“Are you listening to a word I’m saying?” I exclaim.
“Not really. Especially not when all that’s coming out of your mouth is bullshit.”
“When did you get so stubborn?”
“I’ve always been stubborn. You just always used to agree with me, so it was okay.”
I square my shoulders, placing my hands on my hips, and give him my best no-bullshit glare. “Well, this is one thing that we aren’t going to agree on, no matter how stubborn you are.”
He moves in closer, going in for the one spot that he knows from experience always makes me weak. He presses his lips to my ear and whispers, “You sure about that, Spitfire?”
Ben
Livvie looks at me with wild eyes. I recognize the primitive fight or flight response. The way she wants to protect herself from me, keep the soft, vulnerable part of her hidden. The part of her that I like so much. Her gaze flickers around me searching for a way out.
“I’m not going anywhere, Liv. Get used to it.”
I step back a bit and let her slide by. She sends me panicked glances as she disappears around the corner. Cole bangs on the little playpen for attention. I pick him up, careful to do so by holding his butt and neck the way Livvie taught me in order to not agitate his still-healing wound from his second surgery. He isn’t quite sure of me yet, no matter how much fun we had this morning with the blocks. To stave off the tantrum I can feel coming, I give the kid a handful of snacks I find in the cupboard, which seems to satisfy him for the moment.
After pouring myself a cup of coffee—it seemed a better option than the six-pack I normally down each day—I sit at the island with the little guy and check my email. There are a couple of messages from people I knew in the Corps, the regular spam and adverts. Nothing from the one person I’ve been reaching out to for months now, to no avail.
I zone out, suddenly looking up to find myself in the desert with the body parts of my fallen men around me. The trucks are belching black smoke and cackling flames. Greene has come to and is screaming inconsolably. I can’t hear him. I can only see the ravaged stain of pain on his face. He’s almost white with it and a river of blood surrounds him. My gear and clothes are soaked in it. My vision spots white and I look up to see the smoke of another rocket coming straight for us.
A loud smack breaks me from the waking nightmare, sending shockwaves throughout my body. I tune back in to the present and find a red-faced Cole staring at me, his snack spread out in a wave on the floor. My fingers grip the edge of the table. I take a deep breath, offering up a weak smile.
“Sorry, kid. Was I ignoring you?” I get to my knees and rake up the food with shaking hands. Cole hiccups above me and a tear streaks down his cheek. “We’ll get you cleaned up and I’ll make you another snack. Does that sound good?”
I get to my knees, tossing the food in the trash and the bowl in the sink. I wipe the tear from his face and there, just for a second, he leans into my hand and closes his eyes. The earlier panic melts away and a seed of connection is born between us. I didn’t get to bond with him while he was in Livvie’s belly. I didn’t get to see him when he was born. I hadn’t even quite wrapped myself around the concept of being a father. But touching him, seeing him, having a moment with him, makes our bond real for the first time. That simple wonder is enough to wipe away the cold sweat and the remaining dregs of fear.
He opens his eyes and smiles at me. I smile back. “Yeah,” I whisper. “I think that sounds good, too.”
His second round of snacks taken care of, I hunt around the kitchen for fixings for dinner. There isn’t much to speak of when it comes to food, and though I’d be satisfied with a sandwich and chips, Livvie needs a good meal to keep up her strength.
A few minutes later and I’ve still got nothing. My cooking skills range from MREs to microwavable noodles, but I don’t see any of those in her fancy cabinets.
“Next time I tell you not to sell your car for a motorcycle, maybe you’ll listen,” my approaching mother snaps.
I unbuckle Cole from where he’s happily tossing his snack and watching it tumble to the ground with maniacal laughter.
“It’s not just a motorcycle, woman,” I hear my dad growl. “It’s a ticket to freedom from your constant nagging.”
“I can’t wait until you drive that monstrosity on my driveway. I’ll show you exactly where you can stuff your nagging.”
My mother flounces into the kitchen in a wave of AquaNet and attitude, where she immediately pounces on me. “I’ve given you plenty of time, Benjamin. Plenty of time. Now, your father is under some misguided impression that we should give you two more time to settle after everything that’s happened, but I’ll not be kept from my only grandson one day longer. Or my future daughter-in-law,” she adds with a pointed look.
Cole smashes his hands on the table in agreement, and my mom descends upon him with a sound of delight. Dad follows with the twins and I look to the ceiling for strength.
Dad turns to me and says, “I kept her away as long as I could, but there comes a time in a man’s life when our stamina just isn’t what it used to be.”
Livvie chooses that moment to return and blushes prettily at the entrance to the kitchen. Her hair falls around her shoulders in dark red waves. She smiles shyly at my dad and says, “Hey, Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart. I’m sorry if you felt that you had to stay away. I-I would have come sooner, but—”
Mom smiles at me, and I wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her to my side so I can press a kiss into her hair. “His stamina is just fine,” Mom also informs me, as though it were something I need to be made aware of.
Livvie hastily changes the subject. “Why don’t y'all join us for something to eat?” Though I doubt she knows what she’s getting herself into. Hanging around occasionally when we were kids is entirely different from becoming a part of my crazy family.
“What are we having?” Mom asks.
I nod to the stove. “I was making omelets.”
“Gross,” Mitchell says. “Ben can’t cook for shit.”
“You watch your mouth, Mitchell Hart,” Mom says sharply. “It just so happens I brought stuff to make lasagna. I figured the two of you could use a good home cooked meal.”
“You don’t have to cook for us, Mrs. Hart—” Livvie starts.
“I won’t hear a word about it, girl. Why don’t you boys help your father cart in the groceries? I’m going to sit for a spell and get to know my grandson.”
“Careful,” I tell her. “Make sure to watch out for his chest. Don’t pick him up by the armpits. Always lift from the neck and butt.”
“Oh, my,” she says as she picks him up. “What a handsome little boy!”
Livvie sits next to my mom at the kitchen table. “He knows it, too, I think. He’s a little flirt.”
“They mentioned it on the T.V. About his heart condition. Is he going to be okay?”
“He’s just fine. He had his second surgery a few weeks ago and will have to have another within the next few years.”
“Will he need some sort of transplant?”
“Hopefully not,” Livvie says. “If all goes well, his third surgery should take care of everything. He’ll have to be careful, and he’ll always be on medication.” She runs a finger over Cole’s hand. “But he’s just as happy as any other baby. Maybe tires a little bit more easily, and we have to be extra careful about germs and all that, but he’s a strong boy. He’s a fighter.”
“Oh, absolutely,” Mom says. Mitchell ambles in, his arms loaded down with grocery bags. She speaks to him without even looking first, “Mitchell James, don’t you even think about setting those bags down on the floor and wandering off on that damn phone. You unload those groceries on the counter there and put the bags in the trash.”
Mitchell groans and changes direction.
Livvie looks at my mom in awe. “I want to be you when I grow up.”
My mom winks at her proudly. “You stick with me, honey. You’ve got one of ours now. They’re a handful.”
“So I’ve learned,” Livvie says, looking at me.
I hold my hands up. “I haven’t done a damn thing.”
“You know he moved himself in with me.” Not this shit again.
Mom nods her head. “Good. That just shows that I’ve taught him well.”
Livvie groans. “I give up. I swear arguing with your family is like arguing with a bunch of rocks.”
“Stay around us long enough, you’re bound to pick up the same trait. It comes in handy with dealing with these guys.”
“I don’t know how you did it with the four of them.”
“Wine,” Mom answers and they share a laugh.
Dad nudges me on the shoulder. “You gonna take the next week off? If so, just let me know so we can get you covered at the shop.”
“I will if that’s all right with you. I’d like to keep close, at least until we’re sure this is over.”
“They got some leads?”
“A few. We’ll see if they pan out.”
“Good to hear, Son. And feel free to take as much time as you need.”
“Thanks, Pops. I appreciate it.”
He nods to me, then turns to Mom and says, “Alright woman, the men folk are hungry. Are we gonna eat or what?”
Olivia
After spending the day surrounded by Ben’s family, I come to the decision that letting him have his way is the easiest way to handle the situation. After all, I’m the one in the wrong here. I’m the one who kept his son a secret from him. He just wants to protect his child, and that’s understandable, I reason. Once the threat passes and things settle down, we’ll be able to set up a more acceptable situation. One that doesn’t involve a living, breathing temptation sharing my bed.
With Ben’s family still happily chattering away in the kitchen, I take Cole upstairs to put him down for a nap. I’m drifting in and out myself when I hear a knock on the door. I ease myself out from under Cole’s body and tug a spare afghan around me, careful not to jostle my shoulder.
When I reach the foot of the stairs, I see Ben at the front door and beyond him Sofie and Jack. Oh, crap.
Sofie and Jack in the same room is bad by itself, but adding Ben to the mix is a surefire way for things to blow up now that they aren’t bound by social niceties.
I wince as soon as Jack’s eyes come to me. “Explain.”
“Well, come in. Don’t make Sofie stand outside.”
Jack glances behind him, looks Sofie up and down, and turns back as though he didn’t see her. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. I don’t know what it is between those two, but they need to get over it or get back together before I wring both their necks.
When Jack doesn’t make room, Sofie pushes her way inside. She immediately comes to my side. “Hi, Cole’s dad! So nice to finally see you in the picture.” She waves to Ben, who’s closing the door behind a still-steamed Jack. “But I didn’t realize he came with a party. What’s going on?”
“Why don’t you come in the kitchen? I’ll make everyone something to drink. Ben’s mom made lasagna and there’s enough for a football team. You can make yourselves a plate.”
Ben stops me by the entrance to the kitchen with a hand at my waist. I look up at his face, steadily ignoring the way my body reacts to his closeness.
“I’m going to go check on my parents. You okay here?”
“Yes, I’m not a child.”
He presses a short kiss to my lips and I raise a hand to his chest—to pull him closer or keep him at a distance, I’m not sure. His guerrilla-style tactics are hell on my resistance.
I ignore that and the looks on Jack and Sofie’s faces as I pull out tea and some extra plates. They might not want to eat, but I’m suddenly overcome with the urge to stuff my face, if only to keep from their inquisition.
“Uh,” Sofie starts. “What the hell was that?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say around a bite of garlic bread.
“Too bad,” Jack says. “A few days ago, the two of you were barely speaking and now he’s walking around your house like he owns the place. He’s my friend, and I love him, but what the fuck?”
“Keep your voice down, Jack.”
Sofie nods. “I have to say, I agree with Jack.”
I narrow my eyes at my supposed best friend. Jack is supposed to be the enemy, and she should be on my side. What the hell?
“About time you agreed with me on something.”
“Don’t start.” Sofie turns back to me. “Spill.”
I rub the dull ache in my temple. “I was the one who was shot here. Shouldn’t you guys be giving him a hard time?”
Jack stops his furtive study of Sofie and looks back at me. “Don’t pull the injured card. I didn’t put up with a year of your wishy-washy bullshit for things to change and you not even tell me.”
“It’s not wishy-washy bullshit, Jack. Ben is just here so he and Cole can get to know each other. I feel safer with him here since the shooting. That’s all.”
“Oh, so he knows he’s Cole’s dad now?” Jack asks quickly.
I study him suspiciously for a beat. “Yeah. The news bl
abbed all about it while I was in the hospital and, you know…he was there, so…” I trail off, once again feeling like crap and not liking the way all of that went down.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Sofie says, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“We’re fine, really.” I glance back up toward my bedroom, where Cole sleeps peacefully. “I just hope we continue to be so lucky.”
“I’m going to go have a talk with Ben,” Jack says before grabbing his tea and bee-lining for the huddle of people outside.
“By ‘talk with Ben’ he means he’s going to go grill him about his intentions.” Sofie’s eyes linger on Jack a touch longer than necessary.
I groan. “Okay, I am over this conversation, Sof.”
“That’s too damn bad. You gotta catch me up here. So he found out he’s the baby-daddy at the hospital and what now? He’s shacked up here?”
“I don’t know, really. He says he’s here because he’s freaked out about me getting shot. My plan was to have him be a part of Cole’s life. But he seems to think we should just pick up where we left off.”
“And you don’t want to?” she asks, picking apart a piece of garlic bread.
“I have enough on my plate right now, learning the whole Mom thing and then going back to work. I don’t know if it would be a relationship out of necessity or based on real feelings. Does he just want to be with me because I’m the mother of his kid? It’s completely out of order. Not to mention that there is some lunatic going around shooting at me. I’m still trying to find out the cause of all this mess.” I gesture with my bandaged arm and wince at the tenderness. “A relationship with Ben isn’t part of the plan.”
Sofie’s eyes trail back to Jack, who is talking to Ben outside. “Yeah, well, love doesn’t always follow the rules, Liv.”
“Even so, I don’t have time for a relationship right now. I go back to work in a few weeks, and I just need to focus on Cole.”
Cole, thankfully, interrupts the inquisition just as Ben and Jack walk back inside.
“I’ll get him,” Ben says, already starting up the stairs.