For Always

by Janae Mitchell

  "And this goes with them. It's from Mom and Dad." It was a matching steering wheel cover and scented white flowers to hang from my mirror.

  "Aw, they're so pretty. How did y'all know about my new Jeep?"

  "Word travels fast 'round here," she said, handing me another present. After opening what I thought was all of them, Beth brought one more out. "And this," she said, handing me a huge basket, "is from Jace." I looked at him, still sitting on the rail smiling at me.

  "Dang, Stone, did you buy her the whole store?" Chad blurted out.

  "I tried," he retorted as he jumped down and came over to me.

  The basket was filled with body wash, bubble bath, lotion, body spray, and even stuff for my hair, all vanilla scented. It was from one of my favorite stores, which I couldn't imagine him even going into, and I knew it had to cost at least sixty dollars. "I love it."

  "It was the scent you wore on our first date, so I thought you'd like it." Then he bent down and whispered, "I know I did."

  "That's good to know," I laughed. Then I noticed another small box in the basket. I looked at Jace questioningly as I picked it up.

  "Just a little something else."

  Luckily, the music had started back and people were singing, so I didn't feel like I was in the spotlight anymore. When I opened the small box, my mouth fell open. It was a necklace made out of white gold and it had a matching charm hanging from. It was a heart that had another heart shaped ruby inside the bottom of it. "My birthstone," I said as I handed it to him to put on me. "I love it."

  The next thing I knew I heard people chanting, "Nell-ie…Nell-ie." I looked up and realized they were trying to get her to sing.

  She was shaking her head until she saw me looking at her, then came over and grabbed my hand. "I'll sing if you sing with me."

  Then everyone started chanting my name. I had sung with her several times, but only in the privacy of our own home, and usually while we were cleaning. "I can't sing".

  "Oh, yes you can," she argued, pulling me toward the karaoke machine. "Now, help me pick a song." She was loving this.

  "I'm gonna kill you," I said, only half kidding, as I sat down on one of the stools they had sat out. Everyone started cheering us on, especially Beth and Max. Jace and his friends had taken seats at a nearby table, while Beth, Hunter, and Max scooted some chairs up in front of us. Their mom and dad had even come out to listen. I thought I was gonna puke before she got a song picked out. "Just pick one or I'm gonna bail on you."

  "Ah, got one." She was much more excited than I was about singing in front of all these people. "Here we go," she said as she sat down on the stool next to me. When the music started and I realized what song it was, I relaxed a little. It was Cruisin by Huey and Gwyneth, which I liked and somewhat knew. But I was still gonna kill her.

  As we started singing, everyone was quiet, so our voices echoed across the lake. I was too embarrassed to look at anyone but Grandmama as we sang. I had to admit, I really did like singing with her. Then Ty stood up and started dancing around us, stopping long enough to grind up against my back. I was gonna have to kill him, too.

  When we got finished, everyone stood up and started yelling and clapping. Jace's mom and dad came up to us and said we were great. "Maybe we need to have y'all come sing more often," his mom told me.

  "I don't know about that." I laughed, hoping she was kidding. "And thanks for my present by the way."

  "You're welcome," she said as she squeezed me and took off back into the restaurant.

  Jace joined us, putting his arm around me. "Man, y'all sounded awesome. I didn't know you could sing."

  "You got a keeper there, Jace," his dad told him, making me feel awkward for some reason.

  He kissed my forehead. "I know."

  By the time the night was over, I sang again with Beth, and then Grandmama sang another one, making Max her backup singer. Jace and Ty tried to sing, which was painful to watch. Jace had been right—Ty was crazy. He had brown hair and eyes, and wasn't shy at all. I had met him a couple of weeks before and he had absolutely talked my head off. But I didn't mind because he was very entertaining; and tonight was no exception. We got to dance one slow song before the night wrapped up: Beth was with Hunter, Grandmama with Max, and Chad tried cutting in on me and Jace, but Jace kicked him. We all cracked up when Ty grabbed Chad and started dancing with him.

  It was starting to get late and we decided to help clean up, but Beth and her mom wouldn't have it. "No, it's your birthday and you're not cleaning," they insisted. We tried to argue but they pushed us on out the door. "Happy birthday," they told me as they ran us off.

  Once we were in the parking lot, I showed Jace my new Jeep. He walked all the way around it and nodded his head at me. "Nice."

  "I know," I said as I did a little jig. I unlocked it and sat my presents in the back.

  He put the rest of them in for me and shut the door. "Do you mind if I hang out with Malyn for a bit longer?" he asked Grandmama. "I can bring her home."

  "No, go right ahead. We'll drive her jeep." She hugged me and told me she loved me before they left.

  "I love you, too. And thanks for everything today. It was great."

  She nodded and smiled as they drove away.

  "So, what do you want to do?" I asked Jace, wrapping my arms around his waist.

  "Get a room!" Chad yelled from across the parking lot. He was with Ty and a few other guys I hadn't met. "Or share," he said and started laughing.

  "Don't be a dick, Chad."

  His friends started laughing, calling Chad a dick, which seemed to make him mad. "What did you call me, Stone?"

  I started to feel very uneasy, especially since Chad was a big guy. "Calm down," Ty said, smacking Chad's chest. They were slowly making their way toward us; Ty still seemed to want to dance.

  "Don't disrespect my girl, Chad. That's not cool," Jace said, stepping in front of me.

  "It's not cool to call me a dick, either."

  "Then don't act like one."

  "Let's go," I whispered, getting slightly worried.

  "Your girl is 'bout to see you get your ass kicked, Stone."

  "Let's go," I whispered again, pulling him toward his truck.

  "It's okay," he whispered back. "He does this." He seemed to be blowing him off as he looked toward them and said, "Not tonight, Chad, it's her birthday. Kick my ass some other night."

  He charged Jace, shoving his chest into his, but Jace didn't back down. Then Chad looked at him and smiled as he said, "Okay, sounds good. Let me know when you're free again." Then they all started laughing.

  "Y'all are idiots," I said, which made them laugh even harder. I couldn't keep from laughing, too, now that I knew Jace wasn't gonna be pulverized on my birthday.

  * * *

  As I laid in bed, I thought about what a good birthday it had been. I was surprised to realize that I hadn't thought about Beau hardly at all the entire day. But Grandmama had kept me so busy, and then my party, then Jace; I hadn't had time to think about Beau.

  My thoughts were going back and forth between Jace and Beau as I fell asleep. I loved Jace, but my heart still ached for Beau every time I thought about him. I wondered if that feeling would ever go away. I knew that if I didn't think about something else that I was gonna cry, which I had done enough of here lately, so I tried to clear my mind.

  I listened to the music that was playing and started to drift off, trying to keep him out of my thoughts. I was falling in and out of dreams when I heard a voice say my name. I tried to see who was calling me when I heard the same soft voice whisper in my ear. "Happy birthday, Malyn."

  Hearing his voice made my heart leap. "Beau…you're…here." Then I was slowly falling as I heard him say something else, but I couldn't make out what it was, and then I was too far away to hear him at all.

  Chapter 16

  TRANSITIONS

  Beau

  I didn't know what to think as I laid next to Malyn as she slept. After hearin' he
r say my name, which I thought I'd never hear her say again, I knew I wanted to hear her say it over and over again. I'd never thought of myself as selfish, but then, I guess we all are in one way or 'nother.

  I wasn't supposed to still be here, yet here I laid; and I wasn't quite sure how I felt 'bout that yet. One thing I was sure 'bout, though, was that I was here to stay. Max told me that it wasn't my fault, but I knew it was. It had been two days since our attempt to get me outta here failed. As I laid next to one of the reasons I was still here, I thought 'bout how mad I was when I realized I wasn't goin' nowhere after all.

  "I chose to leave," I had said to Max with frustration, tryin' to understand what was goin' on. "Why didn't I?" I couldn't remember everything that happened, just bits and pieces. But I know that his attempt did take a while ‘cause by the time he got done it was already afternoon.

  "You knew that there was a possibility that it wouldn't work. All your energy was workin' against us, and top that off with your feelin's for Malyn and—"

  "But I told her bye," I interrupted. "I know it's in her best interest that I go."

  "But is it in your best interest?"

  "What do ya mean?" I asked. "We all know it's best if I leave."

  "That's not what I asked," he said, shakin' his head. "Your interests…where do they lie? Do ya still have a longin' to move on, to finally get away from here? Or do ya still long for her?" When I didn't answer, he continued. "This process is a process of the heart, not what your mind thinks is best. Your spirit is connected to how ya feel, not what ya think. You can tell yourself over and over that ya wanna go, that you're gonna go, but if your heart ain't in it, it don't matter what ya tell yourself."

  "So it is my fault that it didn't work?" I thought he was tryin' to convince me that it wasn't, but he seemed to be tellin' me otherwise.

  "Have ya not been listenin' to a word I've said?" he asked, but didn't give me time to answer. "Your mind, the part of you that ya can control, may have been ready to go, but your heart, the part ya can't control, wasn't. It was out of your control. Your heart won."

  I sighed. "Who knew my heart was so selfish."

  "You're not selfish, Beau, you're in love. Feelin's just can't be turned off on a whim."

  "But I can't be in love with her."

  "But you are. The question now is what do ya do 'bout it?"

  That was a good question. What do I do 'bout it? I started to laugh.

  "What's so funny?"

  "Well, I've spent the last hundred years wantin' nothin' more than to get outta here. Then when I finally meet the one person who can help me with that," I stood up, spreadin' my arms toward Max, still laughin', mainly outta frustration, "ya tell me my heart just ain't in it no more." I turned and groaned, kickin' the tree stump, and yelled, "Damn my friggin' heart!" I turned back toward the river, wishin' I could just drown myself again.

  Max seemed a little taken aback by my outburst. "I know you're upset. And to be quite honest, I don't know how to help ya with that. But I do know that this doesn't have to be it. We can try again. Maybe you're feelin's will change over time. Then you'll be ready." He looked at me questioningly, like he's afraid I'd yell again.

  "Sorry for yellin', Max. I'm just so…" I just shook my head, not knowin' what else to say.

  He came and stood next to me. "I know of ways to help you while you're here. There are devices that you can carry with ya so you don't have to rely on the plasma ball all the time. I think they’ll work just the same. And the more ya use 'em and stay in your solidified form, the better off you'll be, no matter how this turns out."

  "What are they?"

  "They are like the plasma ball, but small enough to fit in a purse—"

  "Wait a minute," I interrupted. "I'm gonna have to carry a purse?" I asked, shakin' my head.

  "Well, if ya wanted to, let's say, go into town—"

  I interrupted again, "Go to town? I can go into town with those things?"

  He smiled and continued, "As I was sayin', they're small enough to hide if ya need to. And I'm thinkin', but not positively sure, that yes, ya may be able to leave here. However, if the battery was to go dead, you'd automatically return back to this spot."

  This was startin' to sound better and better. "Well, why didn't ya tell me that from the get go?"

  "’Cause I knew it may hinder your transitionin' process. I didn't want you havin' any information ya didn't need. But now that you're gonna be here, at least for a while, it doesn't matter."

  I looked at him, ponderin' what he just said. "So, is there anything else I didn't need to know that ya might be willin' to share now?"

  He was lookin' out over the river when he replied, "Maybe so."

  We talked some more as he gathered his things. He explained that the devices he was gonna get were called EMF pumps and he told me a little 'bout how they worked. Since they ran on batteries, he said if I leave here that I should carry two in case one went dead. "Ya don't wanna be talkin' to somebody and just disappear. That might be rather awkward."

  "Maybe just a little."

  When we started headin' toward the house, I wondered if Malyn was home. "What am I supposed to tell her?"

  "Who? Malyn?"

  "Yeah, 'bout my still bein' here. She's gonna think we can be together now." Then I thought 'bout last night—She was definitely gonna think that.

  "I don't know what to tell ya, Beau." He stopped walkin' and looked at me. "I've never ran across anything like this in all my years of study. I mean, I've looked into cases involvin' sexual encounters with ghosts, but not an actual ongoin', full-fledged relationship. Most people don't have the gift that Malyn has. You appear normal to her, so she sees ya as just that—normal." He continued to look at me, and I was hopin' he wasn't readin' my mind. "I guess it could technically work, but never in the normal way relationships do. You'd never be able to legally get married and ya couldn't give her kids."

  "Well, I don't care 'bout that for myself, but I wouldn't want to deprive Malyn of those things. That's what girls dream 'bout."

  "I agree. But if it's meant to be, there are ways to make it work," he said, almost like he was tryin' to convince me of that.

  "But I could never support her like this. She deserves more than I can give her."

  He smiled and said, "Maybe you should let her decide that for herself."

  "I would, but I know she'd make the wrong decision."

  "But she could make the wrong decision whether she chooses you or not." He started walkin' again. "Just keep that in mind. You may not be the worst choice out there."

  I laughed at what he said. "I'm thinkin' bein' dead puts me at the top of the bad choices list. How can she do worse than dead?"

  "It's all 'bout heart, my friend. There are some very much alive, very much heartless, people in the world. Just ‘cause ya converted from one form to another doesn't make ya any less of a person. It's like drivin' a car. I can get around better and do a lot more in my car, but I'm the same person whether I'm in it or just walkin'." He looked at me and grinned before he added, "You've just lost your car, that's all."

  He made it sound so simple, but we both knew it wasn't. I did understand what he was tryin' to tell me, though. But everything he was sayin' seemed to point to the same thing. "So, ya think it'd be okay for me and Malyn to be together? Even though I couldn't marry her, provide for her, give her kids, or live a normal life with her?" Even though I'm dead?

  We were almost to the house when he stopped. He was lookin' at the ground, rubbin' his mustache, before he looked back up at me and said, "Maybe I do."

  I was confused. "How? ‘Cause I know ya love her, too, and only want the best for her."

  He smiled at me and nodded as he said, "Exactly." He then turned to walk up onto the porch and tried to pat my back, but his hand went right through me, makin' us both laugh. "Sorry 'bout that," he said as he opened the door, motionin' me in first.

  "That's okay. I'm used to it." Max was a strange man, but I l
iked him.

  When we walked in, Nellie was in the kitchen makin' lunch. She stopped and turned to look at Max, waitin' to see how things had went. Then I'm assumin' she felt me come in with Max and her face fell. "It didn't work."

  "Well, I'm glad to see ya, too," I retorted before I could hold my tongue, but Max just laughed. I sat down on one of the stools at the bar next to him.

  Max sat next to me and said, "Nope, it sure didn't."

  "Well, why not?" She sounded a little upset, which did sting just a bit.

  "It just doesn't always work." When she didn't say anything, just kept staring at him, he took a deep breath and continued to explain. "It's a process, Nellie, and several things can affect that process. Beau's energy, for instance, is very strong, which makes it hard for him to go. It's just part of who he is."

  She stared at him for a minute more before she asked, "So, he's not leavin'?"

  "Does she want me to leave that bad? Ask her," I demanded.

  Max looked from me to her and said, "He wants to know if you want him to leave that bad."

  She looked from him to my chair, then quickly walked off into the sunroom without answerin'. I looked at Max, stunned. "What did I do to make her so mad at me?"

  Then she returned with the plasma ball and plugged it up at the bar. When she could see me, her face softened. "I like you, Beau. If it weren't for Malyn, I'd wantcha to stay. But as long as you're here, she's gonna love ya. And we both know that won't work."

  "Why not?" Max asked her.

  She looked at him like he was crazy. "You, of all people, should know why not."

  "I understand where you're comin' from, but as long as he is like this"—he grabbed me by the shoulder and shook me—"why couldn't they be together?"

  "Well, for one, he can't get a job. How are they supposed to eat?"

  "How do you eat? You don't have a man here feedin' ya. I didn't know women had to have men around to be able to eat."

  I don't know why I was rootin' for Max, but I was; even though Nellie was right.