For Always

by Janae Mitchell

  I know ur sick but I wanted 2 apologize again 4 last night. Sorry, won't happen again. — btw, I don't regret kissin u, just the way I went about it — Just checkin 2 c if ur up yet. Call me when u r so I know ur ok. Moms worried bout u 2.

  When I laid my phone down, Beau said, "Well, sounds like y'all had fun after I left last night." His jaw tightened as he looked at me with disappointment in his eyes. "I've gotta be able to trust ya."

  "Why did you read my texts?"

  "Your phone made a noise while ya were asleep, so I picked it up to see what it was and saw his name. I wanted to see what he wanted."

  It made me mad that he was spying on me, but after last night, I guess he had a right to. If a girl sent him a message, I would've done the same. "I'm sorry. I never would've gone in his house if he hadn't grabbed my keys."

  "Why was he apologizin'? What did he do?"

  I took a deep breath and told him everything that happened. By the time I finished, Beau was rubbing his temples, not looking at me. "I'm sorry, Beau. I told him we needed to stay away from each other."

  The anger that spread across his face took me by surprise. "He better stay away from me, too, or I'll put a hurtin' on him like he ain’t ever seen. He knows you're with me and he still put his hands on ya? Kissed ya, even?" He stood up and walked across my room to the window. "I don't want ya 'round him. I don't trust him." He turned to look at me. "And he makes me not wanna trust you."

  "He makes me not want to trust myself, too."

  Beau came back over and sat down, leaning across me. "If ya ever decide ya wanna be with him instead of me, tell me. ‘Cause like I said, I can't share ya. It's all or nothin'."

  "I'll never choose him over you." But that is exactly what I did by kissing Jace back.

  He finally smiled and said, "Good, ‘cause dead or not, I ain't gonna play second fiddle to nobody, especially a sap like that." He leaned over and softly kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry. I know you're not feelin' good."

  "No, I'm the one who's sorry." I reached up to rub my eyes again. "And I'm feeling better."

  "Well ya should be," Grandmama said as she walked in with my toast and ginger ale. "Ya slept long enough for me to watch seven movies. Not that I did, of course, but I could've."

  I sat up and drank the ale, almost emptying the glass. "Man, I was thirsty."

  "I'd reckon," she said, taking the glass and sitting it on my nightstand. "Max said that ya helped Beau heal."

  "What?" I asked with my mouth full of toast.

  "I called Max. He laughed when he answered his phone and said we were gonna have to get married if I kept calling so much. But after I told him what happened, he said that with you layin' with Beau all night, that he fed off your energy. That's why he's better today and why you feel so crappy."

  "I did what?" Beau questioned.

  "Absorbed her energy. Ya didn't mean to, it just happened."

  "I'm glad you did," I told him. "I was worried sick about you last night."

  Beau smiled sarcastically and said, "Yeah, it sounded like it."

  My face fell. "I was," I whispered, hurt by his words, and by my own actions last night.

  "She was," Grandmama agreed. "We were both scared outta our wits. And we didn't know what to do."

  "I'm sorry, Malyn. I don't doubt that ya were." He looked down at my floor. I could tell that he was hurt. And Grandmama had finally caught on that there was more going on than what she knew about.

  "Well, I'll be downstairs if ya need me. Max said you should feel better tomorrow, so just rest this evenin'. I'll holler when supper's done and ya can eat if ya feel like it."

  After she walked out, I sat up and leaned against Beau's back. "I truly am sorry. If I could rewind time so I could change what happened, I would. But I can't."

  He turned around and cupped my face in his hand. "I know. I wish I could rewind it, too—all the time."

  * * *

  I had sent everybody quick texts telling them I was feeling better so they wouldn't worry, ate supper, and went outside to relax in the hammock, which I never had a chance to do. It was nice, especially with Beau lying beside me.

  "I want to go back," he said, "see if I can help the others."

  "What?"

  "Help 'em. The others that are still in that place. I helped that lady get out, why couldn't I help more?"

  I sat up as much as I could without falling to the ground. "Are you serious? You can't go back there. Look what it did to you this time. And you barely made it out. You can't go back."

  He patted my shoulder, trying to get me to lay back down, but I wouldn't. "Who else is gonna help 'em?"

  "They shouldn't have gone. It's their own fault that they're there, anyway."

  "Malyn, I know firsthand how much they can imitate someone. I never would've known that wasn't Ma if I hadn't questioned the fact that she wasn't sayin' nothin'. Ma was a talker, so I knew somethin' wasn't right. But what if they were so desperate to see their loved one that they followed 'em, no questions asked? It's not their fault, Malyn," he said softly, causing me to feel guilty for what I had said.

  "I know. I just don't think it's your place to be Superman."

  He laughed. "Superman?"

  "Yes, feeling the need to rescue everyone. Rescue people you don't even know…who are already dead."

  "I'm dead, Malyn. Am I not worth savin'?"

  I sighed, getting mad at myself for my absent minded choice of words. "Yes, I just…" I laid back down on his chest, holding him tighter. "I don't want to lose you."

  "I know ya don't. Just like I don't wanna be lost. But I couldn't live with myself knowin' that I didn't at least try to help 'em, ya know?"

  "Yeah, I know." His bravery was one of the many qualities I loved about him, but also the one that worried me the most.

  "I made it back this time and wasn't even expectin' it, so next time I'll be ready."

  "Ready for what, though? You said it was dark and that you couldn't see or hear anything, so how do you even know how to get them out?"

  "I don't. But one got out without me doin' anything at all, so maybe it'll happen again. Maybe I can hold the door, or whatever that was, open longer so that more can get out. I don't know, but I wanna try."

  "But what if you don't get out. What if you get too weak and slip up? What if—"

  "Malyn," he interrupted, putting his finger across my lips to quiet me. "Don't live your life by what ifs." Even though he removed his finger, I still didn't say anything. I laid my head back down on his chest, hoping he wasn't as serious about this as he sounded. "I'm sorry. I just know how my life would've been different if I would've stopped to ask what if all the time."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, for instance, if I'd have stopped to ask myself, 'What if I jump in the river and drown?' Thomas would've died and I would've spent the rest of my life hatin' myself for it. And with you," he stopped to laugh, "it's all been what ifs. What if she don't like me? What if I ruin her life? What if it don't work out? What if she resents me when she wants a family, or just a normal life, that I can't give her?" Then his face lightened. "What if I go beat up that sap? What if I put a good whoopin' on him, then just turn my pump off, smilin' as I fade away?" He smiled, rubbed his chin as if he was actually contemplating doing just that.

  I smacked his chest, laughing at his jealousy. But then I thought about his insecurity, which seemed odd coming from him. "Did you really think I wouldn't like you?"

  "Yes, ma'am. I thought I might look like some sorta river monster. I didn't know, bein' dead for so long."

  "I don't just like you, I love you. And any life I get to live with you is gonna be perfect, children or no children, normalcy or no normalcy. Just as long as you're part of it, that's all I need." I rose up and kissed him, feeling my heart want to sink. "Please, just don't leave me. The thought of you not being here is bad enough, but to know that you are in that that place would kill me. I wish you'd rethink it."

  He looke
d at me like he actually was, giving me hope, until he whispered, "I have to. Who else have they got? And what if someone I love is in there, or someone you love? Ya never know."

  "Do you really think your family is in there?"

  "No, but someone's family is."

  My heart sank. I could tell he had made up his mind. "So, when are you gonna try to do this rescue mission?" I asked, trying to control frustration.

  "I figure now is good."

  I bolted up from the hammock. "What? Why? No!"

  "Why not? After soakin' up all your energy all night, I feel good as new."

  I was trying to think of excuses to put it off. "Don't do this. What if you caught them by surprise last time and they're the ones who are ready this time?"

  "I think they'd have grabbed me while I was layin' on the ground helpless if that's what they wanted to do. I don't think they can. Why do they trick everybody into goin' with 'em?"

  Luckily, Grandmama came outside. "Hey, come here," I yelled to her, hoping she would be on my side.

  "What are y'all fussin' 'bout?"

  "We ain't, really," I told her and informed her of Beau's plan.

  She just stood there, looking at us both. "Well, I can see Beau's side, but I can see yours, too. I agree that the Takers and that Darkness are nothin' to play 'round with. But then again . . . those poor people."

  "But why is it his job to rescue them?"

  "Well, who else is there?"

  I stomped my foot like a child. "I thought you'd be on my side in this."

  "I'm not on any side, Malyn. I understand why ya don't want him to try and do it, but I also see why he wants to." She threw her hands up in the air, shaking her head. "I'll help however I can, but I won't be part of this debate." She turned and walked toward the house, calling over her shoulder, "Holler if ya need me. Don't go savin' the world without me."

  I looked back at Beau, who was now standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets, looking at me apprehensively. "If ya flat out say no, I won't do it."

  "Really?" I asked eagerly.

  His face fell. "Really."

  Seeing his disappointment with me possibly telling him no was almost as hard as telling him it was okay. But I remembered what he said about 'what ifs' and didn't want to be the one with resentments or regret on my shoulders. So as hard as it was, I said, "No, if you need to do this, go ahead."

  He smiled and hugged me tightly. "We'll let Nellie know."

  * * *

  The three of us made a call to Max to see what the best course of action was. He was surprised at what was going on, but liked Beau's idea. He made a few suggestions, which we hadn't thought of, so we were glad we had called him. We all agreed on a plan and got ready to follow it through. Grandmama and I headed toward the river while Beau went out toward the front of the house with a pump, planning to turn it off when he got far enough away. I looked back over my shoulder, hoping to get one last goodbye in, but Beau never looked back.

  I couldn’t believe we were doing this. We were half way down the yard when I started to turn around and run after him, but I resisted. "What if it doesn't work? What if he doesn't make it out this time? I mean, he's practically tempting the devil, or whatever those things are. What if I'm fixing to see him get swallowed up by hell?"

  "I don't think we have the entrance to hell in our back yard, Malyn."

  "We got something back here."

  We made it to the area where Beau had died, where he had found his shirt that day it vanished, and just stopped and looked at each other. "Are you ready?"

  "No. But I never will be. This is ridiculous. Just go ahead."

  "He's gonna be alright."

  "I sure do hope so."

  "Then here we go." She raised her fingers to her lips, whistling so loud that it echoed through the hills, letting Beau know we were in position and ready for him to turn his pump off.

  The next thing I knew, he was standing in front of us with this black emptiness all around him. When he realized where he was, he leaped forward, trying not to get sucked into it. He clawed at the edges, trying to hold on to the nothingness that separated life from death—death for me, anyway. He scared me when he started screaming, until I realized he was yelling at people that I couldn't see, trying to get them to escape while they had a chance.

  I fell to my knee. "Be ready!" I told Grandmama, who was standing somewhere behind me.

  I'm sure only five seconds had passed, but it felt like five minutes. Despite the time that had elapsed, it wasn't long before I saw someone else besides Beau. I raised my hand to give Grandmama the signal as soon as I knew it was a person and not a Taker. I held up one finger, then two when I saw the second one. They were fighting just as hard as Beau was, but like he had told us before, there was no noise, which was eerily odd. It reminded me of the quiet calmness that you experience right before a tornado. All I could hear was Beau yelling and the people grunting as they tried to escape.

  They climbed over Beau like he was a ladder. And before long, they were out, looking at me with a look of sheer terror, which quickly turned to relief, before they disappeared. Beau just kept holding on, waiting on more to get out; and they did. I counted five more before I could tell Beau was in trouble. There were two climbing across his back and I knew that if they kept on that Beau wouldn't make it out. So I raised my hand to give Grandmama the signal, and she quickly turned the EMF pump on that she was holding. When she did, Beau, along with the two people that were still on his back, fell to the ground and the Darkness faded away. No sooner they hit the ground, the two escapees vanished.

  "What the hell?" I heard someone say from behind us. I quickly turned around to see Beth with a look of utter bewilderment on her face. "What's goin' on?"

  "Um," I looked at Grandmama, having no clue what to say.

  "Well, that depends on how long you've been standin' there."

  "I've been here long enough to see people appear…then disappear. And Beau," she added as she peeked around me, "is he okay?"

  "He will be. If you'll help us get him to the house, I'll try to explain." I didn't know how I was going to explain without sounding crazy. No one had ever known my secret besides Grandmama and Max.

  She just stood there looking at us. I thought she was gonna leave until she said, "Oh, you're gonna explain alright." She walked around us to the other side of Beau. "I'll get his legs."

  * * *

  Laying Beau's limp body back onto the couch was like a deja vu. He had started sweating again, so I reached over and picked the pump up off the table, letting my thumb linger over the button. "I can see ghosts."

  Beth sat down on the couch next to Grandmama. "What?"

  I looked up at her and took a deep breath. "I can see ghosts, spirits, whatever you want to call them. And Beau is one."

  "Beau? Beau is a…?" This last bit of news seemed to shock her even more than seeing those people disappear in the back yard.

  "Yes. Beau died in 1910, down by the river. He drowned saving his brother." I stopped talking to gauge her reaction, which was nonexistent so far, maybe from shock, so I continued. "I've been able to see ghosts my whole life. They look like normal people to me. It took me a while to even be able to tell them apart."

  "I can't see ghosts. So how can I see Beau," she looked at him as if making sure she could still see him, "if he's a ghost?"

  "Because of this," I said as I held up the pump. "It's too much to explain right now, but it makes him almost…normal." I switched it off and watched Beth as she watched him appear to vanish.

  She leaned forward and touched where Beau was laying, as if she thought she would be able to still feel him. She leaned back and looked at me, shaking her head. "This is the strangest thing I've ever heard in my whole life. Why didn't you tell me?"

  "Would you have believed me?"

  She thought about that for a few seconds and admitted, "Probably not."

  "That's why I've never told anyone. The only one who knows be
sides us is Max, but he has certain gifts, too."

  She smacked her leg and almost whined, "I want a gift!"

  Grandmama, who had been quiet up until now, started to laugh, causing Beth to look at her. "I'm sure you're gifted, too, right?" Grandmama just shrugged her shoulders, still laughing. "See? Everyone has a gift but me." After her little rant, she got quiet and shook her head. "I can't believe Beau's dead." She almost sounded sad.

  "He's not dead. Not really. Not to me."

  "Either way, he wears it well."

  "Yeah, he does." I looked at him, still motionless next to me. "You can't tell anyone." I looked back up at her. "Especially Jace. He can't know." I almost started to feel panicked. "Not about me, or Beau, any of this."

  "It's okay, I'm not gonna tell anyone. Like you said, who would believe me?"

  "Thanks."

  "So what all did you see?" Grandmama asked.

  "Too much, obviously. I just came by to see how Malyn was doin' and heard y'all down there. So I thought I'd see what you were up to, which may not have been the best decision. But anyway, when I got down there, I saw y'all lookin' at somethin', but couldn't tell what it was ‘cause I didn't see anything. That’s when I saw people fall out of thin air then disappear again. I realized that one of them was Beau, and that's when y'all realized I was there."

  I laughed. "No wonder you freaked out." Then I remembered something. "Do you remember the boat ride? That guy?"

  She looked at me with recognition. "He wasn't!"

  "Yes, he was. And Beau's pump gave him the ability to jump on the boat. I think he was just as surprised as we were. But that's why Beau left. He had to turn his pump off, which made him reappear here."

  "How?"

  I tried to explain everything to her the best I could, including how he unknowingly used my energy, making me weak. "So I really haven't been sick, just really tired. And if I lay with him tonight, I'll probably feel the same way tomorrow."