For Always

by Janae Mitchell

  She sighed. "I know." We were all quiet for a while before she finally said, "Okay. If ya wanna try it, I'll do what I can to help. I just want ya to be happy." A smile spread across her face. "And I'd like to have him back, too. He's grown on me."

  I put my arm around her and looked at Max. "So, when do we start?"

  "Seein' as how my schedule has suddenly become free for the next week or so, how 'bout now?"

  "Now is good."

  * * *

  I had been practicing what Max had told me for several hours and was getting tired. You'd think that since I had to be totally relaxed to do this that I would feel refreshed, but I felt just the opposite. But Max said I was making progress.

  "Since we have abilities others don't have, I think it makes us more sensitive to the spirit within us, makin' this process easier than it would be for some."

  "I hope so." I sat my recliner up so I could see him. "How long should it take for me to be able to do this?"

  "I don't know how long it'll take ya. We'll have to wait and see."

  My phone rang and I jumped up to see if it was Beau, but was disappointed. "Hey, Beth."

  "Hey! How's Max? You ain't called, so I was worried."

  "He's fine. We're here with him now."

  "Tell him I said I hope he gets better."

  "I will. I'll call you when we get back to the house."

  "Okay." She hesitated. "Jace said to call him, too. He needs to talk to you."

  "Tell him I'll try. A lot is going on, but I'll explain it all to you later."

  "Oh, thanks. Keep me in suspense."

  I laughed. "Sorry, I'll call as soon as I can."

  "Okay, talk to ya later."

  "Okay, bye.

  I hung up and looked at Max. "So, how will I know when I'm out?"

  "As it happens, you'll start to feel a vibration. When you do, go with it. Don't let it frighten you or you'll lose your focus and it will bring you out of your meditative state. Once you are out, you will know ‘cause you can actually look back and see your body." He laughed. "It's pretty cool."

  Grandmama put down her book and smirked. "I'd say it is." She started to gather her things. "Ya ready to go?"

  "Yeah, I'm getting hungry."

  "Of course," she teased. "Max, we'll see ya in the mornin'. If ya need anything before then, call. Your phone is plugged up on the edge of that table."

  "Thanks. I really do appreciate y'all bein' here. I'm just sorry things have turned out like they have. But don't worry, we'll get him back. Beau's a rare one. Not many like him."

  I thought that was odd for him to say. "I know that, but what makes you say that?"

  "His spirit energy. I've not seen another person, dead or alive, like him. I'm sure as sensitive as Nellie is that she can pick up on it, too. Can't ya, Nellie?"

  She looked at me rather serious and said, "If I hadn't, he'd never been allowed to be a part of your life. Max is right, he's special. I can sense it, too." Her face softened and she smiled. "I remember the first night in the house. He followed me 'round everywhere. And when I went to bed, I finally talked to him and told him to give me some privacy. Think I freaked him out just a little bit," she laughed.

  My heart ached for him. "Okay, let's go so I can rest and be ready to project myself tomorrow."

  We got something to go and ate back at Max's. I called Beth back while we ate, putting her on speaker, and told her what had happened. I also told her about my plan to get him back. "Since you know about my gift now, and seem to be accepting of it, I don't want to keep anything else from you. So I thought I'd let you know what all is going on."

  "That's crazy! You're gonna try to leave your body?"

  "Yeah, Max says he can, and that I should be able to, too. I hope he's right."

  "Well you better come see me! Don't leave your body and not make a quick stop here," she laughed. "But seriously, Malyn, I hope you get him back. I know Jace loves you and all, and I'd love for you to be in my family, but you and Beau are perfect together. I know I'd asshole project for him."

  "ASTRAL, Beth," I corrected her, almost choking on my food. "Astral project."

  "Whatever," she laughed, then got quiet. "Just be careful."

  "I will be."

  "Okay. I'll let you go, but call me tomorrow, or sooner if anything happens. Bye you two!"

  We both told her bye and I sat my phone to the side. "She's crazy."

  "To say the least," Grandmama agreed.

  We were finishing dinner when my phone rang, which still wasn't Beau. When I saw who it was, I sent it to voicemail. "Think it'd be safe to practice without Max here?"

  "I'd say so. From the way he talked, it may take ya a while, anyway."

  "It better not because we don't have a while. The thought of him being there…" I couldn't finish, but she knew.

  "Okay, I'll clean up. You go on up and get ready for bed."

  "Thanks." I grabbed my phone and went on up. "Goodnight. Love you."

  "Love you, too. Holler if ya need me."

  Once I was ready and got into bed, I grabbed Beau's shirt and laid it next to my head. His scent was fading, but still there. As I drifted off to sleep, I did what Max said to do. I relaxed each body part until I was completely relaxed, then flexed each body part in my mind, not physically. I started with my feet and thought that once I got to my right arm that I started to feel something, but wasn't sure. But as soon as I mentally flexed my left arm, I knew I felt it—vibration. But like he had warned against, I got excited and lost my concentration, so the vibration left me. I tried to start all over, but fell asleep at some point.

  My cell phone woke me up, and I had a small glimmer of hope that it was Beau and that he had actually made it home safely, but that vanished up in smoke just like he did. I went ahead and answered it, knowing I wouldn't be left alone until I did. "Hello?"

  "Hey, how are you? I heard about Max. How's he doing?"

  "We're all fine, Jace." I rolled over and rubbed my eyes, which didn't want to open. Then I croaked out, "What time is it?"

  "Sorry, I thought you'd be up. It's about eight thirty."

  "That's okay. I needed to get up, anyway. Sorry I didn't get to call you back. We got home late."

  "Yeah, I know. I heard Beth talking to you . . . right before I called and you sent me to voicemail."

  It was too early and I wasn't even in the mood. "I said I was sorry." And that's all you're getting from me.

  "No, don't be," he sighed. "I didn't call you to fuss, it just hurt that you didn't want to talk to me. But I know you're probably stressed out and worried, so it's fine. I'm sorry I said anything." He waited on me to say something, but I wasn't. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah, I'm okay."

  "Good."

  "I'm sorry, Jace, I've gotta go. We're going back to the hospital this morning."

  "Okay. I miss you, but I won't call you again. I might text, though, just to make sure you're okay. I still worry about you, you know."

  He always had a way of softening my heart. "I know. It's just hard to talk right now. You can ask Beth. I've sent her to voicemail a few times, too."

  "As long as it ain't just me. But okay, I'll let you go. Call me if you need anything. For that matter, you can call if you don't need anything. I'll always answer."

  I had to laugh. "Okay, Jace, I will."

  We hung up and I got ready to go. I was anxious to tell Max about the vibrations I'd felt, and he was even more excited to hear about it. "It took me a long time before that happened!"

  "Well, she always has been advanced," Grandmama said proudly.

  I laughed, shaking my head. "I don't know about that, but I'm ready to get started." I sat my stuff down and got comfortable in the recliner.

  "Now if it happens to work today, I want ya to stay right here. Don't go anywhere just yet, okay?"

  "But why, Max, that's the whole point," I argued.

  "Because, ya can't just take off on your first trip. It's like learnin' to drive
a car. Ya don't just get in and take off across town. Ya drive up the driveway first, then around in parkin' lots, maybe venture to a deserted back road. Ya gotta take baby steps so ya don't wreck your first time out. It can be tricky at first 'til ya learn all the gears, get used to the gas."

  "Gas? I don't have gas."

  "Well, ya know what I mean."

  I laid back and started to try to relax as Max watched me closely and Grandmama read a book. But I was soon brought out of my meditative state when a thought occurred to me. "What will I do when it happens? When I go to Beau, I know I just have to think about him and the Darkness. But what do I do once I get there? How will I bring him back with me?"

  He looked at me like he hadn't thought that far ahead yet. "Just grab him and hold on tight—well, theoretically speakin'. Maybe if your will is strong enough, it'll work." He started to rub his mustache. "And since you'll have your silver chord connectin' ya to your body, that'll be your point of entry, so he should be able to escape through it as well."

  "Should be able to?"

  "We are all flyin' by the seats of our pants here. None of it may work or all of it will work. Either way, we won't know 'til we try. And I'd rather try somethin' and fail than not try anything at all."

  I couldn't help but smile. "Me, too." I laid back again and shut my eyes, focusing on the faint beeping of his monitor. And for two days in a row, I had the same vibrations. Max even thought he saw my hand once leave my body. But for some reason I just couldn't seem to completely do it.

  "When you do the mental flexing this time, don't just flex, lift. Lift and hold each body part up while ya do the next," Max instructed.

  "Lift and hold." I wanted to give up, but I knew Beau would never give up on me, so I wasn't giving up on him. I got comfy in my usual spot. "The nurses are gonna think I'm awfully lazy." I sighed. "I hope it works this time. If you see anything leave my body, grab it and yank," I aggravated him.

  "Ya ain't gonna get nowhere if ya don't hush and relax," Grandmama said across his bed.

  "Oh, read your book," I teased her.

  I quit talking and really focused this time. I kept thinking about Beau: his scent, his smile, his dimples. I went through the different techniques and was feeling good when I got to the lift and hold part. Once again I started to feel vibrations, but just went with it this time like he told me to. By the time I got to my head, my whole body felt like it was a tuning fork. Once I had visualized my whole body being lifted up, I was lifted up. It's like I was floating above myself, and when I turned to look at Max, I knew that I was.

  "You did it!" he shouted in a whisper.

  Grandmama stood up and looked at my body, and so did I. That was the strangest feeling I had ever felt, or would probably ever feel. "Where is she?" I floated over to her and was going to touch her shoulder, but my hand went right through her, causing her to jump slightly.

  "She felt me." I looked at Max. "Can you still hear me?"

  "Yes, I can see and hear ya," he laughed. "This is wonderful!"

  "I know!" Then suddenly the room changed and I was somewhere else, even though it hadn't felt like I went anywhere. But then I realized where I was. "Beth!" I shouted, but of course she didn't hear me. She was lying in the sun by her pool, asleep. I wanted to somehow wake her, knowing she was gonna be burnt to a crisp, but I couldn't. I even tried to knock a plant over but had no luck. Then I wondered where Jace was, and suddenly I was there, in his room with him. I started to leave, but remembered he couldn't see me. It looked like he had just got off of work. He put his wallet and some change on his dresser, picked up his phone, and sat down on the edge of his bed. I didn't want to spy, but I did anyway.

  He was scrolling through the messages he had missed when one popped up from Morgan, which shouldn't matter to me, but it did. I thought she was dating Chad now, so why was she texting Jace? I leaned over his shoulder to see, and suddenly he shivered and jerked his head around to look right at me. My heart stopped, or I'm sure the one back in my body did, thinking he could see me. But then he just shook his head and turned back around. But instead of reading Morgan's text, he scrolled to our last conversation and started texting me:

  Just thinkin bout u. Call if u need me.

  Then he clicked on my contact picture so that it would open. It was one he had taken of me when we were on his boat. "I love you so much, Malyn, you just don't even know." When I heard him say this to my picture, I was immediately back in my body.

  I raised my hand and looked at it. "I did it!" I jumped up, feeling slightly weak. "I really did it!"

  "Yes you did! I can't believe it. It took me—"

  "Where did ya go? Ya know Max said to stay here," Grandmama interrupted, a little perturbed.

  "Oh! I saw Beth. I was here one minute, and the next thing I know I was with Beth by her pool. I didn't mean to, I must've just accidentally thought about her."

  "And it's that easy. Remember how I said it was just a thought?"

  "Oh, yeah. Now I understand what you meant."

  "Ya got a text while ya were gone," Grandmama said, handing me my phone.

  "Yeah, from Jace," I said as I reached out to take it from her.

  She raised one eyebrow and asked, "And how would ya know that?"

  "He does live with Beth." I sent Jace a reply so he wouldn't keep texting me. The last thing I needed was being reminded every fifteen minutes that Jace still very much wanted to be a part of my life. For some reason it made me miss Beau even more. He had been gone and suffered long enough…and so had I.

  Chapter 27

  SANITY

  Beau

  In hindsight, I'm thinkin' that jumpin' on that thing might not've been the best idea. I didn't know how many days had past, but it seemed like an awful lot. I was a bit shocked when I ended up here, but I knew right quick where I was. But to my surprise, there wasn't no torture goin' on or anybody bein' chained to the walls. Actually, there didn't even seem to be any walls, at least none that I could find. But with it bein' as dark as pitch, I could be walkin' right next to one and not know it. I walked for what seemed like forever but never did find an end to this place.

  I could tell there were others here, too, but I couldn't hear or see 'em, I just felt 'em. Knowin' I was wastin' my time tryin' to find a way outta here, I just sat down and started thinkin' 'bout Malyn. How could I go and do this to her? I'm sure my disappearin' right in front of her was a bit startlin'. Leave it to me and my quick temper to ruin the night. I just hoped she'd forgive me—if I ever made it outta here.

  Damnit!

  Even though I had no energy left in me, I got up and started to run. I thought I might get lucky and run into somthin', or even someone. At this point I'd take whatever I could get. I knew that if I didn't get outta here soon I was gonna lose my mind. It drives ya batty after a while when all ya ever see is black and all ya hear are your own thoughts. So I ran.

  I liked runnin' when I was alive, too. Sometimes I'd run from the house to the fields and back just for the heck of it. It just made me feel good—well, except for my feet. Now days, livers had special shoes made just for runnin'. I ain't seen none of 'em runnin' in boots or barefooted like I did. Must be nice! Spoiled livers.

  After runnin' for what seemed like hours, or maybe days, I gave up. Either this place was bigger than I thought or I was just runnin' in place and didn't know it. Or maybe I wasn't even really here. Maybe I wasn't a goner anymore. Maybe I was just gone. Gone. But if I was really gone, I wouldn't really know it, though, would I?

  "Hell if I know." I started to laugh ‘cause I answered myself. That's somethin' Malyn would do. Malyn. I laughed again, not sure why, but I did.

  I sank to the floor and rolled over on my stomach, burying my face in my arms. It felt better to cover my eyes, makin' the blackness feel more normal, rather than feelin' like I was blind. Deaf and blind with no sense of touch or reality. It seemed like the only sense I had at all here was smell, which was the one I wished I didn't have. The smel
l here was less than to be desired, like a mix between our old outhouse and dirty socks.

  I'd never wished I could sleep as much as I wished it now. I tried to think 'bout Malyn, pretend she was here with me, but it just made me miss her more. But then again, I thought 'bout her whether I tried to or not, so missin' her was a given. My heart hurt. I'd been with a few girls in my time, but none compared to her. I loved her. Malyn. She was the one. I laughed again.

  Suddenly I felt her. But I knew it was just wishful thinkin'. Then again, I'd never wish her here. Never. Not here. Maybe this was just my minds way of keepin' me sane—or makin' insanity come quicker. Either way, I liked it. At first it just felt like a dream, but that dream turned into a feelin' of urgency that I couldn't explain. So I rolled over and opened my eyes, shocked to see a faint, silver light. I jumped up and realized that the light was actually a string that started right in front of me and stretched farther than I could see. Then I was overwhelmed by her.

  No! She can't be here. Not here. But a small part of me, that selfish part, hoped that she was. Malyn?"

  Chapter 28

  THOUGHTS

  Malyn

  I woke up to the wonderful smell of my favorite breakfast. When I rolled over to see what time it was, I about died. I jumped up, used the bathroom, and practically ran downstairs. "Why did you let me sleep so late? It's almost eleven o'clock."

  "Well, ya needed to rest. And I'm sure wonderin' 'round without your body yesterday was tirin' on ya." She sat a plate stacked high with French toast in front of me. "And Max is havin' some kinda procedure done this mornin', so we couldn't see him 'til later, anyway."

  "What kind of procedure?"

  "He didn't elaborate and I didn't prod."

  As I crammed a big bite of food into my mouth, my phone rang. I looked to see who it was and was elated. "LeLe!"

  "Hey, stranger. Why haven't you called me? Have I been replaced that fast?"